I'm just getting ready to leave work (10:23pm--longest day ever!). My work life really sucks lately. I spent three days of my four-day weekend working. To say I'm sick and tired of work is an understatement. I had a three-week vacation scheduled starting December 10, but that's been delayed until December 15. I guess at least I have a job (somehow, that doesn't really help make me feel better right now).
Today was suppose to be our Rope Challenge Course team building event in Mt. Vernon. We got rained out. What a surprise, rain in the Pacific Northwest in late November. Instead we did a tour of the Everett Boeing factory. It was interesting for about ten minutes then I wanted to go back to the bus and sleep. Big airplane pieces being assembled. Big yawn. The only factoid I remember is that it's the biggest building in the world, and they build 747's. I work for an airline so I guess this tour should have thrilled me. It didn't. They didn't even allow cameras or cell phones so no pictures.
Afterwards I had to come back to the office at 3pm and work until now so I could get my work done. Something terribly wrong with this picture (remember, it was suppose to be a "fun" team building event).
My eating was okay today. We went out to lunch after the tour at Mongolian Grill. I had a ton of vegetables and maybe 3 ounces of chicken, with just a touch of sesame seed oil. It's the teriyaki sauce they poured over it after it was cooked that probably had a million calories. It tasted good but I was hungry by 4pm and I didn't bring any food with me today.
About two hours ago I snuck into the candy dish at a coworkers desk. First time ever. I had ten M&Ms and ten M&M coconut candies. Mainly because I'm at work and that's the only food available. I ate a Weight Watchers instant oatmeal first (been in my desk forever). It was really icky. Just for the record, I didn't really enjoy the candy either. 34 calories for the M&Ms and no idea for the coconut ones (and they really weren't good). I'd rather have had a big Honeycrisp apple.
I'm back on the Stairmaster for my cardio at the gym. It's killing me. I'm amazed how a twenty-five pound gain is making my workouts so much more difficult. When I was 155 I could do 140 flights of stairs in 30 minutes. It was hard but doable. I was doing it almost every day. Now at 180 pounds I'm really struggling to get 120 flights done in 30 minutes. Every morning I think I'm not going to make it to the 30 minutes. 25 pounds is a LOT of extra weight.
Not much else to write about. Just that I'm very tired and have to drive home now in the cold and the rain. Sucks to be me today.
New PointsPlus Plan - Weight Watchers
Oh my gosh! Before I walked out the door I wanted to quickly glance at the new Weight Watcher PointsPlus Plan on their website. Today is the first day of the new plan but my meeting is on Saturday.
They've really changed things around. They upped my PointsPlus to 29 (it was 22), but then they say food has more PointsPlus in it. Instead of calculating Calories/Fat/Fiber in foods, now they use Fat/Carbs/Protein/Fiber to get the PointsPlus.
I want to be positive about this but I can't help but feel like it's a marketing ploy. I hope I'm wrong. Supposedly, according to my lovely brainwashed Weight Watcher leader (can't help but thinking of "take me to your leader" every time I call her my "leader")....there's a lot of scientific research behind these changes.
I wonder if it's really that much better than the old plan.
Selasa, 30 November 2010
Minggu, 28 November 2010
One day down, 364 more to go
Yesterday was a pretty good food day. It was the first time in weeks that I didn't have a crazy late night binge. My binges these days aren't anything like they were three years ago when I weighed 240 pounds. I use to eat bags of candy, chips, cookies or whole cakes or pies, all in one sitting. I gave the word gluttony new meaning.
These days a binge is an extra chicken breast or a bag of light popcorn or a couple Weight Watcher ice cream bars. Or maybe all of that plus some, but all healthy foods (except the WW ice cream bars that are really junk food in disguise).
I still consider these binges, just a more healthy version of a binge. Last night I ate two WW ice cream bars and a piece of turkey breast (probably six ounces). It put me over my 22 Points (my 180 weight gives me an extra Point). Still, this is considerably less than I've been eating late at night these past weeks, hence the 6-pound gain in three weeks.
Even with an hour of cardio yesterday that was too much food. In order to lose weight I have to maintain my exercise of a minimum of an hour a day AND cut back on the calories.
One good thing is I've made peace with Dave's Killer bread, the thing that's been my downfall for a few weeks. I LOVE this bread. It's organic, tasty and full of healthy ingredients. It has 20 more calories than one of those sandwich thin things (130 calories, 3 grams fat, 4 grams fiber). It's two Points versus one Point but it's so much tastier and healthier than fake bread. I allow myself one slice a day, with my breakfast. It's really removed that "it's forbidden, I must eat it all" attitude I had about it.
After dinner tonight I'm going to try to totally resist eating anything. Just to see if I can do it. Tomorrow is going to be hell day at work so I have to go to bed early anyway. I deal with "hell days" better when I'm well rested. So I'll be in bed by 9pm, up at 5am for the gym, and physically at the gym by 5:30am. That's my normal gym time but I'm often not asleep until midnight.
Not much planned today except a few work things I have to get finished for tomorrow. I've been working on them for the last two days, and I'm almost finished with my project. Tomorrow is the start of alpha testing which is always extremely stressful for me. The work I did is for another team so it's a bit unusual for me. The people doing the testing are very experienced and are perfectionists, which is a good thing, but again, it stresses me out big time.
Other than that, I'm going to the gym at noon, home to shower and then hit a movie this afternoon. I really wanted to see Unstoppable, the train movie. I love trains. I know, I work for an airline, but really love trains. They've always fascinated me more than airplanes. My husband wants to see the Harry Potter movie. Since I almost always get to pick the movie (and usually a chick flick and he's good with those), I think I'll let him have this one. I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, but the movies are usually okay (although the last one was horrid).
By the way, it's 364 days until I absolutely will be at goal. I know this is a lifetime thing, I'll always have food issues and will be fighting them to my dying day. That's pretty much a given, but it's 364 days to goal weight. That thought helps me focused.
These days a binge is an extra chicken breast or a bag of light popcorn or a couple Weight Watcher ice cream bars. Or maybe all of that plus some, but all healthy foods (except the WW ice cream bars that are really junk food in disguise).
I still consider these binges, just a more healthy version of a binge. Last night I ate two WW ice cream bars and a piece of turkey breast (probably six ounces). It put me over my 22 Points (my 180 weight gives me an extra Point). Still, this is considerably less than I've been eating late at night these past weeks, hence the 6-pound gain in three weeks.
Even with an hour of cardio yesterday that was too much food. In order to lose weight I have to maintain my exercise of a minimum of an hour a day AND cut back on the calories.
One good thing is I've made peace with Dave's Killer bread, the thing that's been my downfall for a few weeks. I LOVE this bread. It's organic, tasty and full of healthy ingredients. It has 20 more calories than one of those sandwich thin things (130 calories, 3 grams fat, 4 grams fiber). It's two Points versus one Point but it's so much tastier and healthier than fake bread. I allow myself one slice a day, with my breakfast. It's really removed that "it's forbidden, I must eat it all" attitude I had about it.
After dinner tonight I'm going to try to totally resist eating anything. Just to see if I can do it. Tomorrow is going to be hell day at work so I have to go to bed early anyway. I deal with "hell days" better when I'm well rested. So I'll be in bed by 9pm, up at 5am for the gym, and physically at the gym by 5:30am. That's my normal gym time but I'm often not asleep until midnight.
Not much planned today except a few work things I have to get finished for tomorrow. I've been working on them for the last two days, and I'm almost finished with my project. Tomorrow is the start of alpha testing which is always extremely stressful for me. The work I did is for another team so it's a bit unusual for me. The people doing the testing are very experienced and are perfectionists, which is a good thing, but again, it stresses me out big time.
Other than that, I'm going to the gym at noon, home to shower and then hit a movie this afternoon. I really wanted to see Unstoppable, the train movie. I love trains. I know, I work for an airline, but really love trains. They've always fascinated me more than airplanes. My husband wants to see the Harry Potter movie. Since I almost always get to pick the movie (and usually a chick flick and he's good with those), I think I'll let him have this one. I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, but the movies are usually okay (although the last one was horrid).
By the way, it's 364 days until I absolutely will be at goal. I know this is a lifetime thing, I'll always have food issues and will be fighting them to my dying day. That's pretty much a given, but it's 364 days to goal weight. That thought helps me focused.
Sabtu, 27 November 2010
My weighin and feeling more positive
After my pathetic post earlier today about considering myself an epic failure in the weight loss arena, I almost blew off my Weight Watcher meeting. I was feeling like why should I even bother, I can't do this anymore. I'm sick and tired of trying and failing over and over.
I couldn't help thinking it doesn't do any good to go to the meetings anyway. I go, I listen, then I chose to ignore the advice. Thankfully I ignored my stupid girl voice and went to my meeting.
What was really cool about the meeting was our leader's excitement about the new program. She told us she wanted us to consider today the last day of our Weight Watcher year. This year was past and a new year was starting this week with the new ProPoints program and all new materials. She even played Auld Lang Syne at the end of the meeting and told us we had to hug each other (yes, the meetings are often a little touchy-feely, but they're fun).
After the meeting I sat in my car and looked at my weighin results. I knew it was bad and it was exactly as I had anticipated. I weighed in with a 6.2 pound gain at 180.8. No surprise. I gained it in three weeks. My last weighin was 11/6 at 174.6.
I looked back in my Weight Watcher weighin book and on January 9, 2010, I weight 180.4. Interesting. Basically, I stayed the same this year. That's a first for me. I've lost significant amounts of weight in the past but never kept it off for more than a few months.
Instead of feeling defeated about the weight gain and not making any real progress in a year, I feel energized. I've decided this is going to be my year. This is the year I'm going to make goal. After almost three years of Weight Watcher meetings, I tired of just sitting in meeting after meeting watching other people make goal. I want to make goal.
My year starts today, right this very minute. Not on January 1, but today, November 27, 2010. One year from today I will be at goal. I'm definitely feeling more positive.
I couldn't help thinking it doesn't do any good to go to the meetings anyway. I go, I listen, then I chose to ignore the advice. Thankfully I ignored my stupid girl voice and went to my meeting.
What was really cool about the meeting was our leader's excitement about the new program. She told us she wanted us to consider today the last day of our Weight Watcher year. This year was past and a new year was starting this week with the new ProPoints program and all new materials. She even played Auld Lang Syne at the end of the meeting and told us we had to hug each other (yes, the meetings are often a little touchy-feely, but they're fun).
After the meeting I sat in my car and looked at my weighin results. I knew it was bad and it was exactly as I had anticipated. I weighed in with a 6.2 pound gain at 180.8. No surprise. I gained it in three weeks. My last weighin was 11/6 at 174.6.
I looked back in my Weight Watcher weighin book and on January 9, 2010, I weight 180.4. Interesting. Basically, I stayed the same this year. That's a first for me. I've lost significant amounts of weight in the past but never kept it off for more than a few months.
Instead of feeling defeated about the weight gain and not making any real progress in a year, I feel energized. I've decided this is going to be my year. This is the year I'm going to make goal. After almost three years of Weight Watcher meetings, I tired of just sitting in meeting after meeting watching other people make goal. I want to make goal.
My year starts today, right this very minute. Not on January 1, but today, November 27, 2010. One year from today I will be at goal. I'm definitely feeling more positive.
Weight Watchers told me I'm new...maybe they're right
I tired to change my Weight Watcher payment information last night. This morning their website said I wasn't a member any longer. After being on the phone with them for twenty minutes I'm reinstated, but as a new member.
Well, sort of a new member. I had to re-enter all my personal information and set up a new password, just like I was a new member. Luckily it still had my old weight chart information back to February 2008 when I joined the first time, but it had my current weight as 185. Funny how that 185 number popped in there for today. I didn't enter it, maybe the guy on the phone did it (he didn't ask me my weight, maybe he just figured I'd gained 10 pounds since my last weighin). I haven't weighed 185 since June 2008.
In a way, I'm a little embarrassed that I've been in Weight Watchers for almost three years, and I'm still not at my goal weight of 135. Seriously, three years is a long time to spend trying to do something that should have only taken about one year. There's really no way to look at it except as a big failure. Sure, I can say I've kept off 60 pounds for over two years, but since the goal was to lose 100 pounds and keep it off, I'd give myself a C- for reaching my goal. Actually, in my work world not making a deadline is considered an epic failure. And for me, that's really not acceptable.
Maybe being new isn't such a bad thing. I'm going to weighin today and whatever that weight is will be my new starting weight. Since I've been drinking coffee all morning and chugging the water, I'll probably be up pretty high. That's okay though, I'm not really beating myself up. Just trying to be realistic here, accept my failure and move on.
The new program will be announced this coming week in the US. I read a little bit about it online at Facebook and other articles. I liked some of the things I read, and some others I wasn't too happy to read (I hope the "cheat" day of fast food is just a rumor).
Anyway, here's a few things I found on line in what appeared to be a legitimate articles:
•Instead of basing a food's Points on calories, fat and fiber, there will be more of an emphasis on the quality of the food. Brown rice will have fewer Points than white rice. A 100-calorie pack of cookies will have more Points than 100 calories of chicken breast, and so on.
•To encourage better food choices, fruit and most vegetables will have zero Points. Starchy vegetables, such as potatoes, corn and peas will not be in the free list.
•The minimum amount of Points assigned to people will be 29 Points, but they'll also be given a weekly allowance of 49 Points as "Real Living" Points to be used on snacky, boozy, party-type foods.
Plus, this article on the UK Weight Watchers 2011 plan gives even more information. I suspect the US plan is the same. This is just a sneak peek from some of the things I found online. We'll find out the real deal this week.
Just for fun, I also checked out the Weight Watcher UK message board on the ProPoints Plan. Since UKjust got it about two weeks ago, there's a lot of messages flying around on their boards about it. Sounds like everyone loves it because you get so many more Points with the new plan. By the way, you don't have to be a WW member to read the message boards. They're open to everyone.
Well, I have to get showered and ready for Weight Watchers. I'll post my weigh in later today. I'm sure it's going to be scary. For all my talk of losing weight, I know I'm up from my last weighin. I'd say no worries, but if I'm truthful here, I'm mad as hell at myself for screwing up when I was so close to goal. Oh well, I'm "new", what can I say?
Well, sort of a new member. I had to re-enter all my personal information and set up a new password, just like I was a new member. Luckily it still had my old weight chart information back to February 2008 when I joined the first time, but it had my current weight as 185. Funny how that 185 number popped in there for today. I didn't enter it, maybe the guy on the phone did it (he didn't ask me my weight, maybe he just figured I'd gained 10 pounds since my last weighin). I haven't weighed 185 since June 2008.
In a way, I'm a little embarrassed that I've been in Weight Watchers for almost three years, and I'm still not at my goal weight of 135. Seriously, three years is a long time to spend trying to do something that should have only taken about one year. There's really no way to look at it except as a big failure. Sure, I can say I've kept off 60 pounds for over two years, but since the goal was to lose 100 pounds and keep it off, I'd give myself a C- for reaching my goal. Actually, in my work world not making a deadline is considered an epic failure. And for me, that's really not acceptable.
Maybe being new isn't such a bad thing. I'm going to weighin today and whatever that weight is will be my new starting weight. Since I've been drinking coffee all morning and chugging the water, I'll probably be up pretty high. That's okay though, I'm not really beating myself up. Just trying to be realistic here, accept my failure and move on.
The new program will be announced this coming week in the US. I read a little bit about it online at Facebook and other articles. I liked some of the things I read, and some others I wasn't too happy to read (I hope the "cheat" day of fast food is just a rumor).
Anyway, here's a few things I found on line in what appeared to be a legitimate articles:
•Instead of basing a food's Points on calories, fat and fiber, there will be more of an emphasis on the quality of the food. Brown rice will have fewer Points than white rice. A 100-calorie pack of cookies will have more Points than 100 calories of chicken breast, and so on.
•To encourage better food choices, fruit and most vegetables will have zero Points. Starchy vegetables, such as potatoes, corn and peas will not be in the free list.
•The minimum amount of Points assigned to people will be 29 Points, but they'll also be given a weekly allowance of 49 Points as "Real Living" Points to be used on snacky, boozy, party-type foods.
Plus, this article on the UK Weight Watchers 2011 plan gives even more information. I suspect the US plan is the same. This is just a sneak peek from some of the things I found online. We'll find out the real deal this week.
Just for fun, I also checked out the Weight Watcher UK message board on the ProPoints Plan. Since UKjust got it about two weeks ago, there's a lot of messages flying around on their boards about it. Sounds like everyone loves it because you get so many more Points with the new plan. By the way, you don't have to be a WW member to read the message boards. They're open to everyone.
Well, I have to get showered and ready for Weight Watchers. I'll post my weigh in later today. I'm sure it's going to be scary. For all my talk of losing weight, I know I'm up from my last weighin. I'd say no worries, but if I'm truthful here, I'm mad as hell at myself for screwing up when I was so close to goal. Oh well, I'm "new", what can I say?
Jumat, 26 November 2010
Black Friday - Part 2
If posting once a day is good for me, posting twice must be really good for me.
I went to the gym this afternoon and had all sorts of weird technical problems. First, I forgot my iPod, which I've only done twice in three years. I almost turned around and went home, instead I suffered through my workout. Without music it was pretty miserable. The gym music is horrible. I like really fast-paced, high volume music. The gym music was turned down really low and it sounded like elevator music. Really bad.
Then my Polar heart monitor went all wonky on me, telling me pulse was 58 when I thought I was dying and my heart was going to explode. Then it was 154 when I was barely moving. It does this every few months and then it'll be fine the next day. Annoying.
After 30 grueling minutes on the treadmill I thought I'd do another 20 minutes cardio on an elliptical. Unfortunately I picked an elliptical that had problems. It would only allow a maximum of a 10-minute workout. I could have used another elliptical (there are about 40 of them, all available), but I decided 10 minutes sounded fine.
Then my strength workout wasn't good. I felt weak and tired. I only did four upper body exercises, three sets each. Not really worthy of being called a workout.
I'm not sure why I had such a bad workout today, other than my weight gain. It seems like when I gain weight working out is extra hard. My body feels heavier and more difficult to move. I feel lethargic. I need to remember this the next time I think about eating something not on plan.
Speaking of plan, only three and half hours left in this day and I've been 100% perfect in my eating. I kept track of my water too, four 26-oz bottles of water, 2 12-oz mugs coffee, 2 12-oz mugs herbal tea for a grand total of 152 ounces of non-food liquids. It really does help with the hunger and helps me stay away from the bad stuff.
If I can just get this one day under my belt, the next one will be easier. That's just how it works, good days help create good days. I need a string of them together to lose this weight. I think I will be okay. :)
I went to the gym this afternoon and had all sorts of weird technical problems. First, I forgot my iPod, which I've only done twice in three years. I almost turned around and went home, instead I suffered through my workout. Without music it was pretty miserable. The gym music is horrible. I like really fast-paced, high volume music. The gym music was turned down really low and it sounded like elevator music. Really bad.
Then my Polar heart monitor went all wonky on me, telling me pulse was 58 when I thought I was dying and my heart was going to explode. Then it was 154 when I was barely moving. It does this every few months and then it'll be fine the next day. Annoying.
After 30 grueling minutes on the treadmill I thought I'd do another 20 minutes cardio on an elliptical. Unfortunately I picked an elliptical that had problems. It would only allow a maximum of a 10-minute workout. I could have used another elliptical (there are about 40 of them, all available), but I decided 10 minutes sounded fine.
Then my strength workout wasn't good. I felt weak and tired. I only did four upper body exercises, three sets each. Not really worthy of being called a workout.
I'm not sure why I had such a bad workout today, other than my weight gain. It seems like when I gain weight working out is extra hard. My body feels heavier and more difficult to move. I feel lethargic. I need to remember this the next time I think about eating something not on plan.
Speaking of plan, only three and half hours left in this day and I've been 100% perfect in my eating. I kept track of my water too, four 26-oz bottles of water, 2 12-oz mugs coffee, 2 12-oz mugs herbal tea for a grand total of 152 ounces of non-food liquids. It really does help with the hunger and helps me stay away from the bad stuff.
If I can just get this one day under my belt, the next one will be easier. That's just how it works, good days help create good days. I need a string of them together to lose this weight. I think I will be okay. :)
Black Friday in more ways than one
I stepped on the scale this morning expecting the worse. I haven't weighed since Sunday when I was 175.6. Today, I was 181.6. Six pounds in five days. Who does that? Well, me, that's who. I've easily gained ten pounds in a week without even trying. I'm some sort of freak of nature and if I was on a deserted island I'm pretty sure I'd survive longer than anyone because of my body's unique way of holding on to calories.
180 is my freakout weight. Someone once asked me if there's a weight that scares me into sanity. 180 is that weight. The reason is because at 180 my size 12 clothes are tight. At 185 my face changes. I've seen it happen. I normally have a long, slim face, but at 185 it starts to noticeably change. Of course it changes before that, gradually, where I hardly notice it, but at 185 it's like wow, who is that woman in the mirror.
A word about Marie Callendar's pies. First, I made two pumpkin pies, one using a Weight Watcher recipe for 3 Points for 1/8 of the pie, and one with Stevia from an internet recipe. They were both disgusting. My husband went to the store on Thanksgiving Day and purchased two Marie Callender pies. One was Key Lime, one pumpkin. I can pass on pumpkin but I can't pass on Key Lime. 1/10 of that tiny pie was 320 calories, 16 grams fat and 45 grams carbohydrates (not to mention 35 grams of sugar). I ate three slices (1/10 each). That stuff is POISON.
Before that I ate the traditional dinner with the best ever organic turkey from Trader Joes. That turkey was worth every cent. I've never eaten such a tasty bird.
I could tell you more of what happened in detail, but it's pretty obvious. It wasn't just yesterday, but it was all week. I ate too much and didn't exercise enough. I worked from home two days in a row when I was feeling weak when it came to food. Even though I attempted to make Thanksgiving as healthy as possible it wasn't just Thanksgiving Day that was my downfall, it was the entire week. It was my "it's the holidays!" attitude that got me in trouble.
Now for the plan of action. Today I'm 100% back on plan. Counting Points because that's what I do best, drinking water by the gallons and a good solid gym workout for an hour and a half. Just knowing that I have my plan back in place makes me feel better.
Part of my plan is to get back to posting on a more consistent basis and reading blogs and commenting. Even though I've been reading, I haven't commented much. Mainly because I felt like a hypocrite. When I'm not doing well on my plan I drop the posting and commenting as well. Who wants to read about me eating Key Lime pie? How can I give any advice when I'm a dismal failure? Well, I need to change and get back to myself.
Just by posting this I feel 100% better. Weird, but sharing my failures makes me feel stronger and hopeful.
180 is my freakout weight. Someone once asked me if there's a weight that scares me into sanity. 180 is that weight. The reason is because at 180 my size 12 clothes are tight. At 185 my face changes. I've seen it happen. I normally have a long, slim face, but at 185 it starts to noticeably change. Of course it changes before that, gradually, where I hardly notice it, but at 185 it's like wow, who is that woman in the mirror.
A word about Marie Callendar's pies. First, I made two pumpkin pies, one using a Weight Watcher recipe for 3 Points for 1/8 of the pie, and one with Stevia from an internet recipe. They were both disgusting. My husband went to the store on Thanksgiving Day and purchased two Marie Callender pies. One was Key Lime, one pumpkin. I can pass on pumpkin but I can't pass on Key Lime. 1/10 of that tiny pie was 320 calories, 16 grams fat and 45 grams carbohydrates (not to mention 35 grams of sugar). I ate three slices (1/10 each). That stuff is POISON.
Before that I ate the traditional dinner with the best ever organic turkey from Trader Joes. That turkey was worth every cent. I've never eaten such a tasty bird.
I could tell you more of what happened in detail, but it's pretty obvious. It wasn't just yesterday, but it was all week. I ate too much and didn't exercise enough. I worked from home two days in a row when I was feeling weak when it came to food. Even though I attempted to make Thanksgiving as healthy as possible it wasn't just Thanksgiving Day that was my downfall, it was the entire week. It was my "it's the holidays!" attitude that got me in trouble.
Now for the plan of action. Today I'm 100% back on plan. Counting Points because that's what I do best, drinking water by the gallons and a good solid gym workout for an hour and a half. Just knowing that I have my plan back in place makes me feel better.
Part of my plan is to get back to posting on a more consistent basis and reading blogs and commenting. Even though I've been reading, I haven't commented much. Mainly because I felt like a hypocrite. When I'm not doing well on my plan I drop the posting and commenting as well. Who wants to read about me eating Key Lime pie? How can I give any advice when I'm a dismal failure? Well, I need to change and get back to myself.
Just by posting this I feel 100% better. Weird, but sharing my failures makes me feel stronger and hopeful.
Rabu, 24 November 2010
Day 790-797 Thanksgiving Eve Post, Thank You, and The Lonnnnggg Answer To: How?
Day 790-797
Thanksgiving Eve Post, Thank You, and The Lonnnnggg Answer To: How?
I'm writing this on the evening before Thanksgiving, having enjoyed a solid week after hitting goal last Tuesday. The overwhelming support and constant flow of congrats over the last week have been pleasantly intoxicating. I'm thankful for all of the support--and yes, this blog continues. I say that to answer a few people who have asked recently and anyone curious. This journey isn't about a final number where everything is perfect. This road is about redefining a relationship with food and exercise, overcoming food addiction, and embracing life along the way. The weight loss becomes a side effect of our good choices. So, as this blog continues and gradually transforms into a weight maintenance blog, I remind myself to not get too stuck on a number--because a number on a scale doesn't make me happy. It was important for me to have a stated goal, sure---but living life to the fullest as a normal sized man with a normal food relationship--who's healthy, comfortable, confident, full of energy, and for once in his life--has a very honest understanding of himself and his behaviors--that's the real goal, that's happiness. And I'm living that happiness everyday. And why did I switch to talking about myself in third person?---That's so annoying.
I received some amazing messages on facebook and email recently that just absolutely make me smile from ear to ear. Some of them have brought me to tears of happiness. I'm happy for their success--and I'm thrilled that my story, my writing, my transformation road has resonated within them--awakening the power that was always within them to begin with---the power to choose change before change chose them. Sometimes, I want to post those messages here--and I have--either anonymously or by permission, but I wont tonight. But when I do, please understand--it's not about me. It's about showing you the immense power and joy that some people exhibit along this road. It's inspiring--it's powerful--it's real--and I'm thankful for each one received.
My plan for Thanksgiving will be identical to the last two. Twenty-five hundred calories afforded me plenty of food the last two Thanksgivings--so I can't think of a good reason to increase that number for the holiday. I'll be very relaxed and confident--and as always, the focus is on the family and friends around me--the closeness, the blessings we share--these are the important things. The food? Oh sure--it's going to be amazing! But it isn't the main focus. And for the third Thanksgiving in a row, I will not need some kind of antacid afterward. I will not feel sick from eating too much. I will be cooking, visiting with the ones I love, eating, smiling, and loving life.
Along the way and especially after big milestones, the number of people asking "the question," increases. It's the first question that comes when someone learns of my weight loss success...It's human nature for most of us. The question is simple: How did you do it?
I know I've posted and re-published this many times--and here, I'll do it again. The following is the long answer to "How?" with "The Wrong Battle" analogy at the end:
Readers of this blog know that I've struggled my entire life with obesity. So why am I having so much success now?
Because I've decided. I've written before about making that “Iron-Clad Decision,” and it's that decision to succeed, that rock-solid commitment to consistency that has given me these incredible results. I found out that you have to give this journey an amazingly high priority. You have to make it one of the most important things you do. You have to defend your journey from anything and everything that might try to derail it. You have to protect it from yourself. I was always my own worst enemy, I understand that.
When you make it this important, it really makes it hard to rationalize bad choices, you know what I mean? As dramatic as it might sound, this is life and death stuff my friend. And no matter if you have 30 pounds or 300 pounds to lose, if you give it that “do or die” level of importance in your life, you're less likely to fail. But is it that easy? Just decide? Really?? Make it important? What?? No.
Along with my “Iron-Clad” decision, I decided to throw away every single misconception I had about weight loss. I knew I wanted long term results, I really wanted to change. So I eliminated any plan that wasn't completely natural. I needed something I could do that would keep me thin the rest of my life. I needed to learn what a normal portion looked like. I didn't want a 'meal replacement” type plan, or a pre-packaged food “weight loss center” type of plan. I knew those type of plans were simply a means to lose weight temporarily. I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats.
I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight. It's not the food, it's the portions. Counting calories was a natural choice for me. It's taught me about proper portions and it's forced me to make better choices along the way. I opened the “Calorie Bank and Trust” in my mind, treating my calories like cash. Every morning I would be issued 1500 new calories that I could use however I wanted, but beware! I quickly learned that good choices meant making wise calorie “investment” decisions. I had to spread those calories out all day long, or run short as a consequence. The “Calorie Bank and Trust” doesn't have an ATM. When the calories are gone, they're gone until the bank “opens” the next morning. It might sound silly, it's not---look what it's done for me.
But those urges to binge, how do I control those nasty things? Those crazy thoughts that sometime come from out of nowhere, stealing away my resolve, making me fantasize about eating large quantities of anything that I love, yes they existed for me just like everyone else. How have I handled that? Motivating thoughts plus accountability plus writing out my thoughts every night in this daily blog. That's how I've handled those journey breaking meltdowns. I tell people: Cling tight to those motivating thoughts, defend your journey like your life depends on it, in most cases it does. Decide that nothing...no emotion, no circumstance, no person, place or thing is allowed to steal this away from you. I deserve this success. You deserve this success. It's too important my friend.
One of the biggest elements is self honesty. This means calling yourself on all those excuses and rationalizations that we tell ourselves in order to feel better about bad choices. Honesty, 100%---at all times. And exercise? Anything...just move. All I could do in the beginning was walk and I could barely do that for very long. But I was moving. And the more you move, the easier it gets. All of a sudden my 505 pound near deadly quarter mile walks became a mile...then two, then three, and so on. In the beginning it doesn't have to be anything special. There's no machine to buy or membership required. Just movement. After a while you can get fancy. But set a solid foundation of success first by mastering the basics.
I've discovered something that many have discovered before me, and that is this: It's really 20% about food and exercise and 80% about the mental aspects. Someone who has really helped my mental development is Ralph Marston. I've read very little of Mr. Marston's writing, but this one life changing work from him is something I've read countless times:
“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live." Visit Mr. Marston at http://www.greatday.com/
This food relationship understanding, the clarity involved--in analogy form, was one of the the topics of discussion with mom the next morning at breakfast. Over an egg-white veggie omelet with hashbrowns, we talked about the battles of weight loss--and more specifically, the enemy we're battling. Let me explain:
When I look back at my many failed weight loss attempts, I can clearly see a crucial error in my battle plan. This mistake was the reason for my yo-yo dieting. This mistake was why it was always a struggle every single day as I lost weight in the past. This flaw is one that is made by millions of others everyday along this road...it's the reason for the madness, it's the reason why we're conditioned to believe that weight loss is hard. What is it? Please read...
I was always fighting the wrong battle. I didn't know who or what was the real enemy. How can you effectively battle, if you haven't identified the real enemy? I made food my enemy, that was the battle. I was always determined to put the food in its place---I would try to defeat food at every turn. Food wasn't going to win. That was my battle. The perceived enemy: food. But while I was busy battling food, the real enemy would sneak in from the side and defeat me every time in a battle that I didn't even realize I should be fighting. The real enemy?: ME.
Food never wanted to fight me, food was my friend, my ally...but I was convinced otherwise. It was food that made me fat, right? NO. I made me fat by using and abusing my friend in food. But I could never admit that before. So the battle with my perceived enemy of food would continue...I'd make special list, set portion sizes, count those calories---resist temptation at every turn---battle it, fight with everything I had---but in the end I would always lose the fight. Why? How? It kind of sounds like what I've done this time...but wait...it wasn't and isn't the same.
What ended my past weight loss battles? It wasn't food. It was the real enemy: ME. Armed with excuses, rationalizations, and slinging blame wherever I could---the real enemy would show up on the scene and completely stop me in my tracks. Even if I had lost 115 pounds like I did in 2004---the real enemy would step in and take it all back, plus some...and it happened time and time again. And it happened because I was fighting the wrong enemy. I was waging war on an ally, whose only desire was to be my friend---nourish me, keep me healthy, provide my body what it needs to live. No wonder I failed so many times at losing weight! It wasn't until this time, when I discovered the power of self-honesty and 100% self-responsibility in my behaviors with food, that the real battle became clear.
And now I know the real enemy. But the goal isn't and never has been to pummel this enemy---the goal has always been to turn this enemy into an ally. It's about becoming friends with yourself---and that's what's happened over the course of this transformation road. I realized the enemy wasn't really food and that food was always my friend and I realized that although I had always been my own worst enemy, I had the power to call a truce---with a self-honesty/responsibility pact that would leave me good friends with this former enemy. Friends with food and friends with myself.
The needless battles are over...there's no peace in those battles. But here---oh my, there's all kinds of wonderful peace and freedom. Freedom to live, breathe, eat, and continue down this road without the frustrations that always plagued my past weight loss attempts. When someone asks "So, you worried about gaining all that weight back?" I smile and say "no, not at all." It might sound over-confident to them...but when you haven't an enemy to battle--the fight is over and all that's left is gentle understanding and warm peace.
I'm looking forward to a wonderful Thanksgiving with family in Stillwater. Amber is home this year, something we didn't have last year!! ;) I'm thrilled in so many amazing ways. I'll wrap this post with a bunch of pictures--and I'm looking forward to another post real soon!! Hopefully sooner than a week--It's been crazy busy lately.
Thank you for reading, my friend. I sincerely appreciate your support. I'm continuing along this road in a confident fashion. Some challenges I'll be facing in the coming days, weeks, and months: Finishing my manuscript for the book. Getting more exercise. Increasing my calories. Lifting weights. Maintaining and shaping what I have, into what I desire--with compassionate understanding of my imperfections and a self-honesty in my march forward that leaves no other option, except success...in every way. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
With Courtney last week after hitting goal! Courtney is an amazing kid!! I'm so blessed, thank you Court!
With Nancy New in Alabama. Nancy is a family friend who was at the birthday celebration for my grandfather. She had recently discovered this blog, had been reading through--and I was thrilled to snap this with her!!
Illene O, helping me with my bowtie at the Team Radio private party open house last Friday night.
With Dave May, on stage Friday night at the party...
With Amber, Wednesday morning in studio! Amber did an incredible job co-hosting my morning show. It was very nice!
With our studio monitors on---yeah, rockin' the country!
With KPNC winner Angie Adkins. Angie won a Thanksgiving Feast and $200 dollars cash on my show this morning. She's sharing the dinner with her family--and with the cash---she's buying Christmas toys for less fortunate children. Very nice Angie!!
Big before picture---oooohhhh---side view, ouch.
At Amber's High School Graduation--May 2008
Thanksgiving Eve Post, Thank You, and The Lonnnnggg Answer To: How?
I'm writing this on the evening before Thanksgiving, having enjoyed a solid week after hitting goal last Tuesday. The overwhelming support and constant flow of congrats over the last week have been pleasantly intoxicating. I'm thankful for all of the support--and yes, this blog continues. I say that to answer a few people who have asked recently and anyone curious. This journey isn't about a final number where everything is perfect. This road is about redefining a relationship with food and exercise, overcoming food addiction, and embracing life along the way. The weight loss becomes a side effect of our good choices. So, as this blog continues and gradually transforms into a weight maintenance blog, I remind myself to not get too stuck on a number--because a number on a scale doesn't make me happy. It was important for me to have a stated goal, sure---but living life to the fullest as a normal sized man with a normal food relationship--who's healthy, comfortable, confident, full of energy, and for once in his life--has a very honest understanding of himself and his behaviors--that's the real goal, that's happiness. And I'm living that happiness everyday. And why did I switch to talking about myself in third person?---That's so annoying.
I received some amazing messages on facebook and email recently that just absolutely make me smile from ear to ear. Some of them have brought me to tears of happiness. I'm happy for their success--and I'm thrilled that my story, my writing, my transformation road has resonated within them--awakening the power that was always within them to begin with---the power to choose change before change chose them. Sometimes, I want to post those messages here--and I have--either anonymously or by permission, but I wont tonight. But when I do, please understand--it's not about me. It's about showing you the immense power and joy that some people exhibit along this road. It's inspiring--it's powerful--it's real--and I'm thankful for each one received.
My plan for Thanksgiving will be identical to the last two. Twenty-five hundred calories afforded me plenty of food the last two Thanksgivings--so I can't think of a good reason to increase that number for the holiday. I'll be very relaxed and confident--and as always, the focus is on the family and friends around me--the closeness, the blessings we share--these are the important things. The food? Oh sure--it's going to be amazing! But it isn't the main focus. And for the third Thanksgiving in a row, I will not need some kind of antacid afterward. I will not feel sick from eating too much. I will be cooking, visiting with the ones I love, eating, smiling, and loving life.
Along the way and especially after big milestones, the number of people asking "the question," increases. It's the first question that comes when someone learns of my weight loss success...It's human nature for most of us. The question is simple: How did you do it?
I know I've posted and re-published this many times--and here, I'll do it again. The following is the long answer to "How?" with "The Wrong Battle" analogy at the end:
Readers of this blog know that I've struggled my entire life with obesity. So why am I having so much success now?
Because I've decided. I've written before about making that “Iron-Clad Decision,” and it's that decision to succeed, that rock-solid commitment to consistency that has given me these incredible results. I found out that you have to give this journey an amazingly high priority. You have to make it one of the most important things you do. You have to defend your journey from anything and everything that might try to derail it. You have to protect it from yourself. I was always my own worst enemy, I understand that.
When you make it this important, it really makes it hard to rationalize bad choices, you know what I mean? As dramatic as it might sound, this is life and death stuff my friend. And no matter if you have 30 pounds or 300 pounds to lose, if you give it that “do or die” level of importance in your life, you're less likely to fail. But is it that easy? Just decide? Really?? Make it important? What?? No.
Along with my “Iron-Clad” decision, I decided to throw away every single misconception I had about weight loss. I knew I wanted long term results, I really wanted to change. So I eliminated any plan that wasn't completely natural. I needed something I could do that would keep me thin the rest of my life. I needed to learn what a normal portion looked like. I didn't want a 'meal replacement” type plan, or a pre-packaged food “weight loss center” type of plan. I knew those type of plans were simply a means to lose weight temporarily. I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats.
I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight. It's not the food, it's the portions. Counting calories was a natural choice for me. It's taught me about proper portions and it's forced me to make better choices along the way. I opened the “Calorie Bank and Trust” in my mind, treating my calories like cash. Every morning I would be issued 1500 new calories that I could use however I wanted, but beware! I quickly learned that good choices meant making wise calorie “investment” decisions. I had to spread those calories out all day long, or run short as a consequence. The “Calorie Bank and Trust” doesn't have an ATM. When the calories are gone, they're gone until the bank “opens” the next morning. It might sound silly, it's not---look what it's done for me.
But those urges to binge, how do I control those nasty things? Those crazy thoughts that sometime come from out of nowhere, stealing away my resolve, making me fantasize about eating large quantities of anything that I love, yes they existed for me just like everyone else. How have I handled that? Motivating thoughts plus accountability plus writing out my thoughts every night in this daily blog. That's how I've handled those journey breaking meltdowns. I tell people: Cling tight to those motivating thoughts, defend your journey like your life depends on it, in most cases it does. Decide that nothing...no emotion, no circumstance, no person, place or thing is allowed to steal this away from you. I deserve this success. You deserve this success. It's too important my friend.
One of the biggest elements is self honesty. This means calling yourself on all those excuses and rationalizations that we tell ourselves in order to feel better about bad choices. Honesty, 100%---at all times. And exercise? Anything...just move. All I could do in the beginning was walk and I could barely do that for very long. But I was moving. And the more you move, the easier it gets. All of a sudden my 505 pound near deadly quarter mile walks became a mile...then two, then three, and so on. In the beginning it doesn't have to be anything special. There's no machine to buy or membership required. Just movement. After a while you can get fancy. But set a solid foundation of success first by mastering the basics.
I've discovered something that many have discovered before me, and that is this: It's really 20% about food and exercise and 80% about the mental aspects. Someone who has really helped my mental development is Ralph Marston. I've read very little of Mr. Marston's writing, but this one life changing work from him is something I've read countless times:
“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live." Visit Mr. Marston at http://www.greatday.com/
This food relationship understanding, the clarity involved--in analogy form, was one of the the topics of discussion with mom the next morning at breakfast. Over an egg-white veggie omelet with hashbrowns, we talked about the battles of weight loss--and more specifically, the enemy we're battling. Let me explain:
When I look back at my many failed weight loss attempts, I can clearly see a crucial error in my battle plan. This mistake was the reason for my yo-yo dieting. This mistake was why it was always a struggle every single day as I lost weight in the past. This flaw is one that is made by millions of others everyday along this road...it's the reason for the madness, it's the reason why we're conditioned to believe that weight loss is hard. What is it? Please read...
I was always fighting the wrong battle. I didn't know who or what was the real enemy. How can you effectively battle, if you haven't identified the real enemy? I made food my enemy, that was the battle. I was always determined to put the food in its place---I would try to defeat food at every turn. Food wasn't going to win. That was my battle. The perceived enemy: food. But while I was busy battling food, the real enemy would sneak in from the side and defeat me every time in a battle that I didn't even realize I should be fighting. The real enemy?: ME.
Food never wanted to fight me, food was my friend, my ally...but I was convinced otherwise. It was food that made me fat, right? NO. I made me fat by using and abusing my friend in food. But I could never admit that before. So the battle with my perceived enemy of food would continue...I'd make special list, set portion sizes, count those calories---resist temptation at every turn---battle it, fight with everything I had---but in the end I would always lose the fight. Why? How? It kind of sounds like what I've done this time...but wait...it wasn't and isn't the same.
What ended my past weight loss battles? It wasn't food. It was the real enemy: ME. Armed with excuses, rationalizations, and slinging blame wherever I could---the real enemy would show up on the scene and completely stop me in my tracks. Even if I had lost 115 pounds like I did in 2004---the real enemy would step in and take it all back, plus some...and it happened time and time again. And it happened because I was fighting the wrong enemy. I was waging war on an ally, whose only desire was to be my friend---nourish me, keep me healthy, provide my body what it needs to live. No wonder I failed so many times at losing weight! It wasn't until this time, when I discovered the power of self-honesty and 100% self-responsibility in my behaviors with food, that the real battle became clear.
And now I know the real enemy. But the goal isn't and never has been to pummel this enemy---the goal has always been to turn this enemy into an ally. It's about becoming friends with yourself---and that's what's happened over the course of this transformation road. I realized the enemy wasn't really food and that food was always my friend and I realized that although I had always been my own worst enemy, I had the power to call a truce---with a self-honesty/responsibility pact that would leave me good friends with this former enemy. Friends with food and friends with myself.
The needless battles are over...there's no peace in those battles. But here---oh my, there's all kinds of wonderful peace and freedom. Freedom to live, breathe, eat, and continue down this road without the frustrations that always plagued my past weight loss attempts. When someone asks "So, you worried about gaining all that weight back?" I smile and say "no, not at all." It might sound over-confident to them...but when you haven't an enemy to battle--the fight is over and all that's left is gentle understanding and warm peace.
I'm looking forward to a wonderful Thanksgiving with family in Stillwater. Amber is home this year, something we didn't have last year!! ;) I'm thrilled in so many amazing ways. I'll wrap this post with a bunch of pictures--and I'm looking forward to another post real soon!! Hopefully sooner than a week--It's been crazy busy lately.
Thank you for reading, my friend. I sincerely appreciate your support. I'm continuing along this road in a confident fashion. Some challenges I'll be facing in the coming days, weeks, and months: Finishing my manuscript for the book. Getting more exercise. Increasing my calories. Lifting weights. Maintaining and shaping what I have, into what I desire--with compassionate understanding of my imperfections and a self-honesty in my march forward that leaves no other option, except success...in every way. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
With Courtney last week after hitting goal! Courtney is an amazing kid!! I'm so blessed, thank you Court!
With Nancy New in Alabama. Nancy is a family friend who was at the birthday celebration for my grandfather. She had recently discovered this blog, had been reading through--and I was thrilled to snap this with her!!
Illene O, helping me with my bowtie at the Team Radio private party open house last Friday night.
With Dave May, on stage Friday night at the party...
With Amber, Wednesday morning in studio! Amber did an incredible job co-hosting my morning show. It was very nice!
With our studio monitors on---yeah, rockin' the country!
With KPNC winner Angie Adkins. Angie won a Thanksgiving Feast and $200 dollars cash on my show this morning. She's sharing the dinner with her family--and with the cash---she's buying Christmas toys for less fortunate children. Very nice Angie!!
Big before picture---oooohhhh---side view, ouch.
At Amber's High School Graduation--May 2008
Selasa, 23 November 2010
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
It's 16 degrees right now, which for Seattle is really COLD!
I was out the door this morning at 5:30am headed for the gym (it was 20 degrees). I got to the end of our street, turned around and came home. Even though I grew up in Alaska and know how to drive in snow and ice, I don't have studded snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I decided only a fool would risk their life just to go work out.
I worked from home today because the roads were horrible so I went to the gym on my lunch. Not my best workout because I was rushed, but at least I went in spite of the roads. I increased all my weights by an extra five pounds. Even my concentrated bicep curls, I used a 25-pound dumbbell on the last set of 8. It wasn't as painful as I expected but I'm a little sore. I'm trying to amp up my strength training a little. I've been doing the same size of weights for too long, it's time to bump them up a little.
Not much else going on except that. I'm completely stressed out over a work project that is suppose to be code complete by tomorrow. It's not done. Almost, but not quite. Theoretically I still have the four-day holiday but it makes me sick to think about working over the holiday.
This afternoon when I was dealing with a particularly complicated problem I could actually feel my blood pressure going up. I have a blood pressure cuff and it was at 154/72. Yikes! Normally I'm 120/60, so this isn't good.
My eating isn't perfect, I tend to eat too much when I get stressed. I know, crazy isn't it? I haven't gone totally nuts on the food, just a couple slices of my favorite bread (remember, there were two loaves), and maybe too many grapes, and a handful of marshmallows. I don't even like marshmallows and they're only in the house because of Thanksgiving.
This is a weird post. Scattered. Boring. Sort of like how I'm feeling tonight.
I was out the door this morning at 5:30am headed for the gym (it was 20 degrees). I got to the end of our street, turned around and came home. Even though I grew up in Alaska and know how to drive in snow and ice, I don't have studded snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I decided only a fool would risk their life just to go work out.
I worked from home today because the roads were horrible so I went to the gym on my lunch. Not my best workout because I was rushed, but at least I went in spite of the roads. I increased all my weights by an extra five pounds. Even my concentrated bicep curls, I used a 25-pound dumbbell on the last set of 8. It wasn't as painful as I expected but I'm a little sore. I'm trying to amp up my strength training a little. I've been doing the same size of weights for too long, it's time to bump them up a little.
Not much else going on except that. I'm completely stressed out over a work project that is suppose to be code complete by tomorrow. It's not done. Almost, but not quite. Theoretically I still have the four-day holiday but it makes me sick to think about working over the holiday.
This afternoon when I was dealing with a particularly complicated problem I could actually feel my blood pressure going up. I have a blood pressure cuff and it was at 154/72. Yikes! Normally I'm 120/60, so this isn't good.
My eating isn't perfect, I tend to eat too much when I get stressed. I know, crazy isn't it? I haven't gone totally nuts on the food, just a couple slices of my favorite bread (remember, there were two loaves), and maybe too many grapes, and a handful of marshmallows. I don't even like marshmallows and they're only in the house because of Thanksgiving.
This is a weird post. Scattered. Boring. Sort of like how I'm feeling tonight.
Minggu, 21 November 2010
The week in review
Every day I think of something I want to post about, then every day I'm too exhausted to post. Today I'll give you the highlights of my week, and hopefully get back to regular scheduled programming tomorrow.
The weighin
My weighin wasn't great - 175.6. Up 0.6 pounds. This seems to be my destiny, and I don't like it one little bit. I'm super perfect on plan for two days and then totally blow it the next day. Wash, rinse and repeat.
What went wrong
Thursday it was a loaf of my most favorite bread. It's store bought, but perfect bread. Dave's Killer Seed Bread from Portland, OR. I love this stuff. It's very healthy, all organic and full of good stuff...but it's high in calories when you eat several slices with light Smart Balance and a drizzle of honey. I didn't eat the entire loaf, but I made a good dent in it. I don't buy it because I know I'm weak when it comes to bread. My husband (darn him anyway) brought it home from Costco. Same with the best tortilla chips I've ever tasted (the kind they serve in Mexican restaurants), another bad day. He's now on restriction, he has to buy from a list. If it's not on the list, he can't buy it. New rule (that he probably won't follow, but a girl can try).
What went right
To add insult to my gain is that I worked out like a maniac last week. I've started a new routine where I do ten minutes of warmup on the Stairmaster, then my weights for an hour and finish with an intense 20 minutes on the StairMaster. Since I detest cardio, this really works for me. It seems like that 10 minute hard warmup gets my heart rate up and then during weight lifting it stays up high. I also seem stronger when it comes to lifting by keeping my cardio at the end, like all the books recommend and I've been ignoring for years. My workouts are now a full hour and 35 minutes. Of course some of that is wiping down the StairMaster twice and walking to different areas of the gym. I figure a good hour and 20 minutes is solid exercise time.
I've also been forcing myself to really do the lower body strength exercises every other day (alternating with upper body). I hate the lower body strength training almost as much as the cardio (not quite, I don't hate anything like I hate cardio).
On the days I didn't eat bread or tortilla chips I actually tracked all my calories, four out of seven days. Not bad but the bread and tortilla chip days put me way over my calories.
Yard Work - Me!
I did yard work last weekend. Yes, me with a rake in hand. Probably the first time in ten years I've actually worked in the yard (maybe 20 years). We have the world's largest Maple tree in our backyard. It's actually eight trees that grew up out of one spot. Imagine the leaves from eight gigantic maple trees. You couldn't even see the lawn beneath the leaves. I raked for three hours. My husband and I switched chores last weekend. He went to Costco and grocery shopping (hence the two loaves of bread and two giant bags of tortilla chips). I chose the yard work because I wanted to be outside.
The coolest thing was when I discovered the ivy had climbed about 20 feet up the trees. Now that's not the cool part, ivy on trees is very bad since it kills them. What was cool was me climbing up the trees and pulling off the ivy. I'm a lot stronger than I thought (thank you 20 and 25-pound dumbbells).
When my husband saw all the ivy off the trees he asked me how on earth I got up there, he asked me if I had pulled over the ladder. I told him no, this 55-year old woman climbed up in the trees and held on to branches as I reached out and plucked ivy off the tree with the other hand. Some of the ivy stems were at least an inch thick and I had to use a screwdriver to force the ivy suckers off the tree. That's the first time outside of the gym that I thought wow, I'm pretty strong. Being strong really comes in handy in real life...like climbing trees and pulling off ivy.
Team event
Speaking of being strong, I have a team event (for work) on Nov. 30. At first I was super excited about it since it was my first pick of six choices. My coworkers (there are ten of us) are going up to Mt. Vernon for the day and doing the Eagle Rock Challenge Course. It's one of those corporate things to help build team trust and relationships.
It has things like walking on ropes high up in the air, a trapeze thing, and other similar activities. After I looked at some videos online I'm not so sure this is a good idea. I have a bit of a fear of high places. Not terrible, it's just not something I prefer to do. I guess I should have looked at the website and the videos prior to voting on my choice. I just hope I'm strong enough to do this. I work with mostly younger and very fit people. Most are late 20's or 30's and I'm by far the oldest and fattest person on my team.
We have to sign waivers that we won't hold the City of Mt. Vernon responsible for any injuries, and wear hard hats. It's not like I can say no, I don't want to go, then I'm not a team player and it's all about being a team player where I work. If you don't want to be on a team, well, there's the door...good luck in your job search. This isn't me in the video below, but I'll probably have a similar video after the 30th of our adventure (if I live to talk about it). Wish me luck! This is also part of why I'm upping my weight lifting time at the gym. I don't want to be the weak, 55-year old fatty that can't do this.
Quicken aficionado
I must mention my new hobby. Finances! Another thing I haven't done in 20+ years of marriage, looked at our finances. We both work, have decent jobs with decent salaries, no kids, yet there never seems to be enough money.
I purchased Quicken 2011 a week ago and have spent hours looking through everything and entering information, downloading all our bank stuff online (way cool). Yikes! I had no idea I was spending so much money on groceries. It's embarrassing. I can't even write it out here because we (I) have been spending more on food than most people probably spend on a family of six or more. I didn't know the price of anything because I don't look at prices when I shop. I know, I'm an idiot when it comes to money. But that's all changing. We have a budget! Now that I'm tracking everything in Quicken I'm much more aware of what I'm spending.
Plus all the crap I buy that I don't need. I found myself at the pharmacy yesterday picking up my asthma medicine strolling through their attached gift shop. I always buy some piece of junk when I go in there because "they have the cutest stuff". Emphasis on "stuff". I don't need any more stuff, I have plenty thank you very much. :)
Plans for the coming week
Stop eating bread and chips! I never eat these things, and I just went a little nuts with them in the house. It's like a crack addict knowing there's a bunch of crack sitting in their kitchen. Seriously, that's just foolish. If it's not in the house I won't eat it.
Yes, I know I live with another person. I know he should be allowed to have what he wants to eat, but...well, I guess there are no buts here. I should be able to resist. It's just really hard for me. He won't be doing it again if I can help it. He's always very supportive and he thinks I have things under control with food. I keep telling him I'm like an addict, but I really don't think he gets it. He never eats out of boredom or loneliness, he eats when he's hungry. What a concept.
I have real plans to track my food every single day. Even on Thanksgiving day. Stay within my 1400 calorie limit. Even on Thanksgiving Day. Tracking really helps.
Continue with the exercise and water. Both were great this week.
I know it's Thanksgiving week, but we're staying home and that helps. I'm in control of what's being cooked and I can cook a good, tasty, yet very healthy meal. Hopefully I won't go crazy on the healthy food...which I've been known to do.
Have a good week, and I shall be back tomorrow!
The weighin
My weighin wasn't great - 175.6. Up 0.6 pounds. This seems to be my destiny, and I don't like it one little bit. I'm super perfect on plan for two days and then totally blow it the next day. Wash, rinse and repeat.
What went wrong
Thursday it was a loaf of my most favorite bread. It's store bought, but perfect bread. Dave's Killer Seed Bread from Portland, OR. I love this stuff. It's very healthy, all organic and full of good stuff...but it's high in calories when you eat several slices with light Smart Balance and a drizzle of honey. I didn't eat the entire loaf, but I made a good dent in it. I don't buy it because I know I'm weak when it comes to bread. My husband (darn him anyway) brought it home from Costco. Same with the best tortilla chips I've ever tasted (the kind they serve in Mexican restaurants), another bad day. He's now on restriction, he has to buy from a list. If it's not on the list, he can't buy it. New rule (that he probably won't follow, but a girl can try).
What went right
To add insult to my gain is that I worked out like a maniac last week. I've started a new routine where I do ten minutes of warmup on the Stairmaster, then my weights for an hour and finish with an intense 20 minutes on the StairMaster. Since I detest cardio, this really works for me. It seems like that 10 minute hard warmup gets my heart rate up and then during weight lifting it stays up high. I also seem stronger when it comes to lifting by keeping my cardio at the end, like all the books recommend and I've been ignoring for years. My workouts are now a full hour and 35 minutes. Of course some of that is wiping down the StairMaster twice and walking to different areas of the gym. I figure a good hour and 20 minutes is solid exercise time.
I've also been forcing myself to really do the lower body strength exercises every other day (alternating with upper body). I hate the lower body strength training almost as much as the cardio (not quite, I don't hate anything like I hate cardio).
On the days I didn't eat bread or tortilla chips I actually tracked all my calories, four out of seven days. Not bad but the bread and tortilla chip days put me way over my calories.
Yard Work - Me!
I did yard work last weekend. Yes, me with a rake in hand. Probably the first time in ten years I've actually worked in the yard (maybe 20 years). We have the world's largest Maple tree in our backyard. It's actually eight trees that grew up out of one spot. Imagine the leaves from eight gigantic maple trees. You couldn't even see the lawn beneath the leaves. I raked for three hours. My husband and I switched chores last weekend. He went to Costco and grocery shopping (hence the two loaves of bread and two giant bags of tortilla chips). I chose the yard work because I wanted to be outside.
The coolest thing was when I discovered the ivy had climbed about 20 feet up the trees. Now that's not the cool part, ivy on trees is very bad since it kills them. What was cool was me climbing up the trees and pulling off the ivy. I'm a lot stronger than I thought (thank you 20 and 25-pound dumbbells).
When my husband saw all the ivy off the trees he asked me how on earth I got up there, he asked me if I had pulled over the ladder. I told him no, this 55-year old woman climbed up in the trees and held on to branches as I reached out and plucked ivy off the tree with the other hand. Some of the ivy stems were at least an inch thick and I had to use a screwdriver to force the ivy suckers off the tree. That's the first time outside of the gym that I thought wow, I'm pretty strong. Being strong really comes in handy in real life...like climbing trees and pulling off ivy.
Team event
Speaking of being strong, I have a team event (for work) on Nov. 30. At first I was super excited about it since it was my first pick of six choices. My coworkers (there are ten of us) are going up to Mt. Vernon for the day and doing the Eagle Rock Challenge Course. It's one of those corporate things to help build team trust and relationships.
It has things like walking on ropes high up in the air, a trapeze thing, and other similar activities. After I looked at some videos online I'm not so sure this is a good idea. I have a bit of a fear of high places. Not terrible, it's just not something I prefer to do. I guess I should have looked at the website and the videos prior to voting on my choice. I just hope I'm strong enough to do this. I work with mostly younger and very fit people. Most are late 20's or 30's and I'm by far the oldest and fattest person on my team.
We have to sign waivers that we won't hold the City of Mt. Vernon responsible for any injuries, and wear hard hats. It's not like I can say no, I don't want to go, then I'm not a team player and it's all about being a team player where I work. If you don't want to be on a team, well, there's the door...good luck in your job search. This isn't me in the video below, but I'll probably have a similar video after the 30th of our adventure (if I live to talk about it). Wish me luck! This is also part of why I'm upping my weight lifting time at the gym. I don't want to be the weak, 55-year old fatty that can't do this.
Quicken aficionado
I must mention my new hobby. Finances! Another thing I haven't done in 20+ years of marriage, looked at our finances. We both work, have decent jobs with decent salaries, no kids, yet there never seems to be enough money.
I purchased Quicken 2011 a week ago and have spent hours looking through everything and entering information, downloading all our bank stuff online (way cool). Yikes! I had no idea I was spending so much money on groceries. It's embarrassing. I can't even write it out here because we (I) have been spending more on food than most people probably spend on a family of six or more. I didn't know the price of anything because I don't look at prices when I shop. I know, I'm an idiot when it comes to money. But that's all changing. We have a budget! Now that I'm tracking everything in Quicken I'm much more aware of what I'm spending.
Plus all the crap I buy that I don't need. I found myself at the pharmacy yesterday picking up my asthma medicine strolling through their attached gift shop. I always buy some piece of junk when I go in there because "they have the cutest stuff". Emphasis on "stuff". I don't need any more stuff, I have plenty thank you very much. :)
Plans for the coming week
Stop eating bread and chips! I never eat these things, and I just went a little nuts with them in the house. It's like a crack addict knowing there's a bunch of crack sitting in their kitchen. Seriously, that's just foolish. If it's not in the house I won't eat it.
Yes, I know I live with another person. I know he should be allowed to have what he wants to eat, but...well, I guess there are no buts here. I should be able to resist. It's just really hard for me. He won't be doing it again if I can help it. He's always very supportive and he thinks I have things under control with food. I keep telling him I'm like an addict, but I really don't think he gets it. He never eats out of boredom or loneliness, he eats when he's hungry. What a concept.
I have real plans to track my food every single day. Even on Thanksgiving day. Stay within my 1400 calorie limit. Even on Thanksgiving Day. Tracking really helps.
Continue with the exercise and water. Both were great this week.
I know it's Thanksgiving week, but we're staying home and that helps. I'm in control of what's being cooked and I can cook a good, tasty, yet very healthy meal. Hopefully I won't go crazy on the healthy food...which I've been known to do.
Have a good week, and I shall be back tomorrow!
Kamis, 18 November 2010
The return of hunger
This morning I decided today is really a new beginning, square one, of me on a diet. Yes folks, it's a diet. You may call it a lifestyle change, but to me it is and always will be a diet when I try to lose weight. Lifestyle change sounds pretty and easy and sort of fun...lifestyle, nice word. Diet, on the other hand, has all sorts of negative connotations. Hunger, discomfort, frustration, anxiety, misery, a challenge. I suppose that sounds a bit negative, but I'm just calling it like it is. If it was so darn easy as some people would like us to think then we would all be skinny.
I worked out like a maniac this morning, 30 minutes on the StairMaster and 40 minutes of upper body weights. I pushed myself hard on the weights but I'm not sore yet. I was hoping for some triceps soreness with the 25-pound dumbell tricep presses. Maybe tomorrow. I define a good workout with a touch of soreness now and then, especially when I push myself like today.
My food had been good, with every bite weighed, measured, documented. 1,485 calories. It sounds like a lot to me, but it's almost exactly what I was eating following Weight Watchers Point system (I'm still in Weight Watchers, just trying the calorie counting for a while). The water has been extra good today. 117 ounces and one mug of coffee. I forgot how much all the water helps with the hunger.
About the hunger, yes, I've been hungry today. It's part of the diet, it's what happens when you cut back on your calories. My sister and I have said for years that hunger is a good thing. It means you're burning fat and losing weight.
Funny thing is that I've seen other bloggers posting about hunger recently. Allan had a good post about it today. I've noticed some people never talk about hunger. From reading their blogs it appears they never actually get hungry. They're few and far between but I've decided maybe they just feel things differently than the rest of us. They're very lucky because hunger isn't fun, but for some of us fatties, it's just a fact of life if we want to lose weight we're going to have to experience a certain level of hunger.
It's almost 11pm and I would call this one of my best days of staying on plan in weeks. I'm very tired, ready to hit the pillow.
I worked out like a maniac this morning, 30 minutes on the StairMaster and 40 minutes of upper body weights. I pushed myself hard on the weights but I'm not sore yet. I was hoping for some triceps soreness with the 25-pound dumbell tricep presses. Maybe tomorrow. I define a good workout with a touch of soreness now and then, especially when I push myself like today.
My food had been good, with every bite weighed, measured, documented. 1,485 calories. It sounds like a lot to me, but it's almost exactly what I was eating following Weight Watchers Point system (I'm still in Weight Watchers, just trying the calorie counting for a while). The water has been extra good today. 117 ounces and one mug of coffee. I forgot how much all the water helps with the hunger.
About the hunger, yes, I've been hungry today. It's part of the diet, it's what happens when you cut back on your calories. My sister and I have said for years that hunger is a good thing. It means you're burning fat and losing weight.
Funny thing is that I've seen other bloggers posting about hunger recently. Allan had a good post about it today. I've noticed some people never talk about hunger. From reading their blogs it appears they never actually get hungry. They're few and far between but I've decided maybe they just feel things differently than the rest of us. They're very lucky because hunger isn't fun, but for some of us fatties, it's just a fact of life if we want to lose weight we're going to have to experience a certain level of hunger.
It's almost 11pm and I would call this one of my best days of staying on plan in weeks. I'm very tired, ready to hit the pillow.
Rabu, 17 November 2010
A walk down memory lane
I'm typing this from my 1998 Dell desktop computer, Windows 2000. My beautiful, less than a year old Toshiba laptop hasn't been playing nice with my 23" monitor. I even bought a new monitor and new $40 HDMI cable for it, both big monitors are still red flashing lines at me. The laptop monitor is fine. I finally caved and asked my husband, the computer geek guy, to look at it. Something about the HDMI port on the laptop. Needs to be repaired. I have to take it in to the computer guys to be fixed. Bummer.
Since I can't live without a computer with a big monitor (for work stuff), I thought I'd turn on my old faithful 12-year old Dell. I hadn't really used it since my first laptop in 2004. Amazingly it booted up, connected to the internet and works with the new monitor. The grinding sound the hard drive keeps making is annoying me, but it works. Gotta love old technology.
I was looking at all the old files that I never bothered to transfer over to my laptops. Apparently I was much more career-driven in 2004. There are tons of work files, work goal setting documents and very few pictures. I found two pictures of myself sitting on the desktop.
2004 - 240 pounds
June 28, 2009 - 156 pounds (I think I added this one when my old laptop was dying last year).
Since I can't live without a computer with a big monitor (for work stuff), I thought I'd turn on my old faithful 12-year old Dell. I hadn't really used it since my first laptop in 2004. Amazingly it booted up, connected to the internet and works with the new monitor. The grinding sound the hard drive keeps making is annoying me, but it works. Gotta love old technology.
I was looking at all the old files that I never bothered to transfer over to my laptops. Apparently I was much more career-driven in 2004. There are tons of work files, work goal setting documents and very few pictures. I found two pictures of myself sitting on the desktop.
2004 - 240 pounds
June 28, 2009 - 156 pounds (I think I added this one when my old laptop was dying last year).
So where am I today? Sitting right where I've been for months. 175 pounds. Sixty-five pounds less than the top picture but 20 pounds heavier than the bottom picture (and I still thought I was fat at 156).
The reason I haven't been posting is because I've been in a slump lately. Just sick and tired of the whole thing, yet each day I start out full of hope that this will be the day I stay totally on plan, drink my water, and lose weight. Yet each day I fail. Not horribly because I'm not gaining weight, but still, I'm failing because I'm not losing weight.
These pictures stirred something up in me. A little bit of sadness that I didn't stick with it and get to goal. A bit of hope that heck, I did it before and got so close that I can do it again. A little bit of fear, looking back where I started and what IF I go back there?
I've printed both pictures and stuck them on the bathroom mirror. A visual reminder of where I've been, and where I want to go, but this time go even a step further and get to goal.
In other words, I'm back!
Selasa, 16 November 2010
Day 787-789 Goooaaaaallllll!!!!!!! 275 Pounds Lost in Two Years, Two Months, and A Day
Day 787-789
Goooaaaaallllll!!!!!!! 275 Pounds Lost in Two Years, Two Months, and A Day
From Day 2--A comment from my daughter Amber: "Not only does this motivate me, but I sense a little humor in there too. I seriously love reading this ... keep it up Daddy! I can't even tell you how proud I am of you. You will do this. We all will."
From Day 3--A comment from my daughter Courtney: "Daddy, your blogs are amazing! You have such a talent to write, I really hope this blog does motivate you in every way possible ... I'm very proud of you daddy, I know we've been saying we need to lose weight for quite sometime, but this time it's just different. All together as a family, we will lose weight. No doubt about it. Keep up the good work Daddy. I love you with all my heart."
Courtney couldn't have been more right with her words, "this time it's just different." She could tell on Day 3. She knew that this day was coming.
Today--789 days along Transformation Road--and 275 pounds lighter...I hit goal. I stepped onto the same scale where more than a dozen of my past weight loss attempts started--the same scale that weighed me 505 on Day 2. Now it shows me 230.4 OK--If you know me from these writings--you know that the .4 is messing with me!!! But I've always rounded up or down. Had it been .5---I would be at 231. I feel like I've lost a good four or five since last time, judging by how my clothes and body feels...so I'm not sure how to accept a two pound loss. That sounds so silly to say--and crazy to write, given the monumental weigh-in it was---so I'll stop that line of thinking and celebrate. The bottom line is simple: I'm 230 pounds. I did it.
Happy tears are so beautiful and cleansing. They felt good on my face--and I couldn't help it, I'm so happy and emotional. It's just a number that I picked out of the blue when I started, but it's turned out to be a pretty good guess.
Amber left a comment tonight on my facebook status update--and I immediately called her, I needed to hear her voice. She writes:
"I LOVE YOU DADDY! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! Your amazing. I'm so proud of you. You are such an inspiration to me and so many other people. I don't think I ever told you this...but I always use to worry about you not being here anymore...about... you passing away...and you missing out on so many things me and sissy graduating, getting married...grand kids....and stuff...you have no idea how much your journey means to me. I love you so much...and I always knew you could and would do it. I know now that you will be here...cheering me on in the stands as I walk on graduation day....you will be there to walk me down the aisle when I get married...and you will see my kids one day. And now I'm crying...but it is good tears daddy...good tears. I love you so much. I'm so happy for you daddy! You are wonderful....the best daddy in the world."
This is what it's all about: Family---and Living, loving, laughing, caring, and sharing.
My favorite post isn't Day 327, or Day 1---those are big ones to me, no doubt. But Day 135 is a way of thinking I'll never forget. It's a great thing I was morbidly obese for all of those years. I was lucky and blessed that it didn't kill me when it had the chance--And I was also blessed, because it made me the person I am today.
From Day 135--Here's my "Thank You Letter To Morbid Obesity:" (note--I've re-formatted the letter for easier reading--the content is identical to Day 135)
Every now and then I challenge myself to really think on a deep level. I strive for a better understanding of behavior. I try to dissect things on a psychological level, and since I have no formal education in psychology, I can come to some pretty far out reasoning. It doesn't really matter if I'm right or wrong because these are studies within myself. Today I started thinking about how it's good to find the positive side of all things. Even things that can't possibly have a good side, if you look hard enough, maybe it does. I hit a wall when I thought about applying this positive philosophy to being morbidly obese. By the way, I use the term “morbidly obese” because I hate that term. I don't like the way it sounds at all, and the first time a doctor used that term I thought he was making fun of me! To me, it was the same as him saying I was “disgustingly obese,” and when the term used is “grotesquely obese,” well that's even worse. If the doctor would have said “Sean, you are “making me want to throw up obese” it would have felt the same. Isn't “gross” short for grotesque? I've had both terms used on me by medical professionals and they were perfectly in line with medical terms. How could I find the good in my life long career of being “morbidly grotesque?” Ooh, combining the two is even worse. Anyway, I thought long and hard and finally came up with this: My “thank you” letter to “morbid obesity.”
Dear Morbid Obesity,
You suck. Sorry about that, it just popped out. Let me start again.
Dear Morbid Obesity,
Thank you for teaching me how to be compassionate toward others. By making me different and the subject of so much weight related bullying as a kid, you taught me to always care about other peoples feelings.
Thank you for making me unique in an age when I was often the only fat kid in class, because it gave me added attention that I may have felt was lacking in other parts of my life.
Thank you for giving me a very strong opinion against discrimination in all it's forms. By showing me the pain of being discriminated against based solely on my looks, you taught me to never judge a person based on appearance.
Thank you for giving me the defense mechanism of a good sense of humor. Although it was sometimes masking emotional pain, laughter and making others laugh has always carried me through.
Thank you for protecting me from every dangerous thing I would have tried had I been able to fit on that ride, or into that harness, or on that horse, or in that sports car, or whatever the dangerous situation could have been, you were there keeping me safe inside your embrace.
Thank you for giving me a fashion sense born from complete insecurity. I know you don't give this fashion sense to every morbidly obese person, but it kept me from further ridicule because I never wore things too small, ever. You saved me from the spandex revolution, how can I properly thank you for that? To make me want to wear a big jacket when it was ninety degrees outside just to cover my boy boobs, well I have no choice but to conclude that you must love me more than other fat people, because if I had a dollar for every morbidly obese person I've witnessed in spandex and a shirt three sizes too small, I'd be wealthy.
Thank you for giving me the ability to spot shallowness in others. I'll never forget the first time I was completely rejected by a girl who said out loud, in class “eeewwww, I would never go out with you.” She didn't take the time to see the good guy I was inside, to look into my heart and see the eighth grader that would have cherished her and respected her in a most grateful 8th grader way. She was shallow and without you I may not of recognized that side of humanity for many years.
Without this “shallowness radar,” I may never have recognized the pure spirit in the eyes and heart of Irene Brake, my high school sweetheart and wife of nearly twenty years.
Most of all, thank you for my life. Without you I don't know if my path would have been the same. Would I have my family that I hold so dear? Would I have found a career that felt so perfect for me, a career that allowed me to hide behind a microphone and communicate with people without them being able to see me?
Without you, maybe, just maybe I would have become a complete jerk.
Thank you for bringing me to this point in my life and keeping me in one piece along the way. But despite the flood of gratitude in this letter, you know your days are numbered here. We can't continue our relationship. Morbid obesity, I'm slowly shrinking out of you. I'm moving on to a life free of all the dangerous effects of our relationship. But I'll never forget all of the wonderful things you taught me, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my overworked heart.
Sincerely,
Sean
Thank you so much for reading. I had planned on writing more about my trip to Alabama on this post, but hitting goal took over. I will say this: Getting to know my family in Alabama has been good for my soul. It was a very positive experience in many ways and I look forward to many more wonderful times with my 'Bama family in the future. Below, you'll see a picture of me with my grandpa Haynes at his 88th birthday party. I absolutely cherish that picture.
On the way home from Alabama, I stopped and met Shane Griffin. His incredible success is wonderful to witness. See our picture below! In fact--we have a bunch of pictures and memories to look back on...
Again, thank you for reading and cheering, and for just---all of your support. I wish I knew the words to say that would properly express my gratitude. I don't. But I'm forever grateful. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
The scale today.
Before pictures--all over 500 pounds:
Pictures from along the way:
And there's hundreds more...
Here and now:
With Shane Griffin from www.losingitforthefamily.blogspot.com
With my Grandpa Haynes--Celebrating his 88th birthday!!!
Recent--with my two beautiful, smart, mature beyond their years, talented, compassionate, creative, and amazing daughters---Amber and Courtney. Love you girls!!
Goooaaaaallllll!!!!!!! 275 Pounds Lost in Two Years, Two Months, and A Day
From Day 2--A comment from my daughter Amber: "Not only does this motivate me, but I sense a little humor in there too. I seriously love reading this ... keep it up Daddy! I can't even tell you how proud I am of you. You will do this. We all will."
From Day 3--A comment from my daughter Courtney: "Daddy, your blogs are amazing! You have such a talent to write, I really hope this blog does motivate you in every way possible ... I'm very proud of you daddy, I know we've been saying we need to lose weight for quite sometime, but this time it's just different. All together as a family, we will lose weight. No doubt about it. Keep up the good work Daddy. I love you with all my heart."
Courtney couldn't have been more right with her words, "this time it's just different." She could tell on Day 3. She knew that this day was coming.
Today--789 days along Transformation Road--and 275 pounds lighter...I hit goal. I stepped onto the same scale where more than a dozen of my past weight loss attempts started--the same scale that weighed me 505 on Day 2. Now it shows me 230.4 OK--If you know me from these writings--you know that the .4 is messing with me!!! But I've always rounded up or down. Had it been .5---I would be at 231. I feel like I've lost a good four or five since last time, judging by how my clothes and body feels...so I'm not sure how to accept a two pound loss. That sounds so silly to say--and crazy to write, given the monumental weigh-in it was---so I'll stop that line of thinking and celebrate. The bottom line is simple: I'm 230 pounds. I did it.
Happy tears are so beautiful and cleansing. They felt good on my face--and I couldn't help it, I'm so happy and emotional. It's just a number that I picked out of the blue when I started, but it's turned out to be a pretty good guess.
Amber left a comment tonight on my facebook status update--and I immediately called her, I needed to hear her voice. She writes:
"I LOVE YOU DADDY! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! Your amazing. I'm so proud of you. You are such an inspiration to me and so many other people. I don't think I ever told you this...but I always use to worry about you not being here anymore...about... you passing away...and you missing out on so many things me and sissy graduating, getting married...grand kids....and stuff...you have no idea how much your journey means to me. I love you so much...and I always knew you could and would do it. I know now that you will be here...cheering me on in the stands as I walk on graduation day....you will be there to walk me down the aisle when I get married...and you will see my kids one day. And now I'm crying...but it is good tears daddy...good tears. I love you so much. I'm so happy for you daddy! You are wonderful....the best daddy in the world."
This is what it's all about: Family---and Living, loving, laughing, caring, and sharing.
My favorite post isn't Day 327, or Day 1---those are big ones to me, no doubt. But Day 135 is a way of thinking I'll never forget. It's a great thing I was morbidly obese for all of those years. I was lucky and blessed that it didn't kill me when it had the chance--And I was also blessed, because it made me the person I am today.
From Day 135--Here's my "Thank You Letter To Morbid Obesity:" (note--I've re-formatted the letter for easier reading--the content is identical to Day 135)
Every now and then I challenge myself to really think on a deep level. I strive for a better understanding of behavior. I try to dissect things on a psychological level, and since I have no formal education in psychology, I can come to some pretty far out reasoning. It doesn't really matter if I'm right or wrong because these are studies within myself. Today I started thinking about how it's good to find the positive side of all things. Even things that can't possibly have a good side, if you look hard enough, maybe it does. I hit a wall when I thought about applying this positive philosophy to being morbidly obese. By the way, I use the term “morbidly obese” because I hate that term. I don't like the way it sounds at all, and the first time a doctor used that term I thought he was making fun of me! To me, it was the same as him saying I was “disgustingly obese,” and when the term used is “grotesquely obese,” well that's even worse. If the doctor would have said “Sean, you are “making me want to throw up obese” it would have felt the same. Isn't “gross” short for grotesque? I've had both terms used on me by medical professionals and they were perfectly in line with medical terms. How could I find the good in my life long career of being “morbidly grotesque?” Ooh, combining the two is even worse. Anyway, I thought long and hard and finally came up with this: My “thank you” letter to “morbid obesity.”
Dear Morbid Obesity,
You suck. Sorry about that, it just popped out. Let me start again.
Dear Morbid Obesity,
Thank you for teaching me how to be compassionate toward others. By making me different and the subject of so much weight related bullying as a kid, you taught me to always care about other peoples feelings.
Thank you for making me unique in an age when I was often the only fat kid in class, because it gave me added attention that I may have felt was lacking in other parts of my life.
Thank you for giving me a very strong opinion against discrimination in all it's forms. By showing me the pain of being discriminated against based solely on my looks, you taught me to never judge a person based on appearance.
Thank you for giving me the defense mechanism of a good sense of humor. Although it was sometimes masking emotional pain, laughter and making others laugh has always carried me through.
Thank you for protecting me from every dangerous thing I would have tried had I been able to fit on that ride, or into that harness, or on that horse, or in that sports car, or whatever the dangerous situation could have been, you were there keeping me safe inside your embrace.
Thank you for giving me a fashion sense born from complete insecurity. I know you don't give this fashion sense to every morbidly obese person, but it kept me from further ridicule because I never wore things too small, ever. You saved me from the spandex revolution, how can I properly thank you for that? To make me want to wear a big jacket when it was ninety degrees outside just to cover my boy boobs, well I have no choice but to conclude that you must love me more than other fat people, because if I had a dollar for every morbidly obese person I've witnessed in spandex and a shirt three sizes too small, I'd be wealthy.
Thank you for giving me the ability to spot shallowness in others. I'll never forget the first time I was completely rejected by a girl who said out loud, in class “eeewwww, I would never go out with you.” She didn't take the time to see the good guy I was inside, to look into my heart and see the eighth grader that would have cherished her and respected her in a most grateful 8th grader way. She was shallow and without you I may not of recognized that side of humanity for many years.
Without this “shallowness radar,” I may never have recognized the pure spirit in the eyes and heart of Irene Brake, my high school sweetheart and wife of nearly twenty years.
Most of all, thank you for my life. Without you I don't know if my path would have been the same. Would I have my family that I hold so dear? Would I have found a career that felt so perfect for me, a career that allowed me to hide behind a microphone and communicate with people without them being able to see me?
Without you, maybe, just maybe I would have become a complete jerk.
Thank you for bringing me to this point in my life and keeping me in one piece along the way. But despite the flood of gratitude in this letter, you know your days are numbered here. We can't continue our relationship. Morbid obesity, I'm slowly shrinking out of you. I'm moving on to a life free of all the dangerous effects of our relationship. But I'll never forget all of the wonderful things you taught me, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my overworked heart.
Sincerely,
Sean
Thank you so much for reading. I had planned on writing more about my trip to Alabama on this post, but hitting goal took over. I will say this: Getting to know my family in Alabama has been good for my soul. It was a very positive experience in many ways and I look forward to many more wonderful times with my 'Bama family in the future. Below, you'll see a picture of me with my grandpa Haynes at his 88th birthday party. I absolutely cherish that picture.
On the way home from Alabama, I stopped and met Shane Griffin. His incredible success is wonderful to witness. See our picture below! In fact--we have a bunch of pictures and memories to look back on...
Again, thank you for reading and cheering, and for just---all of your support. I wish I knew the words to say that would properly express my gratitude. I don't. But I'm forever grateful. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
The scale today.
Before pictures--all over 500 pounds:
Pictures from along the way:
And there's hundreds more...
Here and now:
With Shane Griffin from www.losingitforthefamily.blogspot.com
With my Grandpa Haynes--Celebrating his 88th birthday!!!
Recent--with my two beautiful, smart, mature beyond their years, talented, compassionate, creative, and amazing daughters---Amber and Courtney. Love you girls!!
Sabtu, 13 November 2010
Day 784-786 Living In A Dream and Meeting Family and Friends--The Bama Trip Pt.1
Day 784-786
Living In A Dream and Meeting Family and Friends--The Bama Trip Pt.1
The beautiful reminders of my smaller size come often and try to convince my brain that I'm no longer a five hundred pound man. Renting a car on Tuesday was one of these incredible NSV's. I wanted something with excellent fuel economy, and that means something little. The little red Chevy Aveo I rented wouldn't have been an option at 505, but now--oh wow, I fit beautifully, perfectly, buckled in and with plenty of room. The contours of the seat fit me...and that's something so wonderful. I never get tired of these big reminders. It's like living in a dream. Let me pinch myself...nope, not a dream. This is my life.
I left Ponca City early Wednesday morning, bound for Alabama and family on my dad's side--many that I've never known, or only met briefly seventeen years ago. This was going to be an amazing trip and I knew it as I pulled out of my apartment drive.
I also planned on meeting some of the wonderful people in the weight loss blogging community. I feel like many of these people are family too. The first stop: Exit 5 on I-40 into Arkansas to meet Shane Griffin. Shane found this blog when AOL featured me on their welcome page in July. Since that time, Shane has blogged, walked, redefined his relationship with all foods, kept the integrity of his "Calorie Bank and Trust" account in tact, and put up his "Steel Curtain Zone," and he's joyfully lost an amazing amount of weight. And it isn't this blog that's done it for him. It's him. He had this desire deep inside, mixed with the fears of what the future might bring or not bring, had he remained morbidly obese. It's all him. But it warms my heart to think that my transformation helped inspire him to bring those feelings to the surface and choose change before change chose him. Shane inspires me. He reminds me of the enthusiasm, joy, and commitment to consistency that has made my road successful. And most wonderful of all: He reminds me what's really important along this road---the people we love. Thank you Shane! And it will be an honor to meet him! Oh yeah--I was too late to meet him Wednesday morning, so I'll have that wonderful opportunity on the way home Sunday evening. You can find Shane's amazing blog at http://www.losingitforthefamily.blogspot.com/
Driving toward Memphis, I started getting really excited. I was planning on meeting Jack at some super secret location. OK, actually it was a Starbucks on Poplar Avenue. You know the Jack I'm talking about, right? Jack Sh*t!! The man, the legend, the weight loss comedy genius with a heart of gold. (You can use that Jack--You're welcome) Jack reminds us to smile more often than not--and if that doesn't make us feel better--his blog often inspires full body laughter. Is that even a term? Full-body laughter. Yes--reading Jack's blog is almost like a workout some days. And just when you think you can't take another FBL (full-body laugh), he hits us with something deep and sincere--reminding us that he's very real, honest, and open to the sometimes emotional ride that is this transformation road.
I got lost in Memphis traffic--it was rush hour when I arrived...bad timing...and once again, I missed the window of opportunity to meet Jack. We agreed to someday meet--perhaps next Spring. He'll be out of town on my drive back. I did take a coffee break at the very Starbucks where Jack waited, until his wife was ready to be picked up from the doctor--and he had to get her home. I was in a hurry to proceed to Alabama anyway...But I felt his presence...He had been here just an hour before. Or maybe that was the presence of Elvis I was feeling. Whatever...it's all good. The day will come when Jack and I get together!! You can read Jack's blog at http://www.jackfit.blogspot.com/
On Saturday morning, I'm meeting Stephen from Birmingham and Tammy from Atlanta! We're having a mini-weight loss blogging conference at the Cracker Barrel off the Fieldstown exit on I-65 in Gardendale--just North of Birmingham. Stephen started at well over six-hundred pounds and is now down over 200!! I'm so excited to meet him!!! And Tammy--she has been reading my blog for over a year and a half and often refers to me as her "weight loss mentor." I'm not sure how comfy I am with that title--but I'm honored she thinks of me like that!!! We really thought the drive would be too long for her, but she's not letting a three hour drive stand in her way! I'm thrilled--and what a wonderful blessing it is to have made such incredible friends! Stephen's blog can be found at http://www.whoatemyblog.com/ and Tammy's blog home is http://www.foodaddict-fromfattofab.blogspot.com/
The main point of this trip to Alabama is to re-connect with loved ones I've only briefly met seventeen years ago and meet some family members I've never known. My grandfather Haynes is turning eighty-eight on the 18th, so we're celebrating early, on Saturday afternoon. A bunch of people will be there--and I'm so excited!! I'll be meeting my flesh and blood.
On Veterans Day, I had the pleasure of spending time with grandpa Haynes and my dad. Grandpa is a World War 2 Vet and my dad is a Vietnam Vet. We visited for a little while--and the whole time, I'm focused on listening and noticing things. Our ears are the same...those eyes, my grandfathers hands are mine too...wow, this is an amazing gift to me. Veterans Day with these two, was such a comforting reminder of how blessed I really am.
I'm staying with my Aunt Beverly. She's been a wonderful host in so many ways! She knows so much of the family history--it's been educational! We enjoyed breakfast at the Waffle House the other morning. I was so impressed with their menu. I had an egg-white veggie omelet with steamed hashbrowns and a dry toast. I saved a bunch of calories because I chose the egg-whites, I chose the steamed potatoes--instead of the oil laden fried, and I chose the toast without butter. And I loved it! I was full, I was happy, and I was thoroughly enjoying the company!! Aunt Beverly is astonished at the fact that I've never had a salad. We've had a wonderful visit so far!!
I met Kayla yesterday! Kayla is the oldest daughter of my late brother Danny. I never had a chance to meet Danny before he tragically and suddenly died at the age of 42 from aortic disection (a result of prolonged untreated high blood pressure). Meeting Kayla and getting to know her is very special to me, like meeting a part of my brother I never knew. Our ears are similar, our eyes...the similarities go on and on...and our personalities are very much alike. It was so incredible to sit across from her and just talk. We really bonded, and honestly--I think we could have talked all day and night, but we had dinner plans at my aunt Gina's house in Huntsville. Aunt Bev and Kayla joined me for our trip up North.
Gina and her husband Shawn (he spells it the right way) prepared a wonderful italian dinner. Spaghetti marinara with beef, garlic toast, salad, and peach cobbler for desert. I enjoyed a serving of most everything, except the salad. Aunt Bev and Gina just can't seem to figure out how I've lost so much weight without ever eating a salad. I think I'm changing the way they look at weight loss! We looked at old pictures, including pictures of Danny and even some of Irene, Amber, and me from eighteen years ago. Those things...oh my, I was so gigantic...and my hair!!!! What was I thinking? ;) It was a wonderful visit and dinner--and this whole trip has just been an awesome blessing in so many wonderful ways.
Saturday Afternoon, we're celebrating Grandpa Haynes 88th birthday. Plenty of family will be there and plenty more pictures are coming soon!!! Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
With Kayla--Daughter of my late brother Danny.
On the walking/jogging trail in a beautiful Arab, Alabama park...wonderful scenery here!
Waffle House breakfast Thursday morning with Aunt Beverly. Three key strategic calorie value
choices here: No butter on the toast--egg whites for the veggie omelet--and those potato hashbrowns have onions and are steamed, instead of being drenched in oil and fried. Perfect 400 calorie breakfast for me! Loved it!!
With dad over at Grandpa Haynes's house. Grandpa Haynes will be taking pictures on Saturday afternoon!
With Aunt Beverly! Her hospitality has just been over the top wonderful!!
This was my brother Danny Haynes. He was a singer and all around entertainer--this picture is so cool--him on stage, rocking out!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
If you have high blood pressure--please--get it checked, get it under control--because it was aortic disection (same thing that killed John Ritter), caused by prolonged-untreated high blood pressure that killed my brother at 42. It's certainly a reminder to me to always keep it in check.
Kayla Haynes--Danny's daughter. Look at her--so beautiful!! See the ears--she has mine---and the eyes---and the list goes on and on. Very cool!
With my Aunt Gina!
With Kayla at Gina's house---after dinner, looking at pictures and taking some new pics!!
With Tammy!! See the blog address above!
With Stephen!!! See the blog address above!
In that little Chevy Aveo--fitting perfectly, and showing off my "505" tattoo!!!
With Stephen--inside the Cracker Barrel where we all met.
Breakfast with Stephen and Tammy---An egg white veggie omelet with American cheese, dry whole wheat toast, orange slices, and diced pineapple--very nice!!
Living In A Dream and Meeting Family and Friends--The Bama Trip Pt.1
The beautiful reminders of my smaller size come often and try to convince my brain that I'm no longer a five hundred pound man. Renting a car on Tuesday was one of these incredible NSV's. I wanted something with excellent fuel economy, and that means something little. The little red Chevy Aveo I rented wouldn't have been an option at 505, but now--oh wow, I fit beautifully, perfectly, buckled in and with plenty of room. The contours of the seat fit me...and that's something so wonderful. I never get tired of these big reminders. It's like living in a dream. Let me pinch myself...nope, not a dream. This is my life.
I left Ponca City early Wednesday morning, bound for Alabama and family on my dad's side--many that I've never known, or only met briefly seventeen years ago. This was going to be an amazing trip and I knew it as I pulled out of my apartment drive.
I also planned on meeting some of the wonderful people in the weight loss blogging community. I feel like many of these people are family too. The first stop: Exit 5 on I-40 into Arkansas to meet Shane Griffin. Shane found this blog when AOL featured me on their welcome page in July. Since that time, Shane has blogged, walked, redefined his relationship with all foods, kept the integrity of his "Calorie Bank and Trust" account in tact, and put up his "Steel Curtain Zone," and he's joyfully lost an amazing amount of weight. And it isn't this blog that's done it for him. It's him. He had this desire deep inside, mixed with the fears of what the future might bring or not bring, had he remained morbidly obese. It's all him. But it warms my heart to think that my transformation helped inspire him to bring those feelings to the surface and choose change before change chose him. Shane inspires me. He reminds me of the enthusiasm, joy, and commitment to consistency that has made my road successful. And most wonderful of all: He reminds me what's really important along this road---the people we love. Thank you Shane! And it will be an honor to meet him! Oh yeah--I was too late to meet him Wednesday morning, so I'll have that wonderful opportunity on the way home Sunday evening. You can find Shane's amazing blog at http://www.losingitforthefamily.blogspot.com/
Driving toward Memphis, I started getting really excited. I was planning on meeting Jack at some super secret location. OK, actually it was a Starbucks on Poplar Avenue. You know the Jack I'm talking about, right? Jack Sh*t!! The man, the legend, the weight loss comedy genius with a heart of gold. (You can use that Jack--You're welcome) Jack reminds us to smile more often than not--and if that doesn't make us feel better--his blog often inspires full body laughter. Is that even a term? Full-body laughter. Yes--reading Jack's blog is almost like a workout some days. And just when you think you can't take another FBL (full-body laugh), he hits us with something deep and sincere--reminding us that he's very real, honest, and open to the sometimes emotional ride that is this transformation road.
I got lost in Memphis traffic--it was rush hour when I arrived...bad timing...and once again, I missed the window of opportunity to meet Jack. We agreed to someday meet--perhaps next Spring. He'll be out of town on my drive back. I did take a coffee break at the very Starbucks where Jack waited, until his wife was ready to be picked up from the doctor--and he had to get her home. I was in a hurry to proceed to Alabama anyway...But I felt his presence...He had been here just an hour before. Or maybe that was the presence of Elvis I was feeling. Whatever...it's all good. The day will come when Jack and I get together!! You can read Jack's blog at http://www.jackfit.blogspot.com/
On Saturday morning, I'm meeting Stephen from Birmingham and Tammy from Atlanta! We're having a mini-weight loss blogging conference at the Cracker Barrel off the Fieldstown exit on I-65 in Gardendale--just North of Birmingham. Stephen started at well over six-hundred pounds and is now down over 200!! I'm so excited to meet him!!! And Tammy--she has been reading my blog for over a year and a half and often refers to me as her "weight loss mentor." I'm not sure how comfy I am with that title--but I'm honored she thinks of me like that!!! We really thought the drive would be too long for her, but she's not letting a three hour drive stand in her way! I'm thrilled--and what a wonderful blessing it is to have made such incredible friends! Stephen's blog can be found at http://www.whoatemyblog.com/ and Tammy's blog home is http://www.foodaddict-fromfattofab.blogspot.com/
The main point of this trip to Alabama is to re-connect with loved ones I've only briefly met seventeen years ago and meet some family members I've never known. My grandfather Haynes is turning eighty-eight on the 18th, so we're celebrating early, on Saturday afternoon. A bunch of people will be there--and I'm so excited!! I'll be meeting my flesh and blood.
On Veterans Day, I had the pleasure of spending time with grandpa Haynes and my dad. Grandpa is a World War 2 Vet and my dad is a Vietnam Vet. We visited for a little while--and the whole time, I'm focused on listening and noticing things. Our ears are the same...those eyes, my grandfathers hands are mine too...wow, this is an amazing gift to me. Veterans Day with these two, was such a comforting reminder of how blessed I really am.
I'm staying with my Aunt Beverly. She's been a wonderful host in so many ways! She knows so much of the family history--it's been educational! We enjoyed breakfast at the Waffle House the other morning. I was so impressed with their menu. I had an egg-white veggie omelet with steamed hashbrowns and a dry toast. I saved a bunch of calories because I chose the egg-whites, I chose the steamed potatoes--instead of the oil laden fried, and I chose the toast without butter. And I loved it! I was full, I was happy, and I was thoroughly enjoying the company!! Aunt Beverly is astonished at the fact that I've never had a salad. We've had a wonderful visit so far!!
I met Kayla yesterday! Kayla is the oldest daughter of my late brother Danny. I never had a chance to meet Danny before he tragically and suddenly died at the age of 42 from aortic disection (a result of prolonged untreated high blood pressure). Meeting Kayla and getting to know her is very special to me, like meeting a part of my brother I never knew. Our ears are similar, our eyes...the similarities go on and on...and our personalities are very much alike. It was so incredible to sit across from her and just talk. We really bonded, and honestly--I think we could have talked all day and night, but we had dinner plans at my aunt Gina's house in Huntsville. Aunt Bev and Kayla joined me for our trip up North.
Gina and her husband Shawn (he spells it the right way) prepared a wonderful italian dinner. Spaghetti marinara with beef, garlic toast, salad, and peach cobbler for desert. I enjoyed a serving of most everything, except the salad. Aunt Bev and Gina just can't seem to figure out how I've lost so much weight without ever eating a salad. I think I'm changing the way they look at weight loss! We looked at old pictures, including pictures of Danny and even some of Irene, Amber, and me from eighteen years ago. Those things...oh my, I was so gigantic...and my hair!!!! What was I thinking? ;) It was a wonderful visit and dinner--and this whole trip has just been an awesome blessing in so many wonderful ways.
Saturday Afternoon, we're celebrating Grandpa Haynes 88th birthday. Plenty of family will be there and plenty more pictures are coming soon!!! Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
With Kayla--Daughter of my late brother Danny.
On the walking/jogging trail in a beautiful Arab, Alabama park...wonderful scenery here!
Waffle House breakfast Thursday morning with Aunt Beverly. Three key strategic calorie value
choices here: No butter on the toast--egg whites for the veggie omelet--and those potato hashbrowns have onions and are steamed, instead of being drenched in oil and fried. Perfect 400 calorie breakfast for me! Loved it!!
With dad over at Grandpa Haynes's house. Grandpa Haynes will be taking pictures on Saturday afternoon!
With Aunt Beverly! Her hospitality has just been over the top wonderful!!
This was my brother Danny Haynes. He was a singer and all around entertainer--this picture is so cool--him on stage, rocking out!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
If you have high blood pressure--please--get it checked, get it under control--because it was aortic disection (same thing that killed John Ritter), caused by prolonged-untreated high blood pressure that killed my brother at 42. It's certainly a reminder to me to always keep it in check.
Kayla Haynes--Danny's daughter. Look at her--so beautiful!! See the ears--she has mine---and the eyes---and the list goes on and on. Very cool!
With my Aunt Gina!
With Kayla at Gina's house---after dinner, looking at pictures and taking some new pics!!
With Tammy!! See the blog address above!
With Stephen!!! See the blog address above!
In that little Chevy Aveo--fitting perfectly, and showing off my "505" tattoo!!!
With Stephen--inside the Cracker Barrel where we all met.
Breakfast with Stephen and Tammy---An egg white veggie omelet with American cheese, dry whole wheat toast, orange slices, and diced pineapple--very nice!!
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