Day 516 The Race For My Life and An E-Mail That Deeply Moved Me

Day 516

The Race For My Life and An E-mail That Deeply Moved Me

Hmmm. If there was any question about whether or not I’m addicted to coffee, it was answered this morning. I jumped up (and seriously, I jump up ;), made my way into the kitchen and discovered that we were out of coffee. What? The other evening at the store, you know, when I forgot the fresh fruit? ---Yeah, forgot coffee too. I was slightly panicked. OK—Not crazy panicked, more like bummed out a little. And then I noticed the leftover coffee still in the pot from yesterday morning. I didn’t empty and wash the pot. Cold and old coffee, Hmmm….I poured a cup and checked it for foreign particles, then popped it in the microwave for a minute. I added the creamer and yeah, it was acceptable---and I sat there waking up and trying to not to think about the age of the coffee. Yep, I’m addicted to coffee. I’d really love to shake that addiction and really enjoy a good green tea instead. I have a whole box of green tea bags, I just choose not to brew the stuff. Choices, huh?

I usually do my warm-up exercises before anything else of a morning. Today I had coffee first and then fell to the floor. As I did, I twisted my knee in a strange way. I didn’t hurt it, but it just felt weird. Like it wasn’t suppose to go that way, it kind of popped---and alarmed me for a second, and then I straightened it out and was perfectly fine to continue. Very strange indeed. I have zero pain from that…maybe it just needed to pop, I don’t know how that works.

I felt my rock hard abs as I did my sit-ups…oh, yeah---ripped baby! Uh…well, at least under my fat and skin I’m ripped. I can feel them so well. Go ahead, poke me in the abdomen….wait, let me flex first. See! Rock hard just below the surface and covered with fat, but mostly excess skin. So perfectly imperfect. This is the closest they’ve been to daylight ever…and if I have my way, they will realize their dream of being front and center someday. OK---I think that old coffee might have made me a little loopy today. Abs can’t dream, but I can.

I had a tight schedule this afternoon. I needed a workout and a nap before my evening plans. I did one of those. Can you guess which one? I’m such a slacker, I swear. Yeah, you’re right, I napped. Listen, if you read this blog in hopes of gaining inspiration to push you in the fitness center, you’ve found the wrong blog. I constantly need my rear kicked. But if you come to gain inspiration on controlling and understanding calorie management, overcoming food addiction, and breaking through the mental aspects of losing weight---you’re on the right blog. I strive to improve my workout performances. I want to run and lift, and someday realize the body of my dreams, and I fully understand the commitment and consistency that will require. I really do.

Admitting to myself and to you that I’m not perfect---and that I struggle is something that's not always easy. But honesty has always been paramount to my success here. Early on this journey, I really prided myself on the simple perfection of my routine. 1500 calories, some kind of exercise, write about it every night….those three things everyday, without fail. If it was midnight and raining, I was on the trail walking. If I had to get up at 5am, but it was 12:30am and I hadn’t posted that days blog yet---I was writing. It was that important to me. It’s still important, those three things, but I’ve relaxed my obsession a little. That’s a good and bad thing. Make no mistake, I’m still driven---just cruising the speed limit instead of racing. In the beginning I felt I was in a race with the grim reaper. I won that race a while back. I need to create a new race in my mind, something that makes me race to the workout room without fail, everyday.

A friend of mine insisted on McDonald’s late tonight. I didn’t want any of that stuff, but I did decide on a 150-calorie soft serve low fat ice cream cone. I’ve enjoyed those things from Day 1. I’ve defeated my raging cravings for ice cream with those things. As we pulled into the drive thru, my friend turned to me and told me that they didn’t want to hear anything about “calorie values” or “good choices.” Not tonight. I just smiled and agreed. My choices are my choices, yours are yours. We all make our own choices and each of us deal with the consequences of those choices. I’m not the calorie police. But I’ve noticed when I’m around friends and family, they automatically start explaining their choices. Not necessary!!!! I’m certainly not perfect! Who am I to judge? Can’t do that. But I’m always ready with my best, should they ask.

I’m feeling really good and I know how this contributes to my lax effort in the exercise room. It must read like the same old thing all the time. Bare with me. Believe in me. Believe in you. Because I believe in me 100%. As wonderful as my transformation has been thus far, the best is truly yet to come. The best is not some unattainable fantasy, the best is a choice, and I’ve decided.

I received an e-mail today that deeply moved me. I cried as I read his words. Eric, at first declined permission for me to publish his words here, and then sent me an e-mail late that said to include whatever I wanted from his writing. Brace yourself:

I just wanted to tell you that I just finished reading every single entry in your archives. It’s changed me. I weigh 480 pounds and can’t walk very well. I don’t go out much. I don’t work, I’m on disability because of my weight. I’m tired Sean. I’m tired of this life. As bad as I want to give up, I just can’t. I started reading on Tuesday and I couldn’t stop. Thank you so very much. Thank you. I don’t blog but I do write and someday I might share what I feel. Right now I’m putting together my motivating thoughts and constructing my steel curtain zone. I’m with you man. I want what you are living. I just want to live. I don’t want to bother you, but I had to write you and say thank you.

Just read that and try to fail. You can’t. Read that and try to binge. You can’t. Read that and not feel his emotions? You wouldn’t be human. I cried so hard when I read this today. This is the greatest time of my life. So rewarding, yet stinging on many levels, but mostly rewarding. Eric, listen my friend. You're not a bother at all. Don’t you ever give up. I’m right here to cheer you on! And Eric…I thank you for taking the time to read all of this---and I thank you for reminding me what matters most. I told you this in my reply…but I’ll say it again here: Your transformation of mind, body, and spirit will inspire countless others with or without you writing a blog. Keep writing for you and only you. And get ready for freedom. Because it’s coming my friend, you can feel it can’t you?

I have two girls I’m seeing this Valentines weekend. I can’t wait to spend time with both of them. They are my sweethearts. They are my daughters. Amber came home tonight by herself. We’re going to make this the best Valentines weekend ever. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean