Day 532
Getting Close To Me and Second Chance Workout Works
It wasn’t long after yesterday’s post that I noticed a wonderful comment from Irene. It was simple and sweet. She simply said: “I will always love you bud!!” We always called each other “buddy,” as in “my buddy,” remember the “My Buddy” dolls? Don’t make me start singing the song! Anyway…that was good to see, it was. I didn’t realize she still reads everyday, that’s good. Her and I have both moved forward, apart from each other, and we’re both feeling good about our decisions. But that love, although a little different, that love and caring for one another will never go away. We’ll look out for each other for the rest of our lives.
I have kept quiet over the last couple of months or so about our personal divorce pending status, because really---I had to draw the line on sharing everything. I crossed that line a couple of times back then---and in the aftermath of those post, decided not to get that personal again. It’s just not appropriate, and often times can be reckless and hurtful. This is a weight loss blog pure and simple. But as new readers come, so do the occasional questions in e-mail. A recent e-mail question:
So are you and Ann aka “Pretty Woman” dating?
I guess I deserved that considering we did spend four days together recently, that’s no secret. I could and probably should just ignore non-weight loss related questions. But dog gone it…I understand that the personal and open story that has unfolded in these writings over the last 532 days, lends itself to curiosity concerning these things. So I’ll address this quickly, then we’ll move on to weight loss related stuff:
Ann and I are friends and will probably be friends for a very long time. I’ve dated others recently, and so has she. I can’t speak for her, but I know that I’m not ready to go from a twenty-year marriage into another committed relationship before the first one is even legally over. Ann and I have much in common as far as weight loss and how this transformation can affect us psychologically. We understand each other very well. But, dating from 1600 miles apart? No. Good supportive friends along this road? Absolutely.
You know whom I’m really getting close to right now? Me. And honestly, that’s the way it should be. I have many wonderful goals and dreams to see to fruition. An occasional night out with someone is fine and harmless, but seriously---my attention must be focused on my journey. I’m too easily distracted otherwise. I recently told a love-sick relative, whom I love dearly—one who struggles horribly with morbid obesity, that the best thing she could do for herself right now was to forget about romantic relationships and give herself a solid 365 days of attention. 365 days can change your life forever---I told her. Give yourself that gift…put the focus on you and watch what happens. Give yourself 365 days. I lost 212 pounds in 365 days and gained insight over the course of that year that will help me be healthy the rest of my life. My life will never be the same. So I’m taking and applying that advice to my own situation. Time can heal, but only if you stop scratching the scab.
I jumped out of bed so late today; I skipped straight to lunch and a mushroom pita pizza with a banana on the side. I sat down to write Saturday’s post and then headed to the workout room. I wasn’t in it. I just wasn’t feeling it at all. Maybe it was the emotional draining of my Saturday post---I don’t know. I quickly returned to my recliner and pondered my situation. After a little break and some reflection, I decided to head back down and focus a little stronger. It was good. I did get it together and I did complete a nice 5K and some non-weighted strength training exercises. I also did some stretching, which is very important, and something I haven’t been very good at doing. I need to stretch! Oh my, do I ever. I’m super careful too, probably too careful really. I feel like if I stretch too much---something might snap. We don’t want that.
I enjoyed a good omelet tonight for dinner, yes---breakfast for supper! I really should start ordering mushrooms in bulk. I love mushrooms, fresh only---no canned or jar mushrooms. The mushroom and swiss omelet tonight was big and hearty. Even with the whole eggs and the 110 calories of swiss, it still checked in at only 330 calories. I grilled a chicken breast a little later, sliced it up---and wrapped it up in a 60 calorie pita. I was eating really well today. I grabbed another banana right before bed. When I get a craving for something sweet, the banana usually handles the situation. My other option would have been ok too---some steel cut oatmeal with a teaspoon of brown sugar and cinnamon.
Tomorrow I'm training on the machines at the YMCA and getting on the treadmill for some after lifting cardio. I’m looking forward to that workout!
Thank you for friending me on facebook! I’ve had several new friend request---and look for more…so if you haven’t already, send it my way! Just search for me with my e-mail address: seanboy105@hotmail.com Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Minggu, 28 Februari 2010
Weekend update
Another headache
I can't believe I haven't posted since Thursday morning. I guess I just wasn't in the blogging mood or something. Or maybe it was the headache from hell that took me down again.
Saturday is a blur. All I remember doing is going to Weight Watchers, weighing in, sitting through the meeting with an excruciating headache, then heading home and back to bed.
Nothing can stop these headaches when they come. Aspirin, Aleve, Tylenol doesn't phase them. All I can do is curl into a fetal position in a dark, quiet room and wait it out.
Today I was fine. The headache is gone, although there's a lingering feeling of tenderness behind my eyes. Like it could come back any minute.
I don't know what's up with these headaches, but I'm getting a little concerned. That was my third one in three weeks, and sometimes during the day I have a stabbing pain on the left side of my head that lasts for just a few minutes.
I have my annual physical in two weeks, and I'm going to ask my doctor about it. It's just the strangest thing. I rarely get headaches and when I do, nothing like these last three. They're literally debilitating.
The weigh-in
Okay, enough of the headache talk. About the weigh-in. Not exactly a stunning loss, but it's a loss:
Saturday 2/27/2010 Weigh-in
Last week's weight: 176.6
Current weight: 175.4
Week loss: -1.2
Total loss: -63.8
My workout
Because of the headache from hell I skipped working out Saturday. I could barely stand up so working out was out of the question. However, I made up for it on Sunday.
The Big Book of Exercises by Women's Health says you're only suppose to do one exercise per body part per workout. I've never heard this before, but it makes sense.I usually try to do at least two exercises per body part. For example, I always do two bicep exercises back to back, two triceps, two shoulder, two deltoids, etc.
What I've noticed is that I don't do as well on the second exercise for the same body part. My form isn't as good and I struggle with the heavier weights.
It also suggests not doing the same exercise for each body part during the week, to mix it up. Even changing how you hold the dumbbells makes a difference in how you work the muscle group you're focusing on.
The book also says you should do 24 reps of an exercise. For example, three sets of 8, or as set of 12, 10, 8. They said more if you're up to it, but 24 was the optimum number. A a few more is okay if you're up to it, but three sets of 15, probably not a good idea (I've done that a lot). If you can do three sets of 15 then you're probably not using heavy enough weights.
One thing I've learned, every author of strength training has their own opinion of what's right. They all think their way is the right waym, but none of them are written in stone. You have to figure out what works best for you.
Here's the page from my exercise log for today. I planned out my workout before I got to the gym. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to complete this workout. It was definitely one of my best workouts.
I can't believe I haven't posted since Thursday morning. I guess I just wasn't in the blogging mood or something. Or maybe it was the headache from hell that took me down again.
Saturday is a blur. All I remember doing is going to Weight Watchers, weighing in, sitting through the meeting with an excruciating headache, then heading home and back to bed.
Nothing can stop these headaches when they come. Aspirin, Aleve, Tylenol doesn't phase them. All I can do is curl into a fetal position in a dark, quiet room and wait it out.
Today I was fine. The headache is gone, although there's a lingering feeling of tenderness behind my eyes. Like it could come back any minute.
I don't know what's up with these headaches, but I'm getting a little concerned. That was my third one in three weeks, and sometimes during the day I have a stabbing pain on the left side of my head that lasts for just a few minutes.
I have my annual physical in two weeks, and I'm going to ask my doctor about it. It's just the strangest thing. I rarely get headaches and when I do, nothing like these last three. They're literally debilitating.
The weigh-in
Okay, enough of the headache talk. About the weigh-in. Not exactly a stunning loss, but it's a loss:
Saturday 2/27/2010 Weigh-in
Last week's weight: 176.6
Current weight: 175.4
Week loss: -1.2
Total loss: -63.8
My workout
Because of the headache from hell I skipped working out Saturday. I could barely stand up so working out was out of the question. However, I made up for it on Sunday.
The Big Book of Exercises by Women's Health says you're only suppose to do one exercise per body part per workout. I've never heard this before, but it makes sense.I usually try to do at least two exercises per body part. For example, I always do two bicep exercises back to back, two triceps, two shoulder, two deltoids, etc.
What I've noticed is that I don't do as well on the second exercise for the same body part. My form isn't as good and I struggle with the heavier weights.
It also suggests not doing the same exercise for each body part during the week, to mix it up. Even changing how you hold the dumbbells makes a difference in how you work the muscle group you're focusing on.
The book also says you should do 24 reps of an exercise. For example, three sets of 8, or as set of 12, 10, 8. They said more if you're up to it, but 24 was the optimum number. A a few more is okay if you're up to it, but three sets of 15, probably not a good idea (I've done that a lot). If you can do three sets of 15 then you're probably not using heavy enough weights.
One thing I've learned, every author of strength training has their own opinion of what's right. They all think their way is the right waym, but none of them are written in stone. You have to figure out what works best for you.
Here's the page from my exercise log for today. I planned out my workout before I got to the gym. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to complete this workout. It was definitely one of my best workouts.
Tulips that I bought for myself. As long as I try the best I can with working out and trying to eat right during the week, I buy myself flowers on Saturday. I love tulips. They remind me of spring, my favorite season.
It was a full moon on Saturday night. I did ventured outside with the raging headache at about 8pm. Just to get some fresh air, hoping it would cure my headache. It didn't, but I did get to see this gorgeous full moon. The picture doesn't do it justice. It was spectacular.
Sabtu, 27 Februari 2010
Day 531 I Can't Erase It and No "Massive" Amounts of Food
Day 531
I Can't Erase It and No “Massive” Amounts of Food
My life has changed so much in the last 531 days, that I sometimes just have to turn off my mind, or else I end up sitting around and thinking too much. There's a fine line between constructive self-analysis and counterproductive self-abuse. But you know what I've decided? The positive far out-weighs the negative. Because without the positive, well, I don't know if I want to think about that. But I do anyway. What if I were still over 500 pounds? Would we still have the changes in our family unit? I don't know. I really don't. I am certain that I'd be miserable, probably unemployed, more than likely divorced, and a complete mess health wise. Might not even be alive at this point. At over 500 pounds, you just never know, you know?
What has caused me to open this Saturday edition with the above paragraph? I caught a paragraph from Day 32 titled “Understanding Me:”
I'm so very thankful to have Irene by my side. She has endured two decades of me saying...”someday”. She has always believed in me despite the many false starts and failed attempts. She has watched over the years how my weight has limited me in so many ways. She's so extremely patient and loving to still be by my side. A person can only take so many broken promises, and she's exceeded the maximum amount any spouse should be expected to endure. She's doctored me, nursed me, wrapped my bad right leg because I'm too big to do it myself, and she's done it so long because she loves me. But she knows that I have the power inside to change, she knows that I have the power to make the daily decisions that will eventually “free” her of these nursing duties. She knows that if I stay on track my health will improve to the point of being normal once and for all. Imagine how my past failed attempts have frustrated her. She knows that I know what I need to do, but for so many years I haven't done it. I've flat out taken advantage of her devotion, and that's shameful. It's an indescribable kind of love she has for me, she truly understands “for better or for worse”. She deserves to experience the “better”part ...and that's why I'm so dedicated to going all the way on this journey. So if I sometimes sound obsessive about calorie counts and exercise schedules, there's a reason. People say, “you've got to do it for you”, and that's true, and I am. But I'm also doing it for Irene and my daughters and my future grandkids and my mom. Thank you Irene for holding on and never letting go completely! I love you!
That kills me to read. Maybe I shouldn't be reading that stuff. Can we start this post over? I really want to erase it all and make this another extremely positive and uplifting post. Because that side of this journey is much more fun to write about. It is positive and uplifting. But as much as I want to erase what I've written, I can't. That's the deal. I have to be honest. I can't fake it. This is how I feel today and this is a daily diary---open to the world, and I can't be true to you if I'm not first true to myself and my emotions.
It's funny. I was on Day 32 because someone asked me at the store tonight if I'm saving money since I'm no longer eating “massive” amounts of food. Yes, they used the word massive, nice—thank you. But you see—I never really ate tons of food at one time. I just consumed food all the time. Saving money now? Of course. But it's not because I was eating ten thousand calorie meals back then. Before Day 32 took me into a deep retrospective place I try to avoid---it gave me this:
I've written in these blogs how I've never been a stereotypical 500 pound eater. I've never consumed unimaginable amounts of food in one sitting. But I have been an “impulse” eater. I was reminded of that today when paying for gas at a convenience store with a deli case full of fried everything. I'm immediately drawn to that deli case like a bee to a picnic area trash can. The egg rolls are better than any I've ever tasted at an actual Chinese restaurant. The burritos are crispy on the outside and deliciously soft on the inside, and the corn dogs were on sale two for a dollar! There is absolutely no way the old Sean could have gone in there without at least buying two corndogs for a dollar! That's just being a smart shopper...and an impulse eater. Because it wouldn't have mattered that I just had dinner or was about to have dinner. If I wanted that taste, I was going to have it.
It got so bad at one point that I would “sneak” eat. For example, I'd be leaving work, I'd call Irene and she would describe a wonderful meal that was almost ready. My plate would be waiting as soon as I arrived, and still on the way home I would “sneak” eat a bean burrito...or a bag of chips...or a couple of egg rolls. Irene would ask me questions like, “so, what have you had to eat today?” And I would do my best to lie to her, but after you've been together nearly two decades, it gets really hard to get away with a lie. She knows all my tells. She's also a great detective. An example of her expert work---Irene: “So, what have you had to eat today?” Me: “Uh, nothing I'm starving.” Irene: “Really, are you sure about that?” Me: “Of course I'm sure, don't you think I would remember what I put in my own mouth?” Irene: “I see the crumbs on your shirt Sean.” Me: “What crumbs?” Irene: “The convenience store deli burrito crumbs, come over here and kiss me.” Me: “But, why are you...” (we kiss) Irene: “So, you had an eggroll too?” Me: “What are you...” Irene: “I can smell it on your breath.” Me: “You got me, I give up, you figured me out.” Or, she would find the bag in the car and within seconds of inspection, she could tell me how old it was. Irene: “So, when did you have Braums?” Me: “uh, like, I don't know, maybe a week or two ago.” Irene: “that's the story you wanna go with?” Me: “It's been a while, OK, just drop it!” Irene: “If it's been a while, why are the crumbs still soft and the tomato is still moist?” Me: “OK, OK, OK...I had that this afternoon.” Irene: “After we had lunch together?” Me: “yes.” So as you can see, it's not necessarily gigantic portions in one sitting that has made me this big, it's impulse eating throughout the day and into the night. Let's call it “over nibbling.”
Ok---Let's call it what it is: Food addiction. There, I admitted it! They always say that admitting the problem is the first step to recovery right? I'm a food addict pure and simple. I very rarely eat because I'm hungry, I eat because I want it! You can tell that over the years I've become well acquainted with me and my dysfunctional eating habits. I've dug deep to understand my bad habits, but even armed with this information, knowing how I am, and the negative effects of my behavior, I'd still do it. I'd probably have to undergo professional psychiatry to go deeper into understanding why I developed these eating patterns, but I've gone deep enough on my own to identify them, and I think getting any deeper would just reveal “excuses.” I'm finished with excuses. I'm changing my deadly habits now. And it feels good! Every time I easily click that seatbelt, I'm reminded of my success so far. Remember me talking about the “results snowball effect”. It's very true. Positive results are a powerful motivator to continue doing the right things. And the more right things I do, the more results I get, the more motivated I get.
My workout today was fast and furious. I slept way too much and before I knew it, it was time to get ready for my evening. I had planned to attend a stage production at NOC tonight, but my plans changed dramatically at the last minute. I was dressed and ready for the theatre. But something very important came up and I had to cancel. In preparation for my night out, I hurried through an upper body workout and a quick two miles on the treadmill. I say “quick,” but really---it was mostly power walking with occasional spurts of jogging. It was good, or at least it made me feel good.
I enjoyed some grilled chicken and some wild rice for dinner. I don't normally have rice, but it was good and well within my calorie budget. It was a normal portion. I later treated myself to a 150 calorie soft-serve low fat ice cream cone. Yes---I still turn to those when I need a treat. Yes I said “need.” Sometimes we need a treat. And when that treat doesn't wreak havoc on our calorie budget, it's a bonus!
Thank you for reading. The good, the bad, the positive, the TMI---all of it that makes up this road we're traveling. Thank you so much for your kind support. I posted a “friend me on facebook” thingy on the left hand side of this blog. The link doesn't 'light' up---and I'm not sure it works, but I know you can find me on facebook if you search using my e-mail address: seanboy105@hotmail.com I've received several friend request of late—and some people have e-mailed saying that they've had trouble finding me amid the Sean Andersons of the world. Laura has been reading everyday for over a year. She shared a message with her facebook friend request that made me smile:
I've been reading your blog for quite some time now (not since Day 1 but for well over a year at least) and I really enjoy reading your daily posts. I'm not a blogger myself but I went through my own weight loss transformation a couple of years ago after being obese for the majority of my formative years, from about age 10 until 22. I completely agree with your fundamental philosophies regarding consistency, honesty, and simply eating better and exercising (along with that pesky task of facing and tackling the addictive behaviors that fueled the weight problem in the first place)...who knew it was that simple?! ;) I just really wanted to say thank you for your blog, as reading your posts each day helps me to better maintain my own personal journey towards healthy living. Congratulations on all your well-earned successes!
Laura, thank you my friend. I thank you sincerely for your support and congratulate you on your tremendous success! Isn't it amazing what we can do? Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I Can't Erase It and No “Massive” Amounts of Food
My life has changed so much in the last 531 days, that I sometimes just have to turn off my mind, or else I end up sitting around and thinking too much. There's a fine line between constructive self-analysis and counterproductive self-abuse. But you know what I've decided? The positive far out-weighs the negative. Because without the positive, well, I don't know if I want to think about that. But I do anyway. What if I were still over 500 pounds? Would we still have the changes in our family unit? I don't know. I really don't. I am certain that I'd be miserable, probably unemployed, more than likely divorced, and a complete mess health wise. Might not even be alive at this point. At over 500 pounds, you just never know, you know?
What has caused me to open this Saturday edition with the above paragraph? I caught a paragraph from Day 32 titled “Understanding Me:”
I'm so very thankful to have Irene by my side. She has endured two decades of me saying...”someday”. She has always believed in me despite the many false starts and failed attempts. She has watched over the years how my weight has limited me in so many ways. She's so extremely patient and loving to still be by my side. A person can only take so many broken promises, and she's exceeded the maximum amount any spouse should be expected to endure. She's doctored me, nursed me, wrapped my bad right leg because I'm too big to do it myself, and she's done it so long because she loves me. But she knows that I have the power inside to change, she knows that I have the power to make the daily decisions that will eventually “free” her of these nursing duties. She knows that if I stay on track my health will improve to the point of being normal once and for all. Imagine how my past failed attempts have frustrated her. She knows that I know what I need to do, but for so many years I haven't done it. I've flat out taken advantage of her devotion, and that's shameful. It's an indescribable kind of love she has for me, she truly understands “for better or for worse”. She deserves to experience the “better”part ...and that's why I'm so dedicated to going all the way on this journey. So if I sometimes sound obsessive about calorie counts and exercise schedules, there's a reason. People say, “you've got to do it for you”, and that's true, and I am. But I'm also doing it for Irene and my daughters and my future grandkids and my mom. Thank you Irene for holding on and never letting go completely! I love you!
That kills me to read. Maybe I shouldn't be reading that stuff. Can we start this post over? I really want to erase it all and make this another extremely positive and uplifting post. Because that side of this journey is much more fun to write about. It is positive and uplifting. But as much as I want to erase what I've written, I can't. That's the deal. I have to be honest. I can't fake it. This is how I feel today and this is a daily diary---open to the world, and I can't be true to you if I'm not first true to myself and my emotions.
It's funny. I was on Day 32 because someone asked me at the store tonight if I'm saving money since I'm no longer eating “massive” amounts of food. Yes, they used the word massive, nice—thank you. But you see—I never really ate tons of food at one time. I just consumed food all the time. Saving money now? Of course. But it's not because I was eating ten thousand calorie meals back then. Before Day 32 took me into a deep retrospective place I try to avoid---it gave me this:
I've written in these blogs how I've never been a stereotypical 500 pound eater. I've never consumed unimaginable amounts of food in one sitting. But I have been an “impulse” eater. I was reminded of that today when paying for gas at a convenience store with a deli case full of fried everything. I'm immediately drawn to that deli case like a bee to a picnic area trash can. The egg rolls are better than any I've ever tasted at an actual Chinese restaurant. The burritos are crispy on the outside and deliciously soft on the inside, and the corn dogs were on sale two for a dollar! There is absolutely no way the old Sean could have gone in there without at least buying two corndogs for a dollar! That's just being a smart shopper...and an impulse eater. Because it wouldn't have mattered that I just had dinner or was about to have dinner. If I wanted that taste, I was going to have it.
It got so bad at one point that I would “sneak” eat. For example, I'd be leaving work, I'd call Irene and she would describe a wonderful meal that was almost ready. My plate would be waiting as soon as I arrived, and still on the way home I would “sneak” eat a bean burrito...or a bag of chips...or a couple of egg rolls. Irene would ask me questions like, “so, what have you had to eat today?” And I would do my best to lie to her, but after you've been together nearly two decades, it gets really hard to get away with a lie. She knows all my tells. She's also a great detective. An example of her expert work---Irene: “So, what have you had to eat today?” Me: “Uh, nothing I'm starving.” Irene: “Really, are you sure about that?” Me: “Of course I'm sure, don't you think I would remember what I put in my own mouth?” Irene: “I see the crumbs on your shirt Sean.” Me: “What crumbs?” Irene: “The convenience store deli burrito crumbs, come over here and kiss me.” Me: “But, why are you...” (we kiss) Irene: “So, you had an eggroll too?” Me: “What are you...” Irene: “I can smell it on your breath.” Me: “You got me, I give up, you figured me out.” Or, she would find the bag in the car and within seconds of inspection, she could tell me how old it was. Irene: “So, when did you have Braums?” Me: “uh, like, I don't know, maybe a week or two ago.” Irene: “that's the story you wanna go with?” Me: “It's been a while, OK, just drop it!” Irene: “If it's been a while, why are the crumbs still soft and the tomato is still moist?” Me: “OK, OK, OK...I had that this afternoon.” Irene: “After we had lunch together?” Me: “yes.” So as you can see, it's not necessarily gigantic portions in one sitting that has made me this big, it's impulse eating throughout the day and into the night. Let's call it “over nibbling.”
Ok---Let's call it what it is: Food addiction. There, I admitted it! They always say that admitting the problem is the first step to recovery right? I'm a food addict pure and simple. I very rarely eat because I'm hungry, I eat because I want it! You can tell that over the years I've become well acquainted with me and my dysfunctional eating habits. I've dug deep to understand my bad habits, but even armed with this information, knowing how I am, and the negative effects of my behavior, I'd still do it. I'd probably have to undergo professional psychiatry to go deeper into understanding why I developed these eating patterns, but I've gone deep enough on my own to identify them, and I think getting any deeper would just reveal “excuses.” I'm finished with excuses. I'm changing my deadly habits now. And it feels good! Every time I easily click that seatbelt, I'm reminded of my success so far. Remember me talking about the “results snowball effect”. It's very true. Positive results are a powerful motivator to continue doing the right things. And the more right things I do, the more results I get, the more motivated I get.
My workout today was fast and furious. I slept way too much and before I knew it, it was time to get ready for my evening. I had planned to attend a stage production at NOC tonight, but my plans changed dramatically at the last minute. I was dressed and ready for the theatre. But something very important came up and I had to cancel. In preparation for my night out, I hurried through an upper body workout and a quick two miles on the treadmill. I say “quick,” but really---it was mostly power walking with occasional spurts of jogging. It was good, or at least it made me feel good.
I enjoyed some grilled chicken and some wild rice for dinner. I don't normally have rice, but it was good and well within my calorie budget. It was a normal portion. I later treated myself to a 150 calorie soft-serve low fat ice cream cone. Yes---I still turn to those when I need a treat. Yes I said “need.” Sometimes we need a treat. And when that treat doesn't wreak havoc on our calorie budget, it's a bonus!
Thank you for reading. The good, the bad, the positive, the TMI---all of it that makes up this road we're traveling. Thank you so much for your kind support. I posted a “friend me on facebook” thingy on the left hand side of this blog. The link doesn't 'light' up---and I'm not sure it works, but I know you can find me on facebook if you search using my e-mail address: seanboy105@hotmail.com I've received several friend request of late—and some people have e-mailed saying that they've had trouble finding me amid the Sean Andersons of the world. Laura has been reading everyday for over a year. She shared a message with her facebook friend request that made me smile:
I've been reading your blog for quite some time now (not since Day 1 but for well over a year at least) and I really enjoy reading your daily posts. I'm not a blogger myself but I went through my own weight loss transformation a couple of years ago after being obese for the majority of my formative years, from about age 10 until 22. I completely agree with your fundamental philosophies regarding consistency, honesty, and simply eating better and exercising (along with that pesky task of facing and tackling the addictive behaviors that fueled the weight problem in the first place)...who knew it was that simple?! ;) I just really wanted to say thank you for your blog, as reading your posts each day helps me to better maintain my own personal journey towards healthy living. Congratulations on all your well-earned successes!
Laura, thank you my friend. I thank you sincerely for your support and congratulate you on your tremendous success! Isn't it amazing what we can do? Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Jumat, 26 Februari 2010
Day 530 Keeping It Upright and No Price On Integrity
Day 530
Keeping It Upright and No Price On Integrity
It was a little harder to do my morning warm-up workout today. I've seriously slacked with this morning ritual of getting up and dropping to the floor, and I could tell this morning. It's no surprise really. If you do something on a regular basis, your body gets accustomed and it gets easier. After the body makes adjustments in a positive direction, and then you stop being consistent with that routine---it makes some more adjustments, the other way.
Breakfast this morning was very simple. I enjoyed two eggs over-easy and a banana. It was 240 calories enjoyed. I thought about adding some oatmeal too, but decided I didn't want to use what I made the other day. I prefer my oatmeal fresh. I grabbed some more fruit and headed out for my morning. We expected snow overnight, but somehow we were spared the brunt of the storm. No complaints here. I'm ready for warmer weather!
Today was going to be stressful. I knew that going in. My stress level lately inspired me to write yesterday's post. And writing that one really helped me get through this day. I remember looking forward to Fridays...you know, when I was a kid---the weekends were the best. I'll get back to that excited Friday feeling someday. We're going to make it, and we're going to do it in fine form and fashion. I'm seriously proud of the breakthroughs I've discovered for myself along this road. And trust me...remaining true to myself and keeping this ship upright even during the nastiest of stressful storms, that's huge.
In reading the post from Day 165, February 26th, 2009, I was reminded of how disgusted I get when I see advertising for “miracle” weight loss products. I'm so happy that I ended those crazy ads on this blog a long time ago. Well, I did...a year ago to be exact. From Day 165:
If you have read the “global” version (same content as the Myspace blog at myspace.com/comedyboy) of this blog in the past, then you might remember seeing Google Ads along the left-hand side of the screen. I originally accepted these advertisers as a way to earn extra income from my blog. But I've learned a lesson in the process. You see, Google would automatically scan my blog and then place ads that somewhat related to my topic. Since my topic is always losing weight and getting healthy, of course they placed ads about a variety of products. The revenue generated was based on per click and per order numbers. It never really added up to too much, but tonight I proudly tell you that I recently told Google to keep that money and go away! My reputation and integrity is worth more than random checks in the mail from Google, no matter the amount. If you ever noticed these, most of them were advertising crazy products with claims like “Lose 18 Pounds in 4 Days!” or “How I Lost 45 Pounds In Three Weeks-order Now,” or “Oprah Approved Product Will Melt Your Fat Away.” For one thing, Oprah doesn't endorse, let alone approve the Acai Berry product---it says that on her website. And neither do I. Nor do I endorse losing 18 pounds in 4 days, or 45 pounds in 3 weeks...or any product that makes such claims. I sincerely hope that none of my readers bought this junk. It feels so good to be free from the spying eyes of Google Ads. I couldn't say what I just typed, had I still been using Google Ads. They would have been upset! It says so in the contract. Any derogatory comments about the products or services advertised is grounds for immediate termination of my Google Ads account. Now that I think about it, I should have tested how closely they monitored my blog by exposing the outright scandalous rip-offs as they popped up. Might have been fun to see how long it would take them to dump me. They're gone, and I no longer have to cringe every time I open the page and see “I Lost 9 pounds in 5 minutes...” OK, I made that one up. I think the claim was in 1 day actually. The people that buy this kind of advertising do it for one reason, to take advantage of people with desperate emotions, who are looking for anything that works and are willing to spend whatever it takes to get it done. I'm ashamed they ever appeared on this blog in the first place. Lesson learned: You can't put a price on your integrity, never, ever, ever!
I stopped posting a mirrored version of this blog on myspace around day 370 something. I very rarely even check the myspace account. I haven't logged in there for a very long time. I do however enjoy facebook. So feel free to look me up: Sean Anderson, on facebook---friend me, and I'll accept! About that excerpt from Day 165: I hope Google doesn't get offended and shut me down! They wouldn't do that, would they? I mean---maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on Google, after all---they're providing me this blog space at no charge, when at this point---I would pay to keep it if I was told I hadn't a choice.
After a short nap, then a workout---I was ready for my evening out with friends. Once again, I was the designated driver. I'm really starting to evaluate how I spend my time and how productive I'm making that time. I honestly could use some adjustments in this area. I have big plans, big dreams, huge goals...and these are things that need more of my attention. I'm not saying I'm going to stop going out with friends, but I may need to seriously cut back. I know what I want—and I know that the commitment needed for those lofty goals requires a new level of diligence.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This before picture is one of my favorites. Snapped at Amber's High School graduation, we were all bigger—I was well over 500 pounds. And shortly after this picture was taken---we hurried home to a party that included a multi level white coconut cake that I assembled with help from Pepperidge Farms. I used like five of those cakes and towered them on top of one another. I wish we had a picture of that giant cake.
One of my favorite “In-Progress” shots. Snapped several months ago with Irene in the kitchen of our old house.
My favorite “current in-progress” picture. With my oldest.
This video was from exactly one year ago today. I can't get over how big my face was—just 120 something pounds ago...wow. After writing about the “brow-bird,” my dad left this humorous comment from his home in Alabama: The uni-brow is a family trait, I am proud of mine. It was passed down from my moms side of the family. Her mom had one, and so on. I think I got my mustache from my grandma too. your dad Veyon. A good sense of humor is also a family trait!
Keeping It Upright and No Price On Integrity
It was a little harder to do my morning warm-up workout today. I've seriously slacked with this morning ritual of getting up and dropping to the floor, and I could tell this morning. It's no surprise really. If you do something on a regular basis, your body gets accustomed and it gets easier. After the body makes adjustments in a positive direction, and then you stop being consistent with that routine---it makes some more adjustments, the other way.
Breakfast this morning was very simple. I enjoyed two eggs over-easy and a banana. It was 240 calories enjoyed. I thought about adding some oatmeal too, but decided I didn't want to use what I made the other day. I prefer my oatmeal fresh. I grabbed some more fruit and headed out for my morning. We expected snow overnight, but somehow we were spared the brunt of the storm. No complaints here. I'm ready for warmer weather!
Today was going to be stressful. I knew that going in. My stress level lately inspired me to write yesterday's post. And writing that one really helped me get through this day. I remember looking forward to Fridays...you know, when I was a kid---the weekends were the best. I'll get back to that excited Friday feeling someday. We're going to make it, and we're going to do it in fine form and fashion. I'm seriously proud of the breakthroughs I've discovered for myself along this road. And trust me...remaining true to myself and keeping this ship upright even during the nastiest of stressful storms, that's huge.
In reading the post from Day 165, February 26th, 2009, I was reminded of how disgusted I get when I see advertising for “miracle” weight loss products. I'm so happy that I ended those crazy ads on this blog a long time ago. Well, I did...a year ago to be exact. From Day 165:
If you have read the “global” version (same content as the Myspace blog at myspace.com/comedyboy) of this blog in the past, then you might remember seeing Google Ads along the left-hand side of the screen. I originally accepted these advertisers as a way to earn extra income from my blog. But I've learned a lesson in the process. You see, Google would automatically scan my blog and then place ads that somewhat related to my topic. Since my topic is always losing weight and getting healthy, of course they placed ads about a variety of products. The revenue generated was based on per click and per order numbers. It never really added up to too much, but tonight I proudly tell you that I recently told Google to keep that money and go away! My reputation and integrity is worth more than random checks in the mail from Google, no matter the amount. If you ever noticed these, most of them were advertising crazy products with claims like “Lose 18 Pounds in 4 Days!” or “How I Lost 45 Pounds In Three Weeks-order Now,” or “Oprah Approved Product Will Melt Your Fat Away.” For one thing, Oprah doesn't endorse, let alone approve the Acai Berry product---it says that on her website. And neither do I. Nor do I endorse losing 18 pounds in 4 days, or 45 pounds in 3 weeks...or any product that makes such claims. I sincerely hope that none of my readers bought this junk. It feels so good to be free from the spying eyes of Google Ads. I couldn't say what I just typed, had I still been using Google Ads. They would have been upset! It says so in the contract. Any derogatory comments about the products or services advertised is grounds for immediate termination of my Google Ads account. Now that I think about it, I should have tested how closely they monitored my blog by exposing the outright scandalous rip-offs as they popped up. Might have been fun to see how long it would take them to dump me. They're gone, and I no longer have to cringe every time I open the page and see “I Lost 9 pounds in 5 minutes...” OK, I made that one up. I think the claim was in 1 day actually. The people that buy this kind of advertising do it for one reason, to take advantage of people with desperate emotions, who are looking for anything that works and are willing to spend whatever it takes to get it done. I'm ashamed they ever appeared on this blog in the first place. Lesson learned: You can't put a price on your integrity, never, ever, ever!
I stopped posting a mirrored version of this blog on myspace around day 370 something. I very rarely even check the myspace account. I haven't logged in there for a very long time. I do however enjoy facebook. So feel free to look me up: Sean Anderson, on facebook---friend me, and I'll accept! About that excerpt from Day 165: I hope Google doesn't get offended and shut me down! They wouldn't do that, would they? I mean---maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on Google, after all---they're providing me this blog space at no charge, when at this point---I would pay to keep it if I was told I hadn't a choice.
After a short nap, then a workout---I was ready for my evening out with friends. Once again, I was the designated driver. I'm really starting to evaluate how I spend my time and how productive I'm making that time. I honestly could use some adjustments in this area. I have big plans, big dreams, huge goals...and these are things that need more of my attention. I'm not saying I'm going to stop going out with friends, but I may need to seriously cut back. I know what I want—and I know that the commitment needed for those lofty goals requires a new level of diligence.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This before picture is one of my favorites. Snapped at Amber's High School graduation, we were all bigger—I was well over 500 pounds. And shortly after this picture was taken---we hurried home to a party that included a multi level white coconut cake that I assembled with help from Pepperidge Farms. I used like five of those cakes and towered them on top of one another. I wish we had a picture of that giant cake.
One of my favorite “In-Progress” shots. Snapped several months ago with Irene in the kitchen of our old house.
My favorite “current in-progress” picture. With my oldest.
This video was from exactly one year ago today. I can't get over how big my face was—just 120 something pounds ago...wow. After writing about the “brow-bird,” my dad left this humorous comment from his home in Alabama: The uni-brow is a family trait, I am proud of mine. It was passed down from my moms side of the family. Her mom had one, and so on. I think I got my mustache from my grandma too. your dad Veyon. A good sense of humor is also a family trait!
Kamis, 25 Februari 2010
Day 529 I Always Thought It Was My Biggest Obstacle
Day 529
I Always Thought It Was My Biggest Obstacle
I always handled stress by eating. It never improved the stressful situation, but for the amount of time it took me to devour that bag of fast food, I was in another world. Food was a temporary escape, a distraction from reality, it was medication. How I handled stress by eating was my biggest fear along this road. I didn't look at it like it was a choice, I was convinced it was fact: If I'm stressed, I'm going to eat...a lot. I spent years and years over 500 pounds because of this stress eating acceptance. I always told myself and my family, “as soon as I can get rid of some of this stress, I'll be able to do it, I'll lose this weight once and for all.” And then I would dream.
Not about finally losing the weight, I would dream about this magical stress-free life that would someday set me free, enabling me to finally lose weight. Well let me tell you my friend, the stress never went away. In fact, in many ways it's increased over the last 529 days. Stress is a part of life. It comes in many forms. Some are very real pressures, some we create in our head, but it doesn't matter---real or not, stress is something we all have in one form or another. And everyone handles their stress the best way they know how, even if they know it's not really the best way.
On September 14th, 2008, I thought about this problem all day. I was extremely stressed, but I knew I had to somehow grab control regardless of the stressful circumstances of our everyday lives. The next day was my day 1, and in many ways I felt like this was my last chance. It was do or die, or at least—do or lose everything important to me, be miserable for a few more years, and then die. I was scared, very scared---and I knew that if I was going to be successful at losing weight, I had to fight hard against my biggest nemesis of all time: Me.
I usually read a post from exactly a year ago everyday. Not today. I went all the way back to Day 8, just a week into this journey---when stress was hitting me hard and I was fighting with everything to stay in control:
Staying focused is sometimes a very difficult thing to do. Most of us know what our triggers are. Triggers are situations and circumstances that put us at our weakest point in terms of staying on track. My trigger is stress. Any and all stress. Job stress, financial stress, family stress. It all adds up to a big mess of stress. And I'm sure you've heard people say...”I'm an emotional eater”...aren't most of us? I'm not just an emotional eater, I'm also a celebratory eater and a spur of the moment craving eater, I'm a “ah, the heck with it, give me the double decker with extra cheese and bacon” eater. Identifying your triggers is important. What makes me feel the urge to eat a couple thousand calories in double cheeseburgers and ice cream? Stress. I identified this trigger several years ago. And for the longest time I've used that as an excuse not to get busy with this mission. “I'm just too stressed out to get started right now”...Or, after a successful couple of days, totally going nuts on a half gallon of tin roof sundae, then thinking...”I can't do this right now because things are just too stressful. So recently I had to ask myself: If I'm waiting to have a stress free life before I start losing this weight, will I ever start? The answer was no. We all have stress in some form. Stress is part of daily life for most people. Stress can be so many different things. So I realized that if I were waiting for my world to be completely perfect and stress free, then I would never, ever, ever start this. We have to adjust our strategy in the face of our triggers. We have to stop long enough to ask ourselves, will eating this really improve my situation? What can I do besides over-eat that will help me deal with this issue? I've turned to food for comfort for so long, that I know how incredibly difficult this can be. My smart and beautiful wife mentioned taking one day at a time in a comment she left on yesterdays blog, and you know what? She's so right. One day at a time I deal with cravings, one day at a time I deal with triggers, one day at a time I succeed. Eventually all of those “one day at a times” will add up to an amazing result.
I've talked about this tonight, because I've faced some pretty big triggers today. It was a very stressful Monday. The most stressful day out of the eight days so far. And you know what? I won. I identified the triggers, I knew I was staring them down, and I didn't blink. The right mindset can be a very tough opponent for stressful triggers. I keep remembering my motivating thoughts. It's always good to keep those motivators handy just in case you need them. I've stayed within my calorie allotment, I'm getting ready to work out, and tonight I will go to bed knowing that despite my challenges and stress today, I made it one more day. One day at a time! And seven more “one day at a times” and I get to weigh!! I can't wait!
One day at a time. That's it. I just have to survive this one day. But how? I rely heavily on my motivating thoughts. These thoughts and dreams of the future that hold so much promise. And I fight to defend the integrity of this mission. Identifying the excuses and rationalizations that always signified surrender was a big step toward victory. The self-honesty factor had to be extremely strong, unbreakable and brutally honest. I had to make an iron-clad decision that no stressful trigger, no circumstance, no emotion, person, place, or thing...nothing was going to steal this away from me. I wasn't going to steal this away from me. That iron-clad decision had to made over and over again with each new threat. This decision to not allow anything to stand in the way---it was fueled by setting an importance level so high---that success was the only option. Success or death. No room to fail...this was it. It had to be THAT important. And it was and it is to this day.
If you haven't already guessed, today has been a very stressful day. Tomorrow looks to be even more stressful. I'm going to make it through just fine, but believe me---I'll do it by tapping into the basic fundamentals that I had to hold onto from Day 1. The same thing that got me through Day 8, will get me to the other side today. This mission is too important. My iron-clad decision cannot be broken. My motivating thoughts are bigger and better than ever. My dream is alive and I will protect it with everything I have inside.
Wow---OK, that was heavy. But I needed that. I needed to write those words. I needed to remind myself that we're going to be OK---and we're making it. One day at a time---and sometimes, one hour at a time. But we're gonna get there by golly. And when the head hits the pillow tonight, we'll close our eyes on another successful day.
I had another weight machine orientation at the YMCA today. I had one of these well over a year ago. Back then, I couldn't fit on every machine. Fitting wasn't an issue today, that was so nice! The upper body machines along the east wall face a mirror. The entire wall is a mirror. I always hated that wall. I don't hate it so much anymore. I can remember sitting on a machine and looking at myself and thinking is that really what I look like? I was so much bigger than I perceived, and the mirror was always brutally honest--no wonder why I always tried to avoid that bitter reality check. Maybe if I didn't look, the truth wouldn't exist. It's amazing how much time I spent avoiding and denying the seriousness of my obesity.
Today, I climbed into those machines, fitting perfectly--like a normal person, and I asked myself the very same question, but for a very different reason... Is that really what I look like? The trainer at the Y couldn't tell, but I was welling up inside because that mirror was so nice to me today. I'm excited about making these machines a huge part of my workout plans. I love the way they expertly isolate the targeted muscle. I only had one embarrassing moment during this orientation, and that's when I was unable to do an assisted pull-up. There I was, hanging on with my shirt riding up and my stretch marks shining---desperately trying to lift my body to the bar. That's OK---I'll get it, and someday it will be done without the "assisted" part.
After my orientation and workout, I headed home with thoughts of dinner and what to fix. Once again it was just me. I had some options, but I took the easy way out and picked up a Subway sandwich. I passed on the cheese too! That's just not like me. I regularly say "just half the cheese," but today it was "no cheese." I wanted my sandwich to be 300 calories---so the cheese had to go. It was just a calorie value decision. I enjoyed a banana with a teaspoon of peanut butter for desert. It was a very nice 450 calorie dinner.
Courtney made it home later tonight, and she's planning on spending a bunch of time with me this weekend. We've had these plans lately and they always seem to get changed for one reason or another. I think we'll keep them this weekend. I'm looking forward to spending time with that girl!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I Always Thought It Was My Biggest Obstacle
I always handled stress by eating. It never improved the stressful situation, but for the amount of time it took me to devour that bag of fast food, I was in another world. Food was a temporary escape, a distraction from reality, it was medication. How I handled stress by eating was my biggest fear along this road. I didn't look at it like it was a choice, I was convinced it was fact: If I'm stressed, I'm going to eat...a lot. I spent years and years over 500 pounds because of this stress eating acceptance. I always told myself and my family, “as soon as I can get rid of some of this stress, I'll be able to do it, I'll lose this weight once and for all.” And then I would dream.
Not about finally losing the weight, I would dream about this magical stress-free life that would someday set me free, enabling me to finally lose weight. Well let me tell you my friend, the stress never went away. In fact, in many ways it's increased over the last 529 days. Stress is a part of life. It comes in many forms. Some are very real pressures, some we create in our head, but it doesn't matter---real or not, stress is something we all have in one form or another. And everyone handles their stress the best way they know how, even if they know it's not really the best way.
On September 14th, 2008, I thought about this problem all day. I was extremely stressed, but I knew I had to somehow grab control regardless of the stressful circumstances of our everyday lives. The next day was my day 1, and in many ways I felt like this was my last chance. It was do or die, or at least—do or lose everything important to me, be miserable for a few more years, and then die. I was scared, very scared---and I knew that if I was going to be successful at losing weight, I had to fight hard against my biggest nemesis of all time: Me.
I usually read a post from exactly a year ago everyday. Not today. I went all the way back to Day 8, just a week into this journey---when stress was hitting me hard and I was fighting with everything to stay in control:
Staying focused is sometimes a very difficult thing to do. Most of us know what our triggers are. Triggers are situations and circumstances that put us at our weakest point in terms of staying on track. My trigger is stress. Any and all stress. Job stress, financial stress, family stress. It all adds up to a big mess of stress. And I'm sure you've heard people say...”I'm an emotional eater”...aren't most of us? I'm not just an emotional eater, I'm also a celebratory eater and a spur of the moment craving eater, I'm a “ah, the heck with it, give me the double decker with extra cheese and bacon” eater. Identifying your triggers is important. What makes me feel the urge to eat a couple thousand calories in double cheeseburgers and ice cream? Stress. I identified this trigger several years ago. And for the longest time I've used that as an excuse not to get busy with this mission. “I'm just too stressed out to get started right now”...Or, after a successful couple of days, totally going nuts on a half gallon of tin roof sundae, then thinking...”I can't do this right now because things are just too stressful. So recently I had to ask myself: If I'm waiting to have a stress free life before I start losing this weight, will I ever start? The answer was no. We all have stress in some form. Stress is part of daily life for most people. Stress can be so many different things. So I realized that if I were waiting for my world to be completely perfect and stress free, then I would never, ever, ever start this. We have to adjust our strategy in the face of our triggers. We have to stop long enough to ask ourselves, will eating this really improve my situation? What can I do besides over-eat that will help me deal with this issue? I've turned to food for comfort for so long, that I know how incredibly difficult this can be. My smart and beautiful wife mentioned taking one day at a time in a comment she left on yesterdays blog, and you know what? She's so right. One day at a time I deal with cravings, one day at a time I deal with triggers, one day at a time I succeed. Eventually all of those “one day at a times” will add up to an amazing result.
I've talked about this tonight, because I've faced some pretty big triggers today. It was a very stressful Monday. The most stressful day out of the eight days so far. And you know what? I won. I identified the triggers, I knew I was staring them down, and I didn't blink. The right mindset can be a very tough opponent for stressful triggers. I keep remembering my motivating thoughts. It's always good to keep those motivators handy just in case you need them. I've stayed within my calorie allotment, I'm getting ready to work out, and tonight I will go to bed knowing that despite my challenges and stress today, I made it one more day. One day at a time! And seven more “one day at a times” and I get to weigh!! I can't wait!
One day at a time. That's it. I just have to survive this one day. But how? I rely heavily on my motivating thoughts. These thoughts and dreams of the future that hold so much promise. And I fight to defend the integrity of this mission. Identifying the excuses and rationalizations that always signified surrender was a big step toward victory. The self-honesty factor had to be extremely strong, unbreakable and brutally honest. I had to make an iron-clad decision that no stressful trigger, no circumstance, no emotion, person, place, or thing...nothing was going to steal this away from me. I wasn't going to steal this away from me. That iron-clad decision had to made over and over again with each new threat. This decision to not allow anything to stand in the way---it was fueled by setting an importance level so high---that success was the only option. Success or death. No room to fail...this was it. It had to be THAT important. And it was and it is to this day.
If you haven't already guessed, today has been a very stressful day. Tomorrow looks to be even more stressful. I'm going to make it through just fine, but believe me---I'll do it by tapping into the basic fundamentals that I had to hold onto from Day 1. The same thing that got me through Day 8, will get me to the other side today. This mission is too important. My iron-clad decision cannot be broken. My motivating thoughts are bigger and better than ever. My dream is alive and I will protect it with everything I have inside.
Wow---OK, that was heavy. But I needed that. I needed to write those words. I needed to remind myself that we're going to be OK---and we're making it. One day at a time---and sometimes, one hour at a time. But we're gonna get there by golly. And when the head hits the pillow tonight, we'll close our eyes on another successful day.
I had another weight machine orientation at the YMCA today. I had one of these well over a year ago. Back then, I couldn't fit on every machine. Fitting wasn't an issue today, that was so nice! The upper body machines along the east wall face a mirror. The entire wall is a mirror. I always hated that wall. I don't hate it so much anymore. I can remember sitting on a machine and looking at myself and thinking is that really what I look like? I was so much bigger than I perceived, and the mirror was always brutally honest--no wonder why I always tried to avoid that bitter reality check. Maybe if I didn't look, the truth wouldn't exist. It's amazing how much time I spent avoiding and denying the seriousness of my obesity.
Today, I climbed into those machines, fitting perfectly--like a normal person, and I asked myself the very same question, but for a very different reason... Is that really what I look like? The trainer at the Y couldn't tell, but I was welling up inside because that mirror was so nice to me today. I'm excited about making these machines a huge part of my workout plans. I love the way they expertly isolate the targeted muscle. I only had one embarrassing moment during this orientation, and that's when I was unable to do an assisted pull-up. There I was, hanging on with my shirt riding up and my stretch marks shining---desperately trying to lift my body to the bar. That's OK---I'll get it, and someday it will be done without the "assisted" part.
After my orientation and workout, I headed home with thoughts of dinner and what to fix. Once again it was just me. I had some options, but I took the easy way out and picked up a Subway sandwich. I passed on the cheese too! That's just not like me. I regularly say "just half the cheese," but today it was "no cheese." I wanted my sandwich to be 300 calories---so the cheese had to go. It was just a calorie value decision. I enjoyed a banana with a teaspoon of peanut butter for desert. It was a very nice 450 calorie dinner.
Courtney made it home later tonight, and she's planning on spending a bunch of time with me this weekend. We've had these plans lately and they always seem to get changed for one reason or another. I think we'll keep them this weekend. I'm looking forward to spending time with that girl!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tracking Thursday AND following the rules
Yesterday I ate healthy all day and tracked every bite. I wasn't paying much attention to how many points I was accumulating because my meals were what I normally eat, so I was sure it was all good.
When I got home I logged on to the online tracker to see how many Points I had left for dinner. I was shocked to see I'd already eaten 21.5 Points for my breakfast, lunch and two snacks. My max is 21 with some weeklies, depending on how hungry I am. I couldn't believe I'd eaten all my Points. I went back over every item, but it was all correct.
I evaluated what I'd eaten all day and realized I'd been adding in a few little things here and there that really added up. They seemed harmless at the time, but they're why I haven't been losing weight (and slowly gaining).
Sugar-free creamer in my coffee when I use to always drink it black. Hummus with my raw vegetables when I always ate my afternoon snack of raw vegetables plain. A few extra pieces of fruit, when I was limiting fruit to a maximum of three a day. Cutting back my vegetables from five servings a day to two or three. I wasn't drinking my non-fat milk or eating my healthy oil.
The bottom line: I haven't really been following the Weight Watcher plan. I've been squandering my Points.
Just like I budget money to pay the mortgage, the car payment and the utility bills, I need to budget to make sure I get in my healthy oil and dairy. If I have to cut out the hummus so I can have a cup of milk and a yogurt, it's what I have to do.
Today I'm focusing on tracking, but also following the healthy eating guidelines. I know that's one of the keys to successfully losing weight. I've accepted exercise as part of my life. Now I need to follow through on the healthy eating and limiting my food.
When I saw I'd already eaten 21.5 Points by 6pm I considered skipping dinner, instead I had dinner and some fruit. It was about 8 Points, but I thought that was better than starving.
Today will be better, I promise. Tracking and following the rules.
When I got home I logged on to the online tracker to see how many Points I had left for dinner. I was shocked to see I'd already eaten 21.5 Points for my breakfast, lunch and two snacks. My max is 21 with some weeklies, depending on how hungry I am. I couldn't believe I'd eaten all my Points. I went back over every item, but it was all correct.
I evaluated what I'd eaten all day and realized I'd been adding in a few little things here and there that really added up. They seemed harmless at the time, but they're why I haven't been losing weight (and slowly gaining).
Sugar-free creamer in my coffee when I use to always drink it black. Hummus with my raw vegetables when I always ate my afternoon snack of raw vegetables plain. A few extra pieces of fruit, when I was limiting fruit to a maximum of three a day. Cutting back my vegetables from five servings a day to two or three. I wasn't drinking my non-fat milk or eating my healthy oil.
The bottom line: I haven't really been following the Weight Watcher plan. I've been squandering my Points.
Just like I budget money to pay the mortgage, the car payment and the utility bills, I need to budget to make sure I get in my healthy oil and dairy. If I have to cut out the hummus so I can have a cup of milk and a yogurt, it's what I have to do.
Today I'm focusing on tracking, but also following the healthy eating guidelines. I know that's one of the keys to successfully losing weight. I've accepted exercise as part of my life. Now I need to follow through on the healthy eating and limiting my food.
When I saw I'd already eaten 21.5 Points by 6pm I considered skipping dinner, instead I had dinner and some fruit. It was about 8 Points, but I thought that was better than starving.
Today will be better, I promise. Tracking and following the rules.
Rabu, 24 Februari 2010
Day 528 The Pursuit of What Works---Have You Checked Your Pockets?
Day 528
The Pursuit of What Works---Have You Checked Your Pockets?
I had an interesting conversation this morning with a woman desperate to lose weight. She told me that she’s tried everything under the sun to do it without any measurable success. A friend of hers told her about me and this blog, and since she’s local to my area---it was easy for her to reach me. After a long conversation about self-honesty and the “Calorie Bank and Trust” and the “Steel Curtain Zone,” I finally just referred her to the blog, asking her to please read from Day 1. It’s hard to explain in a quick conversation, but make no mistake---it’s not really complicated, unless you make it that way. I read the post from a year ago later in the day and I thought of her again. The first part of that post from February 24th, 2009 was all about the pursuit of anything that “works.” From Day 163:
I searched for years, well, not really actively searching everyday, but curious always at least, wondering what really works? I was conditioned by our culture and society from an early age to believe in order to lose weight, you had to have a plan. Not your own sensible plan, because that would be too simple and free, and we know that if it's free it can't work, no, no, no...we gotta pay to lose weight if we expect results. We need someone else's plan! A plan or product someone else designed and now charges large amounts of money for. Now if this plan is all about learning portion control, self-analysis, and exercising, then great...sounds good, but kinda boring...and boring doesn't sell. I want amazing success claims! I want you to tell me that I can basically sleep and gorge all day long and still lose weight. I always thought that the secret must be in a product or system somewhere on a store shelf near me. When I would run into someone who had lost weight, my first question was always: “How did you do it?” This is often the first question that comes to mind for anyone. I always wanted to hear about a miraculous new product that would magically melt away my fat in the middle of the night while I slept regardless of my food intake or lack of exercise. As crazy as that idea sounds, that's exactly the message I've watched before on an infomercial in the middle of the night. Perhaps you've watched the same one. Did you notice the fine print too? “Product to be used in conjunction with a regular diet and exercise regimen.” Really? I have to make an effort? Then why would I want to take these again? Do they even contain anything other than a placebo and a slick marketing campaign that targets the desperate and dangerously overweight at 2am? But for years I had an open mind and a willing ear to listen to anyone that had any information on what worked. As long as that solution didn't involve certain things, like personal responsibility, educating myself on portion control, understanding, analyzing, and reconstructing my behaviors and please don't say exercise! Noooo! I can't move! What? You want me to kill myself? Listen, I understand the hopeless feelings that consume grotesquely obese people. I've been one for years.
The dream is a miracle cure, that never comes along. Oh sure, people lose weight on all kinds of products and systems. I'm not saying you can't lose weight on some of these things. People do everyday, but it's like spending money on cleaning up the mess from a broken sewer line, but not fixing the broken sewer line. Sorry, that's a gross but effective example...but you see what I mean, right? That's why so many people gain back everything they lost and more! They cleaned up the mess caused by the real problem, but they didn't address the real problem. When they repeat the process over and over they call it...”Yo-Yo Dieting.” I've always heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...that's yo-yo dieting! What has driven me to get down to the honest bare truth behind my lifelong battle with obesity? I don't have time to yo-yo any-mo-mo.
That was kind of lame, but it made me laugh, so I'm good. I'm learning everyday about food and how to properly handle it, I'm learning about exercise and how to properly do it, and most importantly, I'm learning about me on a level I didn't know existed. For the first time in my life I'm finally finding what I was looking for, and the strangest thing is, it was inside me all along, but I wasn't looking there. It's like searching for your lost car keys for 30 years, then one day finding them in your pocket where they've always been.
I prepared the most wonderful egg white omelet this morning. I filled it up with mushrooms and an ounce of mozzarella (oh how I love my cheese!)---Then I poured on some tomato sauce. I folded over what I call the Pizza Omelet! It was 200 calories of cheesy-saucy-goodness. I loved it! I enjoy my food more these days. That might sound strange, but really, it’s true. I eat slower---I appreciate the flavor---I’m often proud of the calorie value…eating is a new experience. Before, I was just stuffing it in my mouth---it tasted good and I wanted more, and my friends would say “wow, you’re really eating fast!” I don’t hear that anymore. And it’s not something I decided to do, it’s something that has just happened naturally as I navigate my daily calorie budget and the choices that make up that calorie allotment.
My evening consisted of playing in a poker tournament with a buddy of mine. I enjoy an occasional live poker tournament, I do. The arrangement was a simple one. I drive so they can drink and they buy me into the tournament. Everyone is good with that---and it’s a fun time. I ran into a couple of people at the poker tournament that I haven’t been around in well over a year. The stunned looks I get are priceless and they usually come after I approach them. If I don’t say something to them, they’ll usually just walk on by like I’m a stranger. It’s a strange feeling really. It’s good, don’t get me wrong---but it’s strange. It’s like I’m disguised as a normal person. And normal isn’t what most old acquaintances expect when they see me. I didn’t cash in the poker tournament tonight, but my buddy did. Oh, I still won tonight---Yes indeed…I win every time I have experiences like this. I always dreamed of having these experiences, long before I finally put some action into making those dreams come true. And just when I thought these “wow” reactions were over for the night, this happened:
I was going slightly over the speed limit on the way home when a trooper, cloaked in darkness, flipped his light bar on full blast and pulled me over. I haven’t had a ticket of any kind since 2003, but I have been given a few warnings over the last several years. The trooper that pulled me over tonight took me back to his vehicle and the first thing he asked was “How much weight have you lost?” And I answered: “Uh, 240 pounds…” How did he know? He quickly revealed the answer: “I pulled you over along this same stretch about a year ago and if I hadn’t recognized your voice, I wouldn’t have known it was you!” “You look incredible man, congratulations!” “When I pulled you over last, I listed your weight as 392, what is it now?” I proudly told him 265 followed by my sincere regret and apology for going seven over the posted limit. He told me that he was just writing a warning, no need to worry. That was another very cool experience.
I share these experiences because, well---it was part of this day, but mainly because if you’re on this road too---I want to give you a glimpse of what’s ahead for you. You’re going to succeed and you’re going to experience these kinds of situations. You might be like I was for years; only dreaming about it, but it is going to happen for you now…and I can’t wait for you to feel this. I wish I could touch you and transfer the feeling magically, but you just have to get here to feel this. You can do it. I know you can.
I arrived home with a few hundred calories left in the budget. I quickly prepared a Flat-Out flat bread chicken and mushroom wrap with mozzarella and feta. I skipped the tomato sauce, just rolling it up instead like a burrito. It was so good! I consumed a bottle of water and all of a sudden I felt incredibly full. Bloated is a better word to describe what I felt. I was bloated, completely. But---I was just under budget and ready to call it a night.
Thank you for reading and offering your support and thoughts. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
The Pursuit of What Works---Have You Checked Your Pockets?
I had an interesting conversation this morning with a woman desperate to lose weight. She told me that she’s tried everything under the sun to do it without any measurable success. A friend of hers told her about me and this blog, and since she’s local to my area---it was easy for her to reach me. After a long conversation about self-honesty and the “Calorie Bank and Trust” and the “Steel Curtain Zone,” I finally just referred her to the blog, asking her to please read from Day 1. It’s hard to explain in a quick conversation, but make no mistake---it’s not really complicated, unless you make it that way. I read the post from a year ago later in the day and I thought of her again. The first part of that post from February 24th, 2009 was all about the pursuit of anything that “works.” From Day 163:
I searched for years, well, not really actively searching everyday, but curious always at least, wondering what really works? I was conditioned by our culture and society from an early age to believe in order to lose weight, you had to have a plan. Not your own sensible plan, because that would be too simple and free, and we know that if it's free it can't work, no, no, no...we gotta pay to lose weight if we expect results. We need someone else's plan! A plan or product someone else designed and now charges large amounts of money for. Now if this plan is all about learning portion control, self-analysis, and exercising, then great...sounds good, but kinda boring...and boring doesn't sell. I want amazing success claims! I want you to tell me that I can basically sleep and gorge all day long and still lose weight. I always thought that the secret must be in a product or system somewhere on a store shelf near me. When I would run into someone who had lost weight, my first question was always: “How did you do it?” This is often the first question that comes to mind for anyone. I always wanted to hear about a miraculous new product that would magically melt away my fat in the middle of the night while I slept regardless of my food intake or lack of exercise. As crazy as that idea sounds, that's exactly the message I've watched before on an infomercial in the middle of the night. Perhaps you've watched the same one. Did you notice the fine print too? “Product to be used in conjunction with a regular diet and exercise regimen.” Really? I have to make an effort? Then why would I want to take these again? Do they even contain anything other than a placebo and a slick marketing campaign that targets the desperate and dangerously overweight at 2am? But for years I had an open mind and a willing ear to listen to anyone that had any information on what worked. As long as that solution didn't involve certain things, like personal responsibility, educating myself on portion control, understanding, analyzing, and reconstructing my behaviors and please don't say exercise! Noooo! I can't move! What? You want me to kill myself? Listen, I understand the hopeless feelings that consume grotesquely obese people. I've been one for years.
The dream is a miracle cure, that never comes along. Oh sure, people lose weight on all kinds of products and systems. I'm not saying you can't lose weight on some of these things. People do everyday, but it's like spending money on cleaning up the mess from a broken sewer line, but not fixing the broken sewer line. Sorry, that's a gross but effective example...but you see what I mean, right? That's why so many people gain back everything they lost and more! They cleaned up the mess caused by the real problem, but they didn't address the real problem. When they repeat the process over and over they call it...”Yo-Yo Dieting.” I've always heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...that's yo-yo dieting! What has driven me to get down to the honest bare truth behind my lifelong battle with obesity? I don't have time to yo-yo any-mo-mo.
That was kind of lame, but it made me laugh, so I'm good. I'm learning everyday about food and how to properly handle it, I'm learning about exercise and how to properly do it, and most importantly, I'm learning about me on a level I didn't know existed. For the first time in my life I'm finally finding what I was looking for, and the strangest thing is, it was inside me all along, but I wasn't looking there. It's like searching for your lost car keys for 30 years, then one day finding them in your pocket where they've always been.
I prepared the most wonderful egg white omelet this morning. I filled it up with mushrooms and an ounce of mozzarella (oh how I love my cheese!)---Then I poured on some tomato sauce. I folded over what I call the Pizza Omelet! It was 200 calories of cheesy-saucy-goodness. I loved it! I enjoy my food more these days. That might sound strange, but really, it’s true. I eat slower---I appreciate the flavor---I’m often proud of the calorie value…eating is a new experience. Before, I was just stuffing it in my mouth---it tasted good and I wanted more, and my friends would say “wow, you’re really eating fast!” I don’t hear that anymore. And it’s not something I decided to do, it’s something that has just happened naturally as I navigate my daily calorie budget and the choices that make up that calorie allotment.
My evening consisted of playing in a poker tournament with a buddy of mine. I enjoy an occasional live poker tournament, I do. The arrangement was a simple one. I drive so they can drink and they buy me into the tournament. Everyone is good with that---and it’s a fun time. I ran into a couple of people at the poker tournament that I haven’t been around in well over a year. The stunned looks I get are priceless and they usually come after I approach them. If I don’t say something to them, they’ll usually just walk on by like I’m a stranger. It’s a strange feeling really. It’s good, don’t get me wrong---but it’s strange. It’s like I’m disguised as a normal person. And normal isn’t what most old acquaintances expect when they see me. I didn’t cash in the poker tournament tonight, but my buddy did. Oh, I still won tonight---Yes indeed…I win every time I have experiences like this. I always dreamed of having these experiences, long before I finally put some action into making those dreams come true. And just when I thought these “wow” reactions were over for the night, this happened:
I was going slightly over the speed limit on the way home when a trooper, cloaked in darkness, flipped his light bar on full blast and pulled me over. I haven’t had a ticket of any kind since 2003, but I have been given a few warnings over the last several years. The trooper that pulled me over tonight took me back to his vehicle and the first thing he asked was “How much weight have you lost?” And I answered: “Uh, 240 pounds…” How did he know? He quickly revealed the answer: “I pulled you over along this same stretch about a year ago and if I hadn’t recognized your voice, I wouldn’t have known it was you!” “You look incredible man, congratulations!” “When I pulled you over last, I listed your weight as 392, what is it now?” I proudly told him 265 followed by my sincere regret and apology for going seven over the posted limit. He told me that he was just writing a warning, no need to worry. That was another very cool experience.
I share these experiences because, well---it was part of this day, but mainly because if you’re on this road too---I want to give you a glimpse of what’s ahead for you. You’re going to succeed and you’re going to experience these kinds of situations. You might be like I was for years; only dreaming about it, but it is going to happen for you now…and I can’t wait for you to feel this. I wish I could touch you and transfer the feeling magically, but you just have to get here to feel this. You can do it. I know you can.
I arrived home with a few hundred calories left in the budget. I quickly prepared a Flat-Out flat bread chicken and mushroom wrap with mozzarella and feta. I skipped the tomato sauce, just rolling it up instead like a burrito. It was so good! I consumed a bottle of water and all of a sudden I felt incredibly full. Bloated is a better word to describe what I felt. I was bloated, completely. But---I was just under budget and ready to call it a night.
Thank you for reading and offering your support and thoughts. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Tracking Wednesday
It's almost 1pm and I've tracked my breakfast and lunch, as well as my activity in the online tracker. This is a huge improvement over every day the past week.
During the past few months there's been a direct correlation between me not tracking my food and my weight slowly going up.
Every day I make up some silly excuse of why I can't do it, the best one is that I don't have time. I'm on the computer for work a good portion of the day. It took about two minutes.
The real reason I don't want to track my food is because I know I've been going over my allotted Points every day. That makes a failure in my book.
I've made a deal with myself. Just for today, and today only, I promise I will track every bite, AND I'll eat within my Points limit. Maybe I'll make every Wednesday "Tracking Wednesday", just to see if I can do it.
A couple pictures I found on my work computer. I may have shared these last summer, I'm not sure. They're from my visit to my sister in Fairbanks, Alaska in July, 2009.
During the past few months there's been a direct correlation between me not tracking my food and my weight slowly going up.
Every day I make up some silly excuse of why I can't do it, the best one is that I don't have time. I'm on the computer for work a good portion of the day. It took about two minutes.
The real reason I don't want to track my food is because I know I've been going over my allotted Points every day. That makes a failure in my book.
I've made a deal with myself. Just for today, and today only, I promise I will track every bite, AND I'll eat within my Points limit. Maybe I'll make every Wednesday "Tracking Wednesday", just to see if I can do it.
A couple pictures I found on my work computer. I may have shared these last summer, I'm not sure. They're from my visit to my sister in Fairbanks, Alaska in July, 2009.
The public restroom in Nenana, Alaska. I thought this was really pretty and very unique. It even had a flush toilet. :)
Me at Chena Hot Springs, near Fairbanks.
Another day one or this is NOT maintenance
KCSARC
Normally I post the night before, but yesterday was kind of a horrific day for me. One of my dearest friends and I ventured out on the new light rail from the airport to downtown Seattle to attend the King County Seaxual Assault Resource Center's fundraiser breakfast.
Although it was a kick to ride the light rail and catch up with each other, the intensity of the speakers at the breakfast was difficult. It's always like this for me when I attend their functions. They have guest speakers that were raped or sexually molested as children, some are still teenagers. One of my best friend's daughters was sexually molested when she was five. We sat at their table and as I always do, I cried when I listen to the stories (as did almost everyone, even the men were wiping their eyes).
KCSARC is an amazing group of people and if you live in the Seattle area and are looking for a great organization to donate some spare money to, this is the group. I've seen the results their counseling has had on a very scared and frightened five-year old that had the terrible experience of being sexually molested by a 21-year old neighbor. It would have been called rape but they have very odd definitions of rape. Penetration of one inch. I won't go into details, but it was beyond horrible what happened to her. She's now a vibrant, beautiful and well-adjusted 11-year old. KCSARC helped her get to where she is today.
It was still a hard day and even though I took a lot of pictures of Seattle on our ride, I didn't feel like posting them.
Not maintenance
I had an epiphany while on the StairMaster this morning (which by the way, we only have one and no ever uses it but me - so weird). Every day is day one, which we all agree is true. So I only have to get through today, not worry about tomorrow. One day at a time, literally. That's all I'm focusing on today. Track my food, eat within my Points. Just for today.
The other thing is that I seem to think I'm on maintenance. When I put on my size 12 dark gray dress slacks yesterday I felt like a sausage. They had a little stretch and by the time I got to the Westin they felt better, but still, I remember buying them about six months ago when my size 10's didn't fit and I had go up a size. They were baggy. I haven't tried them on for about three months because I gained another 10 pounds.
I've been holding steady at 176, as if that was the weight I wanted to maintain. It's NOT my goal weight, I shouldn't be in maintenance! It's time to buckle down and get serious.
Today is my day!
Normally I post the night before, but yesterday was kind of a horrific day for me. One of my dearest friends and I ventured out on the new light rail from the airport to downtown Seattle to attend the King County Seaxual Assault Resource Center's fundraiser breakfast.
Although it was a kick to ride the light rail and catch up with each other, the intensity of the speakers at the breakfast was difficult. It's always like this for me when I attend their functions. They have guest speakers that were raped or sexually molested as children, some are still teenagers. One of my best friend's daughters was sexually molested when she was five. We sat at their table and as I always do, I cried when I listen to the stories (as did almost everyone, even the men were wiping their eyes).
KCSARC is an amazing group of people and if you live in the Seattle area and are looking for a great organization to donate some spare money to, this is the group. I've seen the results their counseling has had on a very scared and frightened five-year old that had the terrible experience of being sexually molested by a 21-year old neighbor. It would have been called rape but they have very odd definitions of rape. Penetration of one inch. I won't go into details, but it was beyond horrible what happened to her. She's now a vibrant, beautiful and well-adjusted 11-year old. KCSARC helped her get to where she is today.
It was still a hard day and even though I took a lot of pictures of Seattle on our ride, I didn't feel like posting them.
Not maintenance
I had an epiphany while on the StairMaster this morning (which by the way, we only have one and no ever uses it but me - so weird). Every day is day one, which we all agree is true. So I only have to get through today, not worry about tomorrow. One day at a time, literally. That's all I'm focusing on today. Track my food, eat within my Points. Just for today.
The other thing is that I seem to think I'm on maintenance. When I put on my size 12 dark gray dress slacks yesterday I felt like a sausage. They had a little stretch and by the time I got to the Westin they felt better, but still, I remember buying them about six months ago when my size 10's didn't fit and I had go up a size. They were baggy. I haven't tried them on for about three months because I gained another 10 pounds.
I've been holding steady at 176, as if that was the weight I wanted to maintain. It's NOT my goal weight, I shouldn't be in maintenance! It's time to buckle down and get serious.
Today is my day!
Selasa, 23 Februari 2010
Day 527 The Unexpected Tip and Almond Milk is Good
Day 527
The Unexpected Tip and Almond Milk is Good
My Tuesday was OK. I spent some time catching up at work after my little break, I spent some quality time reflecting and meditating, I grabbed a nap, and I had a great workout. I could just end this post right here. Goodnight and...
Ok—you know me, I'm not going to do that. I get asked all the time for tips on weight loss. One of the best tips I can give doesn't involve food or physical exercise, it involves writing. I found the following on Day 162 from exactly one year ago today. That post by the way, has an on the go video of me eating an ice cream cone. I looked so big in that video! I guess that was 120 pounds ago:
My goal of breaking my all time personal weight loss record was a sweet one to hit. Now I'm focused on powering right past it and never looking back. I broke it by four pounds last weigh day. Why is it so important for me to power past this mark? Because 115 lbs lost is where I tripped up in 2004, and then gained it all back plus five pounds. Of course this journey is nothing like that time. It really isn't. I wasn't learning anything along the way back then. I wasn't writing and discovering, I was simply going through the motions needed. I mentioned this not too many days ago. It just goes to show how important it is to really learn along the way. Really open up to a whole new outlook on food and exercise. The writing is so very important. You don't have to share your most personal thoughts and feelings with the world, but still write everyday about how you're feeling and what you're experiencing, even if you're the only one to read it. If you do, I promise it will not only give you daily strength to succeed, it'll make a profound effect on your long term success. If you're completely honest with yourself in your daily journal, then you'll learn all kinds of things along the way. It's knowledge that can help you keep the weight off forever! Thanks for reading my daily weight loss blog.
I still have some of the food that Ann purchased on our grocery trips. I'm discovering things that will become staples around here. Almond Breeze unsweetened almond milk is just incredible. I honestly thought I would hate it, but no---and at only 40 calories per cup, I think I just found a better replacement for coffee creamer! The Kashi Heart to Heart cereal is really good too, in fact it's what I had for breakfast this morning—along with an assortment of diced melon. I'm still very careful with cereal, I have to be, but I was satisfied after one serving this morning. Of course my cereal binge mechanism always worked best late at night in front of the TV. It helps when you have some place to be...in like 20 minutes!
My workout tonight was a date with the treadmill. I did a solid 5K. By “solid,” I mean---I actually worked hard during that 3.1 miles. I jogged in intervals and made the sweat run. I have to push myself during these, because seriously, at 265 pounds---I can walk a 5K without much sweat. A 5K isn't a good workout for me anymore unless I make it that way. I made it that way tonight. I was pleased.
I also messed a little with the machines, and I even set an appointment for another orientation—I need to learn those things in order to help my muscles develop enough to have proper form with the free weights. Really...I'm a big old mess in the weight room. Thank you Ann for the tips and suggestions!
It's hard to believe sometimes that I'm here. Day 527 seems like forever since Day 1. I feel good and confident. I realize that some of the hardest work along this road is directly ahead, and I'm prepared to get it done. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This video is from exactly one year ago today. I looked so big! I love this journey!!!
The Unexpected Tip and Almond Milk is Good
My Tuesday was OK. I spent some time catching up at work after my little break, I spent some quality time reflecting and meditating, I grabbed a nap, and I had a great workout. I could just end this post right here. Goodnight and...
Ok—you know me, I'm not going to do that. I get asked all the time for tips on weight loss. One of the best tips I can give doesn't involve food or physical exercise, it involves writing. I found the following on Day 162 from exactly one year ago today. That post by the way, has an on the go video of me eating an ice cream cone. I looked so big in that video! I guess that was 120 pounds ago:
My goal of breaking my all time personal weight loss record was a sweet one to hit. Now I'm focused on powering right past it and never looking back. I broke it by four pounds last weigh day. Why is it so important for me to power past this mark? Because 115 lbs lost is where I tripped up in 2004, and then gained it all back plus five pounds. Of course this journey is nothing like that time. It really isn't. I wasn't learning anything along the way back then. I wasn't writing and discovering, I was simply going through the motions needed. I mentioned this not too many days ago. It just goes to show how important it is to really learn along the way. Really open up to a whole new outlook on food and exercise. The writing is so very important. You don't have to share your most personal thoughts and feelings with the world, but still write everyday about how you're feeling and what you're experiencing, even if you're the only one to read it. If you do, I promise it will not only give you daily strength to succeed, it'll make a profound effect on your long term success. If you're completely honest with yourself in your daily journal, then you'll learn all kinds of things along the way. It's knowledge that can help you keep the weight off forever! Thanks for reading my daily weight loss blog.
I still have some of the food that Ann purchased on our grocery trips. I'm discovering things that will become staples around here. Almond Breeze unsweetened almond milk is just incredible. I honestly thought I would hate it, but no---and at only 40 calories per cup, I think I just found a better replacement for coffee creamer! The Kashi Heart to Heart cereal is really good too, in fact it's what I had for breakfast this morning—along with an assortment of diced melon. I'm still very careful with cereal, I have to be, but I was satisfied after one serving this morning. Of course my cereal binge mechanism always worked best late at night in front of the TV. It helps when you have some place to be...in like 20 minutes!
My workout tonight was a date with the treadmill. I did a solid 5K. By “solid,” I mean---I actually worked hard during that 3.1 miles. I jogged in intervals and made the sweat run. I have to push myself during these, because seriously, at 265 pounds---I can walk a 5K without much sweat. A 5K isn't a good workout for me anymore unless I make it that way. I made it that way tonight. I was pleased.
I also messed a little with the machines, and I even set an appointment for another orientation—I need to learn those things in order to help my muscles develop enough to have proper form with the free weights. Really...I'm a big old mess in the weight room. Thank you Ann for the tips and suggestions!
It's hard to believe sometimes that I'm here. Day 527 seems like forever since Day 1. I feel good and confident. I realize that some of the hardest work along this road is directly ahead, and I'm prepared to get it done. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This video is from exactly one year ago today. I looked so big! I love this journey!!!
Senin, 22 Februari 2010
Day 526 Understanding---I Want More and No More Hiding In Public
Day 526
Understanding—I Want More and No More Hiding In Public
Monday morning meant another meal in a restaurant before taking Ann to her plane bound for Boston. It was 3:30am when the alarm sounded and convenience was the deciding factor in our breakfast choice. You see, The International House of Pancakes, or IHOP, was right across the street from the hotel---it was easy. So was Cracker Barrel last night. That was way too easy and a little scary. More on our breakfast adventure in a moment, but first…
I have to talk about the Cracker Barrel situation from last night. I was completely shaken on the inside, horrified at my choices. Not because of what they were, but because of what they mean to me, and the possible effects they can manifest. It was so much bigger than a 270 calorie corn muffin, ½ a biscuit, and ½ an ice cream sundae. You see, I know too much to ever go back, I sincerely believe that. My brain will not allow me to accept the food behaviors that kept me close to and over 500 pounds for nearly two decades. But---what I did last night was loosen my grip on the fundamentals that have helped me shed 240 pounds in the last 526 days. I knew better and I did it anyway. You might say “Sean, seriously man---relax already…it’s ok, lesson learned…move on.” And I will, I am, but I must recognize and analyze what really happened in that Cracker Barrel---I must understand it to prevent it from becoming acceptable. Maybe I think too much, but maybe that’s exactly why I am where I am. I’m just a student really. I’m learning just like you. And I’m digging deep to learn the good stuff, the deep stuff that has puzzled so many for so long. I long for understanding. I’ve found a bunch of it, I want more. And I’ll get it.
Walking into that IHOP with complete confidence was very easy. There was no way I could or would allow a repeat of last night. I decided before we left the hotel: A couple of whole eggs and some toast, maybe some fruit. I was pleasantly surprised to find a wonderful new menu called IHOP for Me. It’s full of better choices and comes complete with entire meal calorie counts. It thrills me that many restaurants are moving in this direction. IHOP impressed me today, they did. I ordered a veggie omelet made with Egg Beaters and a side of fruit. I also enjoyed several bites of Ann’s harvest grain blueberry pancake. The meal was 360---and with coffee and the bites of the pancake, I was satisfied with a total breakfast count of 500 calories. That’s a little more than I usually have at breakfast, but it felt good and right. Bottom line? I was confident with my choices this morning.
I had a great time meeting and getting to know Ann over the last four days. I know that we’ll be friends for a good long time. The laughs we shared and the conversations we understood were worth it all. So many similarities and understanding are revealed when you share time and space with someone who has also experienced this kind of total transformation. The universal truths of food addiction, or addiction of any kind, and the personality traits that come from that addiction can be understood, untangled, and eventually liberating---or misunderstood, confusing, and forever imprisoning. I’m working toward the understanding and untangling part. Aren’t we all just trying to find freedom?
After taking Ann to the security checkpoint, it was time for me to head North for mom’s place. We planned on having coffee out and conversation before I headed home, and that’s exactly what we did. Mom is so wonderful. I’m truly blessed to have such a great mom. She’s always listening, always asking questions, but never judging and she's very trusting. I love her dearly. We couldn’t help but snap a picture this morning.
My afternoon wasn’t completely free of work. I had a broadcast to do from the new Verizon Store. The ribbon cutting ceremony was full of local dignitaries and it never fails…people come up to me in awe of my transformation. The manager of the store remembers me from a year ago---and she just couldn’t believe the difference. She just kept looking at me. Then, as we talked about the event, a customer popped in with “Sean, is that you?” It was a very nice lady that use to work at city hall, she remembers me at my heaviest---and in the very beginning of this journey. She was stunned by the difference to say the least. These type of “wow” reactions are incredibly intoxicating. And when I heard someone say that they couldn’t eat one of the mini-sandwiches available because “I’m on a diet,” I parlayed that into an opportunity to share this blog address. It was a good experience. It always is these days. I can remember years past when hiding in the remote vehicle, just hoping that I could do the entire broadcast without seeing too many people was the norm. Now I want to see people. I want to smile. I want to experience life again. It’s safe to say my work performance has improved because of the weight loss, absolutely.
I read a blog posting last evening by Zaa Baby. She wrote it a few days ago---and I’m telling you…I hope you read it too. She has a wonderful way of expressing the joy and wonderful emotions this road can deliver. I shed tears in reading her words---I felt every single one. I know you might experience the same thing. If you haven’t already---please, go there and read what she’s written. It’s beautiful. Just click this link: http://zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-289-nine-month-anniversary-and.html
I visited the studio tonight to talk with Courtney a little bit (she was working). She’s coming home to the apartment tomorrow night and staying a few days. That’s good, real good. I need some good quality time with Courtney like I had with Amber recently.
I drove back to the apartment and decided to do something in regards to a workout for today. I was extremely tired---but made sure I did some good strength training exercises before bed. I usually wait until I get up---but I needed it tonight, I did. I honestly needed a bigger and better workout---but that’s in the books for tomorrow. I was exhausted tonight. It was a very long day.
Thank you for reading. Pardon me for getting so serious and deep sometimes. I just can’t help it, I swear. Believe it or not---I really am smiling and laughing most of the time! Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Good job IHOP! Great idea.
My breakfast plate. The omelet looked more like a scrambled egg type thing, but it didn’t matter---It was really good.
Mom is the best, pure and simple…the best in so many ways.
Understanding—I Want More and No More Hiding In Public
Monday morning meant another meal in a restaurant before taking Ann to her plane bound for Boston. It was 3:30am when the alarm sounded and convenience was the deciding factor in our breakfast choice. You see, The International House of Pancakes, or IHOP, was right across the street from the hotel---it was easy. So was Cracker Barrel last night. That was way too easy and a little scary. More on our breakfast adventure in a moment, but first…
I have to talk about the Cracker Barrel situation from last night. I was completely shaken on the inside, horrified at my choices. Not because of what they were, but because of what they mean to me, and the possible effects they can manifest. It was so much bigger than a 270 calorie corn muffin, ½ a biscuit, and ½ an ice cream sundae. You see, I know too much to ever go back, I sincerely believe that. My brain will not allow me to accept the food behaviors that kept me close to and over 500 pounds for nearly two decades. But---what I did last night was loosen my grip on the fundamentals that have helped me shed 240 pounds in the last 526 days. I knew better and I did it anyway. You might say “Sean, seriously man---relax already…it’s ok, lesson learned…move on.” And I will, I am, but I must recognize and analyze what really happened in that Cracker Barrel---I must understand it to prevent it from becoming acceptable. Maybe I think too much, but maybe that’s exactly why I am where I am. I’m just a student really. I’m learning just like you. And I’m digging deep to learn the good stuff, the deep stuff that has puzzled so many for so long. I long for understanding. I’ve found a bunch of it, I want more. And I’ll get it.
Walking into that IHOP with complete confidence was very easy. There was no way I could or would allow a repeat of last night. I decided before we left the hotel: A couple of whole eggs and some toast, maybe some fruit. I was pleasantly surprised to find a wonderful new menu called IHOP for Me. It’s full of better choices and comes complete with entire meal calorie counts. It thrills me that many restaurants are moving in this direction. IHOP impressed me today, they did. I ordered a veggie omelet made with Egg Beaters and a side of fruit. I also enjoyed several bites of Ann’s harvest grain blueberry pancake. The meal was 360---and with coffee and the bites of the pancake, I was satisfied with a total breakfast count of 500 calories. That’s a little more than I usually have at breakfast, but it felt good and right. Bottom line? I was confident with my choices this morning.
I had a great time meeting and getting to know Ann over the last four days. I know that we’ll be friends for a good long time. The laughs we shared and the conversations we understood were worth it all. So many similarities and understanding are revealed when you share time and space with someone who has also experienced this kind of total transformation. The universal truths of food addiction, or addiction of any kind, and the personality traits that come from that addiction can be understood, untangled, and eventually liberating---or misunderstood, confusing, and forever imprisoning. I’m working toward the understanding and untangling part. Aren’t we all just trying to find freedom?
After taking Ann to the security checkpoint, it was time for me to head North for mom’s place. We planned on having coffee out and conversation before I headed home, and that’s exactly what we did. Mom is so wonderful. I’m truly blessed to have such a great mom. She’s always listening, always asking questions, but never judging and she's very trusting. I love her dearly. We couldn’t help but snap a picture this morning.
My afternoon wasn’t completely free of work. I had a broadcast to do from the new Verizon Store. The ribbon cutting ceremony was full of local dignitaries and it never fails…people come up to me in awe of my transformation. The manager of the store remembers me from a year ago---and she just couldn’t believe the difference. She just kept looking at me. Then, as we talked about the event, a customer popped in with “Sean, is that you?” It was a very nice lady that use to work at city hall, she remembers me at my heaviest---and in the very beginning of this journey. She was stunned by the difference to say the least. These type of “wow” reactions are incredibly intoxicating. And when I heard someone say that they couldn’t eat one of the mini-sandwiches available because “I’m on a diet,” I parlayed that into an opportunity to share this blog address. It was a good experience. It always is these days. I can remember years past when hiding in the remote vehicle, just hoping that I could do the entire broadcast without seeing too many people was the norm. Now I want to see people. I want to smile. I want to experience life again. It’s safe to say my work performance has improved because of the weight loss, absolutely.
I read a blog posting last evening by Zaa Baby. She wrote it a few days ago---and I’m telling you…I hope you read it too. She has a wonderful way of expressing the joy and wonderful emotions this road can deliver. I shed tears in reading her words---I felt every single one. I know you might experience the same thing. If you haven’t already---please, go there and read what she’s written. It’s beautiful. Just click this link: http://zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-289-nine-month-anniversary-and.html
I visited the studio tonight to talk with Courtney a little bit (she was working). She’s coming home to the apartment tomorrow night and staying a few days. That’s good, real good. I need some good quality time with Courtney like I had with Amber recently.
I drove back to the apartment and decided to do something in regards to a workout for today. I was extremely tired---but made sure I did some good strength training exercises before bed. I usually wait until I get up---but I needed it tonight, I did. I honestly needed a bigger and better workout---but that’s in the books for tomorrow. I was exhausted tonight. It was a very long day.
Thank you for reading. Pardon me for getting so serious and deep sometimes. I just can’t help it, I swear. Believe it or not---I really am smiling and laughing most of the time! Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Good job IHOP! Great idea.
My breakfast plate. The omelet looked more like a scrambled egg type thing, but it didn’t matter---It was really good.
Mom is the best, pure and simple…the best in so many ways.
Okay, maybe not stupid, just struggling
Maybe I'm not totally stupid, but I swear there's something deeply wrong with me. I'm sure I could benefit from therapy or drugs or maybe both, but I'm from the old school of I can fix this myself. So far though, I'm not being very successful.
The thing that makes me kind of nuts is how hard I work out at the gym, almost every day, then I turn right around and throw away all the hard work by overeating. To make matters worse, I eat crazy stuff. Like too many strawberries or blueberries. Or a couple bowls of oatmeal with walnuts (that was last night). It's healthy stuff, but too many calories.
Maybe someday I'll figure it out, but for now I'm continuing the struggle, some days are harder than others.
Tomorrow is going to be a killer day. I have to get up at 4am, be on the road by 5am and head up to catch the light rail from the airport up to Seattle and be at the Westin Inn by 7am for a fundraiser. I get roped into this thing every year and just can't seem to say no.
It's for the King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (KCSARC). It's a center that provides therapy for sexually abused children and their families. It's a great organization it depends a lot on the funds raised at the fund rasiers they have throughout the year.
I started going about six years ago when my girlfriend's daughter was five and was sexually molested by the next door neighbor's "uncle". It's a horrible story and caused a lot of trauma for the child and the family. They always go every year to the KCSARC fundraiser. The little girl is now 11 (or maybe 12) and she speaks in front of the group (1,000 people tomorrow) about her experience. It makes me cry every single time.
So even though it's for a very good cause, I don't want to go. For lots of reasons, hearing the tear jerker story again, feeling the little girl's pain as she tells what it was like to be forced to do something against her will when she was only five years old. I know I'll cry.
Then there's the traveling to downtown Seattle at 6am. Another girlfriend is going with me, so we're going to try to make it an adventure. Neither one of us has ever ridden the new light rail from Seatac airport to downtown. I feel like a country mouse going to the big city. I'm more a suburbia girl than a city girl.
Of course, I'll miss my early morning workout which makes me a little uncomfortable, but I'm dealing with it. I can miss working out on a normally scheduled day, and I won't die. Trying to roll with the punches here.
The thing that makes me kind of nuts is how hard I work out at the gym, almost every day, then I turn right around and throw away all the hard work by overeating. To make matters worse, I eat crazy stuff. Like too many strawberries or blueberries. Or a couple bowls of oatmeal with walnuts (that was last night). It's healthy stuff, but too many calories.
Maybe someday I'll figure it out, but for now I'm continuing the struggle, some days are harder than others.
Tomorrow is going to be a killer day. I have to get up at 4am, be on the road by 5am and head up to catch the light rail from the airport up to Seattle and be at the Westin Inn by 7am for a fundraiser. I get roped into this thing every year and just can't seem to say no.
It's for the King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (KCSARC). It's a center that provides therapy for sexually abused children and their families. It's a great organization it depends a lot on the funds raised at the fund rasiers they have throughout the year.
I started going about six years ago when my girlfriend's daughter was five and was sexually molested by the next door neighbor's "uncle". It's a horrible story and caused a lot of trauma for the child and the family. They always go every year to the KCSARC fundraiser. The little girl is now 11 (or maybe 12) and she speaks in front of the group (1,000 people tomorrow) about her experience. It makes me cry every single time.
So even though it's for a very good cause, I don't want to go. For lots of reasons, hearing the tear jerker story again, feeling the little girl's pain as she tells what it was like to be forced to do something against her will when she was only five years old. I know I'll cry.
Then there's the traveling to downtown Seattle at 6am. Another girlfriend is going with me, so we're going to try to make it an adventure. Neither one of us has ever ridden the new light rail from Seatac airport to downtown. I feel like a country mouse going to the big city. I'm more a suburbia girl than a city girl.
Of course, I'll miss my early morning workout which makes me a little uncomfortable, but I'm dealing with it. I can miss working out on a normally scheduled day, and I won't die. Trying to roll with the punches here.
Today's pictures brought to you from my walk at noon with three friends. It's was another glorious day here in Seattle.
The trailhead - Des Moines Creek Trail, near by office at Seatac, WA
Des Moines Creek runs next to the trail
Ferns on the hill next to the trail
My friends decided not to wait for me as I as taking so many pictures. I had to keep running to catch up with them. Talk about interval training!
The dog guy. Every time I walk this trail at noon I see this guy. He has three of the sweetest, friendliest dogs you've ever met. They know me now and always run up to greet me, with tails wagging.
Dog guy's dogs. The one on the left is 15 and had cancer two years ago until Mrs. Dog Guy starting making dog food for the dog. His cancer disappeared and now he acts like a pup (the dog, not the guy :).
These white flowered trees were all along the beginning of the trail. No idea what type of tree, but really pretty. Looked like snow (but it was 58 degrees today).
Minggu, 21 Februari 2010
Day 525 Sunday Morning, What I've Learned, and The Cracker Barrel Meltdown
Day 525
Sunday Morning, What I've Learned, and The Cracker Barrel Meltdown
Sunday morning came fast and early. My fellow blogger friend Ann and I both understand the very important role breakfast plays with our metabolism. So what did we do? Had breakfast of course! Ann decided she was going to get me to eat spinach one way or another---and she accomplished that goal this morning. She prepared a wonderful spinach, mushroom, and feta cheese whole two-egg omelet that was really good and under 300 calories. It was filling and loaded with flavor and uh, spinach...yeah. Yay for spinach! It was delicious, seriously, and I'm sincerely appreciative of the breakfast---But honestly...I'm still not a huge fan of this green leafy super food. The feta cheese and mushrooms? Bring those on all day long! It was very nice Ann, thank you!
Today was the last day of Ann's visit from Boston. We talked about what I've learned the past four days, and really, I've learned a bunch. Watching the documentary “Food Inc.” was seriously eye opening. It didn't turn me into an instant vegetarian, but it did educate me on how the food industry works. I really didn't have a clue before watching. A bunch of the food philosophy, ok...98% of it at least, I've heard Dr. Amy echo. Ann and Dr. Amy think exactly the same way about good food. They're both very educated on the subject. It's important to remember---I'm simply learning about better choices and about what makes them better choices. My choices along this 525 day journey haven't been wrong, the opposite actually, they've been exactly the simplistic approach and pace I needed to finally be successful at losing weight. But striving for better choices and evolving the overall health of my “good choices,” is paramount to my growth. I don't regret a thing I've done food wise. If you're a long time regular reader of this blog, then you know my philosophy and why my “nothing is off limits” approach from Day 1 has been key to my success. The best changes are the ones that naturally and gradually occur.
Ann and I also discussed my workout and fitness structure, or lack of structure, and what I can do to optimize my results. The bottom line? Consistency. As you might already know, I have serious “calendar regret” when it comes to weight training. I should have been doing it on a consistent basis from early on this road. But I didn't. I focused heavy on the cardio and fat loss. But it's not too late to claim that part of the transformation I've severely neglected.
Ann showed me around the weight room and helped me with my form today. It was slightly embarrassing to say the least. My arm strength is ridiculously weak and my form is horribly uncoordinated. But you have to start somewhere. Melissa Walden has recognized this about me too. That's why she has me doing the non-weighted strength exercises. A big deterrent to proper form, for me---is my right arm problem. I've written about this birth defect before. But it's not something that can hold me back. It simply makes the beginning a little more challenging, that's all. And I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses---but I think Ann could see how intimidated I feel in the weight room and why. She also knows that it's a mind thing within my own brain---and not a real obstacle to my development. Look at Tony “The Anti-Jared's” arms. He didn't just lose over 200 pounds and somehow magically have those guns he sports. No, he's worked his tail off in the gym lifting and building those things with consistency.
Lunch was just amazing. I enjoyed a roasted vegetable and mozzarella Flat-Out pizza and Ann enjoyed a big salad with a foundation of leafy spinach. The 'On The Go' Video is below. My pizza was only 220 calories and it was chock full of incredible flavor!
What I'm about to write about may shock and disappoint you. I really shocked and disappointed myself tonight. We were in Oklahoma City because Ann has the first flight out in the morning. We were looking for a place to have dinner. Ann told me to pick something—and so I did. I've never been afraid of any restaurant. I've often bragged about there not being a “restaurant I can't navigate” with good choices. My first pick was Panera Bread, but they were closed. My second pick was Subway---again, closed. My third pick was Cracker Barrel (cue the music of doom) unfortunately, they were open.
I walked into that Cracker Barrel with a swagger and confidence that losing 240 pounds has given me. I can beat this place and I knew it. I was also confident that Ann could maintain her clean eating standards within the confines of this American restaurant institution. I was so wrong on all counts.
It started off with Ann noticing that even the Cracker Barrel's healthiest vegetables are cooked with animal fat, it says so right on the menu. Kind of like Cracker Barrel is saying these might sound healthy, but wait---we found a way to make them taste better with animal fat, enjoy! I looked over the menu, trying to find the items that would jump out at me as the best choice, and I seriously was struggling. That's when Ann mentioned the idea of ordering from the kids menu. Brilliant! I still had a thousand calories remaining from my 1800 daily allotment---and even though I don't like to exceed 500 in any one meal, I really wasn't worried too much---as long as I didn't go over my limit for the day. It's real easy to exceed a thousand calories at Cracker Barrel, too easy really.
Ann decided on the kids grilled cheese with cinnamon apples and a side cup of vegetable soup. That really sounded good and harmless. Ann told me that the meal did violate her standards—and it was something she hasn't done at all in two years. She was willing to bend enough for us to make it through dinner before her flight home, but she feared getting sick. The soup was suppose to come with a corn muffin, when ours didn't, we asked for a couple. The server brought out two corn muffins and two buttermilk biscuits. Oh boy...no problem. In looking at the plate, I figured (incorrectly—we found out later) the corn muffins would have a better calorie value than the biscuits. So I allowed for one corn muffin. Then, knowing that I had plenty of calories in my budget---I decided that ½ a biscuit couldn't hurt. After all, it was 180 total calories at worst if I compared it to a KFC biscuit, and these were a little smaller---and I was only having half. What started out as acceptable choices within my calorie budget was about to turn into something else.
I don't know what possessed us really. I guess we decided that a desert, split between the two of us, could be an acceptable thing. But that was a big giant lie we told ourselves. Considering what we had just consumed, a polite “no thank you” would have been a perfect response to “Did you save room for desert?” We looked over the desert menu and decided to share a Frozen Mug Ice Cream Sundae with roasted almonds and hot fudge. What in the world were we thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. A few bites, ok—maybe 200 calories worth of this little treat, I can live with that. But what we discovered later in regard to calorie counts was rather sobering.
After our nice little kids menu dinner at Cracker Barrel, I couldn't get back to the hotel quick enough. I wanted to get online and obtain accurate calorie counts. I had my guesstimates---but I had a horrible feeling that I was wrong, very wrong. And wrong in a very deliberate way. I didn't “accidentally” shove that corn muffin, biscuit, and half a sundae in my mouth. Those were my poor choices. I had a sinking feeling of regret as we walked to the car.
You have to understand. I've gone over my calorie budget only once before in all of these 525 days. I've been wildly successful at losing this 240 pounds so far because of this consistent calorie budget track record. But here I was---realizing that I may have just robbed the bank. The security and integrity of the “Calorie Bank and Trust” was breached tonight.
Trust...hmmm, yeah---I trusted myself to navigate Cracker Barrel with ease. I waltz in all confident and walked out scared and defeated, a victim of my own bad choices.
I checked online and found the sobering truth. The grilled cheese—350. The cup of soup---49. The cinnamon apples---180. Now---Had I stopped right there, I would have felt wonderful. Nope, didn't do it. The corn muffin?---you ready for this?? That tiny little, surprisingly dense corn muffin---just one of them? 270 calories. I didn't believe it at first, but check after check of different sources confirmed my fear. To Ann's credit, she warned of the danger after one bite, saying she “tasted the fat” in them. I still couldn't place a value higher than 120 on that little muffin. 270. wow. And the biscuit---133--not bad in comparison, and thank goodness I only had a half a biscuit—then added 35 calories worth of apple jelly. The real kicker to the whole experience was the worst choice of all. That sundae checked in at 600 calories, yep---300 each for half. Are you doing the math too? Let me save you the time: I'm ashamed to say that I consumed 1249 calories tonight. 249 over budget.
It just sickens me. But listen...lesson learned. It goes to show you, even someone like me can't let their guard down too much in situations like this. Some of my choices tonight were downright crazy. I was clearly not thinking straight. Some might say the two of us negatively influenced the other, or maybe our two positive approaches created a negative...but whatever. We are both responsible for our individual choices...and they were bad tonight. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to have to share it with you---but that's the deal. You get it all right here. And you better believe: This kind of performance will not be repeated anytime soon. I could have stopped at 579 calories, but didn't. I chose to keep going. I kind of wish I hadn't gone in with so many calories left in my budget for the day. If I'd only had 600 left---it wouldn't have been an issue, none of this—because I wouldn't have had room to guesstimate the extras. Oh well. It's done. Lesson learned. We'll move forward now. I'm ok---you're ok. It's all ok. In a place like Cracker Barrel—you have to walk delicately---your choices have to be precise and well thought out...it's just too easy to make the kind of mistakes I did tonight.
Thank you for reading. Day 525 is in the books and I will not soon forget the lessons learned. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Look mom! I'm eating spinach!! For a second... This was breakfast. It was really good!!
Lunch is good. Look at all those veggies I'm eating! Where's the “On The Go” Video from the Cracker Barrel Meltdown? Yeah---gotta get past that.
Sunday Morning, What I've Learned, and The Cracker Barrel Meltdown
Sunday morning came fast and early. My fellow blogger friend Ann and I both understand the very important role breakfast plays with our metabolism. So what did we do? Had breakfast of course! Ann decided she was going to get me to eat spinach one way or another---and she accomplished that goal this morning. She prepared a wonderful spinach, mushroom, and feta cheese whole two-egg omelet that was really good and under 300 calories. It was filling and loaded with flavor and uh, spinach...yeah. Yay for spinach! It was delicious, seriously, and I'm sincerely appreciative of the breakfast---But honestly...I'm still not a huge fan of this green leafy super food. The feta cheese and mushrooms? Bring those on all day long! It was very nice Ann, thank you!
Today was the last day of Ann's visit from Boston. We talked about what I've learned the past four days, and really, I've learned a bunch. Watching the documentary “Food Inc.” was seriously eye opening. It didn't turn me into an instant vegetarian, but it did educate me on how the food industry works. I really didn't have a clue before watching. A bunch of the food philosophy, ok...98% of it at least, I've heard Dr. Amy echo. Ann and Dr. Amy think exactly the same way about good food. They're both very educated on the subject. It's important to remember---I'm simply learning about better choices and about what makes them better choices. My choices along this 525 day journey haven't been wrong, the opposite actually, they've been exactly the simplistic approach and pace I needed to finally be successful at losing weight. But striving for better choices and evolving the overall health of my “good choices,” is paramount to my growth. I don't regret a thing I've done food wise. If you're a long time regular reader of this blog, then you know my philosophy and why my “nothing is off limits” approach from Day 1 has been key to my success. The best changes are the ones that naturally and gradually occur.
Ann and I also discussed my workout and fitness structure, or lack of structure, and what I can do to optimize my results. The bottom line? Consistency. As you might already know, I have serious “calendar regret” when it comes to weight training. I should have been doing it on a consistent basis from early on this road. But I didn't. I focused heavy on the cardio and fat loss. But it's not too late to claim that part of the transformation I've severely neglected.
Ann showed me around the weight room and helped me with my form today. It was slightly embarrassing to say the least. My arm strength is ridiculously weak and my form is horribly uncoordinated. But you have to start somewhere. Melissa Walden has recognized this about me too. That's why she has me doing the non-weighted strength exercises. A big deterrent to proper form, for me---is my right arm problem. I've written about this birth defect before. But it's not something that can hold me back. It simply makes the beginning a little more challenging, that's all. And I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses---but I think Ann could see how intimidated I feel in the weight room and why. She also knows that it's a mind thing within my own brain---and not a real obstacle to my development. Look at Tony “The Anti-Jared's” arms. He didn't just lose over 200 pounds and somehow magically have those guns he sports. No, he's worked his tail off in the gym lifting and building those things with consistency.
Lunch was just amazing. I enjoyed a roasted vegetable and mozzarella Flat-Out pizza and Ann enjoyed a big salad with a foundation of leafy spinach. The 'On The Go' Video is below. My pizza was only 220 calories and it was chock full of incredible flavor!
What I'm about to write about may shock and disappoint you. I really shocked and disappointed myself tonight. We were in Oklahoma City because Ann has the first flight out in the morning. We were looking for a place to have dinner. Ann told me to pick something—and so I did. I've never been afraid of any restaurant. I've often bragged about there not being a “restaurant I can't navigate” with good choices. My first pick was Panera Bread, but they were closed. My second pick was Subway---again, closed. My third pick was Cracker Barrel (cue the music of doom) unfortunately, they were open.
I walked into that Cracker Barrel with a swagger and confidence that losing 240 pounds has given me. I can beat this place and I knew it. I was also confident that Ann could maintain her clean eating standards within the confines of this American restaurant institution. I was so wrong on all counts.
It started off with Ann noticing that even the Cracker Barrel's healthiest vegetables are cooked with animal fat, it says so right on the menu. Kind of like Cracker Barrel is saying these might sound healthy, but wait---we found a way to make them taste better with animal fat, enjoy! I looked over the menu, trying to find the items that would jump out at me as the best choice, and I seriously was struggling. That's when Ann mentioned the idea of ordering from the kids menu. Brilliant! I still had a thousand calories remaining from my 1800 daily allotment---and even though I don't like to exceed 500 in any one meal, I really wasn't worried too much---as long as I didn't go over my limit for the day. It's real easy to exceed a thousand calories at Cracker Barrel, too easy really.
Ann decided on the kids grilled cheese with cinnamon apples and a side cup of vegetable soup. That really sounded good and harmless. Ann told me that the meal did violate her standards—and it was something she hasn't done at all in two years. She was willing to bend enough for us to make it through dinner before her flight home, but she feared getting sick. The soup was suppose to come with a corn muffin, when ours didn't, we asked for a couple. The server brought out two corn muffins and two buttermilk biscuits. Oh boy...no problem. In looking at the plate, I figured (incorrectly—we found out later) the corn muffins would have a better calorie value than the biscuits. So I allowed for one corn muffin. Then, knowing that I had plenty of calories in my budget---I decided that ½ a biscuit couldn't hurt. After all, it was 180 total calories at worst if I compared it to a KFC biscuit, and these were a little smaller---and I was only having half. What started out as acceptable choices within my calorie budget was about to turn into something else.
I don't know what possessed us really. I guess we decided that a desert, split between the two of us, could be an acceptable thing. But that was a big giant lie we told ourselves. Considering what we had just consumed, a polite “no thank you” would have been a perfect response to “Did you save room for desert?” We looked over the desert menu and decided to share a Frozen Mug Ice Cream Sundae with roasted almonds and hot fudge. What in the world were we thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. A few bites, ok—maybe 200 calories worth of this little treat, I can live with that. But what we discovered later in regard to calorie counts was rather sobering.
After our nice little kids menu dinner at Cracker Barrel, I couldn't get back to the hotel quick enough. I wanted to get online and obtain accurate calorie counts. I had my guesstimates---but I had a horrible feeling that I was wrong, very wrong. And wrong in a very deliberate way. I didn't “accidentally” shove that corn muffin, biscuit, and half a sundae in my mouth. Those were my poor choices. I had a sinking feeling of regret as we walked to the car.
You have to understand. I've gone over my calorie budget only once before in all of these 525 days. I've been wildly successful at losing this 240 pounds so far because of this consistent calorie budget track record. But here I was---realizing that I may have just robbed the bank. The security and integrity of the “Calorie Bank and Trust” was breached tonight.
Trust...hmmm, yeah---I trusted myself to navigate Cracker Barrel with ease. I waltz in all confident and walked out scared and defeated, a victim of my own bad choices.
I checked online and found the sobering truth. The grilled cheese—350. The cup of soup---49. The cinnamon apples---180. Now---Had I stopped right there, I would have felt wonderful. Nope, didn't do it. The corn muffin?---you ready for this?? That tiny little, surprisingly dense corn muffin---just one of them? 270 calories. I didn't believe it at first, but check after check of different sources confirmed my fear. To Ann's credit, she warned of the danger after one bite, saying she “tasted the fat” in them. I still couldn't place a value higher than 120 on that little muffin. 270. wow. And the biscuit---133--not bad in comparison, and thank goodness I only had a half a biscuit—then added 35 calories worth of apple jelly. The real kicker to the whole experience was the worst choice of all. That sundae checked in at 600 calories, yep---300 each for half. Are you doing the math too? Let me save you the time: I'm ashamed to say that I consumed 1249 calories tonight. 249 over budget.
It just sickens me. But listen...lesson learned. It goes to show you, even someone like me can't let their guard down too much in situations like this. Some of my choices tonight were downright crazy. I was clearly not thinking straight. Some might say the two of us negatively influenced the other, or maybe our two positive approaches created a negative...but whatever. We are both responsible for our individual choices...and they were bad tonight. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to have to share it with you---but that's the deal. You get it all right here. And you better believe: This kind of performance will not be repeated anytime soon. I could have stopped at 579 calories, but didn't. I chose to keep going. I kind of wish I hadn't gone in with so many calories left in my budget for the day. If I'd only had 600 left---it wouldn't have been an issue, none of this—because I wouldn't have had room to guesstimate the extras. Oh well. It's done. Lesson learned. We'll move forward now. I'm ok---you're ok. It's all ok. In a place like Cracker Barrel—you have to walk delicately---your choices have to be precise and well thought out...it's just too easy to make the kind of mistakes I did tonight.
Thank you for reading. Day 525 is in the books and I will not soon forget the lessons learned. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Look mom! I'm eating spinach!! For a second... This was breakfast. It was really good!!
Lunch is good. Look at all those veggies I'm eating! Where's the “On The Go” Video from the Cracker Barrel Meltdown? Yeah---gotta get past that.
I wonder why some of us figure this out, and some don't
We went for our walk this afternoon, only three miles but the weather was perfect. The blue sky was completely cloudless, and it was 58 degrees.
Our trail is a little hilly, but we only did three miles of it (it's eight miles long). I wasn't even breathing hard on the steepest parts of the trail. My husband was having trouble. I think he's finally realizing just how out of shape he is these days. He's "only" about 50 pounds overweight, but that's still a lot of extra weight to be packing around. He's been reading books on weight loss for the first time in his life. He's determine to lose weight and get in shape. I say good for "us". I'm glad he's finally going to join me on my quest for health.
After our walk, we had a wonderful salad, made with blueberries, strawberries (the best ever strawberries) and a variety of three leaf lettuces, with six ounces of shrimp on each salad. I made a balsamic vinaigrette and it was a wonderful dinner.
Then I don't know what happened. I guess I always feel kind of cheated when a salad is my meal. It never feels like a real meal to me. This led to me grazing after dinner. Which resulted in going 26 Points over my target. I had the best intentions and poof!, all gone in just a couple hours.
I've been at this for a while now. February 19 was my two-year Weight Watcher anniversary. I should have this all figured out by now. I don't.
I read other blogs and so many people are doing excellent, week after week. The first seven months of doing this, I was pretty darn close to perfect. I guess that was my honeymoon phase.
The last seventeen months have been a struggle. I kind of think it's going to be like this the rest of my life. I'm never really going to figure it out. Sometimes I wonder if this means I'm just stupid. Too stupid to figure out how to make this whole thing work without it being the most difficult thing I've every done in my life. It really makes me doubt my intelligence. Others do it, why can't I?
I keep posting Mt. Rainier pictures and it's probably boring to most of you, but it's so beautiful that I just can't resist taking pictures of it. I love Mt. Rainier. Besides, there wasn't anything interesting on the trail today, besides a lot of people, which kind of annoyed me. The mountain looks so close, even when we're standing there looking at it, it's like we could reach out and touch it. It's actually about sixty miles from our house. Can you believe that sky? Seattle. February. Amazing.
Our trail is a little hilly, but we only did three miles of it (it's eight miles long). I wasn't even breathing hard on the steepest parts of the trail. My husband was having trouble. I think he's finally realizing just how out of shape he is these days. He's "only" about 50 pounds overweight, but that's still a lot of extra weight to be packing around. He's been reading books on weight loss for the first time in his life. He's determine to lose weight and get in shape. I say good for "us". I'm glad he's finally going to join me on my quest for health.
After our walk, we had a wonderful salad, made with blueberries, strawberries (the best ever strawberries) and a variety of three leaf lettuces, with six ounces of shrimp on each salad. I made a balsamic vinaigrette and it was a wonderful dinner.
Then I don't know what happened. I guess I always feel kind of cheated when a salad is my meal. It never feels like a real meal to me. This led to me grazing after dinner. Which resulted in going 26 Points over my target. I had the best intentions and poof!, all gone in just a couple hours.
I've been at this for a while now. February 19 was my two-year Weight Watcher anniversary. I should have this all figured out by now. I don't.
I read other blogs and so many people are doing excellent, week after week. The first seven months of doing this, I was pretty darn close to perfect. I guess that was my honeymoon phase.
The last seventeen months have been a struggle. I kind of think it's going to be like this the rest of my life. I'm never really going to figure it out. Sometimes I wonder if this means I'm just stupid. Too stupid to figure out how to make this whole thing work without it being the most difficult thing I've every done in my life. It really makes me doubt my intelligence. Others do it, why can't I?
I keep posting Mt. Rainier pictures and it's probably boring to most of you, but it's so beautiful that I just can't resist taking pictures of it. I love Mt. Rainier. Besides, there wasn't anything interesting on the trail today, besides a lot of people, which kind of annoyed me. The mountain looks so close, even when we're standing there looking at it, it's like we could reach out and touch it. It's actually about sixty miles from our house. Can you believe that sky? Seattle. February. Amazing.
My Saturday weighin
My weighin yesterday was 176.4. Up a couple pounds. It's okay though. I haven't been tracking and definitely eating too much healthy stuff. No junk or cake or anything that would be considered unhealthy. Just too many calories.
My exercise is back to each workout being my best workout ever. I'm crediting Women's Health "The Big Book of Exercise" for my new enthusiasm at the gym. Plus I've totally given up the treadmill. I hate it and it hates me.
Lately with the great weather we've been having in Seattle I've been walking outside every day at lunch this past week. My husband I are going for a walk in about an hour because the weather is once again totally spectacular. It's 58 and not a cloud in the sky. Did I mention it's February?!
I'm psyched up to get back to tracking and eating less. I tracked yesterday and ate 30 Points (I'm allowed 21). That's a little high but at least I tracked, and I already have 8 Activity Points in the bank.
I went to the gym twice yesterday. My husband decided to go last night so I went with him even though I went before my weighin for a last chance workout. I'm really sore today from doing several new exercises, but it feels good.
I'll try to find something to take pictures of today on my walk. I was so busy running errands yesterday that I only took one picture. Another picture of the mountain, this time from the SuperMall where I bought another set of Tanita scales for $100. I've gone through three Taylor scales in the last six months, and they were all a piece of junk (and at $40-$60 I was annoyed taking them back each time). I love my Tanita! She's worth every penny.
Mt. Rainier at about 2pm, 2/20/10 - from the SuperMall in Auburn, WA (that's why there's a streetlight right in the middle - gotta love suburbia).
My exercise is back to each workout being my best workout ever. I'm crediting Women's Health "The Big Book of Exercise" for my new enthusiasm at the gym. Plus I've totally given up the treadmill. I hate it and it hates me.
Lately with the great weather we've been having in Seattle I've been walking outside every day at lunch this past week. My husband I are going for a walk in about an hour because the weather is once again totally spectacular. It's 58 and not a cloud in the sky. Did I mention it's February?!
I'm psyched up to get back to tracking and eating less. I tracked yesterday and ate 30 Points (I'm allowed 21). That's a little high but at least I tracked, and I already have 8 Activity Points in the bank.
I went to the gym twice yesterday. My husband decided to go last night so I went with him even though I went before my weighin for a last chance workout. I'm really sore today from doing several new exercises, but it feels good.
I'll try to find something to take pictures of today on my walk. I was so busy running errands yesterday that I only took one picture. Another picture of the mountain, this time from the SuperMall where I bought another set of Tanita scales for $100. I've gone through three Taylor scales in the last six months, and they were all a piece of junk (and at $40-$60 I was annoyed taking them back each time). I love my Tanita! She's worth every penny.
Mt. Rainier at about 2pm, 2/20/10 - from the SuperMall in Auburn, WA (that's why there's a streetlight right in the middle - gotta love suburbia).
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