I haven't posted anything since Sunday because my job is consuming me lately. I'm slightly stressed at work. I still love where I work and love my job, but sometimes I get myself in situations with deadlines. There's always a deadline looming up ahead, and I'm always trying to meet it. I have one next week that I'm struggling to meet. I guess that's just life.
I'm doing okay, managing to get to the gym every day, although I took today off because I couldn't remember the last time I missed a day at the gym.
Sometimes I'm getting in a lunch hour walk with a friend at work that practically race walks, I almost can't keep up with her. I think it would be easier if we just ran. Of course we only walk when it's not raining in the third most miserable city in the nation. At least that's according to this article in the Wall Street Journal, although they say it has nothing to do with the weather (really?).
It's funny because my niece was here a couple weeks ago (from Fairbanks, Alaska) and she couldn't get over the deep green of everything, from he grass to the trees. She kept saying how beautiful it looked. She's right, at least when the sun shines here I think this area must be one of the most beautiful places on the planet. If only the sun would shine a little more.
My eating hasn't been perfect, but I'm tracking my food which is big improvement. My food choices have been excellent, but sometimes my portions are too large (four ounces of chicken breast just doesn't do it for me). I've also managed to avoid eating added sugar for the last two weeks, which is huge for me.
When my weight got up to 187 a couple weeks ago I had bought some cookies and other sweets which I consumed over a two-day period. I didn't write about it because I was pretty freaked out. I feel like I have that under control again.
I also stopped buying and eating the Weight Watcher frozen treats. The only "treat" in my freezer are the sugar-free fudge bars that Dawn convinced me to try, and they're not that bad. However, they're not that good either so there's no chance I'd eat a whole box.
Lately my evening snack has been a cup of Greek yogurt with a cup of frozen fruit, and some Stevia. It's more calories than one of the Weight Watcher ice cream bars (about 200 for the yogurt & fruit), but it's the same PointsPlus (3). It's a lot more filling than the bars and sort of like ice cream, and I never go back for seconds (or thirds like I did with the ice cream bars) because it's a lot of food.
I tried the Simply Filling a few days this week and then switched back to PointsPlus on Weight Watchers. You're not suppose to switch mid-week, but I still can't trust myself with the "eating until satisfied" idea.
This is a pretty boring post, but I just can't think of anything interesting to say. I guess all work and no play makes Diana a very dull girl.
Off to work now!
Kamis, 31 Maret 2011
Minggu, 27 Maret 2011
It's hard to lose weight but it's even harder to be fat
As I struggle to get control of my eating and get my weight back down, I constantly wonder why this has to be so incredibly difficult. I know I'm not alone in these feelings. Almost everyone with a weight problem can relate. It's hard to constantly deprive myself of things I want to eat. For whatever reason, food makes me happy. It's just that simple.
Three years ago I was 240 pounds. I honestly don't know how I was walking around. I don't know how I held a job or how I managed to start going to the gym. Carrying around an extra hundred pounds on my body made life very hard.
Two summers ago I was 152, last summer I was around 166. Right now I'm at 182.2. Down 5.2 pounds from my last weigh-in on Wednesday. I'm still 30 pounds up from my lowest weight in the last three years. I've beaten myself up about this over and over.
The biggest thing I've noticed about this recent weight gain is how uncomfortable I feel in my own skin. More than anything, I'm embarrassed about the weight gain. How could I let this happen to me? Don't I even like myself? The answers to those two questions are sad. I let this happen to me because I don't care enough about myself to want to take care of myself. Like myself? Silly girl, of course not.
Added to the embarrassment is the discomfort. My clothes don't fit. Everything is tight. Every morning looking for something to wear is a challenge.
Added to the embarrassment and discomfort is the constant nagging fear that I'm going to end up where I started. Every morning I wake up and my first thoughts are "what did I eat last night?". If the answer is "nothing bad" then I'm happy. If the answer is "oh darn, I ate that entire box of Weight Watcher Truffle bars" then I'm miserable (that was my thought this morning).
My workouts the last two weeks have been hard. The more weight I gain, the harder it is to exercise. My body doesn't want to work hard, it just wants to lie down and sleep. Every day I push myself to exercise, but with the added weight on my body, I can really feel the difference. It hurts so much more to exercise at this heavier weight.
The bottom line is that it's really harder to be fat than it is to lose weight. Fat hinders my entire life. Being uncomfortable 100% of the time and hating myself because I'm fat is really no way to live.
Jumat, 25 Maret 2011
Day 899-917 The Most Important Part: The Gaining and Putting The Solution Ahead of The Problem
Day 899-917
The Most Important Part: The Gaining and Putting The Solution Ahead of The Problem
I was moving as fast as my legs could spin that cycle and I was hurting. It was minute eleven of a sixty minute spinning class. It had been a while since I braved the spinning class and my body was not real thrilled with me. I started thinking about how I could make an exit without looking like I had just wimped out and then it hit me: Quitting isn't an option. It's one hour of my otherwise busy but still, easy day--a few more classes, and I'll be conditioned to endure without these meltdown thoughts of failure.
One of my favorite things about working out at the YMCA is seeing so many people taking control and choosing change. It's so inspiring. The membership at our YMCA has exploded since they opened the new facility. New faces of hope, strength, and triumph are everywhere!! It's beautiful.
I recently accepted and performed a stand-up routine at a benefit fundraiser for the Cherokee Strip Museum in Arkansas City, Kansas. It was the first time in a very long time that I was speaking before a crowd about anything other than weight loss. And it was fine, but it wasn't passionate. It was OK, but it wasn't life changing to me. It was familiar, until I looked at the images afterward.
My stand-up always centered around my size and now, well---I couldn't take that easy way out. And the man I was seeing on that stage certainly wasn't what I remember. Sometimes, even after awhile--I get taken aback by my smaller size. It's a friendly reminder of how far I've come--and it feels so amazing. Do I still have some work to do physically? Absolutely--but I'm thin compared to what I was at over five hundred pounds.
When I casually mentioned that I once weighed that much, there was a collective gasp throughout the room. I don't know why I mentioned it really, because it didn't have anything to do with my set--I didn't have any jokes about my weight or previous weight, so I don't know. Maybe I somehow missed that big guy up there, trying to make people laugh no matter the personal expense, and this awkward mention was just an uncontrollable blurt from where my mind was lingering...on old Sean.
I have zero desire to do anymore straight stand-up gigs in the future. This one was for charity and that's cool, but no more stand-up. The passion I feel when I'm talking about losing weight is like stand-up times a thousand. I'll stick with my true passion.
The speaking engagements are starting to come more frequently. I have three scheduled for the first two weeks of April, one in May, and I just MC'd the Lose To Win Awards for Ponca City Medical Center. Participants lost over 2,500 pounds in eight weeks. The program had a 75% retention and completion rate--compared with 32-35% at other programs around the country. That's HUGE!!! I had the pleasure of handing out $5,500 in checks on behalf of the program, to the biggest losers. And it was my pleasure to deliver a brief keynote.
I talked about how losing was wonderful, but what's really important is the gaining. What did you gain from the experience? I've gained so much from my personal transformation. I've gained freedom, life, confidence, self-acceptance and love, I've gained better health, I've gained years, and so much more.
I also talked about something that has been kind of an unwritten theme of this entire journey. Sometimes, you must work on the solution before you can correctly identify the problem.
Day one on this blog was fairly simple in terms of what I was going to do. I was going to stay within the bounds of my calorie budget and walk a little bit. All of the epiphanies came as I progressed down the road. I was working the solution first and really understanding the problem later. It sounds completely backwards...Don't we usually identify the problem and then try to figure out the solution? But how can we fully see the problem when we're right in the middle? You've heard the expression "from the outside looking in...," I had to get outside of my problems---work the solution, then reflect back in order to see a very clear picture of where I was and why I was.
Really--this goes back to something I've talked about many times---and that's simplifying the process...don't over-complicate. Keep it simple, work the solution, then clearly see the issues when you get far enough away from the storm.
This thought process---along with the "wrong battle" analogy, are the type of outside the box thinking that has helped me really break through.
I've been eating really well lately--and I've included some pictures of recent meals below. I think a cookbook might be in order someday--perhaps a collaborative effort with me and my friends!! Seriously--that might be something to discuss someday soon. I guess I better finish the first book, ...first. ;)
My new website is up in a very simple "under construction" mode. You can visit www.transformationroad.com ---You'll find a link to my Twitter and Facebook accounts there---and I hope you'll add me as a friend. You'll also see a "contact" link with my transformationroad email account. This new site will eventually be the home base website of all of my endeavors. I plan on expanding the site in many different and exciting ways---so please stay connected via facebook, twitter, and right here on this blog. I'll keep you posted!!
I get a bunch of wonderful emails and messages---and I try to respond, even if it takes me a few days sometimes. I sincerely appreciate your patience and understanding. I occasionally like to share some of these exchanges--because I feel like they might help someone else. Here's one:
Hi Sean……I was just wondering in the beginning of your journey how did you cope with falling back into your old eating habits?? I started my “new life” Oct 30, 2010 and stuck to it all through the holidays and have lost 30 pounds but when I started to plateau and I started getting discouraged and started slipping up. I still want to lose about 50 more pounds but have found myself stuck. I was wondering if you had any words of encouragement……actually I know you will! I must be a stress eater because I’ve had a lot lately. I am not really a bored eater because I stay pretty busy all the time. For me it is just making the wrong food choices, I am usually on the go and need quick meals. I need to get out of that bad habit, I know, but it just not knowing how! Well, I was just needing some encouragement and hoping you could help!
Pita pizza--carrots and apples---Nice lunch--or was this a snack? I can't remember...
I love fish. Talapia with green beans and a small baked potato--side of apple sauce--with cinnamon---I love it!!!
Recent lunch...Oh my---so good!!!
The Most Important Part: The Gaining and Putting The Solution Ahead of The Problem
I was moving as fast as my legs could spin that cycle and I was hurting. It was minute eleven of a sixty minute spinning class. It had been a while since I braved the spinning class and my body was not real thrilled with me. I started thinking about how I could make an exit without looking like I had just wimped out and then it hit me: Quitting isn't an option. It's one hour of my otherwise busy but still, easy day--a few more classes, and I'll be conditioned to endure without these meltdown thoughts of failure.
One of my favorite things about working out at the YMCA is seeing so many people taking control and choosing change. It's so inspiring. The membership at our YMCA has exploded since they opened the new facility. New faces of hope, strength, and triumph are everywhere!! It's beautiful.
I recently accepted and performed a stand-up routine at a benefit fundraiser for the Cherokee Strip Museum in Arkansas City, Kansas. It was the first time in a very long time that I was speaking before a crowd about anything other than weight loss. And it was fine, but it wasn't passionate. It was OK, but it wasn't life changing to me. It was familiar, until I looked at the images afterward.
My stand-up always centered around my size and now, well---I couldn't take that easy way out. And the man I was seeing on that stage certainly wasn't what I remember. Sometimes, even after awhile--I get taken aback by my smaller size. It's a friendly reminder of how far I've come--and it feels so amazing. Do I still have some work to do physically? Absolutely--but I'm thin compared to what I was at over five hundred pounds.
When I casually mentioned that I once weighed that much, there was a collective gasp throughout the room. I don't know why I mentioned it really, because it didn't have anything to do with my set--I didn't have any jokes about my weight or previous weight, so I don't know. Maybe I somehow missed that big guy up there, trying to make people laugh no matter the personal expense, and this awkward mention was just an uncontrollable blurt from where my mind was lingering...on old Sean.
I have zero desire to do anymore straight stand-up gigs in the future. This one was for charity and that's cool, but no more stand-up. The passion I feel when I'm talking about losing weight is like stand-up times a thousand. I'll stick with my true passion.
The speaking engagements are starting to come more frequently. I have three scheduled for the first two weeks of April, one in May, and I just MC'd the Lose To Win Awards for Ponca City Medical Center. Participants lost over 2,500 pounds in eight weeks. The program had a 75% retention and completion rate--compared with 32-35% at other programs around the country. That's HUGE!!! I had the pleasure of handing out $5,500 in checks on behalf of the program, to the biggest losers. And it was my pleasure to deliver a brief keynote.
I talked about how losing was wonderful, but what's really important is the gaining. What did you gain from the experience? I've gained so much from my personal transformation. I've gained freedom, life, confidence, self-acceptance and love, I've gained better health, I've gained years, and so much more.
I also talked about something that has been kind of an unwritten theme of this entire journey. Sometimes, you must work on the solution before you can correctly identify the problem.
Day one on this blog was fairly simple in terms of what I was going to do. I was going to stay within the bounds of my calorie budget and walk a little bit. All of the epiphanies came as I progressed down the road. I was working the solution first and really understanding the problem later. It sounds completely backwards...Don't we usually identify the problem and then try to figure out the solution? But how can we fully see the problem when we're right in the middle? You've heard the expression "from the outside looking in...," I had to get outside of my problems---work the solution, then reflect back in order to see a very clear picture of where I was and why I was.
Really--this goes back to something I've talked about many times---and that's simplifying the process...don't over-complicate. Keep it simple, work the solution, then clearly see the issues when you get far enough away from the storm.
This thought process---along with the "wrong battle" analogy, are the type of outside the box thinking that has helped me really break through.
I've been eating really well lately--and I've included some pictures of recent meals below. I think a cookbook might be in order someday--perhaps a collaborative effort with me and my friends!! Seriously--that might be something to discuss someday soon. I guess I better finish the first book, ...first. ;)
My new website is up in a very simple "under construction" mode. You can visit www.transformationroad.com ---You'll find a link to my Twitter and Facebook accounts there---and I hope you'll add me as a friend. You'll also see a "contact" link with my transformationroad email account. This new site will eventually be the home base website of all of my endeavors. I plan on expanding the site in many different and exciting ways---so please stay connected via facebook, twitter, and right here on this blog. I'll keep you posted!!
I get a bunch of wonderful emails and messages---and I try to respond, even if it takes me a few days sometimes. I sincerely appreciate your patience and understanding. I occasionally like to share some of these exchanges--because I feel like they might help someone else. Here's one:
Hi Sean……I was just wondering in the beginning of your journey how did you cope with falling back into your old eating habits?? I started my “new life” Oct 30, 2010 and stuck to it all through the holidays and have lost 30 pounds but when I started to plateau and I started getting discouraged and started slipping up. I still want to lose about 50 more pounds but have found myself stuck. I was wondering if you had any words of encouragement……actually I know you will! I must be a stress eater because I’ve had a lot lately. I am not really a bored eater because I stay pretty busy all the time. For me it is just making the wrong food choices, I am usually on the go and need quick meals. I need to get out of that bad habit, I know, but it just not knowing how! Well, I was just needing some encouragement and hoping you could help!
Thanks, Katie
Katie,
It can be extremely easy to allow a combination of success+comfort in your smaller body+stress+plateau= Returning to your old behaviors. I've experienced that too along the way.
This is the time when you really have to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that it's "crunch time." Dig deep and stir up the emotions tied to your motivating thoughts---and feel it, Katie. Where do you want to go with your transformation? How much weight do you want to lose? Is it a true plateau or is it the results of inconsistency? Answer these questions--not to me, but to yourself.
Get that fight back---and know, that you have the power to accomplish this goal. You're not stopping half way--You're going all the way, my friend. Realize who/what you're really fighting. It's not food---it's you. When you fully embrace the real fight---then, the food issues will work themselves out. Does that make sense?
I knew that I had to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget at all cost---so, when I was running behind---or in a "bad choices" environment, I still understood that I had a set limit....and the choices I made in that moment, would determine if I was going to feel satisfied or cheated. If I blew 500 or 600 calories on something crazy--that I would consider a "bad" calorie value---it still didn't give me permission to break the bank and go over. Treating those calories like cash was so very vital. When the money is gone, it's gone. It really forces the issue of fighting ourselves in moments of weakness.
The stressful triggers---oh my---so many---BUT...I knew going in that I was an emotional eater. Stress would send me running to food everytime...so when life would start raining down, that;s when I had to fight the hardest. No more was the circumstances used as permission to eat as much or whatever...because it is a destructive cycle. Eating to forget---finding that temporary escape to something good. I had to replace that "good" with feeling good, about winning the battle within me to deviate from my plan.
When you hit the pillow at night--you want to be confident that you've done everything you needed to do to be successful that day. It's a peace that comes over you...you know when you're "on," and how good that feels. Make that the goal every night---hit the pillow knowing that you're doing it this time---and NOTHING will stand in the way of you hitting goal.
Stay true to yourself---exercise---eat enough---and drink plenty of water---and don't worry, you'll break away from that nasty plateau. But the biggest thing---battle yourself--and after a while, you'll become the most amazing friend to yourself. It's a wonderful place to be---where the battles are over. Don't get me wrong, we always have to check ourselves every now and again--but seriously, you can find that groove. It's very peaceful.
My best always, Katie---Rock this thing---because, seriously---YOU DESERVE TO FEEL AMAZING ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE TO BE AS HEALTHY AS YOU CAN BE. YOU DESERVE TO FEEL THIS GOOD!!!!
Take care,
Sean
----------------------------------------------------
And if you think you might be too old to worry about getting serious about all of this weight loss stuff,
Let me introduce you to Ron Hall--age 77--and busy adding years to his life!!!! This email made my day:
Hi Sean,
Just wanted to share with you my little journey. I discovered you page
about 226 days ago and I said to myself, "Maybe" and so I began by
reading at page 1 and now I am at page 500. I am 77 years old and when
I started reading your blog, I had just about given up at 296 lbs but I
thought, "well maybe" and I started. I have tried and lost all of my
life, I have tried most all the fad and quick diets and I always had
stopped short of counting calories as when I began to check out the
meals, I thought surely I will starve on that. But when you said treat
them like money, I caught on and after all this time I have lost about
50 lbs and I have learned to make good choices now instead of just
giving in. I had been asking the Lord for guidance in this weight loss
try as I thought it will be my last. I just couldn't navigate all this
weight anymore. My old joints and frame was beginning to complain more
every day. Now I am doing much better. I am still reading your blog and
still getting insight to what makes me tick sometimes like I do. I
wanted to thank you for your helping me do this. My wife also is
getting inspired again also.
God Bless you and keep you in all your endeavors,
Ron Hall
Thank you Ron for your spirit and showing us all--that NOW IS THE TIME!!!
My font changed--I think, or is it just me? Well, anyway...
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog from Day 1--
That's a bunch of reading, my friend. I'm honored--thank you again.
I'm very excited about what's ahead around here. I must give thanks everyday for the many blessings---
I'll try to post a little more frequently---I miss it when I don't!!! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Cathy Cole was the Biggest Female Loser--41.3 pounds!! I'm presenting her with the check!! She's doing so amazing!!! I'm thrilled for her---wow!!
Recent shot
Giant before picture--Over 500 Pounds
Some food pictures---
I love omelets--Especially when I cut the calories way down by using some egg whites mixed in with a whole.
Good food, great calorie value!
I'll try to post a little more frequently---I miss it when I don't!!! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Cathy Cole was the Biggest Female Loser--41.3 pounds!! I'm presenting her with the check!! She's doing so amazing!!! I'm thrilled for her---wow!!
Recent shot
Giant before picture--Over 500 Pounds
Some food pictures---
I love omelets--Especially when I cut the calories way down by using some egg whites mixed in with a whole.
Good food, great calorie value!
Pita pizza--carrots and apples---Nice lunch--or was this a snack? I can't remember...
I love fish. Talapia with green beans and a small baked potato--side of apple sauce--with cinnamon---I love it!!!
Recent lunch...Oh my---so good!!!
Rabu, 23 Maret 2011
I didn't know I was so fat but pictures don't lie
Before Pictures (from the Big Climb March 20, 2011)
Rear view (ugh!)
It's weird how I often don't see my body as it really looks. When I weighed 152 two summers ago, and 166 last summer, I thought I was a fat pig. That's the picture on the lower right, me in the black size 10 skirt and pink top. 152 pounds and I thought I was fat.
Now that I'm fat again I don't see it when I look in the mirror. Even though the size ten's hanging in my closet don't even begin to fit, I still think of myself as the same person that weighed 152. It's like my head hasn't caught to the fact that I'm fat again. It's the opposite of what an anorexia thinks.
The pictures really hit me hard. Really? I'm really THAT fat?! Yes, Diana, you are really that fat. How fat am I? Read below.
My second weekly Weight Watchers meetingToday was my first Weight Watchers At Work meeting. There were 28 employees at the meeting, each with their $130.20 check in hand for a 17-week series of meetings and e-Tools.
My company is picking up the additional 30% that Weight Watchers would normally charge. I work for an awesome company! Of course, it's in their best interest that we all get to a healthy weight to keep our insurance costs down, as well as take fewer sick days. Smart move on their part, and I get to benefit from it.
I'm very excited about this meeting. I'm not new to Weight Watchers. I've been going to meetings for three years non-stop. It annoys me that I haven't reached goal yet, but I also know that without the meetings I'd definitely be back up to my high weight of 240 pounds, plus a few extra for good measure. Going to two meetings a week is sort of like AA, where the alcoholic goes every day if possible. Like an alcoholic, I have a serious problem.
I weighed in at home this morning and was appalled I saw184 pounds. I decided to eat breakfast, have my cup of coffee and drink water all morning like normal. I'm not going to starve myself or go without water because I have a noon weighin.
The official weighin (are you sitting down because this is rather shocking):
187.4
Now I could make all sorts of excuses, I was wearing "heavy" clothes or I'd had food and water during the morning, or there was something wrong with the scales the leader brought to the meeting. That can't be my real weight! Seriously folks, it's my real weight. As real as it gets.
My plan isn't to dwell on how horrible this is or how mad I am at myself for letting this happen. My plan is to get down to business and lose the weight!
I have my regular Weight Watcher meeting on Saturday, which I pay for online so I'll have two official weighins a week. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I'm kind of crazy. My eating has become totally out of control with no accountability.
Now that I know how fat I am, I need to fix it.
Selasa, 22 Maret 2011
Back to square one
Now that the glow of the Big Climb has worn off, and I can't use the stress of the event as an excuse to eat, it's time to get back to basics.
Tomorrow is my first Weight Watchers at work meeting, which means I'll have my first official weigh-in in weeks. Even though I've been faithfully going to my Saturday meetings I haven't been weighing in. I weigh at home, but it's just not the same. I need the accountability of the Weight Watcher weigh-ins.
I also haven't been to the gym for five days! A new record for me of being absent from something I was doing almost every day without even thinking about it.
I didn't mention this but last Tuesday I hurt my bad knee going down the 37 flights at the Sheraton (I used the elevator the second time). Going up the stairs doesn't hurt my knees at all. In fact, I've read that stair climbing is one of the lowest impact exercises possible, even lower impact than walking. Going down stairs is really hard on the body, especially the knees and hips. For stair climbing they always recommend using the elevator for going down. Except when I hurt my knee going down the stairs, it really starting hurting going up the stairs too. Not good.
After my workout last Wednesday where my knee was hurting pretty bad, I took off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and Sunday (Big Climb day) from the gym. I only had an hour long walk on Thursday, but it was down and up a very steep hill, one mile each way, walking super fast with a coworker. It killed my knee. Luckily it was healed by the Big Climb on Sunday. Yesterday I was just lazy and skipped the gym.
It's 5:04 a.m. right now, and I'll be out the door in about 15 minutes heading to the gym. Back to my regular workouts.
Tracking my food and following the plan
I also haven't been tracking my food the last few days, and I even went out to lunch yesterday. Thai food, Cashew Chicken with white rice! I ate the entire thing. There must have been a lot of sodium in it because I was dying of thirst all afternoon and could barely get my ring off last night.
I haven't done anything like that in years. I'm always really careful when I eat out, ordering the lowest calorie item and only eating half. It was like the old me was back, and I don't really like the old me. The one that ate whatever and whenever she felt like it.
I'm nipping that in the bud. Back to healthy food, and tracking every bite.
Killing the nighttime eating monster
Anyone that's read my blog for a while knows I have a terrible time with eating late at night. Last night I decided that has to stop. It's been out of control lately. I decided that once I go to bed, that's it, I am done for the day. The restaurant is closed! No more getting up in the middle of the night and eating. I didn't use to do this, and I'm not even sure how it got started, but for the last year or so it's been my demon.
Even if it's healthy food, it has to stop. Last night was night number one of my new "rule". I thought about getting up a few times when I woke up at midnight and again at 1 a.m., but I didn't. I stayed in bed and eventually fell back to sleep. A little self-discipline is good for the soul (and the waistline!). It wasn't really that hard last night, but of course, I'd eaten much more than normal during the day. I know it'll be a lot harder now that I'll be back on plan.
Back to square one, what's always worked in the past will work again in the future.
Now for the gym!
Tomorrow is my first Weight Watchers at work meeting, which means I'll have my first official weigh-in in weeks. Even though I've been faithfully going to my Saturday meetings I haven't been weighing in. I weigh at home, but it's just not the same. I need the accountability of the Weight Watcher weigh-ins.
I also haven't been to the gym for five days! A new record for me of being absent from something I was doing almost every day without even thinking about it.
I didn't mention this but last Tuesday I hurt my bad knee going down the 37 flights at the Sheraton (I used the elevator the second time). Going up the stairs doesn't hurt my knees at all. In fact, I've read that stair climbing is one of the lowest impact exercises possible, even lower impact than walking. Going down stairs is really hard on the body, especially the knees and hips. For stair climbing they always recommend using the elevator for going down. Except when I hurt my knee going down the stairs, it really starting hurting going up the stairs too. Not good.
After my workout last Wednesday where my knee was hurting pretty bad, I took off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and Sunday (Big Climb day) from the gym. I only had an hour long walk on Thursday, but it was down and up a very steep hill, one mile each way, walking super fast with a coworker. It killed my knee. Luckily it was healed by the Big Climb on Sunday. Yesterday I was just lazy and skipped the gym.
It's 5:04 a.m. right now, and I'll be out the door in about 15 minutes heading to the gym. Back to my regular workouts.
Tracking my food and following the plan
I also haven't been tracking my food the last few days, and I even went out to lunch yesterday. Thai food, Cashew Chicken with white rice! I ate the entire thing. There must have been a lot of sodium in it because I was dying of thirst all afternoon and could barely get my ring off last night.
I haven't done anything like that in years. I'm always really careful when I eat out, ordering the lowest calorie item and only eating half. It was like the old me was back, and I don't really like the old me. The one that ate whatever and whenever she felt like it.
I'm nipping that in the bud. Back to healthy food, and tracking every bite.
Killing the nighttime eating monster
Anyone that's read my blog for a while knows I have a terrible time with eating late at night. Last night I decided that has to stop. It's been out of control lately. I decided that once I go to bed, that's it, I am done for the day. The restaurant is closed! No more getting up in the middle of the night and eating. I didn't use to do this, and I'm not even sure how it got started, but for the last year or so it's been my demon.
Even if it's healthy food, it has to stop. Last night was night number one of my new "rule". I thought about getting up a few times when I woke up at midnight and again at 1 a.m., but I didn't. I stayed in bed and eventually fell back to sleep. A little self-discipline is good for the soul (and the waistline!). It wasn't really that hard last night, but of course, I'd eaten much more than normal during the day. I know it'll be a lot harder now that I'll be back on plan.
Back to square one, what's always worked in the past will work again in the future.
Now for the gym!
Minggu, 20 Maret 2011
The Big Climb was totally AWESOME!!!
The Big Climb Seattle 2011
After all my worrying and fretting about being a Big Climb team captain, after kicking myself in the butt a zillion times because I didn't lose twenty or even ten pounds for the event, I would say today was one of the best days of my life!
My husband took a ton of pictures today (and many of them not at all flattering to me), but the one below is my absolute favorite.
The guy on the left is Steve, and our team was Alaska Airlines Climbing for Steve. Steve was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndromes (preleukemia) last August and had a stem cell transplant last fall. The guy on the right is one of our pilots, Paul. He was in the exact spot last year that Steve is now, recovering from a stem cell transplant after being diagnosed with MDS. This year Paul did the climb, and next year, both Paul and Steve will do the climb. I really love this picture. That's me in the back, on the right (with the bleached blond hair hiding behind people).
The anticipation and excitement was in the air when my husband and I entered the lobby of Columbia Center at 8:30am Sunday (my team's start time was 10:30am). It's a huge space, and it was packed with people, many wearing their team t-shirts. Most people were very fit and healthy looking. You could feel the adrenalin, as well as the fear that some of us first timers were feeling.
We arrived extra early because I wanted to make sure we had a space next to Starbucks on the main floor. It turned out not to be a problem because the Starbucks was located in an out of the way corner. I was a little worried no one would find us, but they all showed up.
Our company had two teams, my team, Climbing for Steve (since most of us knew him we wanted to honor him with a team just for him). The other team wasn't climbing for anyone specific. All together we had 60 people. Between the two teams we raised $8,500 dollars, which I thought was pretty good for a first time effort.
I was very surprised to see Steve show up to thank us in person. He had told me he would try to come, but if he wasn't feeling well, he might not make it. He's had a rough few weeks lately so I wasn't sure if he'd make it or not. Steve is one of the kindest, most gentle human beings I've ever met. He made a little speech of gratitude to our team before we took off on our climb. It was very touching and made me cry.
As we were going up the escalators for our 10:30am start time I heard someone shout my name, "Diana!". I turned around and there was Alan from Pounds Off Playoff, with his wife and two kids. I recognized him from his blog picture. I yelled back a "Hi Alan, and Alan's wife and two kids!". I wish I could have spoken to him and his family. It's so cool to meet people that write blogs. It's like you know the person before you even meet them. But we were on our march to the start of the climb and there was no going back at that point.
I'm not going to kid you and say the climb of 69 floors or 1,311 steps was easy for me. It was not easy. It was hard. I slowed down a few times to let younger, more fit people pass me, but I never stopped and rested. My heart rate got up to 161 and stayed there for the last ten minutes. When I work out on the StairMaster at the gym (which is NOTHING like the real thing) my heart rate is usually in the 135-140 range, occasionally going up to 151.
A heart rate of 161 for ten minutes is extremely high for me, especially because of my age (55) my target heart rate (85% of maximum) is 140. I really felt like I was pushing myself hard, and I kept repeating over and over in my head, mind over matter, mind over matter...I can and will do this.
The hardest part was the first ten floors, because I knew how far I had to go and it seemed like a really long way to the 69th floor, the last ten floors were killer because I was exhausted! They number the last ten floors, each floor with a big sign, only ten more floors, only nine more floors, etc. Plus as you get close to the top there was a person at each landing cheering us on, saying things like "good job!" or "you're almost there!" The floors left numbers and the cheering really helped.
One thing that was so emotional for me was the big 8 1/2" x 11" photos on each floor. Several said "In memory of" and a name and date. Some said "In honor of" and a name. This gave me momentum to keep going. I couldn't help but think what each of these people and many others have gone through with cancer. If I could honor them by making this small sacrifice, then it was worth it.
The team t-shirt that really touched my heart the most was a team called Project Trevor. On the back of a bright orange t-shirt it had a picture of a young boy. Below the picture, it said "Dad, I have a question. Is Leukemia life threatening?" ~Trevor 2002. I saw some people wearing the t-shirt in the elevator and said to a woman, your t-shirt made me cry, but what a wonderful way to honor Trevor. She pointed to a man standing beside her and said that Trevor was his best friend's son. Then we all started to tear up a bit and someone said, "No tears here today! Only happy thoughts!" and we all laughed.
I looked up Team Trevor's web page and this is what their greeting said:
Project Trevor is the Big Climb Team Honoring Trevor Price, a young man, lost to Leukemia at 12 years of age. We have been a a key team in the recent growth of this fantastic event. We are encouraged by a young man that will forever be 12 years of age; a young man that was always older than his years.
Here's a link to more about Trevor. What's even sadder is that he lost his life five months after he was diagnosed with leukemia, at 12 years of age. Team Trevor raised $15,808.59 for today's event. Wow.
Sorry, I digress. Back to the actual climb. First of all, I didn't run it, but I was in the "racer" group so I could be timed. When I got to the sign that said "Five floors left!" I could hear the Rocky theme music (Gonna Fly Now). That really helped. It got louder and louder as I neared the top. You know the music, where Rocky is running up the steps in the movie.
So, are you wondering about my results?
Time: 19 minutes and 38 seconds
Place overall: 2635 out of 3242 <---these were the timed climbers, there was another 3,000 untimed
Pace by sex: 1100 out of 1499
Place in my age group: 91/131
Now those numbers aren't super fantastic, but dang, I'm kind of proud of it for my first time. Especially considering that I'm 55 years old and at least 30 pounds overweight (but not next year!).
Are you wondering how the 80-year old woman placed? Actually, this year she's 81.
Shirley Lansing, 81, 36 minutes and 36 seconds.
I hope I do that well when I'm 81!
My goal for next year, 15 minutes! I saw several people in their fifties did it in 15 minutes or less this year. Imagine how easy it would be if I was thirty or even fifty pounds lighter?
Overall, I really enjoyed this event. I talked to the other team captain and we're already scheming how to have one big team next year of over 100 people. If we raised $8,500 with 60 people, we can raise at least $10,000 (or more) with 100 people.
Speaking of weight
I weighed this morning when I got up.
186.4
Holy Crap Batman!
I've been stressed out a little over the Big Climb. It had some sort of negative effect on my eating. I realize that doesn't make any sense but it's almost like I had this overwhelming pressure to lose weight. I mean seriously, the fat girl is going to climb 69 floors and not have a heart attack? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to eat. It was really odd how it made me feel.
Looking through all the pictures my husband took of me today, I'm looking very fat. There's just no other way to say it, but I can really see the weight on my body and face and I don't like it one little bit. Not to mention hauling this body up 69 flights was a lot harder than it should have been for me.
We have a Weight Watchers at work group that just started, and I'm joining it. It's on Wednesdays at noon for 17 weeks. We have over 20 people signed up so we get an extra discount with Weight Watchers for having over 20 people, and our company is paying for 30% of the fee. Plus I'm staying in my Saturday meetings and paying my online fee. So I'll have two meetings and two weighins a week for the next 17 weeks. I feel really excited that I'm going to finally make some headway on losing weight again.
Battle: Los Angeles
This post is already too long, but I have to tell you about the movie we saw this afternoon. Battle: Los Angeles. I loved it! It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. I laughed, I cried, and was thoroughly entertained for almost two hours (but it seemed like twenty minutes).
It's a sci-fi with aliens-war-suspense-scary movie. All the stuff I love rolled into one movie. I'm sort of a weird female because I love war movies. I'm sure it's from being married to a big history buff for the last 23 years. I've seen more than my share of war movies (but I kind of like them now).
Anyway, I loved it. I know the ratings aren't the greatest, but it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Definitely worth seeing on the big screen.
I must still be high from my climb. I'm a real chatterbox tonight!
After all my worrying and fretting about being a Big Climb team captain, after kicking myself in the butt a zillion times because I didn't lose twenty or even ten pounds for the event, I would say today was one of the best days of my life!
My husband took a ton of pictures today (and many of them not at all flattering to me), but the one below is my absolute favorite.
The guy on the left is Steve, and our team was Alaska Airlines Climbing for Steve. Steve was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndromes (preleukemia) last August and had a stem cell transplant last fall. The guy on the right is one of our pilots, Paul. He was in the exact spot last year that Steve is now, recovering from a stem cell transplant after being diagnosed with MDS. This year Paul did the climb, and next year, both Paul and Steve will do the climb. I really love this picture. That's me in the back, on the right (with the bleached blond hair hiding behind people).
The anticipation and excitement was in the air when my husband and I entered the lobby of Columbia Center at 8:30am Sunday (my team's start time was 10:30am). It's a huge space, and it was packed with people, many wearing their team t-shirts. Most people were very fit and healthy looking. You could feel the adrenalin, as well as the fear that some of us first timers were feeling.
We arrived extra early because I wanted to make sure we had a space next to Starbucks on the main floor. It turned out not to be a problem because the Starbucks was located in an out of the way corner. I was a little worried no one would find us, but they all showed up.
Our company had two teams, my team, Climbing for Steve (since most of us knew him we wanted to honor him with a team just for him). The other team wasn't climbing for anyone specific. All together we had 60 people. Between the two teams we raised $8,500 dollars, which I thought was pretty good for a first time effort.
I was very surprised to see Steve show up to thank us in person. He had told me he would try to come, but if he wasn't feeling well, he might not make it. He's had a rough few weeks lately so I wasn't sure if he'd make it or not. Steve is one of the kindest, most gentle human beings I've ever met. He made a little speech of gratitude to our team before we took off on our climb. It was very touching and made me cry.
As we were going up the escalators for our 10:30am start time I heard someone shout my name, "Diana!". I turned around and there was Alan from Pounds Off Playoff, with his wife and two kids. I recognized him from his blog picture. I yelled back a "Hi Alan, and Alan's wife and two kids!". I wish I could have spoken to him and his family. It's so cool to meet people that write blogs. It's like you know the person before you even meet them. But we were on our march to the start of the climb and there was no going back at that point.
I'm not going to kid you and say the climb of 69 floors or 1,311 steps was easy for me. It was not easy. It was hard. I slowed down a few times to let younger, more fit people pass me, but I never stopped and rested. My heart rate got up to 161 and stayed there for the last ten minutes. When I work out on the StairMaster at the gym (which is NOTHING like the real thing) my heart rate is usually in the 135-140 range, occasionally going up to 151.
A heart rate of 161 for ten minutes is extremely high for me, especially because of my age (55) my target heart rate (85% of maximum) is 140. I really felt like I was pushing myself hard, and I kept repeating over and over in my head, mind over matter, mind over matter...I can and will do this.
The hardest part was the first ten floors, because I knew how far I had to go and it seemed like a really long way to the 69th floor, the last ten floors were killer because I was exhausted! They number the last ten floors, each floor with a big sign, only ten more floors, only nine more floors, etc. Plus as you get close to the top there was a person at each landing cheering us on, saying things like "good job!" or "you're almost there!" The floors left numbers and the cheering really helped.
One thing that was so emotional for me was the big 8 1/2" x 11" photos on each floor. Several said "In memory of" and a name and date. Some said "In honor of" and a name. This gave me momentum to keep going. I couldn't help but think what each of these people and many others have gone through with cancer. If I could honor them by making this small sacrifice, then it was worth it.
The team t-shirt that really touched my heart the most was a team called Project Trevor. On the back of a bright orange t-shirt it had a picture of a young boy. Below the picture, it said "Dad, I have a question. Is Leukemia life threatening?" ~Trevor 2002. I saw some people wearing the t-shirt in the elevator and said to a woman, your t-shirt made me cry, but what a wonderful way to honor Trevor. She pointed to a man standing beside her and said that Trevor was his best friend's son. Then we all started to tear up a bit and someone said, "No tears here today! Only happy thoughts!" and we all laughed.
I looked up Team Trevor's web page and this is what their greeting said:
Project Trevor is the Big Climb Team Honoring Trevor Price, a young man, lost to Leukemia at 12 years of age. We have been a a key team in the recent growth of this fantastic event. We are encouraged by a young man that will forever be 12 years of age; a young man that was always older than his years.
Here's a link to more about Trevor. What's even sadder is that he lost his life five months after he was diagnosed with leukemia, at 12 years of age. Team Trevor raised $15,808.59 for today's event. Wow.
Sorry, I digress. Back to the actual climb. First of all, I didn't run it, but I was in the "racer" group so I could be timed. When I got to the sign that said "Five floors left!" I could hear the Rocky theme music (Gonna Fly Now). That really helped. It got louder and louder as I neared the top. You know the music, where Rocky is running up the steps in the movie.
So, are you wondering about my results?
Time: 19 minutes and 38 seconds
Place overall: 2635 out of 3242 <---these were the timed climbers, there was another 3,000 untimed
Pace by sex: 1100 out of 1499
Place in my age group: 91/131
Now those numbers aren't super fantastic, but dang, I'm kind of proud of it for my first time. Especially considering that I'm 55 years old and at least 30 pounds overweight (but not next year!).
Are you wondering how the 80-year old woman placed? Actually, this year she's 81.
Shirley Lansing, 81, 36 minutes and 36 seconds.
I hope I do that well when I'm 81!
My goal for next year, 15 minutes! I saw several people in their fifties did it in 15 minutes or less this year. Imagine how easy it would be if I was thirty or even fifty pounds lighter?
Overall, I really enjoyed this event. I talked to the other team captain and we're already scheming how to have one big team next year of over 100 people. If we raised $8,500 with 60 people, we can raise at least $10,000 (or more) with 100 people.
Speaking of weight
I weighed this morning when I got up.
186.4
Holy Crap Batman!
I've been stressed out a little over the Big Climb. It had some sort of negative effect on my eating. I realize that doesn't make any sense but it's almost like I had this overwhelming pressure to lose weight. I mean seriously, the fat girl is going to climb 69 floors and not have a heart attack? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to eat. It was really odd how it made me feel.
Looking through all the pictures my husband took of me today, I'm looking very fat. There's just no other way to say it, but I can really see the weight on my body and face and I don't like it one little bit. Not to mention hauling this body up 69 flights was a lot harder than it should have been for me.
We have a Weight Watchers at work group that just started, and I'm joining it. It's on Wednesdays at noon for 17 weeks. We have over 20 people signed up so we get an extra discount with Weight Watchers for having over 20 people, and our company is paying for 30% of the fee. Plus I'm staying in my Saturday meetings and paying my online fee. So I'll have two meetings and two weighins a week for the next 17 weeks. I feel really excited that I'm going to finally make some headway on losing weight again.
Battle: Los Angeles
This post is already too long, but I have to tell you about the movie we saw this afternoon. Battle: Los Angeles. I loved it! It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. I laughed, I cried, and was thoroughly entertained for almost two hours (but it seemed like twenty minutes).
It's a sci-fi with aliens-war-suspense-scary movie. All the stuff I love rolled into one movie. I'm sort of a weird female because I love war movies. I'm sure it's from being married to a big history buff for the last 23 years. I've seen more than my share of war movies (but I kind of like them now).
Anyway, I loved it. I know the ratings aren't the greatest, but it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Definitely worth seeing on the big screen.
I must still be high from my climb. I'm a real chatterbox tonight!
Sabtu, 19 Maret 2011
Zero days until the Big Climb
In about eight hours I'll be getting up and getting dressed for the big climb. In about twelve hours I'll be lined up to start the climb of 1,311 steps.
I've picked out what I'm wearing, black cropped workout pants, a black sleeveless, v-neck workout top, the kind that stays dry (you can't see or feel the sweat, it wicks away, whatever that means), my favorite workout socks, and my favorite workout shoes. I have my heart rate monitor ready next to my socks so I don't forget it. Plus my gloves to wear so I won't be touching the bannister with my bare hands (I have a slight germ phobia about public stair bannisters--they're gross!).
I picked up the racing packets for my team in Seattle this morning and they're in the trunk of my car.
I had my hair cut and highlighted today so I'm ready for pictures. I had about an inch cut off, and it's really blond again (almost need sunglasses to look at it). No reverse highlights this time, just two tones of blond. I'm thinking it's a little bit too blond.
And I'm nervous as heck. I don't really know why but I feel anxious about this event. I know I can do the 69 floors, but I know it's going to be hard. My bad left knee has been bothering me a little since I did the Sheraton stairs on Tuesday (37 flights twice).
Maybe it's because I'm team captain, and I know I'm going to have to be all smiles and friendly. Basically, I'll have to be "on" as I meet and greet people tomorrow morning. I keep telling myself not to worry, it's no big deal, and it'll be over before I know it.
It's for a good cause, raising money for a good reason, to help the people that have leukemiaia, lymphoma or one of the other blood diseases. I keep telling myself that this is nothing in comparison to going through cancer. If you've ever known anyone that's gone through chemo, you know a little about the agony of having cancer.
This is basically about 35 minutes of my life where I'll have some discomfort climbing stairs. Imagine months of chemo, daily doctor visits, hospital stays, losing my hair, feeling sick and weak all the time. Nauseousness from the drugs, throwing up. Those are the people that are the heroes in this story.
Funny, I suddenly feel better about this whole thing. I'll report back tomorrow how it went. Hopefully I can beat that 80-year old woman's time from last year, 35 minutes.
I've picked out what I'm wearing, black cropped workout pants, a black sleeveless, v-neck workout top, the kind that stays dry (you can't see or feel the sweat, it wicks away, whatever that means), my favorite workout socks, and my favorite workout shoes. I have my heart rate monitor ready next to my socks so I don't forget it. Plus my gloves to wear so I won't be touching the bannister with my bare hands (I have a slight germ phobia about public stair bannisters--they're gross!).
I picked up the racing packets for my team in Seattle this morning and they're in the trunk of my car.
I had my hair cut and highlighted today so I'm ready for pictures. I had about an inch cut off, and it's really blond again (almost need sunglasses to look at it). No reverse highlights this time, just two tones of blond. I'm thinking it's a little bit too blond.
And I'm nervous as heck. I don't really know why but I feel anxious about this event. I know I can do the 69 floors, but I know it's going to be hard. My bad left knee has been bothering me a little since I did the Sheraton stairs on Tuesday (37 flights twice).
Maybe it's because I'm team captain, and I know I'm going to have to be all smiles and friendly. Basically, I'll have to be "on" as I meet and greet people tomorrow morning. I keep telling myself not to worry, it's no big deal, and it'll be over before I know it.
It's for a good cause, raising money for a good reason, to help the people that have leukemiaia, lymphoma or one of the other blood diseases. I keep telling myself that this is nothing in comparison to going through cancer. If you've ever known anyone that's gone through chemo, you know a little about the agony of having cancer.
This is basically about 35 minutes of my life where I'll have some discomfort climbing stairs. Imagine months of chemo, daily doctor visits, hospital stays, losing my hair, feeling sick and weak all the time. Nauseousness from the drugs, throwing up. Those are the people that are the heroes in this story.
Funny, I suddenly feel better about this whole thing. I'll report back tomorrow how it went. Hopefully I can beat that 80-year old woman's time from last year, 35 minutes.
Rabu, 16 Maret 2011
Three days until the Big Climb!
Grace, Me, and Roxie at Palomino's in Seattle
Not my best picture but Grace and Roxie look gorgeous.
Tuesday I had a wonderful lunch with Roxie and Grace in downtown Seattle. It was the first time I'd met Roxie. She's exactly like she is on her blog, sweet, really funny, charming, beautiful and skinny too! I absolutely love her. Seeing Grace again was very fun. She and Roxie are very much alike, and I adore them both.
After our fun lunch I climbed the stairs at the Sheraton, twice. 1,154 steps up total. It was 37 floors to the roof, but their floors are weird. Some are 30 or 40 steps, but most are only 15 steps. On my way home I stopped at the gym for thirty minutes on the bike and a half hour of lifting weights. This morning it was back at the gym for 30 minutes on the StairMaster. I'm planning a regular workout tomorrow, a light workout on Friday, probably the elliptical and some upper body weights, then nothing on Saturday. A day of rest before the big day, the Seattle Big Climb.
I'm a bit nervous about the climb. I'm sure I can do it, but I know it's going to be difficult. Going up 37 floors at the Sheraton in eight minutes yesterday was difficult, but thinking about 69 floors without a break is a little intimidating.
My eating has been pretty good, but not perfect. No junk food, but a little too much chicken and fruit. I've been tracking my food, tracking both calories and PointsPlus. Yesterday was 1900 calories but only 17 Points (I'm suppose to have 29). The new Weight Watchers plan is a struggle for me, I can't seem to figure it out. I think it's best if I stick with calories.
I missed breakfast this morning because I was running really late for work. I rarely miss breakfast. I had lunch out today at Anthony's Seafood at the airport (my favorite Sea-Tac airport restaurant). I had Cioppino - Wild Alaska salmon, Manila clams, Puget Sound mussels and lingcod simmered in a savory tomato herb broth. I love this stuff. The last time I had it though it was super salty. I asked the waiter to tell the chef to go really light on the salt. It was perfect!
Well, it's past my bedtime (midnight!). I'm going through a really bad spell lately of not being able to sleep through the night. I can fall asleep in a flash, but I wake up several times during the night, finally getting up exhausted in the morning. I have my annual physical coming up in a few weeks. I'm going to ask my doctor if I need a sleep study or something because something is wrong with me and it's making me crazy!
Selasa, 15 Maret 2011
You know what they say about weight loss bloggers that don't post
When a weight loss blogger stops posting it's almost always a bad sign. Boy, is that ever true for me!
Tonight I looked back at my draft posts from the past week. These were posts I wrote, but could never actually make myself hit the publish post button. They had titles like "Disappointed", "Depressed", "Struggling". Each time I'd write about my life and re-read it, I'd think to myself, who would want to read this depressing stuff? If you weren't depressed when you started reading it, you'd certainly be depressed by the time you were done reading it.
I've had a bad few weeks. Actually it's been more like a bad few months. Okay, several bad months. About a week ago I seriously was considering the following: divorcing my husband, quitting my job, and completely giving up on ever trying to get to a healthy weight. I wanted to run away from everything, including myself. Definitely bad times.
I'm not getting a divorce, and I'm liking my husband a lot more this past week. I'm not quitting my job. Even though it sucks the life out of me at times, it's not a bad job. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. I like the work I do for the most part, I just need to figure out the life-work balance thing.
Weight loss or lack thereof
About getting to a healthy weight and how I've failed. Where do I start?
The last six months of trying to lose weight has not been successful. Almost every day was perfect from the time I woke up, all day until about 9 or 10 p.m. Then I just throw away an entire day's hard work and binge. Maybe it wasn't always an actual binge, but it was always too much food.
Usually I'd overeat healthy food, but a few times I bought candy or some other junk food and ate it late at night, alone. I probably did that four or five times in the last three or four months. Mostly I'd eat too much fruit or too much chicken, or some other healthy food but in a large quantity.
The last two weeks my exercise, the one thing I was good at doing, went south too. I was going to the gym at least five times a week, but most of my workouts were a struggle. I knew it was my 180+ weight that was making everything so difficult. A few weeks ago I was up to 187. I still went to the gym, but my eating wasn't good.
I've been going to my Weight Watchers meetings but not weighing in, and I stopped getting on my own scales at home. Not weighing every day is really a dangerous path for me.
Fortunately, whatever had been going on with me seems to have passed. Like my mom use to always say when I was having a difficult time in my life, this too shall pass...and it always does.
On Saturday I started tracking my food again and counting calories. I'm still struggling with the new Weight Watchers plan, the zero Points for fruit and most vegetables doesn't seem to work for me. I'm doing a hybrid of Weight Watchers, where I'm trying to follow their healthy eating guidelines, but also counting calories. When it comes down to the bottom line, it's really about the calories.
This morning I stepped on my scales at home. 182.2. Not much I can say about it. True, it's just a number, but it's also an indication of how poorly I've been doing with my goal of getting healthy.
Fun news
Tomorrow I get to meet Roxie in person. She's here in Seattle for a workshop. Grace, another blogger, and I are meeting Roxie in downtown Seattle for lunch. I consider both of them great bloggers. I met Grace last fall at a Geneen Roth workshop and loved her. I just know I'm going to love Roxie too. I've been following both their blogs for a long time. I want to be them when I grow up (make that if I grow up).
Big Climb update
Five days until the Seattle Big Climb on Sunday. Obviously I'm not going to lose the twenty pounds or even the ten pounds I wanted to lose before the event. I've stopped beating myself up about it. I can't change my past behavior so there's no purpose served by crying about it. I screwed up. Plain and simple.
In preparation for the Big Climb, I've been climbing the stairs at the Sea-Tac DoubleTree on my lunch hours. Last week on Tuesday and Thursday, and again today. Fourteen floors, climbed six times, or 1,350 steps. I don't take the elevator down, but walk down the stairs. It takes me thirty minutes for up and down fourteen times, and burns 230 calories according to my Polar heart rate monitor. Plus I've been doing the StairMaster at the gym almost every day. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, but it's still a killer every time.
Tomorrow after lunch with Grace and Roxie, my plan is to climb the stairs in the downtown Sheraton, 34 floors. If I climb it twice it'll be 68 floors, comparable to the 69 floors in the Columbia Tower for the Big Climb on Sunday. I'm sure it's going to be a challenge but I want to see if I can do it without passing out. :)
Thankfully my workouts are back to normal. I feel stronger and have more energy. I'm starting to feel like my old self.
My plan
My plan for the next week is to keep exercising, keep tracking my food and get back to daily posts. Even if my life isn't going perfectly, it helps to write about it. I'm back.
Tonight I looked back at my draft posts from the past week. These were posts I wrote, but could never actually make myself hit the publish post button. They had titles like "Disappointed", "Depressed", "Struggling". Each time I'd write about my life and re-read it, I'd think to myself, who would want to read this depressing stuff? If you weren't depressed when you started reading it, you'd certainly be depressed by the time you were done reading it.
I've had a bad few weeks. Actually it's been more like a bad few months. Okay, several bad months. About a week ago I seriously was considering the following: divorcing my husband, quitting my job, and completely giving up on ever trying to get to a healthy weight. I wanted to run away from everything, including myself. Definitely bad times.
I'm not getting a divorce, and I'm liking my husband a lot more this past week. I'm not quitting my job. Even though it sucks the life out of me at times, it's not a bad job. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. I like the work I do for the most part, I just need to figure out the life-work balance thing.
Weight loss or lack thereof
About getting to a healthy weight and how I've failed. Where do I start?
The last six months of trying to lose weight has not been successful. Almost every day was perfect from the time I woke up, all day until about 9 or 10 p.m. Then I just throw away an entire day's hard work and binge. Maybe it wasn't always an actual binge, but it was always too much food.
Usually I'd overeat healthy food, but a few times I bought candy or some other junk food and ate it late at night, alone. I probably did that four or five times in the last three or four months. Mostly I'd eat too much fruit or too much chicken, or some other healthy food but in a large quantity.
The last two weeks my exercise, the one thing I was good at doing, went south too. I was going to the gym at least five times a week, but most of my workouts were a struggle. I knew it was my 180+ weight that was making everything so difficult. A few weeks ago I was up to 187. I still went to the gym, but my eating wasn't good.
I've been going to my Weight Watchers meetings but not weighing in, and I stopped getting on my own scales at home. Not weighing every day is really a dangerous path for me.
Fortunately, whatever had been going on with me seems to have passed. Like my mom use to always say when I was having a difficult time in my life, this too shall pass...and it always does.
On Saturday I started tracking my food again and counting calories. I'm still struggling with the new Weight Watchers plan, the zero Points for fruit and most vegetables doesn't seem to work for me. I'm doing a hybrid of Weight Watchers, where I'm trying to follow their healthy eating guidelines, but also counting calories. When it comes down to the bottom line, it's really about the calories.
This morning I stepped on my scales at home. 182.2. Not much I can say about it. True, it's just a number, but it's also an indication of how poorly I've been doing with my goal of getting healthy.
Fun news
Tomorrow I get to meet Roxie in person. She's here in Seattle for a workshop. Grace, another blogger, and I are meeting Roxie in downtown Seattle for lunch. I consider both of them great bloggers. I met Grace last fall at a Geneen Roth workshop and loved her. I just know I'm going to love Roxie too. I've been following both their blogs for a long time. I want to be them when I grow up (make that if I grow up).
Big Climb update
Five days until the Seattle Big Climb on Sunday. Obviously I'm not going to lose the twenty pounds or even the ten pounds I wanted to lose before the event. I've stopped beating myself up about it. I can't change my past behavior so there's no purpose served by crying about it. I screwed up. Plain and simple.
In preparation for the Big Climb, I've been climbing the stairs at the Sea-Tac DoubleTree on my lunch hours. Last week on Tuesday and Thursday, and again today. Fourteen floors, climbed six times, or 1,350 steps. I don't take the elevator down, but walk down the stairs. It takes me thirty minutes for up and down fourteen times, and burns 230 calories according to my Polar heart rate monitor. Plus I've been doing the StairMaster at the gym almost every day. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, but it's still a killer every time.
Tomorrow after lunch with Grace and Roxie, my plan is to climb the stairs in the downtown Sheraton, 34 floors. If I climb it twice it'll be 68 floors, comparable to the 69 floors in the Columbia Tower for the Big Climb on Sunday. I'm sure it's going to be a challenge but I want to see if I can do it without passing out. :)
Thankfully my workouts are back to normal. I feel stronger and have more energy. I'm starting to feel like my old self.
My plan
My plan for the next week is to keep exercising, keep tracking my food and get back to daily posts. Even if my life isn't going perfectly, it helps to write about it. I'm back.
Minggu, 06 Maret 2011
Day 875-898 The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You
Day 875-898
The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You
I've received many emails, facebook messages, and a couple of blog comments--all expressing concern over my lack of blog posting. I sincerely appreciate the outpouring of support and understanding!
Becky writes:
"Just when I get hooked on your blog, you stop writing! :( I know you're a busy guy, and I hope life is treating you well! Reading years' worth of posts in the last month got me all involved in your daily life, so going cold turkey is hard!"
Matt writes:
"Are you really that busy, you couldn't post something, anything? It makes me think you might be struggling. If you are, you need to email me and let's chat. You're a wonderful example for so many, but never forget, you're also human."
Anneli writes:
"Hi Sean! I've missed you in blog-land. I hope this silence only means you're busy, not that you've been overeating. If you HAVE been overeating, I hope you trust the online community enough to know that we're still behind you!"
Anonymous chimes in with a little jab:
"The monthly diary of a winning loser."
I understand and sincerely appreciate the concern. My relationship with food does not change, regardless. I like the place I've found in that relationship. Is it perfect? NO. But again, perfection has never been a part of this journey. What I'm not doing is binging. I'm not curling up on the couch with a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon or eating four bowls of cereal before bed. I'm not ordering and devouring a large pizza, just because. I did have pizza last night as a snack, but instead of a calorie laden pie from a restaurant---I made a 170 calorie mushroom and mozzarella pita pizza. It was delicious and satisfied me perfectly.
While dining out, I always share or I order exclusively from the child or senior menu. I always order water and I never leave feeling stuffed and miserable. A very telling fact is this: Since starting along this road in September 2008, I haven't once needed or sought the relief found in antacid products. If you've read through the archives, you know that "passing the Zantac" was a regular part of our after dinner routine. Not anymore. Not needed. And I feel great about that.
Where do I come up short? In the exercise department. I've used every excuse in the book to keep me from a regular and consistent workout routine. I'm beginning to realize that the changes I've made in my attitude and approach with food, are not the same changes I've made with my commitment to exercise. My success in losing nearly 280 pounds is a product of consistent effort. Yet, I've allowed myself to get "comfortable" with my success, and that has translated into a very inconsistent workout schedule.
This dynamic is at the top of my list of things I want to change immediately. I'm not done. Far from it in fact. Hitting 230 was a goal and I accomplished that. But it's not, nor should it ever be about a number on a scale. It's about how we feel, it's about how our clothes fit, it's about lovingly caring for ourselves---and that means getting that workout in, in some form or fashion, regardless of schedule.
When I started, I was a busy guy--But read the archives or ask my family members--My schedule didn't and couldn't stop me from being out there on the trail, walking off the pounds every night. It was non-negotiable. So--it's a very real and human thing, to reach a certain point where the life or death urgency isn't there...a point where I'm thrilled when I look in the mirror, because it's such a dramatic improvement from where I've come...a point where it's very easy to say: "Yeah, I have some major fitness goals, but I'm so busy and focused on these other projects---soon, I'll find time to get in there and get consistent again. I just have to get this project finished--or that changed"---or whatever it is that I can cling to, to make myself feel better about not working out.
The only area in my life that I accept zero excuses and rationalizations, is my behaviors with food. And that's good. But in order for me to be all I want to be--I must denounce---and pounce on every excuse and rationalization that threatens other areas of my well being. I've often stated that overcoming and managing compulsive eating and food addiction is my strong point, and it is, without a doubt. But still, it's like I use that occasionally as an excuse to pardon my lack of performance when it comes to working out.
Is this all I want? Where I am physically, right now? NO, it's not. I must choose the change I desire before changes come as a result of my lack of good choices in the workout arena. Because not choosing the change, is still making a choice.
I recently posted this on my facebook wall:
"We set an example with our powerful choices, we inspire with our amazing success, we understand because we've been there, and we never stop learning. We're all weight loss superheroes, capable of wonderful things--and as we succeed, our ranks grow exponentially. I have the power--You have the power. We all do. ;) Good Choices, my friend!"
I dove into the archives and found an excerpt that I wanted to share. It doesn't have to be to "a gentleman," it can be to you, if it fits.
From Day 192 --March 2009:
"To The Guy Back There Where I Started"
Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:
I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh?
Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did. Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient.
When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did.
Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.
Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent.
Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this.
Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you. DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey.
Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.
Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.
In response to that---Sarah writes:
"Thanks again for sharing your heart. My prayers are with that person...in fact persons, who are struggling to begin the dream. I hope they will take time to read your blog from Day 1. It has been so inspiring to me."
----------------------------------------------
You see...This blog, to me, isn't about the latest post. It's mainly about the twenty-two months of daily posts, seven days a week....everyday, every night...one to three hours of writing. The investment I made, continues to help me today. Because I wasn't just writing, I wasn't just trying to stay afloat or tread water. I was learning to swim. And the lessons I've learned along the way stay with me today. Albeit much stronger and focused in the food behavior department, rather than the gym, but we've discussed this already.
Now--do I think I need to write this blog more often to help me stay accountable in the workout department? YES. YES, YES!!!
Look for more post from me, more often, as I'm about to finish the manuscript for my book "Finding Transformation Road--Breaking The Rules Of Weight Loss To and From Over 500 Pounds." This book has been exhausting. It's an obesity memoir---from five years old to the present day. Wow--it's been an amazing ride. I've shared things in that manuscript that I never shared in the blog--wasn't brave enough to share them, but it will be out there...soon. I can't wait for that day. I promise--it'll be worth the time to read. More details as soon as I have them!!
Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, thank you for everything. You absolutely lift me up in so many ways. I hope that you'll friend me on facebook and follow me on twitter. On facebook, just search using my email address: seanboy105@hotmail.com and on Twitter, you'll find me as @seanaanderson I'm horrible about updating my twitter feed--but I'm very consistent on facebook. Join me! Because I'm making weight loss motivation and inspiration--and sharing my experiences, what I do--for the rest of my life.
Now---I'm headed for the YMCA for a really good workout. Later, my friend...
Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You
I've received many emails, facebook messages, and a couple of blog comments--all expressing concern over my lack of blog posting. I sincerely appreciate the outpouring of support and understanding!
Becky writes:
"Just when I get hooked on your blog, you stop writing! :( I know you're a busy guy, and I hope life is treating you well! Reading years' worth of posts in the last month got me all involved in your daily life, so going cold turkey is hard!"
Matt writes:
"Are you really that busy, you couldn't post something, anything? It makes me think you might be struggling. If you are, you need to email me and let's chat. You're a wonderful example for so many, but never forget, you're also human."
Anneli writes:
"Hi Sean! I've missed you in blog-land. I hope this silence only means you're busy, not that you've been overeating. If you HAVE been overeating, I hope you trust the online community enough to know that we're still behind you!"
Anonymous chimes in with a little jab:
"The monthly diary of a winning loser."
I understand and sincerely appreciate the concern. My relationship with food does not change, regardless. I like the place I've found in that relationship. Is it perfect? NO. But again, perfection has never been a part of this journey. What I'm not doing is binging. I'm not curling up on the couch with a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon or eating four bowls of cereal before bed. I'm not ordering and devouring a large pizza, just because. I did have pizza last night as a snack, but instead of a calorie laden pie from a restaurant---I made a 170 calorie mushroom and mozzarella pita pizza. It was delicious and satisfied me perfectly.
While dining out, I always share or I order exclusively from the child or senior menu. I always order water and I never leave feeling stuffed and miserable. A very telling fact is this: Since starting along this road in September 2008, I haven't once needed or sought the relief found in antacid products. If you've read through the archives, you know that "passing the Zantac" was a regular part of our after dinner routine. Not anymore. Not needed. And I feel great about that.
Where do I come up short? In the exercise department. I've used every excuse in the book to keep me from a regular and consistent workout routine. I'm beginning to realize that the changes I've made in my attitude and approach with food, are not the same changes I've made with my commitment to exercise. My success in losing nearly 280 pounds is a product of consistent effort. Yet, I've allowed myself to get "comfortable" with my success, and that has translated into a very inconsistent workout schedule.
This dynamic is at the top of my list of things I want to change immediately. I'm not done. Far from it in fact. Hitting 230 was a goal and I accomplished that. But it's not, nor should it ever be about a number on a scale. It's about how we feel, it's about how our clothes fit, it's about lovingly caring for ourselves---and that means getting that workout in, in some form or fashion, regardless of schedule.
When I started, I was a busy guy--But read the archives or ask my family members--My schedule didn't and couldn't stop me from being out there on the trail, walking off the pounds every night. It was non-negotiable. So--it's a very real and human thing, to reach a certain point where the life or death urgency isn't there...a point where I'm thrilled when I look in the mirror, because it's such a dramatic improvement from where I've come...a point where it's very easy to say: "Yeah, I have some major fitness goals, but I'm so busy and focused on these other projects---soon, I'll find time to get in there and get consistent again. I just have to get this project finished--or that changed"---or whatever it is that I can cling to, to make myself feel better about not working out.
The only area in my life that I accept zero excuses and rationalizations, is my behaviors with food. And that's good. But in order for me to be all I want to be--I must denounce---and pounce on every excuse and rationalization that threatens other areas of my well being. I've often stated that overcoming and managing compulsive eating and food addiction is my strong point, and it is, without a doubt. But still, it's like I use that occasionally as an excuse to pardon my lack of performance when it comes to working out.
Is this all I want? Where I am physically, right now? NO, it's not. I must choose the change I desire before changes come as a result of my lack of good choices in the workout arena. Because not choosing the change, is still making a choice.
I recently posted this on my facebook wall:
"We set an example with our powerful choices, we inspire with our amazing success, we understand because we've been there, and we never stop learning. We're all weight loss superheroes, capable of wonderful things--and as we succeed, our ranks grow exponentially. I have the power--You have the power. We all do. ;) Good Choices, my friend!"
I dove into the archives and found an excerpt that I wanted to share. It doesn't have to be to "a gentleman," it can be to you, if it fits.
From Day 192 --March 2009:
"To The Guy Back There Where I Started"
Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:
I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh?
Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did. Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient.
When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did.
Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.
Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent.
Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this.
Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you. DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey.
Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.
Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.
In response to that---Sarah writes:
"Thanks again for sharing your heart. My prayers are with that person...in fact persons, who are struggling to begin the dream. I hope they will take time to read your blog from Day 1. It has been so inspiring to me."
----------------------------------------------
You see...This blog, to me, isn't about the latest post. It's mainly about the twenty-two months of daily posts, seven days a week....everyday, every night...one to three hours of writing. The investment I made, continues to help me today. Because I wasn't just writing, I wasn't just trying to stay afloat or tread water. I was learning to swim. And the lessons I've learned along the way stay with me today. Albeit much stronger and focused in the food behavior department, rather than the gym, but we've discussed this already.
Now--do I think I need to write this blog more often to help me stay accountable in the workout department? YES. YES, YES!!!
Look for more post from me, more often, as I'm about to finish the manuscript for my book "Finding Transformation Road--Breaking The Rules Of Weight Loss To and From Over 500 Pounds." This book has been exhausting. It's an obesity memoir---from five years old to the present day. Wow--it's been an amazing ride. I've shared things in that manuscript that I never shared in the blog--wasn't brave enough to share them, but it will be out there...soon. I can't wait for that day. I promise--it'll be worth the time to read. More details as soon as I have them!!
Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, thank you for everything. You absolutely lift me up in so many ways. I hope that you'll friend me on facebook and follow me on twitter. On facebook, just search using my email address: seanboy105@hotmail.com and on Twitter, you'll find me as @seanaanderson I'm horrible about updating my twitter feed--but I'm very consistent on facebook. Join me! Because I'm making weight loss motivation and inspiration--and sharing my experiences, what I do--for the rest of my life.
Now---I'm headed for the YMCA for a really good workout. Later, my friend...
Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Sabtu, 05 Maret 2011
Happy Saturday!
Silly title to this post. Happy + Saturday goes without saying!
It's a gorgeous day here in the Pacific Northwest. The sun is shining and not a cloud in the sky. It's been raining nonstop for what feels like weeks, wet, cold and gray. I'm thrilled to see the sun and the deep blue of the sky. It makes me smile.
I'm off to Weight Watchers for my 11:15 a.m. meeting. I don't think I lost anything. In fact, I may have gained. I ate an entire bag of frosted animal crackers a few nights ago. I'm not sure what came over me. I was in the store, saw them on the shelf and bought them. It wasn't planned, it just happened. Over 2,000 calories in the bag. I kicked my own butt the next morning when I woke up and remembered what I had done. I don't know why I did it when I know I have the Big Climb in only two weeks. It made me angry with myself, but time to move forward. That stuff happens, I just have to keep going.
Plans for today are not very exciting, Weight Watchers, gym, grocery shopping, house cleaning. In that order. Already started on laundry. Fun times weekend chores. My husband is working on taxes so he's not the most fun guy to be around today. At least it's not pouring down raining so running errands will be slightly more enjoyable. I won't have to worry about a monsoon hitting me running from car to store and store to car.
Hank update
Here's the latest on Hank. I'm so relieved he's safe and in a good foster home. I talked with Jessica several times every day last week about Hank. I was the point person in my neighborhood since he was always spotted a few blocks from my house. One time he was seen two houses down from me. Anyway, Jessica loves this dog to pieces, and she persevered until he was found. Great ending to the story!
Post on Saving Great Animals Facebook page:
We have Hank out of the hospital now. Here he is with our wonderful volunteer Jessica St Germain. Hank is now recouping in a loving foster home who has lots of experience working with dogs in emotional need. We will begin to look at who is the best fit for Hank for his forever home! THANK YOU to everyone who helped save him!
It's a gorgeous day here in the Pacific Northwest. The sun is shining and not a cloud in the sky. It's been raining nonstop for what feels like weeks, wet, cold and gray. I'm thrilled to see the sun and the deep blue of the sky. It makes me smile.
I'm off to Weight Watchers for my 11:15 a.m. meeting. I don't think I lost anything. In fact, I may have gained. I ate an entire bag of frosted animal crackers a few nights ago. I'm not sure what came over me. I was in the store, saw them on the shelf and bought them. It wasn't planned, it just happened. Over 2,000 calories in the bag. I kicked my own butt the next morning when I woke up and remembered what I had done. I don't know why I did it when I know I have the Big Climb in only two weeks. It made me angry with myself, but time to move forward. That stuff happens, I just have to keep going.
Plans for today are not very exciting, Weight Watchers, gym, grocery shopping, house cleaning. In that order. Already started on laundry. Fun times weekend chores. My husband is working on taxes so he's not the most fun guy to be around today. At least it's not pouring down raining so running errands will be slightly more enjoyable. I won't have to worry about a monsoon hitting me running from car to store and store to car.
Hank update
Here's the latest on Hank. I'm so relieved he's safe and in a good foster home. I talked with Jessica several times every day last week about Hank. I was the point person in my neighborhood since he was always spotted a few blocks from my house. One time he was seen two houses down from me. Anyway, Jessica loves this dog to pieces, and she persevered until he was found. Great ending to the story!
Post on Saving Great Animals Facebook page:
We have Hank out of the hospital now. Here he is with our wonderful volunteer Jessica St Germain. Hank is now recouping in a loving foster home who has lots of experience working with dogs in emotional need. We will begin to look at who is the best fit for Hank for his forever home! THANK YOU to everyone who helped save him!
Kamis, 03 Maret 2011
Hank's capture video
I loved this video!
It made me cry because it's such a happy event. You can see what a gentle soul this little guy is just by his demeanor. He's been on the run for a week, in a completely foreign land, with snow and freezing temperatures this last week. Scrounging for food and sick with bronchitis. He didn't understand our language since he's from Taiwan, and I'm sure everything smells very differently here than it did in Taiwan. You can see how gentle he is when Jim (the tracking dog owner) picks him up and puts him in the kennel. Really touching.
I've never heard of this organization until last weekend, Missing Pet Partnership, Seattle Pet Detectives. They were hired by the Saving Great Animals rescue group to find Hank. I was really impressed by these folks.
The lady in the yellow vest in the video is Cat, and she is really a neat lady. They worked so hard to find Hank. They plastered the neighborhood with signs. There were signs everywhere. You couldn't go down a street within a two-mile radius from where he was lost without seeing one of the lost dog signs (and they were huge signs). They used a tracking dog to find where Hank was hanging out. They had a video camera at one of the live animal traps. They had a phone hotline that was answered 24/7.
I guess most major cities have a service like this, but I'd never heard of such a thing. Good to know in case I ever lose a pet.
It made me cry because it's such a happy event. You can see what a gentle soul this little guy is just by his demeanor. He's been on the run for a week, in a completely foreign land, with snow and freezing temperatures this last week. Scrounging for food and sick with bronchitis. He didn't understand our language since he's from Taiwan, and I'm sure everything smells very differently here than it did in Taiwan. You can see how gentle he is when Jim (the tracking dog owner) picks him up and puts him in the kennel. Really touching.
~~~~~~~
The lady in the yellow vest in the video is Cat, and she is really a neat lady. They worked so hard to find Hank. They plastered the neighborhood with signs. There were signs everywhere. You couldn't go down a street within a two-mile radius from where he was lost without seeing one of the lost dog signs (and they were huge signs). They used a tracking dog to find where Hank was hanging out. They had a video camera at one of the live animal traps. They had a phone hotline that was answered 24/7.
I guess most major cities have a service like this, but I'd never heard of such a thing. Good to know in case I ever lose a pet.
There were also about 30 volunteers working to find Hank. A really nice group of people donating their time to help in the search. The whole thing just made me feel better about people in general. The world really isn't such a bad place. There's a lot of good out there, we just don't always see it.
Rabu, 02 Maret 2011
Best Day Ever!! (Hank and me updates)
After four crazy, emotional roller coaster days of searching for Hank, posting signs, checking the live animal traps, I received the following email this afternoon:
BEST DAY EVER!! Hank has been caught! We can’t believe our eyes and there are plenty of tears from this exhausting long haul. The work is not done yet, as off to the vet he goes. He is tired, dehydrated, scared and hungry. But he is alive.
We have paid the homeowner a reward (which they made sure to ask for!) and Vashti and Jessica are ready to take him to the vet.
We will keep you posted through the day and send a picture. We are not done thanking you ALL!
A happy ending!
Me update
It turns out that setting a goal of losing ten pounds in three weeks was kind of stupid. I know when I put crazy deadlines on myself they backfire in my face, so I don't know why I do this. It never works. You know the definition of insanity, well, that's me...insane.
My food has been pretty good, but not good enough to lose weight (I'm down a couple pounds to 180, but that's not the number I wanted to see). I've been eating very healthy food, but my portions are too large. Same old story with me. I eat too much of the good stuff.
Exercise is rocking. Today was a pure cardio day. I do those about once a week, where I only do cardio and no weights.
Thirty minutes at a steady pace on the StairMaster, 121 floors, average step rate 68. Thirty minutes on the stationary bike. At lunch I went over the Sea-Tac Doubletree. Fourteen floors from the basement to the top. Each jaunt up was 225 steps. I did it four times, or 900 steps. The Big Climb is 1,311 steps.
After 14 floors I had to turn around and go back down the stairs, back to the first floor, then start over. So I get a break every 14 floors. It was still hard. The first time it wasn't bad, second time a little bit more difficult, third time, ouch, it's hurting me. Fourth time, OMG I'm going to die! No way can I climb 69 floors non-stop.
My co-worker that's done the Big Climb three times in the last three years keeps telling me it's a mind game. He said it's really 70% mental and 30% physical. If your mind believes you can do it, then you can do it. I know today my mind kept saying 'you are so screwed Diana!'. If only I'd lost that 20 pounds or even 10 pounds, this would have been so much easier.
Since I can't lose a lot of weight at this point (only 18 days left!), I'm going to focus on the exercise. I'll continue my gym workouts as usual, adding in the exercise bike more often since it's good for the quads and quads are good for the stairs, and add in a daily DoubleTree stair workout during lunch. I also need to focus more on my core, a strong core is good for climbing stairs.
Mind over matter, mind over matter. Yes, I can do this!
BEST DAY EVER!! Hank has been caught! We can’t believe our eyes and there are plenty of tears from this exhausting long haul. The work is not done yet, as off to the vet he goes. He is tired, dehydrated, scared and hungry. But he is alive.
We have paid the homeowner a reward (which they made sure to ask for!) and Vashti and Jessica are ready to take him to the vet.
We will keep you posted through the day and send a picture. We are not done thanking you ALL!
A happy ending!
Me update
It turns out that setting a goal of losing ten pounds in three weeks was kind of stupid. I know when I put crazy deadlines on myself they backfire in my face, so I don't know why I do this. It never works. You know the definition of insanity, well, that's me...insane.
My food has been pretty good, but not good enough to lose weight (I'm down a couple pounds to 180, but that's not the number I wanted to see). I've been eating very healthy food, but my portions are too large. Same old story with me. I eat too much of the good stuff.
Exercise is rocking. Today was a pure cardio day. I do those about once a week, where I only do cardio and no weights.
Thirty minutes at a steady pace on the StairMaster, 121 floors, average step rate 68. Thirty minutes on the stationary bike. At lunch I went over the Sea-Tac Doubletree. Fourteen floors from the basement to the top. Each jaunt up was 225 steps. I did it four times, or 900 steps. The Big Climb is 1,311 steps.
After 14 floors I had to turn around and go back down the stairs, back to the first floor, then start over. So I get a break every 14 floors. It was still hard. The first time it wasn't bad, second time a little bit more difficult, third time, ouch, it's hurting me. Fourth time, OMG I'm going to die! No way can I climb 69 floors non-stop.
My co-worker that's done the Big Climb three times in the last three years keeps telling me it's a mind game. He said it's really 70% mental and 30% physical. If your mind believes you can do it, then you can do it. I know today my mind kept saying 'you are so screwed Diana!'. If only I'd lost that 20 pounds or even 10 pounds, this would have been so much easier.
Since I can't lose a lot of weight at this point (only 18 days left!), I'm going to focus on the exercise. I'll continue my gym workouts as usual, adding in the exercise bike more often since it's good for the quads and quads are good for the stairs, and add in a daily DoubleTree stair workout during lunch. I also need to focus more on my core, a strong core is good for climbing stairs.
Mind over matter, mind over matter. Yes, I can do this!
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