Day 479 A Small Gain Is OK, Losing The Grip of Self-Honesty Is Not

Day 479

A Small Gain Is OK, Losing The Grip of Self-Honesty Is Not

This day was a long time coming. Every other weigh day before—success! Oh yeah baby---I was kickin' off pounds like Krispy Kreme cranks out donuts. I was hot and fresh every weigh day! Most times with a big smile on my face as I sent out that mass weigh day update that always screamed check this out! Uh Yeah! I do remember that weigh day several months ago when I lost five pounds and threw some kind of silly kid-like temper tantrum because I thought it wasn't enough. I seriously needed slapped that day. I'd give anything to trade today's weigh in for that five pounder.

I've said it many times before---I became spoiled real fast. Who did I think I was? Better question---What did I think I was? Some kind of weight loss machine? You know what starts to happen? I'll tell you. I can't speak for everyone, but here's what happened along my road:

I started taking my weight loss for granted. I started loving my newfound freedom. I stopped a little and smelled the roses. Took some pictures and started actually liking the man staring back at me. I was enjoying the journey, which is great, but then I started enjoying it to the point of altering my performance. 1500 calories a day, no problem—never had a problem with that budget. But remember how many workouts I would miss and how much sleep I sacrificed while enjoying the spoils of my success? Somewhere along the way I also started getting real lax in the hydration department. Plenty of water---that's an unbreakable rule along this road, but I broke it. In fact---I didn't give it much attention at all. Proof? You can't find but maybe a handful of post in all of these 479 days where I talk about my water consumption. Every time I've said I'm not perfect, what I was really saying was: I honestly know what I could do even better, but hey---I've still lost X amount of pounds! I'm still a success along this road.

And that's true. I'm extremely proud of how far I've traveled. I honestly believe that I had very little time left at over 500 pounds. I feel like I'm out of the danger zone now. But I'm not done. This isn't where it all ends. This is where I finally stop talking about cracking down on myself—-and when I actually start doing it. You might say “Sean, come on---don't be so hard on yourself!” And I appreciate that, I do---I understand what you're saying, but I also understand how I've been so easy on myself for a little too long. It's time to get back to the fundamentals of what brought me this far. It's time to get consistent on a whole new level. This last 40 some pounds will be the most stubborn 40 some ever if I don't. OK---there. I feel better. Oh, yeah---I gained two pounds. 272 last time, 274 today.

And it's not the two pounds really. It's a self-honesty issue. Self-honesty is the biggest element of this journey, and following right behind is consistency. A two pound gain isn't a big deal. Continuing to tell myself I'm doing OK when I know I could be doing better---that's unacceptable. My best always? Hardly. So please don't interpret the last few paragraphs as another temper tantrum---No, this is my personal get real post. This is about being honest with myself about where I am, where I want to be, and what I'm willing to do to get there. My transformation is remarkable---it is, but what kind of transformation could I have experienced thus far had I maintained consistency with weight training that I started in FEBRUARY!!! Can you even imagine the difference 11 months of consistent weight training would have done for me at this point? It's a self-honesty issue that upsets me with me. I must take off the cruise control—because my body is too adapted to what I'm doing. Ok---I can do cardio---I've proven that, but I must not ever again ignore strength training!! I'm not fooling my body anymore. This is when the work—the honest to goodness work starts.

I called my friend and fellow “Lose To Win” speaker Melissa Walden today. Melissa is a teacher, fitness trainer, and life coach. And at 4:45am tomorrow morning---she officially becomes my trainer. I always send her the weigh day update mass text, but today was different. After personally calling and texting a couple of friends---I called another---Melissa. The first thing she asked me was “Have you been under any kind of stress lately?” Oh. Let's see---uh--yeah, I'd say that's a fair statement. With the marital issues and now the cold turkey nicotine quit, not to mention a few other ordinary life stresses---yes---yes, I'm a little stressed lately. She told me that my body could actually be producing hormones to combat that stress. Hormones that make it a little more difficult to lose weight. What? Well---that stresses me out even more! She then started asking me questions about my diet and exercise habits these days. Melissa hasn't caught up on the blog lately! I answered the questions and she gave me hope. She said we can do this! She even mentioned raising my calories to 1800. By the time I hung up the phone---I was pumped and ready to work like never before. My first session with her is scheduled for 4:45am tomorrow. Let's do this.

I'm only meeting with her one time a week right now. The money I'm saving by not buying cigarettes more than covers the extra expense. In fact---I'll save so much by being a non-smoker—I could afford a couple of visits a week! And still put some back in that clear jar that was suggested. Great idea by the way-Friend of The Bear, thank you my friend! And thank you to everyone that has given such tremendous support as I face down this nasty smoking habit. It has been tough, real tough—but I have to admit---it's noticeably easier at this very moment. I feel empowered, I really do. It's good, no---it's great!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your kind support. And in the grammatically incorrect words of Bachman-Turner Overdrive...You ain't seen nothing yet! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean