Day 518 Valentines Running, 266's Milestone, and Remembering Shane

Day 518

Valentines Running, 266’s Milestone, and Remembering Shane

I let Amber sleep in this morning while I greeted the day with a nice little workout. I was feeling super-guilty about not getting a good workout yesterday, so I laced up the shoes and put in the effort and it felt good. If it feels so good, then why do I struggle with my workout consistency? I let my schedule rule me instead of me ruling my schedule, that’s the real problem. Problem identified, now a solution---uh, OK, hmmm…well, maybe I just need to stop using my busy schedule as a convenient “poor me” excuse. I have the power to take this transformation to a whole new level, and by golly---that’s where I’m taking this train, so there.

I made a point to run today. Not like run-run, just jog whenever the need was present. When Amber forgot her car keys upstairs in the apartment, I offered to run and get them. I ran from the parking lot to the stairs, ran up the stairs, grabbed the keys, and ran back down to the car---and the most amazing part? I wasn’t even the slightest out of breath. Not even the slightest! Later when Applebees was packed and we had to park a ways away, I ran from the restaurant to the car as fast as I could. Amber went out ahead of me because I needed to use the restroom. When I made it back to the vehicle, she said “wow, that was fast.” And I said, “I ran.” I’m really loving being able to do that when needed. If it’s cold and windy like today, if it’s raining, or someone is chasing me…I can run if needed! And I still can’t believe that these short runs didn’t wind me at all. I mean I was perfectly composed, as if I’d been slowly waddling like at 505. I feel like Forrest Gump. “From that moment on, if I was going somewhere, I was runnnnninnnnnggg!”

I wanted to congratulate a fellow blogger who recently crossed the 100 pounds lost milestone. Her blog is simply titled “266,” her heaviest weight. She is incredibly inspiring, a wonderful writer, and her enthusiasm for this milestone made me smile from ear to ear. I felt such joy for her while reading the milestone post. If you haven’t already, click this link and check out her recent weigh-in post: http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/2010/02/weigh-in-for-week-27.html I’m so very happy for her success. Her most recent post is really good too. It talks about a party she attended exactly a year ago at her heaviest and the differences in this time, over 100 pounds lighter. 266 my friend, you are incredible. Thank you for the inspiration you provide for so many! Thank you for your story.

I made a Wal-Mart trip to buy Valentines for my daughters and mom. It sure is different, this day, considering the circumstances. I haven’t written much about the pending divorce lately, because it just isn’t appropriate. But it’s hard not to mention it on a Valentines Day post. Today was my first Valentines Day since 16 that I didn’t have a card for Irene. As much as she’s moved on, and I have too---I still found it hard not to get her something. I picked up some roses for Amber, Courtney, and mom. And I grabbed Irene a dark orange flavored chocolate. It wasn’t a card or a rose, but it was something. I still love her and she still loves me---we always will on some level despite everything else because we share our children. I delivered the gifts to Irene’s place, where the girls were visiting with their mom. Irene’s boyfriend disappeared as soon as I walked inside, it was uncomfortable really…and maybe I’m saying too much. It was just something that hit me hard today. And I can’t help but talk about it here. Every now and then Irene and I will look at each other as if we’re both thinking the same thing, where did it go wrong? Why? At least that’s what I’m thinking, I guess I better not speak for her. She’s such an awesome person, very talented, smart, beautiful, inspiring, and a great mother. She’s always been an amazing mom. I just wanted to say that on this Valentines post, because I wish her nothing but happiness. And deep down, and not that deep really---I wish the four of us were still one. But I know we’re way beyond that now. I need to start a new subject.

Courtney had a dinner and movie date, so it was Amber and I headed to Stillwater for a Valentines visit with mom and grandma. Amber and I also planned to go out for a special daddy/daughter Valentines dinner. We visited for a little while before deciding on Applebees.
We wanted to try Applebees under 550 calorie menu. I ordered the Asiago Sirloin Steak meal and I hate to give a bad review, but I will: The dinner wasn’t the best. It wasn’t even close. I’ve posted the picture below. The meal came with a 7 ounce sirloin. I never thought I’d ever complain about a 7 ounce steak being too big, but seriously---it could have been a little smaller, with more of those potatoes and way more fruit. The potatoes were flavorless. The steak was horrible and the fruit I ordered instead of the broccoli was absolutely hideous. I’m sure this isn’t the standard that Applebees has set nationwide. This must be a Stillwater location thing, a local problem. It just wasn’t very balanced---and the plate looked dirty. And I love cheese, but please---not on my steak. I knew it came like that, my fault for not opting out of the cheese. The picture below was taken immediately after the server put it on the table. Sorry Applebees, I really wanted to report wonderful things and excellent calorie values, but I’m not going to be dishonest. It was bad. I’m sure this was an isolated problem on a local level, not indicative of the kind of product you normally would find at your friendly Neighborhood Applebees.

I ran to the vehicle afterward…oh wait, I already talked about that. Yeah, I did….can you believe that?

After dinner I took Amber to her car, pumped some gas for her, and sent her back to school. It’s so tough to watch her go. We had the best, deepest conversation we’ve ever had this weekend. She understood, she really did. And I understood her. It was so very wonderful. I still can’t believe she’s twenty. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday she was a Barney addicted three year old. Not anymore, not anymore.

Today would have been my little brother Shane’s 33rd birthday. I thought about him a bunch today too---

From Day 154: Every Valentines Day I remember Shane and recognize how old he would have been, because Shane would have been so proud and happy to be 32. Age was very important to him. My brother Shane had developmental disabilities, some call it mentally challenged, but Shane let little stand in his way of enjoying life. Shane and I had some great times together before he passed. He was always very proud of being a man! And he'd let you know! You didn't ever call him a kid past the age of 18. When he turned 21 I took him to a few establishments where only adults where allowed. We sit at a bar one night and sipped our Coke while we listened to music. Shane couldn't drink alcohol because of his medication, and I very rarely drink anything with alcohol, so sitting at a bar and sipping a Coke suit us just fine. I tried to be a bad influence that night by offering him a cigarette, he accepted, and after a few awkward puffs, he never touched them again. The way he handled that situation and the look on his face, and how he wasn't sure if we should tell mom, are moments I'll cherish forever. I wanted Shane to experience all of the things he dreamed about, even if for only a night. I'll never forget how important he felt when I took him with me to the comedy clubs. He gave me so much love, in his eyes I was perfect, even though I was far from it, and he wanted to be just like me. I miss him dearly. If he were here today, he'd be slimming down right along with me I guarantee.

What a day, what a weekend. Wow. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Amber and Me tonight!


My dear momma.


Amber and Me being silly.


This doesn’t look like the picture on the menu or in the TV commercial. But this is a 550 calorie or less meal from Applebees. Picture snapped seconds after the server set it down.


My mom and little brother Shane on one of his many prom nights!