Day 382 Weigh Day Results, JoEllen Update, and Overcoming Deep Seeded Hang-Ups

Day 382

Weigh Day Results, JoEllen Update, and Overcoming Deep Seeded Hang-ups

Weigh Day brought another 3 pound loss my way. I’m in a groove I think. I’m very happy with 289! I’m in the 280’s!!! I know the last 60 or 70 pounds are going to go the slowest and I’m completely cool with that now. I believe the last 60 to 70 pounds will be the most dramatic too. Seriously! Losing 3 pounds now is like losing nearly 10 when I started. The lower the weight, the bigger the difference in appearance each loss gives. I’m not sure if I explained that right, but you know what I mean right? Losing say, 20 pounds, when you weigh 505 is hardly noticeable. Lose 20 pounds when you weigh 289, and blammo---big difference. I sincerely thank Jack Sh*t for reminding me of that word, “Blammo” during our interview. I use it all the time now. By the way, I didn't send out the traditional weigh day update. With our computer down, I didn't want to drive to the studio. Instead of an update, I thought I'd do it like I did in the beginning...on the blog!

Irene and her little sister Elaina Marie took their sister JoEllen to Oklahoma City for her emergency eye surgery today. The surgery was a success! Well, not a dramatic---sun shining, “I can see clearly now,” kind of success, but it takes time to heal. The improvement was immediate for JoEllen. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers concerning JoEllen, her cancer, and her critical vision situation. Without that surgery today, she would have been blind for the rest of her life. She has four young sons all under the age of seven to watch grow up, she needs her sight, we all do…what a blessing that JoEllen’s vision could be saved today.

In yesterday’s post I mentioned how JoEllen would occasionally bring up the topic of death and then we would quickly change the subject. Several of my blog friends made a wonderful point: It’s important to talk about death. I agree 100%. It’s all in the context really. It’s way to early for her to have just let me die kind of thoughts. She’s got some fighting to do! If it comes to the point where the dark gets even darker, and all of hope is gone, and the most humanly undesirable plan starts to take it’s course, then of course, helping her talk through it will be extremely important and therapeutic for her. She hasn’t even started treatments yet. I will say, her attitude and courage, the bravery that she’s exhibiting is amazing. Many of us are learning valuable life lessons by watching her deal with this situation.

Play rehearsal was just amazing tonight. The energy is reaching a very good level, the story is taking shape, and the performance of everyone involved has ascended to new heights. I’m so happy to be a part of it. I’m stressing about the wardrobe. If you’ve read this blog for awhile, then you know that I have some major hang-ups about clothing. After being over 500 pounds for nearly two decades, I’ve developed some pretty tough “rules” for dressing. Having to break some of those rules for this play will be an exercise that could help set me free of those silly hang-ups once and for all. It isn’t like I get to make these changes and accept them just around the house, I’m doing them under stage lights, in front of a packed theatre! Well, we certainly aim for it to be packed now don’t we? The director is being very kind and understanding. It would not be out of character for “Hank” to pull out his shirt while he’s at home, so Chris (director) is allowing for some of that, but still…I have to go on stage in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms at one point! I’m cool! Breathe Sean, breathe…there we go, there we go. You know what? I’m going to confidently walk out there as “Hank.” Not as Sean, and Hank doesn’t have these hang-ups!

I had a wonderful day today in the food department. I even enjoyed a few cookies at play rehearsal! And I invested 380 calories at lunch for a…brace yourself… a Filet-O-Fish from McDonald’s! I love those things! I love them too much! That’s why I’ve always tried to avoid them, like not keeping ice cream half gallons in the freezer. It’s a trust issue. I’m trusting myself more and more these days. I can handle myself much better now. I’m not going to run out and stock up on ice cream half-gallons any time soon, but a Filet-O-Fish on the run, every now and then, sure…why not? Sodium? Oh sure, but still, why not?

Our computer is still being rehabbed. We really messed it up this time! So I haven’t been able to be on after I leave work. It should be ready to take home today! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean