Day 563
It’s Time To Play and Do We Have To Talk About Weigh Day?
I sincerely appreciate all of the wonderful advice and kind words regarding yesterday’s blog. Over the last several months, I’ve received many wonderful comments and e-mails regarding my often times frustrated tone when it comes to my workout routines. I’ve received some wonderful advice and even offers to be virtual “workout partners” in accountability. I sincerely appreciate all of this! And trust, I’ve reached a point where I must buckle down and get to where I want to be. All of the wonderful communication has made it very easy to decide to turn up the accountability factor in the exercise department. Every Sunday post will now include my workout plans and goals for the upcoming week. It’s time to get back to some basics, the consistent fundamentals that brought me this far in the first place.
In reading some of the comments and e-mails I’ve received on this topic, and “listening” to the many personal stories that have been shared---it’s clear to me what is happening, why it’s happening, and what I need to do to correct. My journey has been remarkable so far, I really can’t complain. And I refuse to make another excuse for my lack of effort in the exercise department. I wouldn’t be where I am today had this lax effort settled in early on. That drive and consistency---the kind that made me walk in the rain/snow/sleet storm, that unstoppable attitude---I demand that it return. So busy schedule? Listen up! Feeling wonderful and breathing easy? Spread the word! Confidence in my appearance that I’ve never known before? Check it at the door. It’s time to play.
Yesterday, David at www.3fromthecorner.blogspot.com offered this: I don't comment on blogs very much, but after reading your post I actually think I have something to offer up.
When I started my weight loss journey 47 weeks and 4 days ago, I made a decision to work out a minimum of 4 times every week. I also made the decision that I would only do things that I enjoy. I enjoy the elliptical machine, playing soccer, playing tennis, cycling, and running (sometimes). I hate the stationary bike. Working out has to be fun. If I forced myself to ride a stationary bike, I wouldn't have made it this far. Workouts also don't have to mean gyms and sports. A workout can be anything that gets your heart rate into the fat burning zone -- ANYTHING. Consider creating a menu of fun things and then the days you work out you pick the item off the menu that is the most fun. Make it Playing Out instead of Working Out.
Like I said, it’s time to play! Thank you David and to everyone else for the incredible support!!
OK, I’ve avoided the weigh day topic long enough. Today was weigh day. I fully expected a two or three pound loss---putting me solidly into the 250’s for the fist time since I was like, wow…maybe twelve years old? What I got was exactly what I deserved. You see, I think a while back I started taking regular pounds off the scale for granted. If it was weigh day, I would see a loss…it was just automatic in my mind. I’ve prided myself on being a borderline fanatic about my calorie budget and the mental aspects that have kept me on the straight and narrow path to big-time weight loss success. But as we’ve already covered, I’ve allowed myself to rationalize bad choices and a lackluster commitment in the exercise department---while still fully expecting to sail right down the scale like always. Well, I’ve said it many times: You get what you give. And I received a one-pound gain today.
This makes the second time I’ve had a gain, and honestly, I’ve been very lucky that it hasn’t been more. My metabolism and body has been very kind to me, very forgiving. 261 on that scale today really stung. I just knew I would see a new set of numbers. But you know what? It happens to the best of us. I will keep trucking along and adjust where I know I need to adjust---and we’re going to be just fine.
This new exercise commitment starts now. Not next week, or this summer…it’s now. The truth is, I feel so good when I have a great workout. I do! Chris from A Deliberate Life www.chrislivessimple.blogspot.com reminded of that feeling with this:
You know, it's funny because many times it's the food I struggle with...wanting to eat some crackers with butter when I know that will put me over my calorie goals. Exercise...I could do it all day. Maybe if I told you what I get out of it, you could see it differently..maybe not. lol. anyways. I was talking to my good friend amber yesterday. She can't run for two months. It really upset her. I know why... She explained it (the exercise thing) better than I ever could. She said "I am making the world around me move by...I am propelling myself forward into the world. Using my strength." That's it. Everytime I get out there, or into the gym...I have created a moment where I have conquered something. Maybe it was my laziness that day. I have that one moment where I have controlled my environment, how I moved in it...I said go, I said stop. I beat the machine...or the five miles...or that hill. Eleven months ago, I couldn't walk a quarter mile. Now I can jog three. I made my body do that. I disciplined my body with my will. You enjoy the food part because you control it, it doesn't control you. Now do the same with your body. You control it, it doesn't control you. You can make it into anything you want it to be. go get em.
I hit the trail tonight feeling good and ready to sweat. It wasn’t that hard, it was still warm---I started jogging at a slow pace and it wasn’t long before the sweat started rolling. I ended up slowly jogging a majority of a 5K. I was very satisfied with this workout! Afterwards I returned home and prepared a chicken breast and green beans. I had some cottage cheese a little later too. The cottage cheese was a treat really, I very rarely allow it in my house, and when I do…it’s in controlled portions. I love cottage cheese a little too much!
I dropped into bed with a renewed spirit. Before I did, I talked with my mom, Amber, and a couple of blogging friends. Everyone had encouraging words, and I thank them for that! I pulled an early April Fools joke on Tammy. When she texted to ask about the weigh-in, I replied with my one pound gain. When she replied asking if I wanted to talk about it, I told her no and that all I wanted to do was “focus on this large pizza and half-gallon of ice cream in front of me---I’m done!” Tammy didn’t believe it for one second. She’s read everyday of this blog, she knows better. And so do I. I needed today. I thank you for helping me get here.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Rabu, 31 Maret 2010
Selasa, 30 Maret 2010
Day 562 Not My Best and I Thought I Had This, Silly Me
Day 562
Not My Best and I Thought I Had This, Silly Me
I was laying in bed today, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. I feel so wonderful physically, yet I feel so undone. Does that make sense? It's a part of this mental game for which I never planned. When you feel good and you're liking what you see in the mirror, not because it's perfect, but because it's light years from where you were---it becomes very easy to be easy in the workout department. I guess not for everybody, but for me---amping up my workouts has been a constant struggle of the last six months. It's old and annoying. Food habits, got it. Mentally prepared to handle my food behavior in a responsible way for the rest of my life? Not worried. Willing to exercise to really achieve what I want? Uh--yeah, well uh, sure. See? Do I not want it bad enough?? Or maybe I am allowing my emotions and circumstances to affect me. They're not affecting my consumption, but everything else? Yeah, I think so. Maybe I've been lax on myself mentally and physically, allowing myself to get too comfortable with my smaller size. I need to have a good long look at myself and really evaluate what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. The great thing about this? Really, in all honesty...it's all good. I've lost 245 pounds so far, I'm slowly approaching a wonderful goal---that I truly believe is possible, so I need to recognize that and feel great about it all. BUT---I need to do that without it becoming a convenient rationalization for bad choices in my workout schedule. Tricky, this mental stuff certainly is tricky...and somehow I thought I had it all figured out. Silly me.
In reading the post from last year on this date, I was reminded of a very simple and effective analogy on metabolism, the wood burning stove! From March 30th, 2009:
I've really been concentrating on spreading out my calories more evenly throughout the day, you know, to keep the fire in my “wood burning stove” burning hot. The metabolism is a tricky thing. I use to think that the metabolism was something you were just born with and completely unable to change. I thought that some of us were blessed with a really fast metabolism and some were unfortunately “blessed” with a slow metabolism. While you'll find some truth in that, a slow metabolism doesn't have to remain slow. I've learned that exercise, water consumption, and eating frequently all have the power to act like a “metabolism dial” that you can adjust up several notches. It just so happens that all of my former bad behaviors with food and lack of movement was a perfect recipe for a sluggish metabolism. Oh how much time I wasted being depressed and negative about losing weight because I had a naturally slow metabolism, and all the while my metabolism was yelling “Hey, help me help you!” and “It's called H2O, look it up.” and “If you would eat smaller portions maybe I wouldn't feel so smothered down here.” and “How long has it been since you really exercised...well that's too long.” That's right, my metabolism was a heckler that I refused to acknowledge for many years. Instead I would sit and be jealous of the naturally thin people with super-human metabolisms, looking out the window as they would run by with their workout pants and water bottle. “Crazy over-achievers,” I thought. I now pride myself on slowly becoming one of them. I don't even necessarily have to be an over-achiever, just an achiever, that'd be just fine with me. I'm fitting the description of an “achiever” everyday, one day at a time right?
This evening I looked out at a beautiful sunset and decided that I needed to walk/jog at the trail, outside in the elements, it was so nice. I wish I could tell you that I gleefully skipped out of my apartment and danced my way to the vehicle, but no. That would be dishonest. I forced myself to go. I wasn't in the mood. I just wasn't and I feel so guilty for feeling that way. I'm not suppose to feel that way! But you wanna know something? I do feel that way these days (see paragraph #1). And it scares the heck fire out of me. I ended up only doing 1.66 miles. My dear mother walked further than me today! (I'm so proud of her--I just smiled, thank you momma!) And yes I mean walked...I didn't run, jog, or anything other than brisk walking.
I'm not a failure, quiet the opposite actually, I'm a winner! I'm a very successful loser. I'm strong mentally and improving physically. But somedays, especially lately---I get in this funk, and I don't fully understand why. I'm working on that part.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Not My Best and I Thought I Had This, Silly Me
I was laying in bed today, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. I feel so wonderful physically, yet I feel so undone. Does that make sense? It's a part of this mental game for which I never planned. When you feel good and you're liking what you see in the mirror, not because it's perfect, but because it's light years from where you were---it becomes very easy to be easy in the workout department. I guess not for everybody, but for me---amping up my workouts has been a constant struggle of the last six months. It's old and annoying. Food habits, got it. Mentally prepared to handle my food behavior in a responsible way for the rest of my life? Not worried. Willing to exercise to really achieve what I want? Uh--yeah, well uh, sure. See? Do I not want it bad enough?? Or maybe I am allowing my emotions and circumstances to affect me. They're not affecting my consumption, but everything else? Yeah, I think so. Maybe I've been lax on myself mentally and physically, allowing myself to get too comfortable with my smaller size. I need to have a good long look at myself and really evaluate what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. The great thing about this? Really, in all honesty...it's all good. I've lost 245 pounds so far, I'm slowly approaching a wonderful goal---that I truly believe is possible, so I need to recognize that and feel great about it all. BUT---I need to do that without it becoming a convenient rationalization for bad choices in my workout schedule. Tricky, this mental stuff certainly is tricky...and somehow I thought I had it all figured out. Silly me.
In reading the post from last year on this date, I was reminded of a very simple and effective analogy on metabolism, the wood burning stove! From March 30th, 2009:
I've really been concentrating on spreading out my calories more evenly throughout the day, you know, to keep the fire in my “wood burning stove” burning hot. The metabolism is a tricky thing. I use to think that the metabolism was something you were just born with and completely unable to change. I thought that some of us were blessed with a really fast metabolism and some were unfortunately “blessed” with a slow metabolism. While you'll find some truth in that, a slow metabolism doesn't have to remain slow. I've learned that exercise, water consumption, and eating frequently all have the power to act like a “metabolism dial” that you can adjust up several notches. It just so happens that all of my former bad behaviors with food and lack of movement was a perfect recipe for a sluggish metabolism. Oh how much time I wasted being depressed and negative about losing weight because I had a naturally slow metabolism, and all the while my metabolism was yelling “Hey, help me help you!” and “It's called H2O, look it up.” and “If you would eat smaller portions maybe I wouldn't feel so smothered down here.” and “How long has it been since you really exercised...well that's too long.” That's right, my metabolism was a heckler that I refused to acknowledge for many years. Instead I would sit and be jealous of the naturally thin people with super-human metabolisms, looking out the window as they would run by with their workout pants and water bottle. “Crazy over-achievers,” I thought. I now pride myself on slowly becoming one of them. I don't even necessarily have to be an over-achiever, just an achiever, that'd be just fine with me. I'm fitting the description of an “achiever” everyday, one day at a time right?
This evening I looked out at a beautiful sunset and decided that I needed to walk/jog at the trail, outside in the elements, it was so nice. I wish I could tell you that I gleefully skipped out of my apartment and danced my way to the vehicle, but no. That would be dishonest. I forced myself to go. I wasn't in the mood. I just wasn't and I feel so guilty for feeling that way. I'm not suppose to feel that way! But you wanna know something? I do feel that way these days (see paragraph #1). And it scares the heck fire out of me. I ended up only doing 1.66 miles. My dear mother walked further than me today! (I'm so proud of her--I just smiled, thank you momma!) And yes I mean walked...I didn't run, jog, or anything other than brisk walking.
I'm not a failure, quiet the opposite actually, I'm a winner! I'm a very successful loser. I'm strong mentally and improving physically. But somedays, especially lately---I get in this funk, and I don't fully understand why. I'm working on that part.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Senin, 29 Maret 2010
Day 561 If Everyday Was Like Monday and Getting My Picture With Grandma
Day 561
If Everyday Was Like Monday and Getting My Picture With Grandma
Mondays are special. Monday was always the day. The day it would all turn around. I would convince myself that Monday, all would be right. My resolve, my consistency, everything would be perfect or as near to perfect as possible. If I could have put all of my Mondays together, I would have lost this weight a long time ago. I had some good ones! What would happen when Tuesday rolled around? Well, it wasn't Monday anymore, but no problem! Another Monday was always less than a week away! And since I was waiting for another great Monday start next week, let's eat like we're never going to eat again! This inconsistent pattern left me scared, feeling hopeless, and over 500 pounds. I guess you could say that I've had an unstated goal this entire time: Give everyday that fresh start Monday feeling. It's not always easy and it's never perfect, but it doesn't have to be for success.
I started my Monday with three whole eggs, over easy--my favorite! I didn't have mushrooms or cheese, just eggs. It was simple and good, and 210 calories. I had a banana for desert, checked in with some blogging friends and then dropped onto the floor for some non-weighted strength training exercises. Yes, desert for breakfast, it was a banana! Anyway, I didn't do my squats this morning. I don't have a good reason really, I mean---I usually do the squats first. For some reason I decided to give my quads and gluts a break this morning. I quickly ran out of time and had to jump in the shower, brush, and dress for this day, all in about fifteen minutes! I cut it a little too close much of the time, I do...it's a bad habit really.
I felt horrible all day today about something I didn't do yesterday. I didn't realize it until I was looking through the pictures from our 83rd birthday get together with grandma. Did I not take a picture with my dear grandmother? What? Kelli is always snapping pictures. It's nothing for her to fire off fifty to a hundred or more at one gathering. How did I not take one with grandma? Some may not like all of the pictures all of the time, but I've always had an appreciation for what she's doing. Even though I kind of don't like not having control over what pictures she chooses for her blog. I want to say, "use that one, and toss this one, and don't dare post that one, and..." But I don't and I wouldn't. She's giving us plenty of pictures that we'll cherish someday. I wouldn't have near the catalogue of before pictures if it were not for Kelli's love of pictures. I always hated those 500 pound-plus pictures back then, but I love them now...the bigger the better! Oh grandma...I'm getting a picture with you today!
I decided, I was making a special trip for my picture with grandma! I had a nice little visit with everyone and we took some good pictures! Kelli and my mom are doing so wonderfully with their food and exercise--and they're both making some mental breakthroughs that will carry them along this road. I couldn't be happier for them!
I made it back home and headed straight to Wal-Mart for some "Sean staples." You know...mushrooms, eggs, cheese, apples, bananas, flatbread wraps, chicken breast, and coffee. I'm such a creature of habit huh? I guess! Oh well...it is all good! I ran into an old co-worker in the store. You can always count on running into people at that place, something I always dreaded at my heaviest. I look forward to running into old friends now.
I hurried home and decided that I was getting to bed relatively early, well, actually it ended up being just after 10:30, not too early afterall. But it was a good Monday, it was. I feel good. And I love the pictures below. Grandma is so sweet, happy 83rd grandma! I love you!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I also took some pictures with Kelli and Keith. I'll post those tomorrow!
If Everyday Was Like Monday and Getting My Picture With Grandma
Mondays are special. Monday was always the day. The day it would all turn around. I would convince myself that Monday, all would be right. My resolve, my consistency, everything would be perfect or as near to perfect as possible. If I could have put all of my Mondays together, I would have lost this weight a long time ago. I had some good ones! What would happen when Tuesday rolled around? Well, it wasn't Monday anymore, but no problem! Another Monday was always less than a week away! And since I was waiting for another great Monday start next week, let's eat like we're never going to eat again! This inconsistent pattern left me scared, feeling hopeless, and over 500 pounds. I guess you could say that I've had an unstated goal this entire time: Give everyday that fresh start Monday feeling. It's not always easy and it's never perfect, but it doesn't have to be for success.
I started my Monday with three whole eggs, over easy--my favorite! I didn't have mushrooms or cheese, just eggs. It was simple and good, and 210 calories. I had a banana for desert, checked in with some blogging friends and then dropped onto the floor for some non-weighted strength training exercises. Yes, desert for breakfast, it was a banana! Anyway, I didn't do my squats this morning. I don't have a good reason really, I mean---I usually do the squats first. For some reason I decided to give my quads and gluts a break this morning. I quickly ran out of time and had to jump in the shower, brush, and dress for this day, all in about fifteen minutes! I cut it a little too close much of the time, I do...it's a bad habit really.
I felt horrible all day today about something I didn't do yesterday. I didn't realize it until I was looking through the pictures from our 83rd birthday get together with grandma. Did I not take a picture with my dear grandmother? What? Kelli is always snapping pictures. It's nothing for her to fire off fifty to a hundred or more at one gathering. How did I not take one with grandma? Some may not like all of the pictures all of the time, but I've always had an appreciation for what she's doing. Even though I kind of don't like not having control over what pictures she chooses for her blog. I want to say, "use that one, and toss this one, and don't dare post that one, and..." But I don't and I wouldn't. She's giving us plenty of pictures that we'll cherish someday. I wouldn't have near the catalogue of before pictures if it were not for Kelli's love of pictures. I always hated those 500 pound-plus pictures back then, but I love them now...the bigger the better! Oh grandma...I'm getting a picture with you today!
I decided, I was making a special trip for my picture with grandma! I had a nice little visit with everyone and we took some good pictures! Kelli and my mom are doing so wonderfully with their food and exercise--and they're both making some mental breakthroughs that will carry them along this road. I couldn't be happier for them!
I made it back home and headed straight to Wal-Mart for some "Sean staples." You know...mushrooms, eggs, cheese, apples, bananas, flatbread wraps, chicken breast, and coffee. I'm such a creature of habit huh? I guess! Oh well...it is all good! I ran into an old co-worker in the store. You can always count on running into people at that place, something I always dreaded at my heaviest. I look forward to running into old friends now.
I hurried home and decided that I was getting to bed relatively early, well, actually it ended up being just after 10:30, not too early afterall. But it was a good Monday, it was. I feel good. And I love the pictures below. Grandma is so sweet, happy 83rd grandma! I love you!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I also took some pictures with Kelli and Keith. I'll post those tomorrow!
Minggu, 28 Maret 2010
Day 560 When Mood Isn't Make or Break Anymore and Visiting With Grandma
Day 560
When Mood Isn't Make or Break Anymore and Visiting With Grandma
I was up rather early for a Sunday today. By 8am I was on the floor, preparing the coffee and breakfast, and getting ready to write. It feels good to be at this place along the road. I can remember past attempts where, I never knew what mood I'd wake up feeling. Would I be strong or would I feel that scary instability in my resolve? I don't worry about that anymore. We're far enough along now, that instability has transformed right along with me. That occasional instability once meant all or nothing, success or failure. Now, it simply means the difference between a decent day or a great day. It just takes time and consistency to reach this place. Understanding the mental twist and turns, or at least trying to understand these--is a critical element.
After writing Saturday's blog page, I decided the best thing for me to do was hit the trail. It was early and the Y wasn't open yet. I'm glad I did! It was a beautiful morning to be outside and I wasn't there very long when I ran into a longtime reader who remembers seeing me out there early on this journey. Even though Rod sees the pictures on this blog, he was even more surprised in person. "Your pictures don't do you justice, wow, you're looking incredible." Rod, thank you my friend! Rod is doing very well and looking great too! He's lost nearly 70 pounds, no longer needs his blood pressure medicine and feels better than he did at 50 (he's 60). Isn't that incredible? He's taking charge and doing his very best to seriously extend his life...giving himself some wonderful years of looking and feeling great!
I did a quick 5K. I say "quick" because aside from walking to talk with Rod, I was mostly jogging. I don't jog really fast, just a slow and steady pace. It's mainly just a different motion than walking, picking up the feet a bit. And it's not constant, but I can honestly say I did more jogging than walking today. It was nice out there, and running into Rod was an unexpected joy!
I returned home and took a shower and nap before picking up Irene and Courtney for our trip to Stillwater. Irene and I understand each other perfectly. We get along great and I like to make my girls laugh and smile. It's very nice to get along so well even through difficult times and complicated situations. We've really reached a nice place along this undesirable part of our lives. We both must attend a three hour parenting through divorce class on the 16th. It's very ironic that the 16th is our 21st anniversary. Hmmm....
I knew we were eating out with the family this evening, but I wasn't thrilled that the plan was a pizza buffet. I could have handled it easily, but still. I wanted something better. I suggested a favorite chicken place of ours and everyone easily agreed. No buffet, good!
I enjoyed three chicken breast "chunks," mashed potatoes without gravy, and green beans. I told them to keep the roll. I could have had the gravy and the roll and still been ok with my calorie budget, but I knew we had some birthday cake coming, and I planned on a small piece of cake with grandma. And the cake had buttercream frosting...oooh. I had a very small piece that I was comfortable calling 100 calories. My meal checked in at 400 plus the 100 calorie cake, 500 here, not bad really. It was an enjoyable meal and so good to see grandma so happy and vibrant at 83! I'm so happy that Uncle Keith, Aunt Kelli, and my mom take such good care of her, they really do!
I dropped Irene and Courtney off at Irene's place and headed back to the apartment fairly early. Then I realized something upsetting. I didn't get a picture with grandma!!!! What?? Everyone else did, and I was in the group shot, but I wanted one with just the two of us! I may drive down tomorrow afternoon for a picture!! I just might! Nope, I will. It's decided.
I was in bed before 10pm tonight, unusual for me, but needed! Six hours sleep may not sound like enough, but for me---that's pretty decent. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Courtney with grandma
Irene and grandma
Courtney, Irene, and Me
I was just looking normal and then Kelli said, "do something, pose, something different." So I did this silly little look.
When Mood Isn't Make or Break Anymore and Visiting With Grandma
I was up rather early for a Sunday today. By 8am I was on the floor, preparing the coffee and breakfast, and getting ready to write. It feels good to be at this place along the road. I can remember past attempts where, I never knew what mood I'd wake up feeling. Would I be strong or would I feel that scary instability in my resolve? I don't worry about that anymore. We're far enough along now, that instability has transformed right along with me. That occasional instability once meant all or nothing, success or failure. Now, it simply means the difference between a decent day or a great day. It just takes time and consistency to reach this place. Understanding the mental twist and turns, or at least trying to understand these--is a critical element.
After writing Saturday's blog page, I decided the best thing for me to do was hit the trail. It was early and the Y wasn't open yet. I'm glad I did! It was a beautiful morning to be outside and I wasn't there very long when I ran into a longtime reader who remembers seeing me out there early on this journey. Even though Rod sees the pictures on this blog, he was even more surprised in person. "Your pictures don't do you justice, wow, you're looking incredible." Rod, thank you my friend! Rod is doing very well and looking great too! He's lost nearly 70 pounds, no longer needs his blood pressure medicine and feels better than he did at 50 (he's 60). Isn't that incredible? He's taking charge and doing his very best to seriously extend his life...giving himself some wonderful years of looking and feeling great!
I did a quick 5K. I say "quick" because aside from walking to talk with Rod, I was mostly jogging. I don't jog really fast, just a slow and steady pace. It's mainly just a different motion than walking, picking up the feet a bit. And it's not constant, but I can honestly say I did more jogging than walking today. It was nice out there, and running into Rod was an unexpected joy!
I returned home and took a shower and nap before picking up Irene and Courtney for our trip to Stillwater. Irene and I understand each other perfectly. We get along great and I like to make my girls laugh and smile. It's very nice to get along so well even through difficult times and complicated situations. We've really reached a nice place along this undesirable part of our lives. We both must attend a three hour parenting through divorce class on the 16th. It's very ironic that the 16th is our 21st anniversary. Hmmm....
I knew we were eating out with the family this evening, but I wasn't thrilled that the plan was a pizza buffet. I could have handled it easily, but still. I wanted something better. I suggested a favorite chicken place of ours and everyone easily agreed. No buffet, good!
I enjoyed three chicken breast "chunks," mashed potatoes without gravy, and green beans. I told them to keep the roll. I could have had the gravy and the roll and still been ok with my calorie budget, but I knew we had some birthday cake coming, and I planned on a small piece of cake with grandma. And the cake had buttercream frosting...oooh. I had a very small piece that I was comfortable calling 100 calories. My meal checked in at 400 plus the 100 calorie cake, 500 here, not bad really. It was an enjoyable meal and so good to see grandma so happy and vibrant at 83! I'm so happy that Uncle Keith, Aunt Kelli, and my mom take such good care of her, they really do!
I dropped Irene and Courtney off at Irene's place and headed back to the apartment fairly early. Then I realized something upsetting. I didn't get a picture with grandma!!!! What?? Everyone else did, and I was in the group shot, but I wanted one with just the two of us! I may drive down tomorrow afternoon for a picture!! I just might! Nope, I will. It's decided.
I was in bed before 10pm tonight, unusual for me, but needed! Six hours sleep may not sound like enough, but for me---that's pretty decent. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Courtney with grandma
Irene and grandma
Courtney, Irene, and Me
I was just looking normal and then Kelli said, "do something, pose, something different." So I did this silly little look.
Life is like a bike ride - up a very steep hill
Yesterday I went for a bike ride in a nearby neighborhood that I've never been to before. I ended up on an extremely steep street as it wound down to the waterfront. Halfway down the hill I decided to stop and take a video (which didn't turn out).
When I was ready to take off again, I looked at how steep the hill was going down, I decided there was no way I could do it. I had a fear of flipping over head first. I'm use to hills, but this one was a suicide hill. I decided to turn around and head back up the hill. The problem, the hill was just as steep going up it as it was going down.
There were houses on one side and the waterfront on the other side. I kept thinking maybe there were people inside the houses watching me. My pride wouldn't let me push my bike up the hill. I thought I'm strong and powerful, I can do it.
After six failed attempts at getting my bike started back up the hill, after coming close to falling over and crashing to the pavement, I finally realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't bike up this hill starting at the mid-point. I swallowed my pride and pushed my bike up the hill. It was humiliating, but I had no other choice.
On my way home I starting thinking my bike ride is exactly how my weight loss has been for my entire life. Sometimes I just fly up the hills, sometimes I just can't do it and I fall, over and over I'll fall. My pride gets hurt, I'm humiliated with weight gains, and I finally, I just give up.
Right now I'm practically coasting downhill with my weight loss. I'm going through one of those "this is so damn easy, why was I struggling" phases. I'm smart enough to know the easy button won't last forever. It never does.
So why is my weight loss different this time? Why is this ride different than the other hundred plus times I've done this?
Number one is you. Yes, the you that is reading this right now. I feel like I owe you something, that I want you to know this can be done.
I'm just like you, I have a major problem with food. I love food a little too much, and it's been too big of a focus in my life. I use it for comfort and I use it for joy. I've struggled my entire life trying to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I want to prove to you it can be done by eating healthy, regular foods. I want to give you hope.
I know how hard it is to lose weight, I've been doing it since I was fourteen. I'm fifty-four. That's forty years of trying to lose weight. You would think with all that practice I would have figured it out. The fact is I'm great at losing weight. I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years. My problem is that I've never kept the weight off for more than a year. I bet you're sitting there nodding your head yes, and thinking "me too!".
I want to show you this is possible. Believe me when I say this...if I can lose weight and keep it off, anyone can do it. Since I'm someone that's failed at this numerous times, it's logical that I'll fail at it again. Yet, I have confidence this time is different from all the other times. I'm not being cocky, and I'm not feeling like I'm superior or I have secret knowledge on how to do this. Or that I'm stronger or more disciplined than anyone else. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm kind of lazy, I have no discipline, and my follow through on most things suck. Yet I truly believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.
There are some other things that are different this time around. It has a to do with my eating, how and what I'm eating. I have a post started which I'll publish later this week. I don't know if it'll help anyone else but it's working for me. Again, it's not secret information or any new revelation. It's just something I've been trying for the last three weeks that has kind of changed my life.
Speaking of bike rides, I think I'll go for one while the sun is still shining.
My weighin Saturday, March 28, 2010
I set the goal of 170 six weeks ago. I didn't quite make it, but close enough. I'm also losing a little faster than desired these last two weeks. The week before last I lost 3.2 pounds and then this week 2.8 pounds. That's a total of six pounds in two weeks. I was "talked to" by the weighin gal and then the Weight Watchers online weight tracker gave me a warning that I'm losing too fast.
I eat all the time (every three hours when I'm awake), but my night binges are under control. Plus I'm sleeping more these days, seven to eight hours a night.
Goal for next week, April 3, is 169.6.
My most favorite store
Of course it's a grocery store, what else would be my favorite store?! It's not just any store, it's HMart. I'm in love with this place. It's like a super store of Asian markets. It's huge.
It's a Korean store, but they carry all different kinds of Asian food and some American food too. The best part is their fresh produce section. It's unbelievable. For example, they have six different types of bok choy. The produce guys, who are all Korean, speak perfect English. The produce section is so huge they usually have four guys working in that area, putting out fresh produce. It's like a huge adventure every time I go there.
I wanted to take pictures because it's so amazing, but it turns out grocery stores have a rule of not taking pictures inside their stores. I got into big trouble at the Metropolitan Market in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I thought the guy was going to take my camera away from me. Stupid rule.
If you have an HMart near you, you absolutely must go visit it. It's always strange to me that there are so few Caucasians in this store. I was a towering blond amongst a sea of dark-haired, petite people. The variety of their produce and seafood is beyond amazing. I so love this store!
When I was ready to take off again, I looked at how steep the hill was going down, I decided there was no way I could do it. I had a fear of flipping over head first. I'm use to hills, but this one was a suicide hill. I decided to turn around and head back up the hill. The problem, the hill was just as steep going up it as it was going down.
There were houses on one side and the waterfront on the other side. I kept thinking maybe there were people inside the houses watching me. My pride wouldn't let me push my bike up the hill. I thought I'm strong and powerful, I can do it.
After six failed attempts at getting my bike started back up the hill, after coming close to falling over and crashing to the pavement, I finally realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't bike up this hill starting at the mid-point. I swallowed my pride and pushed my bike up the hill. It was humiliating, but I had no other choice.
On my way home I starting thinking my bike ride is exactly how my weight loss has been for my entire life. Sometimes I just fly up the hills, sometimes I just can't do it and I fall, over and over I'll fall. My pride gets hurt, I'm humiliated with weight gains, and I finally, I just give up.
Right now I'm practically coasting downhill with my weight loss. I'm going through one of those "this is so damn easy, why was I struggling" phases. I'm smart enough to know the easy button won't last forever. It never does.
So why is my weight loss different this time? Why is this ride different than the other hundred plus times I've done this?
Number one is you. Yes, the you that is reading this right now. I feel like I owe you something, that I want you to know this can be done.
I'm just like you, I have a major problem with food. I love food a little too much, and it's been too big of a focus in my life. I use it for comfort and I use it for joy. I've struggled my entire life trying to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I want to prove to you it can be done by eating healthy, regular foods. I want to give you hope.
I know how hard it is to lose weight, I've been doing it since I was fourteen. I'm fifty-four. That's forty years of trying to lose weight. You would think with all that practice I would have figured it out. The fact is I'm great at losing weight. I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years. My problem is that I've never kept the weight off for more than a year. I bet you're sitting there nodding your head yes, and thinking "me too!".
I want to show you this is possible. Believe me when I say this...if I can lose weight and keep it off, anyone can do it. Since I'm someone that's failed at this numerous times, it's logical that I'll fail at it again. Yet, I have confidence this time is different from all the other times. I'm not being cocky, and I'm not feeling like I'm superior or I have secret knowledge on how to do this. Or that I'm stronger or more disciplined than anyone else. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm kind of lazy, I have no discipline, and my follow through on most things suck. Yet I truly believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.
There are some other things that are different this time around. It has a to do with my eating, how and what I'm eating. I have a post started which I'll publish later this week. I don't know if it'll help anyone else but it's working for me. Again, it's not secret information or any new revelation. It's just something I've been trying for the last three weeks that has kind of changed my life.
Speaking of bike rides, I think I'll go for one while the sun is still shining.
My weighin Saturday, March 28, 2010
I set the goal of 170 six weeks ago. I didn't quite make it, but close enough. I'm also losing a little faster than desired these last two weeks. The week before last I lost 3.2 pounds and then this week 2.8 pounds. That's a total of six pounds in two weeks. I was "talked to" by the weighin gal and then the Weight Watchers online weight tracker gave me a warning that I'm losing too fast.
I eat all the time (every three hours when I'm awake), but my night binges are under control. Plus I'm sleeping more these days, seven to eight hours a night.
Goal for next week, April 3, is 169.6.
My most favorite store
Of course it's a grocery store, what else would be my favorite store?! It's not just any store, it's HMart. I'm in love with this place. It's like a super store of Asian markets. It's huge.
It's a Korean store, but they carry all different kinds of Asian food and some American food too. The best part is their fresh produce section. It's unbelievable. For example, they have six different types of bok choy. The produce guys, who are all Korean, speak perfect English. The produce section is so huge they usually have four guys working in that area, putting out fresh produce. It's like a huge adventure every time I go there.
I wanted to take pictures because it's so amazing, but it turns out grocery stores have a rule of not taking pictures inside their stores. I got into big trouble at the Metropolitan Market in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I thought the guy was going to take my camera away from me. Stupid rule.
If you have an HMart near you, you absolutely must go visit it. It's always strange to me that there are so few Caucasians in this store. I was a towering blond amongst a sea of dark-haired, petite people. The variety of their produce and seafood is beyond amazing. I so love this store!
A few of my purchases yesterday (that's yucca in the middle - I'm making a Cuban dish with it tonight)
The neighbor cat, Bear. He's kind of in love with me. If I leave anything of mine laying anywhere, he curls up with it and goes to sleep. This was my iPod strap left on the bed. He curled up with it wrapped in his paw and went to sleep. He does the same thing with my clothes or my robe or my purse. Anything of mine, but not my husband's stuff. Which is odd because my husband is the one that keeps letting him in the house. I keep telling him to go home. Although he is pretty darn adorable.
Sabtu, 27 Maret 2010
Day 559 Missing Part of The "Old" Sean and A Salty Night
Day 559
Missing Part of The “Old” Sean and A Salty Night
Every now and then I have a day where I miss the “old” Sean. I don't miss the out of control food addict Sean, I miss the comedian Sean. Usually it takes something to remind me of my stand-up days and today I had a couple of things that took me back. A friend of mine pointed to a TV and said, “hey is that your roommate from Los Angeles?” Yep, that's him doing one of his Comedy Central Specials. Ralphie and I binged together, we did. His comedy career was much further advanced than mine, but our eating? Oh, we were together on that for sure. He was fun and completely understood my love of food. When he would say, “you fly, I'll buy,” I knew we were about to feast. Popeye's Fried Chicken was the most common stop. Yeah...good times, good times. I'm so happy for Ralphie. Not only is his career going fabulous, he ended up married to fellow comic Lana, our roommate and his girlfriend during my stay. They have two beautiful children and Ralphie has lost a considerable amount of weight. I can't wait to see the two of them again someday. They're not going to recognize me at all!
Then---as if seeing Ralphie on TV wasn't enough, I went back in the archives to exactly a year ago and found a post all about those days. From March 27th, 2009, Day 194:
A big thanks goes out to my friend Cruz for posting on my behalf last night. Very rarely do computer problems hamper my schedule with this blog, but when it does, oh man, you talk about frustrating! After pulling my hair out for over two hours and deciding that driving to the studio to write and post in the middle of a sleet storm was a bad idea, I decided to call Cruz. I gave him my login information and what I wanted him to post and how to post and he took care of the update. Cruz is a wonderful friend of mine.
We both started in stand-up together and he was the biggest believer in me. Cruz is a fantastic comedian who was with me at every crucial turning point of my stand-up career until I decided to head west. When I moved to Los Angeles, Cruz was back here in Oklahoma, but promised to join me within months. My job then was to get out there and lay a foundation for our future success. Our future hopes and dreams depended on it! I say “our,” like we were a comedy team of sorts, not at all. Our styles couldn’t have been more different. What we had was an understanding, whoever “made it” first, would open doors for the other. My rapid progress in L.A. gave Cruz big time hopes and dreams. All of a sudden what seemed so out of reach to a young Oklahoma comic from Peru was within sight. He listened close as I relayed stories of sharing the Hollywood Improv stage with the likes of Damon Wayons, George Wallace, Dave Chappelle, Harland Williams, and so many others. He knew our time was coming soon. Then his belief reached a peak as he watched me perform in a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live. We were gonna make it! Cruz immediately packed his Honda for a trip west and the bright lights and big city.
While Cruz was thrilled at the idea of being out there with me, I was discovering some important lessons on priorities. My family needed me back home and Cruz needed L.A. A few days after the Kimmel appearance I decided that L.A. could wait and my family couldn’t. When I called Cruz to give him the news he was already on I-40 headed west. The next day we met up at a truck stop in the middle of New Mexico. I was on the way home and Cruz was on his way to L.A. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He wasn’t turning back no matter what and he just knew I was missing opportunities of a lifetime by going home. I can’t type all of the heated expletives I heard that day while standing outside that truck stop on that warm July afternoon. I knew that the most important opportunities I was missing were back in Stillwater. The fear of ripping my family apart motivated me to make the right decision, much the same way I’ve been motivated in making the decision to lose weight and get healthy.
Cruz and I rarely talked for the next couple of years. We finally re-connected upon hearing the news that fellow comic Mitch Hedburg had died of an overdose. These days, we rarely talk about comedy. Cruz is still in L.A. doing stand-up at night at some of the hottest clubs around and being a real life private investigator the rest of the time. I think Cruz now understands that my dreams didn’t die when I left L.A., my priorities changed, and with it changed my dreams. Being a successful father to my children and husband to my wife, and losing weight while sharing the experience with these writings, in hopes of inspiring others, those are my dreams now. That dream is coming true every day. I can’t wait for Cruz to read this post, I can hear it now Wow, could you have been a little more dramatic? A simple thank you would have worked just fine. I love that guy.
I do have fond memories of my stand-up days, along with painful ones, but when you add it all up—I made the right decision to come home and I have zero regrets about that. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Every now and then somebody asks me “So, you gonna do stand-up again?” Well, maybe. I really would like to do it again, even for just one show. One night. I would have to re-write 80% of my set, because I'm not over 500 pounds anymore. So much of my material relied on my size back then, and I never liked that, but whatever got the laughs, I did it. A stand-up routine from me today would be drastically different. I'd like to do some crazy stuff too, maybe convince Jack Sh*t to be my writer---He wouldn't have to write anything new, just give me permission to take his tweets to the stage for one night. I've been bugging him about this for some time with zero luck. And really, with me, it was always a very personal relationship with the audience, a very real connection. I always understood that the best comedy came from a very real place. But part of me would love to just do some really fun stuff on stage that wasn't personal, just quirky crazy, and funny. Oh Jack, you reading? ;)
My Saturday involved a little work, not much, but enough to keep me in town. I managed my time fairly well today. I cooked a good breakfast this morning too. No surprise here, it was an omelet...but I prepared it a little differently. No cheese this time and I mixed the salsa into the eggs before cooking. It cooked different and tasted different. Not as pretty on the plate, but very tasty---and the calories were the same. I cooked the mushrooms a little longer too before adding the egg mixture. It was wonderful!
I went overboard on the sodium today. Good thing weigh day is still four days away. Wow...I knew it when I was doing it, but I did it anyway. This evening with friends, I enjoyed a 230 calorie package of mini pretzels and then---after looking over the menu where we were---and seeing “fried this” and “batter dipped” that, and not much else...I simply asked for tomato slices with salt. Yep. I took perfectly healthy tomato slices and enjoyed them with a salt shaker. And this crazy salt binge was only about an hour after the salty pretzels! This isn't typical for me. I usually don't eat too much added salt. For some reason tonight, I don't know...maybe I was craving salt? Hmmm...well...You see, I'm not a salty snacker---never have been, so it's strange. I'm a cool and creamy snacker, a melted cheese snacker, a chocolate snacker...a salty little binge is out of character, but it only cost me 250 calories and some temporary water weight I'm sure...good thing I don't weigh everyday!
I talked with my mom today and she reported that she's down to 202! When she drops below 200, it'll be the first time she's been in "onederland" in a very long time, I mean---a very long time! I'm thrilled for her, absolutely thrilled!
I also talked with my oldest Amber tonight. She spent the day volunteering at a Special Olympics event. My conversation with her tonight reminded me about how important our attitude is in determining how we feel over-all. Amber told me that she was urinated on, had ketchup smeared all over her shirt, and had to dig in a nasty trash can to find a medal that an athlete had accidentally thrown away...and she had a blast! She recognized and enjoyed the humor in her constant messy misfortune. She was laughing as she recounted the details. Attitude is everything, you know that. Thank you my dear daughter for this wonderful reminder!
I did 100 non-weighted squats, 40 push-ups (not all at once), 60 sit-ups (again, in 3 sets of 20), and I stretched really good. It was a really good workout. The best indoor workout I've had in a very long time. It was at least three times as strenuous as I normally do in the mornings. It wasn't a Y trip or a 5K at the trail, but it was a great workout. I was proud of myself!
And so another day along this road comes to a close. Tomorrow I'm headed to Stillwater with Courtney and Irene to visit grandma and celebrate her 83rd birthday. Irene is so loved by everyone in the family. I'll never forget the day I told grandma that Irene and I were divorcing, she just sit there and cried so tenderly. Her tears that day just broke my heart. She's going to light up when she sees Irene tomorrow! It'll be good for everyone.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
A couple of tiny little pictures from my stand-up days. Look at that giant face...oh my. At my heaviest for sure!
Missing Part of The “Old” Sean and A Salty Night
Every now and then I have a day where I miss the “old” Sean. I don't miss the out of control food addict Sean, I miss the comedian Sean. Usually it takes something to remind me of my stand-up days and today I had a couple of things that took me back. A friend of mine pointed to a TV and said, “hey is that your roommate from Los Angeles?” Yep, that's him doing one of his Comedy Central Specials. Ralphie and I binged together, we did. His comedy career was much further advanced than mine, but our eating? Oh, we were together on that for sure. He was fun and completely understood my love of food. When he would say, “you fly, I'll buy,” I knew we were about to feast. Popeye's Fried Chicken was the most common stop. Yeah...good times, good times. I'm so happy for Ralphie. Not only is his career going fabulous, he ended up married to fellow comic Lana, our roommate and his girlfriend during my stay. They have two beautiful children and Ralphie has lost a considerable amount of weight. I can't wait to see the two of them again someday. They're not going to recognize me at all!
Then---as if seeing Ralphie on TV wasn't enough, I went back in the archives to exactly a year ago and found a post all about those days. From March 27th, 2009, Day 194:
A big thanks goes out to my friend Cruz for posting on my behalf last night. Very rarely do computer problems hamper my schedule with this blog, but when it does, oh man, you talk about frustrating! After pulling my hair out for over two hours and deciding that driving to the studio to write and post in the middle of a sleet storm was a bad idea, I decided to call Cruz. I gave him my login information and what I wanted him to post and how to post and he took care of the update. Cruz is a wonderful friend of mine.
We both started in stand-up together and he was the biggest believer in me. Cruz is a fantastic comedian who was with me at every crucial turning point of my stand-up career until I decided to head west. When I moved to Los Angeles, Cruz was back here in Oklahoma, but promised to join me within months. My job then was to get out there and lay a foundation for our future success. Our future hopes and dreams depended on it! I say “our,” like we were a comedy team of sorts, not at all. Our styles couldn’t have been more different. What we had was an understanding, whoever “made it” first, would open doors for the other. My rapid progress in L.A. gave Cruz big time hopes and dreams. All of a sudden what seemed so out of reach to a young Oklahoma comic from Peru was within sight. He listened close as I relayed stories of sharing the Hollywood Improv stage with the likes of Damon Wayons, George Wallace, Dave Chappelle, Harland Williams, and so many others. He knew our time was coming soon. Then his belief reached a peak as he watched me perform in a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live. We were gonna make it! Cruz immediately packed his Honda for a trip west and the bright lights and big city.
While Cruz was thrilled at the idea of being out there with me, I was discovering some important lessons on priorities. My family needed me back home and Cruz needed L.A. A few days after the Kimmel appearance I decided that L.A. could wait and my family couldn’t. When I called Cruz to give him the news he was already on I-40 headed west. The next day we met up at a truck stop in the middle of New Mexico. I was on the way home and Cruz was on his way to L.A. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He wasn’t turning back no matter what and he just knew I was missing opportunities of a lifetime by going home. I can’t type all of the heated expletives I heard that day while standing outside that truck stop on that warm July afternoon. I knew that the most important opportunities I was missing were back in Stillwater. The fear of ripping my family apart motivated me to make the right decision, much the same way I’ve been motivated in making the decision to lose weight and get healthy.
Cruz and I rarely talked for the next couple of years. We finally re-connected upon hearing the news that fellow comic Mitch Hedburg had died of an overdose. These days, we rarely talk about comedy. Cruz is still in L.A. doing stand-up at night at some of the hottest clubs around and being a real life private investigator the rest of the time. I think Cruz now understands that my dreams didn’t die when I left L.A., my priorities changed, and with it changed my dreams. Being a successful father to my children and husband to my wife, and losing weight while sharing the experience with these writings, in hopes of inspiring others, those are my dreams now. That dream is coming true every day. I can’t wait for Cruz to read this post, I can hear it now Wow, could you have been a little more dramatic? A simple thank you would have worked just fine. I love that guy.
I do have fond memories of my stand-up days, along with painful ones, but when you add it all up—I made the right decision to come home and I have zero regrets about that. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Every now and then somebody asks me “So, you gonna do stand-up again?” Well, maybe. I really would like to do it again, even for just one show. One night. I would have to re-write 80% of my set, because I'm not over 500 pounds anymore. So much of my material relied on my size back then, and I never liked that, but whatever got the laughs, I did it. A stand-up routine from me today would be drastically different. I'd like to do some crazy stuff too, maybe convince Jack Sh*t to be my writer---He wouldn't have to write anything new, just give me permission to take his tweets to the stage for one night. I've been bugging him about this for some time with zero luck. And really, with me, it was always a very personal relationship with the audience, a very real connection. I always understood that the best comedy came from a very real place. But part of me would love to just do some really fun stuff on stage that wasn't personal, just quirky crazy, and funny. Oh Jack, you reading? ;)
My Saturday involved a little work, not much, but enough to keep me in town. I managed my time fairly well today. I cooked a good breakfast this morning too. No surprise here, it was an omelet...but I prepared it a little differently. No cheese this time and I mixed the salsa into the eggs before cooking. It cooked different and tasted different. Not as pretty on the plate, but very tasty---and the calories were the same. I cooked the mushrooms a little longer too before adding the egg mixture. It was wonderful!
I went overboard on the sodium today. Good thing weigh day is still four days away. Wow...I knew it when I was doing it, but I did it anyway. This evening with friends, I enjoyed a 230 calorie package of mini pretzels and then---after looking over the menu where we were---and seeing “fried this” and “batter dipped” that, and not much else...I simply asked for tomato slices with salt. Yep. I took perfectly healthy tomato slices and enjoyed them with a salt shaker. And this crazy salt binge was only about an hour after the salty pretzels! This isn't typical for me. I usually don't eat too much added salt. For some reason tonight, I don't know...maybe I was craving salt? Hmmm...well...You see, I'm not a salty snacker---never have been, so it's strange. I'm a cool and creamy snacker, a melted cheese snacker, a chocolate snacker...a salty little binge is out of character, but it only cost me 250 calories and some temporary water weight I'm sure...good thing I don't weigh everyday!
I talked with my mom today and she reported that she's down to 202! When she drops below 200, it'll be the first time she's been in "onederland" in a very long time, I mean---a very long time! I'm thrilled for her, absolutely thrilled!
I also talked with my oldest Amber tonight. She spent the day volunteering at a Special Olympics event. My conversation with her tonight reminded me about how important our attitude is in determining how we feel over-all. Amber told me that she was urinated on, had ketchup smeared all over her shirt, and had to dig in a nasty trash can to find a medal that an athlete had accidentally thrown away...and she had a blast! She recognized and enjoyed the humor in her constant messy misfortune. She was laughing as she recounted the details. Attitude is everything, you know that. Thank you my dear daughter for this wonderful reminder!
I did 100 non-weighted squats, 40 push-ups (not all at once), 60 sit-ups (again, in 3 sets of 20), and I stretched really good. It was a really good workout. The best indoor workout I've had in a very long time. It was at least three times as strenuous as I normally do in the mornings. It wasn't a Y trip or a 5K at the trail, but it was a great workout. I was proud of myself!
And so another day along this road comes to a close. Tomorrow I'm headed to Stillwater with Courtney and Irene to visit grandma and celebrate her 83rd birthday. Irene is so loved by everyone in the family. I'll never forget the day I told grandma that Irene and I were divorcing, she just sit there and cried so tenderly. Her tears that day just broke my heart. She's going to light up when she sees Irene tomorrow! It'll be good for everyone.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
A couple of tiny little pictures from my stand-up days. Look at that giant face...oh my. At my heaviest for sure!
A body worth keeping
I've had very few dreams in the last couple of years that I actually remembered when I woke up. Since I started sleeping more I've been remembering my dreams. Some of the dreams are good, some not so good, some borderline nightmares.
Last night was a good dream. I think it stemmed from something I've started doing every morning after I get out of the shower. The idea came from Mary, when she suggested to try and say something nice about our body.
I've been doing the opposite for years. Almost every day I've been saying something or several things bad about my body for as long as I can remember. During the past week, each day I've stood in front of the mirror, naked, and found something positive to focus on.
This little task is not always easy. My natural response is to immediately go for the negative. Hips too wide, thighs too fat, stomach sticks out too much. You know the routine.
Every morning last week I said something nice to myself about my body. Nice shoulders, strong arms, narrow waist, strong legs. I also touch the body part and could feel the muscles underneath the skin. Skin that's 54 years old and has been stretched and shrunk many times with my yo-yo dieting. Even though it's not the taut skin of a 20-year old, it's still soft with firm muscle underneath in most areas.
I still turn sideways and stare at my belly with disdain, as well as the hips and thighs. However, I try to end each one of these morning evaluations with something positive. Love the shoulders Diana! Great triceps! Just one positive thing.
The dream last night was odd, but it was a good dream. I was doing the Camel yoga pose. It's the pose where you kneel, bend backwards arching your spine and grab your ankles, and stretch, tucking your hips in and thrusting out your chest.
While I was doing this, I was also outside my body. My other self was touching my naked back, admiring the firmness of it. My stomach didn't stick out since I was arched backwards. In my dream I didn't even notice my hips or my thighs. I just remember thinking what a strong body I had, that I liked it. That it was a good body.
It was just a dream, but I woke up thinking wow, that was profound. Was that my subconscious telling me it's okay that my hips are too wide and my thighs are fat? That I'm still strong and powerful and should be happier with my body.
Another thought I had when I woke up this morning is that I'll never be fat again. I know we all say that when we lose weight. It's the mantra I hear and read all the time. I've done it myself.
Recently I went back to some of my old posts where I said "85 pounds gone forever!". I was so cocky and so sure of myself. Then I gained 20 pounds. That knocked the wind right out of my sails.
I'm completely back on plan now and have been for about three weeks. I've made some significant changes in my eating which I'll write about in a later post. Things that we all know, but I never actually tried doing. There's no magic pill, but there are things that work like magic (with a little hard work thrown in).
I think I want to keep this body. If it means an hour at the gym every day for the rest of my life, I'm okay with it. I've been doing that for over two years now and it's really not that big of a deal. If it means I have to eat less but eat healthy, delicious foods, I can do that too. This body is worth any hard work it takes to keep it as healthy as possible for as long as possible. It's a body worth keeping.
I guess I found my words. :)
Last night was a good dream. I think it stemmed from something I've started doing every morning after I get out of the shower. The idea came from Mary, when she suggested to try and say something nice about our body.
I've been doing the opposite for years. Almost every day I've been saying something or several things bad about my body for as long as I can remember. During the past week, each day I've stood in front of the mirror, naked, and found something positive to focus on.
This little task is not always easy. My natural response is to immediately go for the negative. Hips too wide, thighs too fat, stomach sticks out too much. You know the routine.
Every morning last week I said something nice to myself about my body. Nice shoulders, strong arms, narrow waist, strong legs. I also touch the body part and could feel the muscles underneath the skin. Skin that's 54 years old and has been stretched and shrunk many times with my yo-yo dieting. Even though it's not the taut skin of a 20-year old, it's still soft with firm muscle underneath in most areas.
I still turn sideways and stare at my belly with disdain, as well as the hips and thighs. However, I try to end each one of these morning evaluations with something positive. Love the shoulders Diana! Great triceps! Just one positive thing.
The dream last night was odd, but it was a good dream. I was doing the Camel yoga pose. It's the pose where you kneel, bend backwards arching your spine and grab your ankles, and stretch, tucking your hips in and thrusting out your chest.
While I was doing this, I was also outside my body. My other self was touching my naked back, admiring the firmness of it. My stomach didn't stick out since I was arched backwards. In my dream I didn't even notice my hips or my thighs. I just remember thinking what a strong body I had, that I liked it. That it was a good body.
It was just a dream, but I woke up thinking wow, that was profound. Was that my subconscious telling me it's okay that my hips are too wide and my thighs are fat? That I'm still strong and powerful and should be happier with my body.
Another thought I had when I woke up this morning is that I'll never be fat again. I know we all say that when we lose weight. It's the mantra I hear and read all the time. I've done it myself.
Recently I went back to some of my old posts where I said "85 pounds gone forever!". I was so cocky and so sure of myself. Then I gained 20 pounds. That knocked the wind right out of my sails.
I'm completely back on plan now and have been for about three weeks. I've made some significant changes in my eating which I'll write about in a later post. Things that we all know, but I never actually tried doing. There's no magic pill, but there are things that work like magic (with a little hard work thrown in).
I think I want to keep this body. If it means an hour at the gym every day for the rest of my life, I'm okay with it. I've been doing that for over two years now and it's really not that big of a deal. If it means I have to eat less but eat healthy, delicious foods, I can do that too. This body is worth any hard work it takes to keep it as healthy as possible for as long as possible. It's a body worth keeping.
I guess I found my words. :)
Jumat, 26 Maret 2010
Day 558 With A Little Help From My Friends and I Was Standing RIGHT THERE!
Day 558
With A Little Help From My Friends and I Was Standing RIGHT THERE!
I was so caught up in my schedule yesterday, I didn't manage my calorie budget very well. It was after nine pm and I still had over 600 calories remaining last night. So what did I do? I prepared a big heavy omelet---loaded with whole eggs, chicken breast, mushrooms, and salsa. It was good, very good. Then I found my way to the recliner and with the TV off, I enjoyed my late dinner. I finished every bite of this monster omelet, stopping momentarily to contemplate if it really was a good idea to eat this heavy right before bed. Oh, I've done this before---emptying my calorie bank right before bed, and I've still had wonderful success along this road. But I know it's not ideal, and really---I don't recommend doing this. I should have made time to eat more throughout the day! I'm so imperfect, always have been. I mean, yes, it was within my calorie budget for the day, but still---so heavy, so late. I should have had a chicken breast with mushrooms and an ice cream bar for desert and called it good, but I didn't.
I ended up sitting there alone with my thoughts, and that was a very nice thing. At some point, I drifted off and ended up sleeping all night long. No alarm set, nothing. It could have been horrible! Luckily, I snapped awake at 4:30am and realized what I had done. I was disgusted with myself, but I didn't have time to be, I was already thirty minutes behind schedule and felt very unrested.
This wasn't a good day to feel unrested. Today was very busy! I immediately grabbed a banana and started hurrying through my morning routine. I sat down to write, answer a couple of e-mails, showered, brushed my teeth, dressed—-and then realized: I was out of time! No morning exercises today, no hot breakfast either. This was not how I like to start my day! And look what suffered: Two fundamentals of my success—-the exercise and the good breakfast! I grabbed an apple on the way downstairs—so I guess an apple and a banana will count as breakfast, not too bad, but still.
As I started to get into my radio show, I realized that I didn't plan at all for food later in the day. My show ended at 9am and then it was off to the races, with a quick production session from 9am to 9:40am, then straight to a remote broadcast from 10 to 2pm and one from 3 to 6pm. I knew there would be food at these broadcasts, most usually, but it wasn't going to be the kind of choices I wanted to make. I updated my facebook profile, kicking myself for not planning better—but assuring myself that I would make the best choices possible regardless.
The menu at broadcast number one was very simple: Popcorn (popped in calorie dense Coco-Pop oil), hot dogs, potato chips, and soda pop. It was perfect fare for a big grand opening event with a bunch of people, it was very nice! However, I wasn't sure of my strategy. I knew I had to stay away from that popcorn, even though the alluring smell of fresh popped corn filled the store, tickling my nostrils with a wink that said “Come on Sean, just a little will be ok!” And ok, a little would have been ok, but no...I had only a banana and an apple at this point, I wanted something more. I made my way into the concession truck outside to do a live break. I wrapped the spot and then asked the person handling the hotdogs if I could see some nutrition labels. She looked at me as if I were crazy and then grabbed the packages. A bun was 100 and one of these hot dogs, oh my, 160! I could have a hotdog with yellow mustard for 260 calories. But still...oh my, it was so small---and you know how quickly I could put away a hotdog? Old Sean would have showed you, two bites my friend, two bites. Old Sean would have had at least three of these things.
I passed and made my way to the remote vehicle. I have friends, I could call someone to bring me something, but I didn't want to inconvenience anyone because I failed to plan, you know? That thought barely made it out of my head when I turned and found Linda, a friend and a longtime local reader of this blog. Linda is on my facebook too, she had noticed my update about the poor food planning---and Linda decided to help me out. She handed me a bag full of good stuff to last me throughout this long day of broadcasting. Wow---I didn't know what to say! I jumped out of the vehicle and gave her a hug! Thank you Linda! I found a couple of bananas and some homemade chicken breast wraps with mozzarella, lettuce, and tomatoes. These things were amazing! She threw in a couple of bottles of zero calorie flavored sparkling water and a big pack of sugar free gum. And then I found the note attached, detailing the calorie count of everything in the bag!!! Oh Linda, you are incredible! We talked for a few minutes about her husbands painting too. Her husband has been doing a bunch of work on our new studios and he is incredible! I had to send my compliments to him. What a wonderful friend, thank you again Linda---you made “good choices” so much easier for me today!
In between broadcasts, I had to run to the bank, the post office, and back to my apartment to grab my phone charger. Before I knew it—It was time to start the car dealer broadcast.
Surprisingly, there wasn't any food at all here. Just some cold soft drinks on the showroom floor, along with a 2010 Camaro—oh wow...that thing is hot! I walked in and made my way to the tower where the GM sits. He was amazed at my transformation. I've done their radio commercials for years, but I hardly ever see him. It had been well over a year since my last broadcast here and the difference in my appearance is dramatic. The GM was all smiles and complimentary. It felt so good.
As I made my way around the showroom floor, I overheard a salesperson whisper to another “have you seen Sean?” And I'm not sure what to think about the reply. He replied “Where is that fat *ss?” I was standing RIGHT THERE! It didn't sting like it would have at over 500 pounds, but then again---he would have never said it in front of me if I still weighed 505. The guy that said it isn't a bad person, he's a great guy...Just older (60's probably), and is the type that doesn't sugar coat anything, he just tells it like it is, even if it's hurtful. But it's not like it is, or was for me---anymore. The other sales staff immediately told him it was me, right there in front of him---I wish I would have been recording his reaction. His eyes got big, his face lit up, and he proclaimed “I don't believe it!” He wouldn't stop. He must have complimented me for an hour straight, even suggesting that maybe I was someone who killed the old Sean and took his place. Well, ok---yeah...kinda I guess. He took a break from this constant shower of amazement and “wow,” long enough to call an obese friend of his and tell him all about my weight loss and how he should look me up. He must have told me how proud he was of me thirty times. He felt horrible about the “fat *ss” comment. It was OK, I forgave him. I was just thrilled to be at the point in this transformation where someone could make that horrible mistake, simply because I was unrecognizable as my former image.
What a wonderful day really. What started out as an unrested, unprepared-for mess, turned out to be nice and kind of entertaining.
I know this is long already, but yesterday while reading my post from a year ago---I was struck by the following. This excerpt is from March 25th, 2009, a year and a day ago:
Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:
I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh? Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did.
Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient. When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did. Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.
Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent. Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this. Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you.
DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey. Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.
Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.
Ok—this was a long post, even by my standards. I'll tell you right now, I didn't get an organized workout today. By the time I walked into my apartment tonight, I was toast. I was completely drained from the day. Oh and Loretta? The tucking question from yesterday? Uh...no. No tucking. I'll get there, I will. Baby steps my friend. Baby steps. ;) Thank you for taking the time to read. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
With A Little Help From My Friends and I Was Standing RIGHT THERE!
I was so caught up in my schedule yesterday, I didn't manage my calorie budget very well. It was after nine pm and I still had over 600 calories remaining last night. So what did I do? I prepared a big heavy omelet---loaded with whole eggs, chicken breast, mushrooms, and salsa. It was good, very good. Then I found my way to the recliner and with the TV off, I enjoyed my late dinner. I finished every bite of this monster omelet, stopping momentarily to contemplate if it really was a good idea to eat this heavy right before bed. Oh, I've done this before---emptying my calorie bank right before bed, and I've still had wonderful success along this road. But I know it's not ideal, and really---I don't recommend doing this. I should have made time to eat more throughout the day! I'm so imperfect, always have been. I mean, yes, it was within my calorie budget for the day, but still---so heavy, so late. I should have had a chicken breast with mushrooms and an ice cream bar for desert and called it good, but I didn't.
I ended up sitting there alone with my thoughts, and that was a very nice thing. At some point, I drifted off and ended up sleeping all night long. No alarm set, nothing. It could have been horrible! Luckily, I snapped awake at 4:30am and realized what I had done. I was disgusted with myself, but I didn't have time to be, I was already thirty minutes behind schedule and felt very unrested.
This wasn't a good day to feel unrested. Today was very busy! I immediately grabbed a banana and started hurrying through my morning routine. I sat down to write, answer a couple of e-mails, showered, brushed my teeth, dressed—-and then realized: I was out of time! No morning exercises today, no hot breakfast either. This was not how I like to start my day! And look what suffered: Two fundamentals of my success—-the exercise and the good breakfast! I grabbed an apple on the way downstairs—so I guess an apple and a banana will count as breakfast, not too bad, but still.
As I started to get into my radio show, I realized that I didn't plan at all for food later in the day. My show ended at 9am and then it was off to the races, with a quick production session from 9am to 9:40am, then straight to a remote broadcast from 10 to 2pm and one from 3 to 6pm. I knew there would be food at these broadcasts, most usually, but it wasn't going to be the kind of choices I wanted to make. I updated my facebook profile, kicking myself for not planning better—but assuring myself that I would make the best choices possible regardless.
The menu at broadcast number one was very simple: Popcorn (popped in calorie dense Coco-Pop oil), hot dogs, potato chips, and soda pop. It was perfect fare for a big grand opening event with a bunch of people, it was very nice! However, I wasn't sure of my strategy. I knew I had to stay away from that popcorn, even though the alluring smell of fresh popped corn filled the store, tickling my nostrils with a wink that said “Come on Sean, just a little will be ok!” And ok, a little would have been ok, but no...I had only a banana and an apple at this point, I wanted something more. I made my way into the concession truck outside to do a live break. I wrapped the spot and then asked the person handling the hotdogs if I could see some nutrition labels. She looked at me as if I were crazy and then grabbed the packages. A bun was 100 and one of these hot dogs, oh my, 160! I could have a hotdog with yellow mustard for 260 calories. But still...oh my, it was so small---and you know how quickly I could put away a hotdog? Old Sean would have showed you, two bites my friend, two bites. Old Sean would have had at least three of these things.
I passed and made my way to the remote vehicle. I have friends, I could call someone to bring me something, but I didn't want to inconvenience anyone because I failed to plan, you know? That thought barely made it out of my head when I turned and found Linda, a friend and a longtime local reader of this blog. Linda is on my facebook too, she had noticed my update about the poor food planning---and Linda decided to help me out. She handed me a bag full of good stuff to last me throughout this long day of broadcasting. Wow---I didn't know what to say! I jumped out of the vehicle and gave her a hug! Thank you Linda! I found a couple of bananas and some homemade chicken breast wraps with mozzarella, lettuce, and tomatoes. These things were amazing! She threw in a couple of bottles of zero calorie flavored sparkling water and a big pack of sugar free gum. And then I found the note attached, detailing the calorie count of everything in the bag!!! Oh Linda, you are incredible! We talked for a few minutes about her husbands painting too. Her husband has been doing a bunch of work on our new studios and he is incredible! I had to send my compliments to him. What a wonderful friend, thank you again Linda---you made “good choices” so much easier for me today!
In between broadcasts, I had to run to the bank, the post office, and back to my apartment to grab my phone charger. Before I knew it—It was time to start the car dealer broadcast.
Surprisingly, there wasn't any food at all here. Just some cold soft drinks on the showroom floor, along with a 2010 Camaro—oh wow...that thing is hot! I walked in and made my way to the tower where the GM sits. He was amazed at my transformation. I've done their radio commercials for years, but I hardly ever see him. It had been well over a year since my last broadcast here and the difference in my appearance is dramatic. The GM was all smiles and complimentary. It felt so good.
As I made my way around the showroom floor, I overheard a salesperson whisper to another “have you seen Sean?” And I'm not sure what to think about the reply. He replied “Where is that fat *ss?” I was standing RIGHT THERE! It didn't sting like it would have at over 500 pounds, but then again---he would have never said it in front of me if I still weighed 505. The guy that said it isn't a bad person, he's a great guy...Just older (60's probably), and is the type that doesn't sugar coat anything, he just tells it like it is, even if it's hurtful. But it's not like it is, or was for me---anymore. The other sales staff immediately told him it was me, right there in front of him---I wish I would have been recording his reaction. His eyes got big, his face lit up, and he proclaimed “I don't believe it!” He wouldn't stop. He must have complimented me for an hour straight, even suggesting that maybe I was someone who killed the old Sean and took his place. Well, ok---yeah...kinda I guess. He took a break from this constant shower of amazement and “wow,” long enough to call an obese friend of his and tell him all about my weight loss and how he should look me up. He must have told me how proud he was of me thirty times. He felt horrible about the “fat *ss” comment. It was OK, I forgave him. I was just thrilled to be at the point in this transformation where someone could make that horrible mistake, simply because I was unrecognizable as my former image.
What a wonderful day really. What started out as an unrested, unprepared-for mess, turned out to be nice and kind of entertaining.
I know this is long already, but yesterday while reading my post from a year ago---I was struck by the following. This excerpt is from March 25th, 2009, a year and a day ago:
Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:
I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh? Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did.
Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient. When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did. Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.
Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent. Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this. Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you.
DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey. Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.
Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.
Ok—this was a long post, even by my standards. I'll tell you right now, I didn't get an organized workout today. By the time I walked into my apartment tonight, I was toast. I was completely drained from the day. Oh and Loretta? The tucking question from yesterday? Uh...no. No tucking. I'll get there, I will. Baby steps my friend. Baby steps. ;) Thank you for taking the time to read. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Kamis, 25 Maret 2010
Day 557 Speaking Engagement Day and A Happy Emotion
Day 557
Speaking Engagement Day and A Happy Emotion
I arrived at the Conoco-Phillips complex about forty minutes before I was to speak today. I met Amy, my contact there, and she showed me to the auditorium and introduced me to the audio/video guy. This event was open to employees on the complex, so not everyone attending was interested in losing weight, but some were. It was a nice experience. After my talk, I opened up the floor for questions and a nice man shared the story of when he first saw me years ago. He said he had been listening to me on the radio for years, when one day he drove by a remote broadcast and noticed the voice he had heard all this time was coming from a most unexpected person. He didn't expect to see such a huge guy behind the voice he was hearing. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something to the effect of: You had to have been one of the biggest guys in Ponca City. He complimented me on the drastic change and then approached me afterward to tell me that when I walked in the room, he didn't know it was me. He was still looking for one of the biggest guys in town. That's certainly not me anymore, thank goodness!
I started by going all the way back to my birth. I was a really big baby, a ten pounder, easily the biggest baby in the nursery. This trend of being the biggest continued into pre-school, kindergarten, elementary, junior high, high school, and right into my adult years. I talked about hitting the snooze button on wake up calls, like my devastating doctors visit June 10th, 2008---the one that convinced me of my imminent death, yet still wasn't enough to make me really do something. I talked about what finally motivated me to start and how strange it was that the fear of death wasn't enough. I talked about the simplistic approach from Day 1 and how it differed from my past failed attempts. And I focused heavy on the mental aspects and since I noticed many people in attendance that may have not been interested in weight loss, I mentioned how these mental "gymnastics" can be applied to other areas of life. I used my favorite little words and phrases. The Calorie Bank and Trust, Steel Curtain Zone, Motivating Thoughts, Iron-Clad Decision, Importance Level, and several others. Words and phrases that mean so much to me and my journey. And although my self-critical nature found so many ways I could have communicated better today, Amy--and several others told me it was wonderful. And it was, I sincerely appreciated the opportunity to share my story.
After the talks, it was back to the studio for some work---and then home for a much deserved nap! My workout tonight included the Hutchins Trail, where it all began on September 15th, 2008. I guess that's why I like going back there so much. It is a strong reminder of how far I've come. I completed a 5K tonight, and although it may not have been my best workout performance, it was highly satisfying and enjoyable.
By the time I returned home and returned a few phone calls and text, it was almost 9pm and I still had 600 calories on the table. I needed dinner! A late dinner. I prepared a large chicken breast on the Foreman grill, sliced it up and put it inside a big three whole egg omelet with mushrooms and salsa. I was out of cheese, time to go to the store! It was really good and still fell a little short of the 600 calories, but it was close enough.
I sat in my recliner tonight, turned the TV off, and just reflected on this entire journey amid the quiet of my apartment. Alone with my thoughts, I started to get a little emotional, and then I realized---it wasn't a bad thing. It was a happy emotion. Because despite the challenges and setbacks along this road, the ups and downs, the stressful situations, the marital issues, despite everything...life is good. I feel great. I didn't wear an over-shirt today or an over-sized sport coat to cover me up...I just put on a collared shirt, and I still received "wow" reactions of "you look great!" Not once did I focus on those clothing insecurities today. I was calm, cool, and confident. It felt amazing.
Tomorrow is very busy. I have my show to do from 6-9am and then two remote broadcasts all day long until 6pm. It's going to be crazy busy! But we'll be fine and probably ready to go to bed way early again on a Friday night.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Speaking Engagement Day and A Happy Emotion
I arrived at the Conoco-Phillips complex about forty minutes before I was to speak today. I met Amy, my contact there, and she showed me to the auditorium and introduced me to the audio/video guy. This event was open to employees on the complex, so not everyone attending was interested in losing weight, but some were. It was a nice experience. After my talk, I opened up the floor for questions and a nice man shared the story of when he first saw me years ago. He said he had been listening to me on the radio for years, when one day he drove by a remote broadcast and noticed the voice he had heard all this time was coming from a most unexpected person. He didn't expect to see such a huge guy behind the voice he was hearing. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something to the effect of: You had to have been one of the biggest guys in Ponca City. He complimented me on the drastic change and then approached me afterward to tell me that when I walked in the room, he didn't know it was me. He was still looking for one of the biggest guys in town. That's certainly not me anymore, thank goodness!
I started by going all the way back to my birth. I was a really big baby, a ten pounder, easily the biggest baby in the nursery. This trend of being the biggest continued into pre-school, kindergarten, elementary, junior high, high school, and right into my adult years. I talked about hitting the snooze button on wake up calls, like my devastating doctors visit June 10th, 2008---the one that convinced me of my imminent death, yet still wasn't enough to make me really do something. I talked about what finally motivated me to start and how strange it was that the fear of death wasn't enough. I talked about the simplistic approach from Day 1 and how it differed from my past failed attempts. And I focused heavy on the mental aspects and since I noticed many people in attendance that may have not been interested in weight loss, I mentioned how these mental "gymnastics" can be applied to other areas of life. I used my favorite little words and phrases. The Calorie Bank and Trust, Steel Curtain Zone, Motivating Thoughts, Iron-Clad Decision, Importance Level, and several others. Words and phrases that mean so much to me and my journey. And although my self-critical nature found so many ways I could have communicated better today, Amy--and several others told me it was wonderful. And it was, I sincerely appreciated the opportunity to share my story.
After the talks, it was back to the studio for some work---and then home for a much deserved nap! My workout tonight included the Hutchins Trail, where it all began on September 15th, 2008. I guess that's why I like going back there so much. It is a strong reminder of how far I've come. I completed a 5K tonight, and although it may not have been my best workout performance, it was highly satisfying and enjoyable.
By the time I returned home and returned a few phone calls and text, it was almost 9pm and I still had 600 calories on the table. I needed dinner! A late dinner. I prepared a large chicken breast on the Foreman grill, sliced it up and put it inside a big three whole egg omelet with mushrooms and salsa. I was out of cheese, time to go to the store! It was really good and still fell a little short of the 600 calories, but it was close enough.
I sat in my recliner tonight, turned the TV off, and just reflected on this entire journey amid the quiet of my apartment. Alone with my thoughts, I started to get a little emotional, and then I realized---it wasn't a bad thing. It was a happy emotion. Because despite the challenges and setbacks along this road, the ups and downs, the stressful situations, the marital issues, despite everything...life is good. I feel great. I didn't wear an over-shirt today or an over-sized sport coat to cover me up...I just put on a collared shirt, and I still received "wow" reactions of "you look great!" Not once did I focus on those clothing insecurities today. I was calm, cool, and confident. It felt amazing.
Tomorrow is very busy. I have my show to do from 6-9am and then two remote broadcasts all day long until 6pm. It's going to be crazy busy! But we'll be fine and probably ready to go to bed way early again on a Friday night.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Please stay tuned
It's not that I can't think about anything to write, I just don't feel like writing. Yet I don't want anyone to think I've quit or given up or stopped blogging. I know it's silly to post about nothing.
Just letting you know I'm still here, still eating right, going to the gym, and my pants are feeling looser these days. I'm reading more blogs too, so that takes up what little free time I have in the evenings before I go to bed and to sleep by 8:30 p.m. every day.
A few pictures from a lunch out yesterday with my team from work. They chose a Japanese steakhouse, not my first choice. Especially because they always pour a ton of oil and add what I think is lard (it looks like yellow Crisco) to whatever they cook on the Hibachi. Even if you ask them not to do it, they still do it anyway. I had the Hibachi Chicken, but I only ate maybe 1/3 of it. I'm sure it was still very high in calories and fat (Points). Oh well, I took one for the team.
I promise I'll get my writing mojo back eventually. Just not feeling it today. :)
And yes, that's a fireman putting out the fire. Very classy.
Most people think this is cool, I don't really like it because I feel like I'm going to catch on fire.
Just letting you know I'm still here, still eating right, going to the gym, and my pants are feeling looser these days. I'm reading more blogs too, so that takes up what little free time I have in the evenings before I go to bed and to sleep by 8:30 p.m. every day.
A few pictures from a lunch out yesterday with my team from work. They chose a Japanese steakhouse, not my first choice. Especially because they always pour a ton of oil and add what I think is lard (it looks like yellow Crisco) to whatever they cook on the Hibachi. Even if you ask them not to do it, they still do it anyway. I had the Hibachi Chicken, but I only ate maybe 1/3 of it. I'm sure it was still very high in calories and fat (Points). Oh well, I took one for the team.
I promise I'll get my writing mojo back eventually. Just not feeling it today. :)
And yes, that's a fireman putting out the fire. Very classy.
Most people think this is cool, I don't really like it because I feel like I'm going to catch on fire.
Rabu, 24 Maret 2010
Day 556 This Isn't A "Show" and Letting Go of Insecurities
Day 556
This Isn't A "Show" and Letting Go of Insecurities
I've been thinking about tomorrow all day today. I have two speaking engagements at Conoco-Phillips. It's a private engagement for their employees. I'll be talking about my weight loss experiences. It's very important for you and anyone that will hear me speak to understand something. I'm not a weight loss guru or an expert of any kind. I don't know everything and I'm far from perfect. But I do have a story to share! And it's a story that will identify the keys to my success along this road. I have a nervous excitement building about this event and this energy is a good thing. My stage experience is primarily stand-up comedy, and some of my most memorable and enjoyable performances included this pre-show nervous energy. It's normal. And the great thing about this? This isn't a "show," this is as real as it gets. And that realness makes it a thousand times better than any stand-up performance I've ever given.
My best days are the ones that start with a solid foundation, a routine of what I know is right and good. For me, it means getting up shortly before 4am, and I really don't like that---but it's imperative for a great start. And a great start makes all the difference in the world. I woke up, did my morning non-weighted strength training exercises, prepared coffee and a good breakfast, wrote my blog page, showered and dressed and was on the air by 6am. When I take the time for this routine, I have a better show and a better attitude that carries me throughout the day. It doesn't happen everyday, but it should. I like the powerful confidence I felt today. Good choices indeed. I need to make those choices on a more regular basis! I've heard consistency is a vital element along this road...hmmm, where have I heard that? ;)
I toured our new broadcasting studios today. The construction crews are very busy and far from finished, but oh boy---it's looking incredible. I wouldn't be as excited about this change if I were still over 500 pounds. Why? Because these new studios are window front studios, kind of like the Today Show. People will be able to stand on the sidewalk and watch us work. I'm not uncomfortable with that idea anymore. I would have hated it before this transformation. I look forward to it now. They've even painted the window with my name and the name of the KLOR morning personality. Very cool, very cool my friend. We'll be like zoo animals on display. We'll try to behave in our exhibit, I mean studios.
I've decided to NOT wear my too big sport coat to the speaking event tomorrow. I'm not even going to wear an over-shirt. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know all about my psychological hang-ups and body image issues. I've written about them many times, and perhaps you understand too, maybe you have the same issues. I spent my entire life trying to dress in a fashion that would best present my 500 pound self. That's a very hard habit to break, even though I'm lightyears from that old appearance. I still want to put on that over shirt, or wear a shirt that's just a little too big and baggy. But no---I'm not letting myself off the hook on this event. I'm dressing casual and comfortable in normal fitting clothes that, despite what my crazy imagination conjures up, best showcase my transformation. There self, take that!
They will be video taping the event and I've requested a copy. I also hope to have pictures to post from the event. I'll of course share as much as I can right here in these pages.
A reader yesterday asked if I was still doing 1500 calories a day. I'm actually doing 1800 now. Every now and then I fall below that number, but never below 1500. Thank you for asking!
Thank you for reading. Your support is so wonderful to me. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This Isn't A "Show" and Letting Go of Insecurities
I've been thinking about tomorrow all day today. I have two speaking engagements at Conoco-Phillips. It's a private engagement for their employees. I'll be talking about my weight loss experiences. It's very important for you and anyone that will hear me speak to understand something. I'm not a weight loss guru or an expert of any kind. I don't know everything and I'm far from perfect. But I do have a story to share! And it's a story that will identify the keys to my success along this road. I have a nervous excitement building about this event and this energy is a good thing. My stage experience is primarily stand-up comedy, and some of my most memorable and enjoyable performances included this pre-show nervous energy. It's normal. And the great thing about this? This isn't a "show," this is as real as it gets. And that realness makes it a thousand times better than any stand-up performance I've ever given.
My best days are the ones that start with a solid foundation, a routine of what I know is right and good. For me, it means getting up shortly before 4am, and I really don't like that---but it's imperative for a great start. And a great start makes all the difference in the world. I woke up, did my morning non-weighted strength training exercises, prepared coffee and a good breakfast, wrote my blog page, showered and dressed and was on the air by 6am. When I take the time for this routine, I have a better show and a better attitude that carries me throughout the day. It doesn't happen everyday, but it should. I like the powerful confidence I felt today. Good choices indeed. I need to make those choices on a more regular basis! I've heard consistency is a vital element along this road...hmmm, where have I heard that? ;)
I toured our new broadcasting studios today. The construction crews are very busy and far from finished, but oh boy---it's looking incredible. I wouldn't be as excited about this change if I were still over 500 pounds. Why? Because these new studios are window front studios, kind of like the Today Show. People will be able to stand on the sidewalk and watch us work. I'm not uncomfortable with that idea anymore. I would have hated it before this transformation. I look forward to it now. They've even painted the window with my name and the name of the KLOR morning personality. Very cool, very cool my friend. We'll be like zoo animals on display. We'll try to behave in our exhibit, I mean studios.
I've decided to NOT wear my too big sport coat to the speaking event tomorrow. I'm not even going to wear an over-shirt. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know all about my psychological hang-ups and body image issues. I've written about them many times, and perhaps you understand too, maybe you have the same issues. I spent my entire life trying to dress in a fashion that would best present my 500 pound self. That's a very hard habit to break, even though I'm lightyears from that old appearance. I still want to put on that over shirt, or wear a shirt that's just a little too big and baggy. But no---I'm not letting myself off the hook on this event. I'm dressing casual and comfortable in normal fitting clothes that, despite what my crazy imagination conjures up, best showcase my transformation. There self, take that!
They will be video taping the event and I've requested a copy. I also hope to have pictures to post from the event. I'll of course share as much as I can right here in these pages.
A reader yesterday asked if I was still doing 1500 calories a day. I'm actually doing 1800 now. Every now and then I fall below that number, but never below 1500. Thank you for asking!
Thank you for reading. Your support is so wonderful to me. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Selasa, 23 Maret 2010
Day 555 How I Feel Is Most Important and A Friend Notices A Pattern
Day 555
How I Feel Is Most Important and A Friend Notices A Pattern
When the alarm sounded this morning, I was ready to go. I stumbled my way to the kitchen and started the coffee, and before my first sip—I was doing my non-weighted squats. My endurance on these has gradually improved. Twenty in a row was once killer, now twenty is a nice warm-up. I know these squats are helping my glutes (rear), but I mainly see it in my legs. I can now flex and see the outline of my quad muscles. That's a first! We'll call it a non-scale victory! Maybe they're helping my rear too, but it might be awhile before I see that definition. I have three “problem areas” for loose skin, and the rear is one of those areas. I say “problem,” really, it's not a problem. I'm reaching some serious peace with the skin issues. I knew it would be an issue after losing this much weight, but really...as good as I feel these days? It just doesn't matter as much as I thought it did. Feeling stronger and healthier with a confidence level I've never known, that's what really matters. Surgery? Oh...maybe someday, if finances allow, but I'm not as adamant as I once was on the issue.
A friend of mine, after reading yesterday's post, said to me “every time someone has a problem with something you write, you address it and try to smooth it over. Why? Are you afraid that someone isn't going to like you?”
Leave me alone Cruz! Honestly, I just want to communicate effectively. I don't like mis-understandings, especially if I feel responsible for them, having not communicated effectively. And yes—I guess I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me. It's a psychological thing. I spent my entire life thinking (incorrectly) that I had to try extra hard for people to like me, because I had to overcome my hideous size. I didn't have to try so hard. And I need to start realizing that not everyone likes me, and that's OK. It really is. To each his own. Whatever floats your boat. I am who I am and that's all that I am. Thank you Popeye for burning that into my memory. I guess I finally understand what that spinach lover was talking about. And Cruz...why do you have to be so brutally honest with me? Oh...because you're a good friend, that's right. Love ya man.
A year ago today I was staring down a Mexican buffet with ease and complete confidence. From March 23rd, 2009:
Today a client asked me to lunch. The place? El Patio Mexican Restaurant. Guess who suggested it? I did, even though the place is known for their lunch buffet. I'm confident enough now to walk in, walk right past that buffet, sit down in a booth that I couldn't think about sitting in six months ago, and order ala carte. I had two crunchy chicken tacos and a few chips and salsa. Easy as anything, and I got out of there for under 450 calories. I originally estimated those tacos at 240 a piece, but after comparing the calories of the same thing at several large mexican restaurants around the country, I had to count them as 170. Had I left the mounds of cheese on them, both tacos total would have been 600 easily. But I just left enough cheese to taste, a wise calorie budgeting decision indeed. We had four of us at the table, and not one ordered the buffet. This losing weight and feeling great stuff is contagious! The biggest difference I noticed in my behavior was the fact that I didn't miss the buffet. I didn't sit there and salivate over the endless supply of enchiladas and cheese dip. It wasn't a big deal. I was there on business and the chicken tacos were very satisfying. That change in mindset is huge for me. I can honestly say I had zero desire for that buffet today. The coolest thing about the meeting today at the restaurant was the greeting I received. I've worked with this particular client a few times, but not at all in the last six months. I was met at the front doors of the place with a big “wow, what have you been doing? You've lost a bunch of weight!” And that reaction came from someone who's been around me maybe sixteen hours total over the last couple of years. When someone has that reaction it feels absolutely amazing! The difference physically is dramatic. The difference mentally is even greater.
The physical difference is dramatically better now and the mental difference is still better. Very nice. I've enjoyed that restaurant a few times since that day, and every time---I make sure to leave feeling good about my choices. I guess my biggest concern isn't disappointing others, it's disappointing myself. I can handle it if someone doesn't like me...but I want to like me. And good choices make me feel that way.
I enjoyed a small serving of sweet and sour chicken with rice for dinner. I was having dinner with a friend and they wanted Chinese. I was flying blind and eating small, because I just wasn't sure about the calories. It's a hesitant instinct that is usually right on the money. I found some comparable dishes online and my jaw hit the floor. It didn't make me go over budget, but I was left with a whopping 23 calories for the day. Ouch. I don't even care for Chinese that much. Certainly not enough to invest 760 calories in a small portion of sweet and sour chicken and fried rice. And don't even start with the sodium talk...I know! It was a meal. And a meal that I very rarely eat. Moving on now!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
How I Feel Is Most Important and A Friend Notices A Pattern
When the alarm sounded this morning, I was ready to go. I stumbled my way to the kitchen and started the coffee, and before my first sip—I was doing my non-weighted squats. My endurance on these has gradually improved. Twenty in a row was once killer, now twenty is a nice warm-up. I know these squats are helping my glutes (rear), but I mainly see it in my legs. I can now flex and see the outline of my quad muscles. That's a first! We'll call it a non-scale victory! Maybe they're helping my rear too, but it might be awhile before I see that definition. I have three “problem areas” for loose skin, and the rear is one of those areas. I say “problem,” really, it's not a problem. I'm reaching some serious peace with the skin issues. I knew it would be an issue after losing this much weight, but really...as good as I feel these days? It just doesn't matter as much as I thought it did. Feeling stronger and healthier with a confidence level I've never known, that's what really matters. Surgery? Oh...maybe someday, if finances allow, but I'm not as adamant as I once was on the issue.
A friend of mine, after reading yesterday's post, said to me “every time someone has a problem with something you write, you address it and try to smooth it over. Why? Are you afraid that someone isn't going to like you?”
Leave me alone Cruz! Honestly, I just want to communicate effectively. I don't like mis-understandings, especially if I feel responsible for them, having not communicated effectively. And yes—I guess I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me. It's a psychological thing. I spent my entire life thinking (incorrectly) that I had to try extra hard for people to like me, because I had to overcome my hideous size. I didn't have to try so hard. And I need to start realizing that not everyone likes me, and that's OK. It really is. To each his own. Whatever floats your boat. I am who I am and that's all that I am. Thank you Popeye for burning that into my memory. I guess I finally understand what that spinach lover was talking about. And Cruz...why do you have to be so brutally honest with me? Oh...because you're a good friend, that's right. Love ya man.
A year ago today I was staring down a Mexican buffet with ease and complete confidence. From March 23rd, 2009:
Today a client asked me to lunch. The place? El Patio Mexican Restaurant. Guess who suggested it? I did, even though the place is known for their lunch buffet. I'm confident enough now to walk in, walk right past that buffet, sit down in a booth that I couldn't think about sitting in six months ago, and order ala carte. I had two crunchy chicken tacos and a few chips and salsa. Easy as anything, and I got out of there for under 450 calories. I originally estimated those tacos at 240 a piece, but after comparing the calories of the same thing at several large mexican restaurants around the country, I had to count them as 170. Had I left the mounds of cheese on them, both tacos total would have been 600 easily. But I just left enough cheese to taste, a wise calorie budgeting decision indeed. We had four of us at the table, and not one ordered the buffet. This losing weight and feeling great stuff is contagious! The biggest difference I noticed in my behavior was the fact that I didn't miss the buffet. I didn't sit there and salivate over the endless supply of enchiladas and cheese dip. It wasn't a big deal. I was there on business and the chicken tacos were very satisfying. That change in mindset is huge for me. I can honestly say I had zero desire for that buffet today. The coolest thing about the meeting today at the restaurant was the greeting I received. I've worked with this particular client a few times, but not at all in the last six months. I was met at the front doors of the place with a big “wow, what have you been doing? You've lost a bunch of weight!” And that reaction came from someone who's been around me maybe sixteen hours total over the last couple of years. When someone has that reaction it feels absolutely amazing! The difference physically is dramatic. The difference mentally is even greater.
The physical difference is dramatically better now and the mental difference is still better. Very nice. I've enjoyed that restaurant a few times since that day, and every time---I make sure to leave feeling good about my choices. I guess my biggest concern isn't disappointing others, it's disappointing myself. I can handle it if someone doesn't like me...but I want to like me. And good choices make me feel that way.
I enjoyed a small serving of sweet and sour chicken with rice for dinner. I was having dinner with a friend and they wanted Chinese. I was flying blind and eating small, because I just wasn't sure about the calories. It's a hesitant instinct that is usually right on the money. I found some comparable dishes online and my jaw hit the floor. It didn't make me go over budget, but I was left with a whopping 23 calories for the day. Ouch. I don't even care for Chinese that much. Certainly not enough to invest 760 calories in a small portion of sweet and sour chicken and fried rice. And don't even start with the sodium talk...I know! It was a meal. And a meal that I very rarely eat. Moving on now!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Sorry...just can't find my words tonight
Ducks at the Angle Lake, near my office
The food and exercise are going well. No crazy binges, no cravings, just me eating right, tracking my Points. Going to the gym. Boring stuff.
My favorite new dessert, frozen Red Muscat grapes - to die for. One cup is one Point. A green diamond filling food.
Sorry, no big revelations about anything.
Later.
Senin, 22 Maret 2010
Day 554 Come Monday It'll Be All Right, Seating Arrangements, and Time Revisited
Day 554
Come Monday It’ll Be All Right, Seating Arrangements, and Time Revisited
Monday mornings…hmmm. They can really set the tone for our week. It’s the beginning, a fresh start, “starting Monday, things are going to be different!” I must have used that phrase a hundred times before it stuck on Monday September 15th, 2008. I know that my Monday morning attitude is crucial to the success of my week. It’s time to buckle down, it’s time to finish strong, it’s time to feel good about where we’re headed. It’s time to get organized in that direction! It’s Monday. It’s time to make it a good one.
Yesterday I talked about the importance of a sense of humor and then I used a long excerpt from Day 8, talking about chair breaking---and my worst experience in chair breaking. I honestly don’t think breaking chairs is funny, it’s not. Chad sent me an e-mail last night, a rather disgusted tone of an e-mail:
Sean, I’m sorry but I can’t find a single thing funny about breaking chairs. In an interview, at an event with family and friends, or alone. It’s never funny, only humiliating and sad. I normally agree with everything you write, but not today. I’m disappointed. --Chad
Chad my friend, I’ve destroyed over a dozen chairs in my life. Some in public, and I fully understand what you’re saying. It’s always embarrassing, humiliating, and extremely sad. I don’t find it funny. What I found funny was the circumstances surrounding that job interview chair breaking incident. It was the worst possible time for me to have a chair give, and that wasn’t the funny part. The funny part was something I can’t describe well. It was the program director’s reaction and his offering me an identical chair instead. It’s been seven years since that happened, so maybe time has made it easier for me to laugh. But I certainly understand how you wouldn’t find it the least bit funny. I’ve dreamed of sitting in chairs without worry my entire life. And after losing the first 245 pounds, I can sit basically anywhere I need—It’s a dream come true. Chad, you’re on your way to this place too, and I can’t wait to welcome you!
It’s amazing how much I would stress over seating arrangements. At over 500 pounds, it totally consumed me. If we were headed to a get together of some sort---it was on my mind. If someone suggested a restaurant we had never tried—Oh my…I would ask Irene “what do I do if the seating is too small?” “We’ll ask for a chair, don’t worry.” “Yeah but, what if the chair has arms?” “What if all they have are fixed booths and no chairs?” “I can’t fit in a booth without doing internal damage!” It was a horrible routine that I repeated over and over---for more than twenty years. It quickly became an unspoken dilemma---it was just understood among family and friends: Don’t pick a place where Sean will be uncomfortable. Restaurants with easy and sturdy seating became our favorite places. Imagine that, a restaurant becoming your favorite---not because of the food, but because of their seating arrangement. I give thanks that those days are over for me. But I’ll never forget how horribly consuming and painful those experiences were to my family and me. They were anything but funny.
I decided to be more aware of my water consumption today. I consumed more than enough! It’s one thing to say “Oh, I know I need to drink more water,” and another to actually do it. I did today, now---we’ll try it again tomorrow. It’s amazing to me, that after a year and a half on this road, I still struggle with the basic fundamentals of weight loss success. It certainly proves that you don’t have to be perfect to have success. I’ve been far from perfect this entire trip!
I also decided that I would workout today in a fashion that would make me feel good about my performance. I’ve had way too many workouts recently that were less than good. Anything is better than nothing, but it’s also easy to let that statement become a rationale for not giving it my all. My workout tonight at the YMCA was fantastic! I did the weight machines and the treadmill afterward. I control the level of my workout---when I want to push it, I can by simply making myself jog a little more. I can walk all day long, I can’t jog all day long. Nothing gets my heart rate up like a good jog. The sweat confirmed---I was working it good and hard tonight. I needed that.
I was reading Day 189 today, and once again---I needed to read it. It was all about time---and it’s role in this weight loss journey. Time has the easiest job…it just keeps on keeping on. That’s it. Here’s an excerpt from exactly one year ago today:
I've always been rather impatient. I'm a “I want it now” kind of guy. This naturally impatient attitude has discouraged me during past weight loss attempts because the time that's required to get down to a normal weight seems so overwhelming. I guess until now I never really thought about the multitude of rewards and victories along the way. I always focused on the total amount I needed to lose, then I would look at the calendar and get discouraged. 'This is going to take forever,' I thought. Then someone would chime in with the popular “you didn't grow to over 500 pounds overnight, you can't lose it overnight either.” Of course then I would day dream for twenty minutes about how cool that would be, if we could actually lose it over night. On second thought that might be kind of scary. Too much too soon kind of thing. It's crazy that I let myself get discouraged over the time it takes to lose weight naturally. Because a year later I'd still be over 500 pounds. And that's exactly the point I had to convince myself. Time doesn't really care what we do. Time keeps moving right along like clockwork, uh, it is clockwork. No matter what we do in the next twelve months, good or bad, it's still going to be March 22, 2010 in one year.
Time is a constant, that's a pretty simple statement. But it's one I really had to wrap myself around. I had to dig deep to battle my impatient personality. I finally realized that I really needed to forget about time. Time doesn't need me to worry about it, it'll keep moving right along without any help or hindrance. Instead of focusing on how much time it's going to take, I had to focus on what I needed to do each day to succeed. And then when I do take the time to notice the time, I'm happy with the progress I've made and continue to make. It's day 189 by golly, 189! I've lost over 131 pounds! That's almost three quarters of a pound a day! You can tell that I don't really pay much attention to time because on March 15th's blog I didn't mention the fact that it was exactly the sixth month mark of this journey. It totally escaped me.
Will it take a year total to reach my goal? Maybe it takes another year from now? Who cares! I'll be there when I get there, then I'll look at the clock and marvel at how far I've come in such a relatively short time. I didn't grow to over 500 pounds in a year or a year and a half, but I can get to my ideal weight in that time? I guess time really is on my side huh? We've all been in a situation where we were watching the seconds tick by on a clock conveniently positioned near our face. Maybe you were in class, or in a doctors office, or at work. When you constantly focus on the clock it can feel like forever! That's why I don't. Time will do it's thing, and I'll do mine, we'll meet up later in a triumphant celebration of accomplishment.
I was alone tonight for dinner. I prepared a chicken breast and a can of Progresso Light French Onion soup. I enjoyed a 110-calorie Blue Bunny low-fat ice cream bar for desert. It was good! When I realized I still had over 150 calories remaining for the day, I whipped up a couple of scrambled eggs with mushrooms and salsa.
After dinner, I organized my thoughts for the speaking event I’m doing on Thursday. I can talk all day long about weight loss, but these people deserve a clear beginning, middle, and end. It’s a lot like organizing a stand-up routine, just less scripted---and a thousand times more real and satisfying for me. I’ll be sure to include the size 64 jeans too! Those always get “wow” reactions. Glad I kept that one pair.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Come Monday It’ll Be All Right, Seating Arrangements, and Time Revisited
Monday mornings…hmmm. They can really set the tone for our week. It’s the beginning, a fresh start, “starting Monday, things are going to be different!” I must have used that phrase a hundred times before it stuck on Monday September 15th, 2008. I know that my Monday morning attitude is crucial to the success of my week. It’s time to buckle down, it’s time to finish strong, it’s time to feel good about where we’re headed. It’s time to get organized in that direction! It’s Monday. It’s time to make it a good one.
Yesterday I talked about the importance of a sense of humor and then I used a long excerpt from Day 8, talking about chair breaking---and my worst experience in chair breaking. I honestly don’t think breaking chairs is funny, it’s not. Chad sent me an e-mail last night, a rather disgusted tone of an e-mail:
Sean, I’m sorry but I can’t find a single thing funny about breaking chairs. In an interview, at an event with family and friends, or alone. It’s never funny, only humiliating and sad. I normally agree with everything you write, but not today. I’m disappointed. --Chad
Chad my friend, I’ve destroyed over a dozen chairs in my life. Some in public, and I fully understand what you’re saying. It’s always embarrassing, humiliating, and extremely sad. I don’t find it funny. What I found funny was the circumstances surrounding that job interview chair breaking incident. It was the worst possible time for me to have a chair give, and that wasn’t the funny part. The funny part was something I can’t describe well. It was the program director’s reaction and his offering me an identical chair instead. It’s been seven years since that happened, so maybe time has made it easier for me to laugh. But I certainly understand how you wouldn’t find it the least bit funny. I’ve dreamed of sitting in chairs without worry my entire life. And after losing the first 245 pounds, I can sit basically anywhere I need—It’s a dream come true. Chad, you’re on your way to this place too, and I can’t wait to welcome you!
It’s amazing how much I would stress over seating arrangements. At over 500 pounds, it totally consumed me. If we were headed to a get together of some sort---it was on my mind. If someone suggested a restaurant we had never tried—Oh my…I would ask Irene “what do I do if the seating is too small?” “We’ll ask for a chair, don’t worry.” “Yeah but, what if the chair has arms?” “What if all they have are fixed booths and no chairs?” “I can’t fit in a booth without doing internal damage!” It was a horrible routine that I repeated over and over---for more than twenty years. It quickly became an unspoken dilemma---it was just understood among family and friends: Don’t pick a place where Sean will be uncomfortable. Restaurants with easy and sturdy seating became our favorite places. Imagine that, a restaurant becoming your favorite---not because of the food, but because of their seating arrangement. I give thanks that those days are over for me. But I’ll never forget how horribly consuming and painful those experiences were to my family and me. They were anything but funny.
I decided to be more aware of my water consumption today. I consumed more than enough! It’s one thing to say “Oh, I know I need to drink more water,” and another to actually do it. I did today, now---we’ll try it again tomorrow. It’s amazing to me, that after a year and a half on this road, I still struggle with the basic fundamentals of weight loss success. It certainly proves that you don’t have to be perfect to have success. I’ve been far from perfect this entire trip!
I also decided that I would workout today in a fashion that would make me feel good about my performance. I’ve had way too many workouts recently that were less than good. Anything is better than nothing, but it’s also easy to let that statement become a rationale for not giving it my all. My workout tonight at the YMCA was fantastic! I did the weight machines and the treadmill afterward. I control the level of my workout---when I want to push it, I can by simply making myself jog a little more. I can walk all day long, I can’t jog all day long. Nothing gets my heart rate up like a good jog. The sweat confirmed---I was working it good and hard tonight. I needed that.
I was reading Day 189 today, and once again---I needed to read it. It was all about time---and it’s role in this weight loss journey. Time has the easiest job…it just keeps on keeping on. That’s it. Here’s an excerpt from exactly one year ago today:
I've always been rather impatient. I'm a “I want it now” kind of guy. This naturally impatient attitude has discouraged me during past weight loss attempts because the time that's required to get down to a normal weight seems so overwhelming. I guess until now I never really thought about the multitude of rewards and victories along the way. I always focused on the total amount I needed to lose, then I would look at the calendar and get discouraged. 'This is going to take forever,' I thought. Then someone would chime in with the popular “you didn't grow to over 500 pounds overnight, you can't lose it overnight either.” Of course then I would day dream for twenty minutes about how cool that would be, if we could actually lose it over night. On second thought that might be kind of scary. Too much too soon kind of thing. It's crazy that I let myself get discouraged over the time it takes to lose weight naturally. Because a year later I'd still be over 500 pounds. And that's exactly the point I had to convince myself. Time doesn't really care what we do. Time keeps moving right along like clockwork, uh, it is clockwork. No matter what we do in the next twelve months, good or bad, it's still going to be March 22, 2010 in one year.
Time is a constant, that's a pretty simple statement. But it's one I really had to wrap myself around. I had to dig deep to battle my impatient personality. I finally realized that I really needed to forget about time. Time doesn't need me to worry about it, it'll keep moving right along without any help or hindrance. Instead of focusing on how much time it's going to take, I had to focus on what I needed to do each day to succeed. And then when I do take the time to notice the time, I'm happy with the progress I've made and continue to make. It's day 189 by golly, 189! I've lost over 131 pounds! That's almost three quarters of a pound a day! You can tell that I don't really pay much attention to time because on March 15th's blog I didn't mention the fact that it was exactly the sixth month mark of this journey. It totally escaped me.
Will it take a year total to reach my goal? Maybe it takes another year from now? Who cares! I'll be there when I get there, then I'll look at the clock and marvel at how far I've come in such a relatively short time. I didn't grow to over 500 pounds in a year or a year and a half, but I can get to my ideal weight in that time? I guess time really is on my side huh? We've all been in a situation where we were watching the seconds tick by on a clock conveniently positioned near our face. Maybe you were in class, or in a doctors office, or at work. When you constantly focus on the clock it can feel like forever! That's why I don't. Time will do it's thing, and I'll do mine, we'll meet up later in a triumphant celebration of accomplishment.
I was alone tonight for dinner. I prepared a chicken breast and a can of Progresso Light French Onion soup. I enjoyed a 110-calorie Blue Bunny low-fat ice cream bar for desert. It was good! When I realized I still had over 150 calories remaining for the day, I whipped up a couple of scrambled eggs with mushrooms and salsa.
After dinner, I organized my thoughts for the speaking event I’m doing on Thursday. I can talk all day long about weight loss, but these people deserve a clear beginning, middle, and end. It’s a lot like organizing a stand-up routine, just less scripted---and a thousand times more real and satisfying for me. I’ll be sure to include the size 64 jeans too! Those always get “wow” reactions. Glad I kept that one pair.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Remembering Army Private First Class Erin McLyman - A real war hero
Driving home tonight I noticed the large flag next to the ball field was flying at half mast. The wind was blowing hard and the flag was at 90 degrees from the flag pole, as though it was saluting those passing by. Every time I see a flag at half mast my heart sinks because in Washington state that usually means another fallen soldier.
This young lady, U.S. Army Private First Class Erin McLyman, died in Iraq last week from a mortar attack supporting Iraqi Operation Freedom. A real war. Her story is amazing because she completely turned her life around as a teenager, but her life has had a sad ending.
My heart and prayers go out to her new husband and her family and all the other soldiers fighting for freedom.
My heart and prayers go out to her new husband and her family and all the other soldiers fighting for freedom.
Minggu, 21 Maret 2010
Day 553 Laughter Is Critical and Hey, Sometimes Life Is Funny!
Day 553
Laughter is Critical and Hey, Sometimes Life Is Funny!
This morning started like a normal workday. It was Sunday, but I was up by 5am, eating breakfast and getting ready to report to the studio. We received some snow yesterday and there was a chance that we might need to announce closings and cancellations. Lucky for us around here, it wasn’t as bad as the forecasters had predicted. I was home by 9:30am, and I found my way back to bed by 10am. I was up late Saturday night and we were headed to Stillwater later today, so I needed a nap!
After the seriousness of yesterday’s post, I thought I would clarify something. A great sense of humor is needed along the way. Laughter is critical in our lives! When I said that I would never “lighten up,” I simply meant---never compromise our mission. If something---anything threatens your resolve; you’ve got to beat it down in the most serious of ways. This is that important. But you can’t walk around all serious and frowning all the time. Smile! Look at what you’re doing for yourself!! Smiling and laughing, looking back and remembering once painful situations---softened and lightened up by time and distance, and never losing that ability to laugh.
This is serious business, but it’s life too. And sometimes life is funny.
Here’s an excerpt from Day 8. It was humiliating at the time it occurred, flat out embarrassing, but now---It’s hilarious to me:
One of the things I look forward to is being able to sit down anywhere I want without worrying about the stability of the chair underneath. I've mentioned before that my job has me sitting down most of the day, and over the years the stress has been just too much...on the chairs. I'm being completely honest with you when I say that I've broken or contributed to the destruction of at least six chairs in the several years I've been with Team Radio. I say “contributed to” because a couple actually broke when another employee (who was the lightest of everyone) sat in them. I was the first to say...”well, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that breaks chairs”...But I knew it was me that brought those chairs to the point of giving up.
There's nothing like the humiliation of sitting in a chair, feeling it give, and before you know it, you're on the floor in front of everyone. The company even paid a welder to come out and reinforce a couple of chairs. Oh, that's not embarrassing at all! I have to say that my current studio chair is the best I've ever had. The owner of Team Radio paid a bunch of money for it. It is rated to handle 500 pounds on a 24 hour a day schedule. It is a heavy duty chair! And it has a warranty guarantee...The deal is, if I break it, I have to be the one that takes it to the store for repairs. I think I could jump up and down on it and it would still hold. It's real nice. But it's not just the sturdiness of the chair that's important. It's the size. Chairs with narrow arms are horrible. I would really like to know the name of the company that manufactures those metal chairs with the extremely narrow armrest. You see them in many offices, along with me standing in the corner, because I know better than to even attempt to sit down. These chairs are a snug fit for normal size people! I have sat on the very edge of one before and boy is that uncomfortable!
One of the worst sitting challenges I will not miss: fixed booths at restaurants. If you're of normal size you may not realize what I'm talking about, but if you're heavy, then you know that nothing spoils a fun night out like a restaurant with un-fat-friendly seating. I've squeezed into many a booth, and the whole time worried about the possible internal injuries I was causing. I've also walked into a restaurant, surveyed the dining room, and walked right back out. Formica lined row-a-booths are fat people traps and they should be outlawed!! There, I feel much better now.
My worst chair story happened in the spring of 2003. I was living in Los Angeles at the time doing stand-up 100%. One day I ran across a part time on-air opening at Westwood One Radio Networks. A part-time job there would pay about or a little more than full time salaries anywhere else I had ever worked. So needless to say I was excited about winning over this network program director! I sent in my material and what do you know, he called me! He was seriously considering hiring me! Or he wouldn't have called right? I was thrilled. I would be on the air all over the nation! “This could be big”, I thought. The PD called me in for an interview the very next day. I drove to Valencia early to beat whatever traffic might get in the way, then after arriving an hour and a half early I took a long lunch at the Burger King down the road from Magic Mountain. When I finally arrived at Westwood One I was immediately given the grand tour of the facilities. Very nice. I mean, extremely nice studios. I was so impressed. The PD seemed very cool and I felt very comfortable, that is until I walked into his office for the interview. I noticed right away his guest chairs were not “fat friendly”. Extremely narrow arms and that wood and hot glued look. The PD took his chair behind his desk and told me to have a seat. I was afraid he was going to expect me to sit down! So I did...as lightly as I could on the very edge of the chair...and about point 2 seconds later the chair crumbled under my weight. I quickly caught myself from falling by grabbing his desk, but the chair wasn't so lucky. And neither were my chances of getting that job. After I broke one of his chairs, he invited me to sit in the other chair that WAS IDENTICAL to the one I just broke!!! I did, the same way as before, but this time with as much weight on my feet against the floor. Lucky for me the second chair somehow survived. My interview didn't. He never called me back. And I bet he tells that story to this day around the halls and studios of Westwood One Radio. Glad I could add some humor to their work place.
The biggest interview of my life and I completely destroy a chair at the start. Horrible then, but it makes me smile now. And if I think about it too much, I laugh out loud. Strange how that works.
One of my daily reads is a blog that has grown in popularity over the last 11 ½ months. Not only has Jack been amazingly successful at losing weight---he writes a must read weight loss blog on my list. I read Jack for a smile, for a laugh…and occasionally—he hits me with a serious post that is right on target. Even if I didn’t realize that I was the perfect target. I can’t imagine that you haven’t discovered his blog yet, but if not---here it is: www.jackfit.blogspot.com Thanks Jack for reminding me that it’s important to have fun and laugh along the way! They say that laughter can add years to your life. If that’s true, I may live to 120 after reading Jack’s blog. Thank you Jack!
My daughters and I traveled South to Stillwater late this afternoon to have dinner out with mom and then visit with grandma, Aunt Kelli, and mom back at grandmas house. Grandma is convinced that I should be done losing weight, she kept telling me---the same thing she tells me every time she sees me “don’t lose another pound!” It’s her way of saying “you look great!” Thank you again grandma—it makes me feel great every time you say it!
We dined at Taco Mayo tonight. I’ve written about this place many times. 163 calorie tacos. I had two loaded up with veggies. I probably should have had three, because I was short by 400 calories by the time I got back home. I used a little over three hundred on an omelet when I arrived back home.
My mom and Kelli are doing absolutely wonderful. They’re both exercising, both sticking to their calorie budgets, and they’re both losing weight successfully! Sounds great! I’m thrilled for them like you wouldn’t believe.
It wasn’t long before we had to see Amber drive away, back to school. They really should consider making Spring Break a two week event. I’d really enjoy that.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Laughter is Critical and Hey, Sometimes Life Is Funny!
This morning started like a normal workday. It was Sunday, but I was up by 5am, eating breakfast and getting ready to report to the studio. We received some snow yesterday and there was a chance that we might need to announce closings and cancellations. Lucky for us around here, it wasn’t as bad as the forecasters had predicted. I was home by 9:30am, and I found my way back to bed by 10am. I was up late Saturday night and we were headed to Stillwater later today, so I needed a nap!
After the seriousness of yesterday’s post, I thought I would clarify something. A great sense of humor is needed along the way. Laughter is critical in our lives! When I said that I would never “lighten up,” I simply meant---never compromise our mission. If something---anything threatens your resolve; you’ve got to beat it down in the most serious of ways. This is that important. But you can’t walk around all serious and frowning all the time. Smile! Look at what you’re doing for yourself!! Smiling and laughing, looking back and remembering once painful situations---softened and lightened up by time and distance, and never losing that ability to laugh.
This is serious business, but it’s life too. And sometimes life is funny.
Here’s an excerpt from Day 8. It was humiliating at the time it occurred, flat out embarrassing, but now---It’s hilarious to me:
One of the things I look forward to is being able to sit down anywhere I want without worrying about the stability of the chair underneath. I've mentioned before that my job has me sitting down most of the day, and over the years the stress has been just too much...on the chairs. I'm being completely honest with you when I say that I've broken or contributed to the destruction of at least six chairs in the several years I've been with Team Radio. I say “contributed to” because a couple actually broke when another employee (who was the lightest of everyone) sat in them. I was the first to say...”well, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that breaks chairs”...But I knew it was me that brought those chairs to the point of giving up.
There's nothing like the humiliation of sitting in a chair, feeling it give, and before you know it, you're on the floor in front of everyone. The company even paid a welder to come out and reinforce a couple of chairs. Oh, that's not embarrassing at all! I have to say that my current studio chair is the best I've ever had. The owner of Team Radio paid a bunch of money for it. It is rated to handle 500 pounds on a 24 hour a day schedule. It is a heavy duty chair! And it has a warranty guarantee...The deal is, if I break it, I have to be the one that takes it to the store for repairs. I think I could jump up and down on it and it would still hold. It's real nice. But it's not just the sturdiness of the chair that's important. It's the size. Chairs with narrow arms are horrible. I would really like to know the name of the company that manufactures those metal chairs with the extremely narrow armrest. You see them in many offices, along with me standing in the corner, because I know better than to even attempt to sit down. These chairs are a snug fit for normal size people! I have sat on the very edge of one before and boy is that uncomfortable!
One of the worst sitting challenges I will not miss: fixed booths at restaurants. If you're of normal size you may not realize what I'm talking about, but if you're heavy, then you know that nothing spoils a fun night out like a restaurant with un-fat-friendly seating. I've squeezed into many a booth, and the whole time worried about the possible internal injuries I was causing. I've also walked into a restaurant, surveyed the dining room, and walked right back out. Formica lined row-a-booths are fat people traps and they should be outlawed!! There, I feel much better now.
My worst chair story happened in the spring of 2003. I was living in Los Angeles at the time doing stand-up 100%. One day I ran across a part time on-air opening at Westwood One Radio Networks. A part-time job there would pay about or a little more than full time salaries anywhere else I had ever worked. So needless to say I was excited about winning over this network program director! I sent in my material and what do you know, he called me! He was seriously considering hiring me! Or he wouldn't have called right? I was thrilled. I would be on the air all over the nation! “This could be big”, I thought. The PD called me in for an interview the very next day. I drove to Valencia early to beat whatever traffic might get in the way, then after arriving an hour and a half early I took a long lunch at the Burger King down the road from Magic Mountain. When I finally arrived at Westwood One I was immediately given the grand tour of the facilities. Very nice. I mean, extremely nice studios. I was so impressed. The PD seemed very cool and I felt very comfortable, that is until I walked into his office for the interview. I noticed right away his guest chairs were not “fat friendly”. Extremely narrow arms and that wood and hot glued look. The PD took his chair behind his desk and told me to have a seat. I was afraid he was going to expect me to sit down! So I did...as lightly as I could on the very edge of the chair...and about point 2 seconds later the chair crumbled under my weight. I quickly caught myself from falling by grabbing his desk, but the chair wasn't so lucky. And neither were my chances of getting that job. After I broke one of his chairs, he invited me to sit in the other chair that WAS IDENTICAL to the one I just broke!!! I did, the same way as before, but this time with as much weight on my feet against the floor. Lucky for me the second chair somehow survived. My interview didn't. He never called me back. And I bet he tells that story to this day around the halls and studios of Westwood One Radio. Glad I could add some humor to their work place.
The biggest interview of my life and I completely destroy a chair at the start. Horrible then, but it makes me smile now. And if I think about it too much, I laugh out loud. Strange how that works.
One of my daily reads is a blog that has grown in popularity over the last 11 ½ months. Not only has Jack been amazingly successful at losing weight---he writes a must read weight loss blog on my list. I read Jack for a smile, for a laugh…and occasionally—he hits me with a serious post that is right on target. Even if I didn’t realize that I was the perfect target. I can’t imagine that you haven’t discovered his blog yet, but if not---here it is: www.jackfit.blogspot.com Thanks Jack for reminding me that it’s important to have fun and laugh along the way! They say that laughter can add years to your life. If that’s true, I may live to 120 after reading Jack’s blog. Thank you Jack!
My daughters and I traveled South to Stillwater late this afternoon to have dinner out with mom and then visit with grandma, Aunt Kelli, and mom back at grandmas house. Grandma is convinced that I should be done losing weight, she kept telling me---the same thing she tells me every time she sees me “don’t lose another pound!” It’s her way of saying “you look great!” Thank you again grandma—it makes me feel great every time you say it!
We dined at Taco Mayo tonight. I’ve written about this place many times. 163 calorie tacos. I had two loaded up with veggies. I probably should have had three, because I was short by 400 calories by the time I got back home. I used a little over three hundred on an omelet when I arrived back home.
My mom and Kelli are doing absolutely wonderful. They’re both exercising, both sticking to their calorie budgets, and they’re both losing weight successfully! Sounds great! I’m thrilled for them like you wouldn’t believe.
It wasn’t long before we had to see Amber drive away, back to school. They really should consider making Spring Break a two week event. I’d really enjoy that.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
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