Day 477 I Will Not Tolerate The Wrong Direction and I Will Not Smoke

Day 477

I Will Not Tolerate The Wrong Direction and I Will Not Smoke

I'm happy to report that I've never made it this long before without nicotine. I'm fighting it with everything I have, it's not going to win. Not now, not after all the progress we've made. I'm working hard to keep myself busy or asleep.

I battled the cravings this afternoon by simply going to bed. It's easy when you're unconscious. I woke up from my horribly long nap and immediately called a friend. I read today that it's a great idea to call someone when you're having a craving. I did, I called four different people tonight! I'm getting this, I'm going to make it.

As much as I would like to report that this hasn't effected my food intake, it has. I haven't broken the bank, but I've used my calories today in a very loose way. I'm normally somewhere around 700 to 800 calories by early evening. When I laid down at 4pm for a nap---I was at 1100. It made for a very interesting dinner. I had some soup for 200 and Irene brought me a 150 calorie soft serve from McDonalds. It wasn't an easy night, but it was what I made it. I chose to short myself later by eating more earlier. I was comfortably at 750 when I decided that a chicken taco and a few chips and salsa sounded good.

I refuse to believe that gaining weight is inevitable when quitting cigarettes. A friend who quit several years ago told me that regardless of what I do, I might experience a weight gain---because my metabolism will be altered. No, not going to let this happen. I'll get crazy driven real fast---I refuse to go in the wrong direction. I'm going down and I'm going to do it without smokes. I've never been extreme, not in all 477 days. You know me, I'm laid back and easy---keeping it simple and straight, but if I see a weight gain---I'll get extreme on me real fast.

Amber turned 20 today. We're hoping to see her later in the week and celebrate. We all called and talked several times today. She's getting ready to go back to class on Wednesday. No longer a teenager, wow...I feel so much older than my 38 years. Happy birthday Amber!

I certainly don't mean to turn this into a stop smoking blog, it isn't---this is and will always be a blog about losing weight naturally. But pardon me right now, I'm consumed with this crazy fight. So naturally it's flowing out of my brain and onto my keyboard tonight.

Weigh day is Wednesday. I hope to drop into the 260's for the first time since...wow, I don't know---early teens maybe? It'll be nice I'm sure.

I found some wonderful forums on become an ex dot org. I found several people sharing thoughts, my thoughts exactly, and that helped. A bunch of people are going through this battle right now, I'm not alone---that's for sure.

Thanks for reading. And the picture of me with the last smoke---it just disgust me. i can't imagine anyone wanting to see this nasty picture, but a friend and regular reader asked me where it was, they wanted to see it---I'll post it soon. I just don't like it. I was so ashamed, I couldn't even look at the camera. My eyes are closed as if I'm saying---just snap the thing and let's move on! I'll post it tomorrow night. I'm going back to bed now. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean