Day 449 An Attitude Fueled By Freedom

Day 449

An Attitude Fueled By Freedom

This morning came way too fast. After a busy weekend, I really needed a day to just do absolutely nothing! You know what I mean? A relax day if you will. But no, not today---it’s a Monday! I couldn’t find my alarm clock last night amid all the boxes and bags, so I had to rely on my phone to wake me. I’m very dependent on my alarm clock, so this was a leap of faith to shut my eyes without it set, but I had to stop looking and get to sleep! I did wake up on time, thank goodness. And in plenty of time to prepare an egg white omelet on my new stovetop! We’re in the stage of “where did we put that,” and “Oh boy, we’re going to need to go buy this,” Yeah, it’s a transition time for sure.

I sincerely appreciate all of the well wishes lately and the hints, and straight up expressions of concern for me. Several times lately I’ve read a comment or e-mail that says “I hope you’re doing as well as it sounds in your blog.” We are going through a bunch of different changes all at once here, and yes it can be trying and downright strange at times, but what you read is what it is. Maybe I’m repressing the stress and will have a meltdown soon, but I don’t think so. It’s all about attitude. I’m completely open to change, and I expect more changes in the coming year, so I might as well get use to change now. Some of these changes break my heart, some challenge me, some excite me, some make me nervous, and some---the changes I see in the mirror, well---they simply amaze me with delight. The changes in the way I feel cannot be described, I mean---I can try, but how do you describe freedom? Freedom to breathe again, freedom to move without pain, freedom to sit anywhere in any chair I want, freedom to fit into any vehicle I need or want to, freedom to fit, freedom to feel confident in a crowd, freedom to be me, the real me.

You see my friend, the real me has been trapped for so long. Oh I was still good old Sean before, but everything I did, everything I said, every single situation was effected by my size when I weighed over 500 pounds. Those restrictions are gone, allowing me to just be me. I don’t have to be embarrassed by my size anymore. Never again will I worry that I might embarrass my kids in public or at their school. They tell me I never did, bless their hearts. The changes people see in my attitude and personality is simply because that insecurity is gone. And we’re not even done yet. Oh the places we'll go with this newfound confidence and freedom---and attitude.

I had to turn down an invitation for racquetball today. I was just too busy. I wish I had found a way to play because once I found my way home---I collapsed. I did, with several hundred calories remaining---I was done. I don’t even remember falling asleep, I just did. It was the energy of the entire move week that finally got me, and it got me good I tell you. I took a whopping four and half hour nap, I know…a little much, but I guess I needed it. It felt like 10 minutes. That’s how tired I became. I woke up just after 10pm and realized Irene and Courtney were not around. Court was over at her mom’s house doing homework. We had planned on putting stuff away tonight, with Irene coming over to help, but now that’s the plan for Tuesday night.

I also plan on playing racquetball tomorrow with a good treadmill walk/run before going into the court to play. It’ll be a nice workout indeed. I also have access to the fitness center at the new place. I haven’t broke it in yet! I will very soon, I guarantee!

Thank you for reading. It may sometimes seem like I’m smiling through the pain, but honestly---I’m just smiling. ;) That’s a choice I’ve made. And really, after 449 days I’m convinced…everything is all about our choices. Own ‘em, be proud of them or at least learn from them---they’re yours! Choices and consequences, yep---that’s the name of this game really.

Oh, before I forget: I baked a couple of pre-packaged egg rolls when I woke up from my hibernation. Only 140 calories each, not bad---and really tasty---Probably loaded with sodium…hmmm. Not exactly home cooked, but all of the pots and pans are buried in the sea of boxes!! I’ll dig them out tomorrow! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean