I'm running a bit late this morning, but now that I have my blog back I'm committed to posting on a daily basis again. I also intend to get back to reading my favorite blogs and leaving comments. Just like the old days.
Yesterday was a bust as far as exercise and journaling my food. I spent twelve solid hours on the computer trying to finish the annual report for the Alaska court for he guardianship and conservatorship of my sister. I forgot just how much of mess last year's financial piece was for her. Selling the house, selling her apartment complex, the two auctions for her personal belongings and one for the farm equipment, along with numerous other financial dealings I handled for her. I forgot what a hell of a year it was after her stroke. I finally got it all in Quicken after twelve hours but the numbers came up wrong so I still have more work to do on it.
I was anxious and upset all day yesterday and couldn't figure out why. About 9 p.m. I burst into tears. It finally occurred to me what was wrong. All the horrible stuff I went through with my sister last year came back to me full force. It was like I was reliving last year as I documented each transaction. Things I totally forgot about hit me full force. As well as how miserable things were at home with my husband as I tried to deal with my sister's post-stroke life.
There was dealing with my sister after she had her a severe stroke from which she never recovered. Her depression and wanting to die. The doctors that offered no hope. Her crazy daughter (my niece) and the restraining order against her. All the legal dealings with lawyers in Alaska and lawyers down here, going to court for the guardianship and conservatorship, evicting my other niece and grandniece from the apartment complex. My niece was fifty and my grandniece was in her mid-thirties, neither worked, two apartments and they wouldn't move out after I sold the complex which resulted in another court appearance or the sale wouldn't go through. The two years of back taxes ($10,000) my sister had to pay, and the fear that she would be homeless if I messed up her financial situation. It was miserable reliving all of that but at least the report is almost done. A good helped too.
Speaking of my sister, there's been no change in the last six months or so. She still can't speak or use her right side. She actually does speak, but it's gibberish. She can nod yes and no, but sometimes gets those mixed up. She acts like she can read, but I'm not sure. She always has a book with her and I take her National Geographic which she gets excited over, but I have no way of knowing if she can actually read. She's really good at jigsaw puzzles. We go to the movies and dinner on Sundays and she seems to enjoy doing both. Her health is still good and she seems content in her life. Not happy exactly, but content.
I've got to get going, get ready for work. I'm going to spin class tonight with some people from work. I'm excited about using my new gel bike seat. A gal at work bought one but never used it so sold it to me for half price. It's suppose to make a world of difference. We'll see. I'm not thrilled with my spin shoes. It seems like it makes it a lot harder. I guess that's the point, but spin cylcing is hard enough without making it harder.
I'll be back tomorrow!
Senin, 25 Februari 2013
Minggu, 24 Februari 2013
I'm back - I was shut down by Blogger as SPAM
Blogger took down my blog as SPAM. I had too many anonymous comments that were SPAM and their automated system thought this was a SPAM blog. It took a little work to get it back up but I finally figured out how to do it. Once I figure out how, got the required information submitted, the appeal team immediately put it back up. Whew! I missed you guys. I've had to turn on moderated comments because I have to keep those spammer anonymous comments from posting or I could be taken down again.
A lot has happened the last few months. Most important is that I re-joined Weight Watchers again in mid-December. I've only lost 12.6 pounds which means I've made my 5%. This isn't setting any records but at least it's a start. Down to 205.
I went to my Weight Watcher meeting yesterday and found out my leader is retiring. I actually cried. She's the best Weight Watcher leader in the world. I found out why she's quitting. It's because she makes her meetings unique and they want her to conform to their standard. Her meetings are always packed and she has three of them on Saturdays where it's almost standing room only. I think Weight Watchers should conform to her, but not everyone can be like her. She's vivacious, hysterically funny, and extremely compassionate. She's a jewel. This is her last week and next Saturday my meeting will be her last meeting. It's very sad, but my girlfriend and I agreed we'd keep going to meetings and try to find someone we like.
I'm back at the gym and have been for several weeks. I had to take off last week because I came down with a horrible cold that knocked me flat for a solid four days. I went back to the gym yesterday and had a good workout. It felt good to move again after spending almost an entire 48 hours in bed.
The criminal trial for my husband's assault against me is tentatively set for March 5, but most likely will be delayed. I won't know for sure until Tuesday when there's a hearing with the prosecutor and my husband's defense attorney. The divorce trial isn't until November 3. Almost a year from when I filed. Long story on that one, but it's a very messy divorce. One thing that is really positvie about all of this is that I love living alone. The late night eating has completely halted as well as my obsessive TV watching. It seems to have somehow been tied to my incredibly bad marriage.
That's about it. I guess not that much has happened. It seems like every day when I couldn't blog, I would think, 'oh, I need to blog about that!', but I couldn't. Now that I can, I'm drawing a big, fat blank. I just wanted to let you all know I'm back.
Spam Alert: I just went back and looked at my old posts. Wow! I got hit hard by spammers. Almost every post had 200 to 500 comments. Spam comments. When I turned on moderation you can't see any of the old comments, not even the few valid ones, but that's better than seeing hundreds of spam comments. I won't go back and clean them up. Too many. I'll just leave them not visible. It's no wonder Blogger shut me down. I don't blame them. I didn't even realize this had happened since the spammer systems were hitting on old posts, never the current day's post, so I didn't even notice it. This is something everyone needs to be aware of. Check your old posts to make sure those spammer creeps aren't hitting you. Turn on comment moderation if you have to. If you get shut down, email me and I'll give you the link to get help. It wasn't easy for me to find it so I suspect others might have a problem with it too. I mistakenly thought I just needed to hit the restore blog button and all would be good. It's not quite that easy, but it is easy once you know where to go for help.
A lot has happened the last few months. Most important is that I re-joined Weight Watchers again in mid-December. I've only lost 12.6 pounds which means I've made my 5%. This isn't setting any records but at least it's a start. Down to 205.
I went to my Weight Watcher meeting yesterday and found out my leader is retiring. I actually cried. She's the best Weight Watcher leader in the world. I found out why she's quitting. It's because she makes her meetings unique and they want her to conform to their standard. Her meetings are always packed and she has three of them on Saturdays where it's almost standing room only. I think Weight Watchers should conform to her, but not everyone can be like her. She's vivacious, hysterically funny, and extremely compassionate. She's a jewel. This is her last week and next Saturday my meeting will be her last meeting. It's very sad, but my girlfriend and I agreed we'd keep going to meetings and try to find someone we like.
I'm back at the gym and have been for several weeks. I had to take off last week because I came down with a horrible cold that knocked me flat for a solid four days. I went back to the gym yesterday and had a good workout. It felt good to move again after spending almost an entire 48 hours in bed.
The criminal trial for my husband's assault against me is tentatively set for March 5, but most likely will be delayed. I won't know for sure until Tuesday when there's a hearing with the prosecutor and my husband's defense attorney. The divorce trial isn't until November 3. Almost a year from when I filed. Long story on that one, but it's a very messy divorce. One thing that is really positvie about all of this is that I love living alone. The late night eating has completely halted as well as my obsessive TV watching. It seems to have somehow been tied to my incredibly bad marriage.
That's about it. I guess not that much has happened. It seems like every day when I couldn't blog, I would think, 'oh, I need to blog about that!', but I couldn't. Now that I can, I'm drawing a big, fat blank. I just wanted to let you all know I'm back.
Spam Alert: I just went back and looked at my old posts. Wow! I got hit hard by spammers. Almost every post had 200 to 500 comments. Spam comments. When I turned on moderation you can't see any of the old comments, not even the few valid ones, but that's better than seeing hundreds of spam comments. I won't go back and clean them up. Too many. I'll just leave them not visible. It's no wonder Blogger shut me down. I don't blame them. I didn't even realize this had happened since the spammer systems were hitting on old posts, never the current day's post, so I didn't even notice it. This is something everyone needs to be aware of. Check your old posts to make sure those spammer creeps aren't hitting you. Turn on comment moderation if you have to. If you get shut down, email me and I'll give you the link to get help. It wasn't easy for me to find it so I suspect others might have a problem with it too. I mistakenly thought I just needed to hit the restore blog button and all would be good. It's not quite that easy, but it is easy once you know where to go for help.
Sabtu, 23 Februari 2013
Being Happy Today
Being Happy Today
I'm not a fan of long lists of excuses for why I haven't been posting regularly. Any excuse I might offer, although a valid and true circumstance, isn't the fault or reason. If circumstances kept me from succeeding I would have never lost 275 pounds in the first place. Often, the circumstances become convenient places to rest the responsibility I have to take good care of myself. I detach these circumstances from me and they become a place where I can point and say "See, it's not my fault." I'm too much of a realist to accept this victim minded thought pattern. Self-honesty about my food addiction and emotional/compulsive eating makes it very difficult to feed myself anything other than the real truth.
I've obviously struggled recently but not in the same way as before. It's been a long time since a "run and hide" binge around here. That's good, sure, but there hasn't been dramatic movement in a positive direction either.
My personal struggles involve faith in myself and my abilities to effectively succeed in the way I envision. When this introspective examination weighs heavy, it suppresses my enthusiasm for good eating and exercise choices. And that's where we have a serious issue. Realizing my dreams sit atop a foundation secured by my commitment to take care of my body, mind and soul, I've decided backing away and examining what I truly want in life is paramount at this time.
What do I want in life?
Peace. Inner-peace. I want to be out of debt. I want to better appreciate the love and family I already have. I want to help people better understand their unique path to freedom from obesity. I want to explore my passion, my mission, my dreams and I want to get in the best shape of my life while doing it all.
I've spent my life struggling to succeed while at the same time displaying enormous potential to excel at whatever I choose. It started in grade school when a teacher told my mom "Sean has the potential to be a straight A student if he chooses to apply himself." This "potential" theme has permeated through everything I've ever set out to accomplish. It was found in my stand-up comedy, in broadcasting and now in my public speaking.
There are two angles here: If I'm constantly reaching for some future "success" to finally "put me together," then I'm missing an opportunity to be content and happy in the success of here and now. It doesn't mean I settle. It means I allow myself to be happy today. And my happiness flows from my actions. And the actions lead to accomplishment naturally; organically. This is far better than sitting around trying to reason for or against myself.
So, enough of this introspective examination stuff. A good friend recently shared this thought with me: Enlightenment and faith comes after action, never before. I didn't know how I was going to lose 275 pounds before I took that first step, but I took action and along the way I became full of faith and enlightenment about my weight loss. Any doubts I had going in were quickly negated by the fruits of my positive actions/choices.
The secret to my success isn't as complicated as I make it. It requires me to choose to be happy today while doing the actions supporting my happiness tomorrow. In other words, I just need to chill out and move along.
I must work the proven steps of recovery, walk straight, smile and embrace the fundamentals that have brought me to this place in time.
I'll save the promises for regular postings here and I'll make the most important promise to myself: I will take pride in my actions and choices from this point forward. The fruits of my promise will be strongly evident and real, instead of flimsy words and wishes.
I've upped the ante on my accountability factor by joining MyFitnessPal and making my food and exercise diary public. I invite you to join me! My username is SeanAAnderson. Visit www.myfitnesspal.com to find me.
There's so much more I'd like to write here--I could go deeper, but this is sufficient today. I'm okay today. I'm happy today.
My best to you always,
Good Choices,
Sean
I'm not a fan of long lists of excuses for why I haven't been posting regularly. Any excuse I might offer, although a valid and true circumstance, isn't the fault or reason. If circumstances kept me from succeeding I would have never lost 275 pounds in the first place. Often, the circumstances become convenient places to rest the responsibility I have to take good care of myself. I detach these circumstances from me and they become a place where I can point and say "See, it's not my fault." I'm too much of a realist to accept this victim minded thought pattern. Self-honesty about my food addiction and emotional/compulsive eating makes it very difficult to feed myself anything other than the real truth.
I've obviously struggled recently but not in the same way as before. It's been a long time since a "run and hide" binge around here. That's good, sure, but there hasn't been dramatic movement in a positive direction either.
My personal struggles involve faith in myself and my abilities to effectively succeed in the way I envision. When this introspective examination weighs heavy, it suppresses my enthusiasm for good eating and exercise choices. And that's where we have a serious issue. Realizing my dreams sit atop a foundation secured by my commitment to take care of my body, mind and soul, I've decided backing away and examining what I truly want in life is paramount at this time.
What do I want in life?
Peace. Inner-peace. I want to be out of debt. I want to better appreciate the love and family I already have. I want to help people better understand their unique path to freedom from obesity. I want to explore my passion, my mission, my dreams and I want to get in the best shape of my life while doing it all.
I've spent my life struggling to succeed while at the same time displaying enormous potential to excel at whatever I choose. It started in grade school when a teacher told my mom "Sean has the potential to be a straight A student if he chooses to apply himself." This "potential" theme has permeated through everything I've ever set out to accomplish. It was found in my stand-up comedy, in broadcasting and now in my public speaking.
There are two angles here: If I'm constantly reaching for some future "success" to finally "put me together," then I'm missing an opportunity to be content and happy in the success of here and now. It doesn't mean I settle. It means I allow myself to be happy today. And my happiness flows from my actions. And the actions lead to accomplishment naturally; organically. This is far better than sitting around trying to reason for or against myself.
So, enough of this introspective examination stuff. A good friend recently shared this thought with me: Enlightenment and faith comes after action, never before. I didn't know how I was going to lose 275 pounds before I took that first step, but I took action and along the way I became full of faith and enlightenment about my weight loss. Any doubts I had going in were quickly negated by the fruits of my positive actions/choices.
The secret to my success isn't as complicated as I make it. It requires me to choose to be happy today while doing the actions supporting my happiness tomorrow. In other words, I just need to chill out and move along.
I must work the proven steps of recovery, walk straight, smile and embrace the fundamentals that have brought me to this place in time.
I'll save the promises for regular postings here and I'll make the most important promise to myself: I will take pride in my actions and choices from this point forward. The fruits of my promise will be strongly evident and real, instead of flimsy words and wishes.
I've upped the ante on my accountability factor by joining MyFitnessPal and making my food and exercise diary public. I invite you to join me! My username is SeanAAnderson. Visit www.myfitnesspal.com to find me.
There's so much more I'd like to write here--I could go deeper, but this is sufficient today. I'm okay today. I'm happy today.
My best to you always,
Good Choices,
Sean
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